Midnight Sons Volume 2 (21 page)

He slipped his arm around her waist and she held herself stiffly in his embrace. Matt did his utmost to concentrate on the music and not on the woman in his arms.

He could feel her reluctance with every step.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, “I promise not to bite.”

“Your bites don’t worry me.”

“What does?” he asked.

“Everything else.”

He smiled to himself and unconsciously moved his head closer to hers until his jaw pressed against her temple. Matt never had been light on his feet, but when he danced with Karen he somehow managed to look as though he knew what he was doing. It was as though they were born partners.

Neither spoke for the rest of the dance. The second the music stopped he released her and stepped back. The ache in his chest intensified, and he wondered how much longer he’d have to stay at the reception. He didn’t want to slight his sister and brother-in-law, but being with Karen was pure agony. Pretending he didn’t still love her was becoming impossible.

“Lanni and Charles are getting ready to leave,” Karen said quickly. He sensed that she felt as awkward as he did. “I’d better see if she needs my help.”

“Thanks for the dance.”

Her eyes briefly met his and filled with an unmistakable sadness. “It was good to see you again, Matt,” she mumbled, then hurried away.

Much as he longed to escape, Matt observed the proprieties—he kissed his sister and shook hands with Charles. They were honeymooning in the Virgin Islands for two weeks. He wished them a great trip, made the rounds to say his farewells and returned to the lodge.

Because he felt about as low as he ever had since his divorce, he brought out a dusty bottle of whiskey and poured himself a stiff drink. He didn’t drink a lot, but there were times when little else would do.

This was one of those times.

He sat on the leather sofa in front of the massive stone fireplace, his feet propped up on the raised hearth. He held the glass in one hand and the bottle in the other.

Soon his guests began to arrive. His parents came in first. It had been a long, exhausting day, and after a few words of greeting, they wandered up the stairs. The two bridesmaids followed and then another couple, married friends of Lanni’s.

Karen was the last to show up. Matt didn’t ask who’d escorted her to the lodge. Probably Duke, but he didn’t want to hear that.

She paused in the large hall and looked around. Plenty of work remained to be done, but it was a pleasant, inviting room. Besides the sofa, Matt had set a couple of big overstuffed chairs close to the fireplace. The other half of the room was set up with hardwood tables and chairs.

“This is very nice,” Karen said, sounding surprised.

“Thanks.” He’d worked hard, getting this place in presentable shape. For just a moment he wondered what she’d thought when she heard he’d purchased the lodge. Years before, a fire had destroyed much of the kitchen, plus a number of rooms upstairs.

After the fire, the O’Hallorans had boarded up the place, unable to decide what to do with it. So the lodge had sat vacant and deteriorating for years. None of the brothers was interested in running a tourist business, and repairs would’ve been costly and time-consuming.

“Your room’s at the top of the stairs. The farthest one down on the left-hand side.” He gestured with the shot glass, afraid that if he stood, he might fall over.

“You’ve been drinking.” Karen moved closer to the fireplace.

“Nothing gets past you, does it?” he muttered sarcastically.

“You hardly ever drink.” The problem was, she knew him too well.

“That’s true, but sometimes the occasion calls for it.” He raised his glass to her with a sardonic smile and gulped down the last of
the whiskey. It burned its way down his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his teeth and shook his head like a wet dog.

When he opened his eyes Karen sat on the other end of the sofa. “What’s wrong?” she asked—as if she didn’t know.

“Nothing,” he answered cheerfully. “What could possibly be wrong?”

She didn’t make the obvious reply. “I think I must’ve had a little more to drink than usual myself.” Her eyes seemed unnaturally bright.

She got up and headed toward the stairs, and Matt realized he didn’t want her to leave. “Do you want to see what I’ve spent the last few months doing?” he asked.

“Sure.” Her eager response surprised him.

He gave her a quick tour of the downstairs area, pointing out the renovations as he did. He was pleased with them and didn’t conceal his pride. “The kitchen should be ready soon,” he explained when he’d finished showing her around. “The stove’s what’s holding me up, but I expect delivery in the next month or so.”

“Who’s going to do the cooking?” she asked.

“Right now, me.” Matt shrugged. “I don’t have the budget to hire anyone else. At least not yet. I need to bring in paying guests first.”

“Well, you’re certainly qualified to cook.”

She was referring to his stint as a chef. He’d enjoyed cooking school well enough, but had lost interest during his first restaurant job. He’d gone on to commercial fishing shortly after that, abandoning his sketchy plans to open a restaurant of his own.

“I wish you the very best with this venture, Matt.”

“Thanks.” He knew he sounded flippant.

“I mean that,” she insisted.

He’d probably offended her, and he hadn’t meant to. “But you don’t believe it’ll last, do you?”

“No.” She didn’t so much as hesitate. “You’ll get bored with the lodge just like you did with everything else.”

“Maybe.” He wasn’t going to argue with her. Time would prove her wrong. He’d worked harder on this than anything he’d done in his life. Now, finally, he had something that was entirely his. The business would sink or succeed by his own efforts, no one else’s.

“I’ll show you to your room,” he said without emotion, then led her to the staircase.

He hadn’t gone more than a few steps when she stopped him. “Matt.” His arm tingled where her fingers touched him. “I apologize—I didn’t mean to discourage you. I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into this lodge. I hope it succeeds. I really do.”

He turned to face her. “Do you, Karen?”

Her eyes had never been more intent. In them he found a reflection of the loneliness he’d felt these past eighteen months. He hadn’t wanted to admit, even to himself, how much he’d missed her. For months he’d worked himself into a state of exhaustion, rather than face a night without her.

This evening, for the first time since their divorce, he was forced to admit how good it was to hold her. He couldn’t deny how empty his arms felt without her. How empty his
life
felt.

Her face was slightly flushed. She still wore the rose-colored dress.

“I’ve missed you, Karen.” She must know what it had cost him to admit that.

Her eyes drifted shut, and when she spoke her voice was so low the words were hardly discernible. “I’ve missed you, too.”

His breath caught in his throat, and Matt figured if he didn’t touch her soon he’d die. He raised his hand and cradled her cheek with his callused palm. She was so smooth, so soft.

Karen moistened her lips.

It was the invitation Matt had been waiting for. He drew her toward him, and to his surprise, to his delight, she came without resistance.

He was almost afraid to kiss her, fearing she’d pull away from him, fearing she’d throw the past in his face. Karen did neither. When she brought her arms up to circle his neck, Matt nearly shouted for joy.

He didn’t give her time to object. His kiss was raw with need. He’d intended to be gentle, to coax her, but it wasn’t what either of them wanted. He possessed her mouth. No other word described their kiss. His lips slanted over hers, twisting, seeking,
urgent.

Controlling the kiss was beyond him. Matt didn’t know how long it went on. Too long.
Much
too long. When he did find the strength to ease his mouth from hers, they were both breathless.

He held her and waited for her to say something. Like telling him he shouldn’t have done that. Perhaps she expected an apology. If so, she wouldn’t be getting one.

He felt her shift, and afraid that she was about to move out of his arms, he tightened his grip. She snuggled close to him, creating a new kind of torture. They’d been intimate too many years for him not to be affected by the sensation of her body against his.

When she ran her tongue along the underside of his jaw Matt finally stepped back. They stared at each other. Neither spoke, and he suspected it was because they each feared what the other would say. Her lips were moist and slightly swollen; her breath came in soft, disjointed gasps, as if she was struggling not to weep. His own was ragged and made a light hissing sound through his clenched teeth.

He kissed her again and this time forced himself to keep it slow and gentle. But when he ended the kiss the sensual impact
had stripped him of all his painfully gathered control. He pulled her close against him.

“I never was much good at these games,” he said, his eyes holding hers.

“Games?”

“You know what I mean.”

She lowered her lashes and her face filled with color.

“Don’t expect me to silently lead you into my bedroom,” he said. “If we’re going to make love, I need to know you want me as much as I want you.”

Still she said nothing.

“What’s it going to be, Karen? You can share my bed or go upstairs alone.” The temptation to kiss her again was strong, but he resisted.

Tears brightened her eyes, and she bit her lower lip. “I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “That’s not good enough. Tell me you want me.”

“Yes,” she said stiffly, “I want you, Matt. I’ve missed you.”

Karen awoke with Matt’s arm securely tucked around her waist. In the carefree state between sleep and complete wakefulness, she reveled in the comfort of being held in her husband’s arms.

Husband.

It took her far longer than it should have to remember that he
wasn’t
her husband. Not anymore. Her eyes flew open as her brain started putting together the events of the night before.

The wedding.

She was in Hard Luck for Lanni and Charles’s wedding. She should never have agreed to serve as Lanni’s maid of honor. That had been her first mistake. The divorce had been final for more than eighteen months. Karen had thought, no, hoped that any lingering emotion she carried for Matt was long dead. Her reaction to the valentine card should have told her otherwise. If she’d had any common sense at all, she would’ve phoned Lanni and begged off. Instead, she’d set out to prove she was over Matt.

She’d proved that, all right—by spending the night with
him. Mortified, Karen closed her eyes and forced back a sob. She’d had more to drink than usual, but she hadn’t been even close to drunk.

She wanted to blame Matt for this. In fact, she’d feel a whole lot better if she could accuse him of seducing her, of luring her into his bedroom. But bless his black heart, he’d made sure she knew exactly what she was doing before they’d gone to bed.

The lovemaking had been incredible. It had always been good between them, but she’d forgotten just
how
good. They’d been so hungry for each other, so needy.

Afterward, Matt had held her in his arms and she’d wept. Not because she felt any regrets—she hadn’t, not then. But because she had to admit how miserable she’d been without him. It wasn’t fair; she loved him so much, yet she realized how wrong they were for each other. Just as her own mother must have realized at some point how wrong her own marriage had gone, how mismatched she and Karen’s father were. Yet she’d steadfastly hung on for reasons Karen had never understood.

She and Matt had such contradictory expectations and needs. She had to have some predictability in her life, some certainty. He preferred just to drift along, following his whims. Of course, she hadn’t known, when she first met him, that he’d have trouble staying in a job. It wasn’t until after they were married that he’d started his pattern of changing from one occupation to the next. Karen had felt blindsided.

Every time Matt quit a job, Karen faced an unhappy memory from her childhood. Her father had shared the same lack of ambition. Her mother’s meager paycheck had supported the family. It wasn’t that Eric Rocklin was lazy; far from it. His garden had been the neighborhood showpiece, and his model airplanes won contests. He was a good father, an attentive husband, a decent person.

His one failing was his inability to keep a job.

Her family had declared bankruptcy when Karen and her brother were in high school. One of her most humiliating memories was of the time her friends were visiting and two men came to repossess the family car. Later they were turned out of their rental house.

From the moment she introduced them, Matt and her father had gotten along famously. Now Karen knew why. As the saying goes, they were two peas in a pod.

Wearily she closed her eyes. She refused to make the same mistakes her mother had, refused to allow her husband’s weakness to destroy her future. Painful though it was, she’d taken the necessary steps to correct the problem and get on with her life.

One small lapse wasn’t the end of the world. It was only natural, she decided, to still have feelings for Matt. He was a gracious, compassionate person. And she was undeniably attracted to him. But he wasn’t right for her. She resolved to put their night together behind her and go back to California, her lesson learned. The farther away she was from Matt, the safer she’d be.

As carefully as she could, Karen folded back the covers and slipped one leg over the edge of the mattress. She eased herself out from under Matt’s arm and glanced around for something to cover herself. She caught sight of her dress, carelessly discarded in last night’s haste; it lay crumpled on the floor across the room. She blushed, remembering how eager they’d been for each other. They hadn’t been able to remove their clothes fast enough.

“Mornin’,” Matt rolled onto his back, stretched his arms high above his head and yawned.

Karen rolled back into bed, covered herself with the sheet and ground her teeth in frustration. She’d hoped to be gone by the time Matt awoke.

Her ex-husband slid over to her side and propped up his head with one hand. “Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look in the morning?”

“No.” She wanted to groan aloud. It would have saved them both a lot of embarrassment if she could’ve silently slunk away.

“Then let me correct that error.” Brushing the hair from her face, he bent forward to kiss her. “You’re beautiful in the morning. You brighten my life, Karen. Without you—”

“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it.”

“Don’t say it?”

“Last night was a mistake,” she said coldly.

Matt looked stunned. “That’s not what you said when—”

“I was drunk,” she interrupted him, offering the first excuse that came to mind, although she’d already rejected it earlier.

He laughed harshly. “And pigs fly. Neither of us had
that
much to drink.”

“But enough—”

“Yes,” he said, “enough to loosen our inhibitions. It was a good thing, too, because we belong together, Karen. I never did understand why you left me.”

His words reminded her of the decision she’d already made—the decision to leave again. And why. “That says it all, don’t you think?”

He ignored her question, something he’d done often. “Sure, you were upset about me quitting my job, but I hated it. Would you really want me to continue working someplace that made me miserable?”

“Yes!” she cried. It was too late for this, but he’d provoked her the way he always had. “If it was the first time I wouldn’t have cared, although you might’ve talked it over with me, but it
wasn’t
the first time. It was the fourth time in as many years, and now you’re running a lodge. You’ll never find the perfect job. Twenty years from now you’ll still be searching for a career that suits you. Nothing’s going to change.”

“Come off it, Karen. I’m only thirty-one.”

“I don’t have the time or energy to argue with you.” There was no other option, so she tossed the sheets aside and hurried across the room to retrieve her dress. With the zipper in the back, she had two choices—to either ask him to close it for her, or scurry to her room with the dress gaping open. She chose the latter.

“All right, all right,” he muttered, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to argue with you, either.”

As fast as she could, Karen collected the rest of her things, stuffing them in her arms.

“You aren’t leaving, are you?” He sounded shocked.

“Yes.” The sooner she retreated to her room, the better. Then she’d change clothes and get out of here.

“What about last night?”

Karen didn’t know what to tell him. “Let’s say it was for old times’ sake.”

He frowned. “Do you do this sort of thing often?”

It would have hurt less if he’d punched her in the stomach. “That was a cheap shot, Matt, and unworthy of you. You’ve been my only lover and you know it.” Then, with as much dignity as she could marshal, she marched barefoot out of his bedroom. Halfway up the stairs she met Matt’s parents. They stared at her, mouths open.

“Good morning.” She greeted them as if she were dressed for a church meeting, ignoring the panty hose and underthings bunched in her arms.

“Karen.” Matt’s father nodded; his mother managed a belated “Good morning.”

As she continued up the stairs, Karen heard Kate call out to her son. “Matt, is everything all right with you and Karen?”

Matt didn’t respond right away. “Nothing’s changed.”

His father’s warm chuckle followed Karen into her room. “You could’ve fooled me.”

Two hours later, Karen was sitting in the Midnight Sons mobile office, waiting for a pilot to fly her out of Hard Luck. She studied the worn floor, impatient to be gone and fully aware of why.

Matt made her weak when she believed she was strong.

Pressing her hands to her face, Karen closed her eyes and drew several deep breaths. It was better for them both that she lived in California now. The temptation to be with him would be too great if she stayed in Alaska. Even Anchorage, hundreds of miles from Hard Luck, was too close.

Sick at heart, Karen willed herself to forget the night with Matt. Before she knew it, she’d be back in Oakland where she belonged.

Paragon, Inc., the engineering company she worked for, had been more than generous in giving her time off to attend Lanni’s wedding, but now she had to prove to her boss, Mr. Sullivan, that he’d invested the company’s money wisely when he promoted her. She’d throw herself into the job, and she’d forget Matt once and for all.

Her heart ached at the thought of him. She did wish him well. Contrary to what he might believe, she wanted him to succeed. She just didn’t think he would. If Matt was anything like her father, and he was, he’d find some way to sabotage himself. Only she refused to be like her mother, refused to stick around and pick up the pieces. She’d gotten out while she could and was determined to make a better life for herself.

To be on the safe side, Karen decided to curtail any contact with his family. It would be difficult, though. Karen loved Matt’s parents as much as she did her own. They were wonderful, caring, loving people, and Lanni was like the sister she’d never had.

If this wedding had taught Karen anything, it was that she’d never get Matt out of her life if she clung to his family.

That decision made, she swallowed her disappointment and
resolved to make more of an effort to meet new people once she got back to California.

Matthew Caldwell wasn’t the only attractive man in the world.

“You’re looking a little down in the dumps,” Ben Hamilton, owner of the Hard Luck Café, said as he automatically filled Matt’s coffee mug.

“What do you expect the day after a wedding?” Matt returned, fending off Ben’s inquisitiveness. Matt hadn’t come to socialize, but to escape.

His parents had been full of questions after seeing Karen parade barefoot up the stairs in the dress she’d worn to the wedding. Where she’d spent the night was all too obvious.

“I must say your sister made a mighty pretty bride,” Ben said casually.

Matt cupped the thick ceramic mug with both hands. “Thanks.”

“Two weddings in Hard Luck within a year. Now that’s something.”

Matt merely grunted in reply.

“Mitch and Bethany set their wedding date for this summer,” Ben added conversationally.

Mitch Harris, the public safety officer—usually described as “the law around here”—and teacher Bethany Ross had announced their engagement earlier in the winter. Leave it to Matt to settle in a community where Cupid had run amuck. While he was divorced and miserable, everyone around him was stumbling all over themselves, falling in love. Not Matt. Once was enough for him, and the worst of it was, he still loved Karen.

“Bethany and Mitch’s wedding’s going to be in San Francisco, but we’re throwing a big reception for them when they come back from their honeymoon.”

San Francisco was across the bay from Oakland. Karen lived in Oakland.

Karen. Karen. Karen.

No matter what he said or did, everything seemed to point back to Karen. At this rate he’d never be free of her.

Was
that what he wanted, though?

Ben wiped the perfectly clean counter with slow, methodical strokes, patiently waiting for Matt to confide in him. Matt was well aware that a lot of the men in Hard Luck used Ben Hamilton as a sounding board. He was the kind of guy who made it easy to talk about one’s troubles, but Matt wasn’t interested. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. About anything.

He was half tempted to take his coffee and move to one of the tables. He might have, if Duke Porter hadn’t chosen that moment to walk into the café. The bush pilot sidled up to the stool next to his and sat down.

Matt glared at the other man.

Duke glared back. “What’s your problem?”

It was unreasonable and irrational to take his frustration out on Duke just because he’d had the gall to dance with Karen. “I’ve got woman troubles.”

Duke snorted. “Me, too.”

“You?” Ben poured a cup of coffee for the pilot and set it on the counter. “What’re you talking about?”

“Well, not me personally. It’s that attorney again. Tracy Santiago.” His eyes narrowed as he mentioned the lawyer Mariah Douglas’s family had hired to investigate Hard Luck after the town started advertising for women. Their daughter, Mariah, was the Midnight Sons secretary. “She’s trying to stir up trouble. Mariah got a phone call from her on Friday. Christian told me the Santiago woman’s threatening to fly up here again in a couple of months to check things out.”