Miles From Home (21 page)

“Is that what you really think, that it doesn’t matter?” He glares at me through the mirror.

I lean down on the counter and put my head in my hands. When I feel his hand on my back I squeeze my eyes together, trying not to lose it in front of him.

“Talk to me, Maggie.” He rubs my back slowly. “Please, Maggie.”

I can feel the anger building, but I know it’s not Sam’s fault. It’s no one’s fault, but I can’t help the anger inside of me. I quickly raise my head and turn to him.

“What do you want me to say, Sam?” The tears fall from my eyes. “That I have cancer? That a year from now I may only be a memory to the ones I love . . . is that what you want to hear?” Sam stands in front of me, frozen, as I slide to the floor and wrap my arms around my knees. He doesn’t move until I hear the door close. I can’t bring myself to look up because I know I’ll fall into complete darkness if he walks out. I suddenly feel the softness of my robe being wrapped around me as Sam lifts me off of the bathroom floor and carries me to the bed. I continue to cry as Sam lies next to me, wrapping his arms tightly around me, his warm breath on my ear. I can feel his heartbeat against my back. He holds me as I sob, without saying a word, until I finally open my eyes. I try to move but Sam tightens his arms, letting me know he’s not ready to let go. Finally, neither am I.

The following morning I wake up alone. I curl up into a ball, pulling the covers over my head and drifting back to sleep. When I finally decide I can no longer stay in bed, I walk downstairs where Aunt Virginia is sitting at the table, drinking her morning coffee.

“Good morning,” I say, as I grab some coffee and sit beside her.

“Good morning, sweetie. How are you?”

I shrug my shoulders and give her a weak smile. “I’m still alive, so I think I’m okay.”

She frowns at me and shakes her head. “Stop that, Maggie. Don’t talk that way.”

I can feel the anger building inside; I want to scream and hit something so badly. “How can life be so cruel? I’m reliving what my mother went through!” I scream. My aunt tries to hug me, but I push her away.

I walk over and put my cup in the sink. “I need some time alone, so I think I’ll go back upstairs.” Guilt starts to get the best of me. I had no right to snap at her, since all she’s ever done is help me and be there when I needed her. I run downstairs, and my aunt is still sitting at the table with her coffee. I smile as I wrap my arms around her. “I’m so sorry. I’m not angry with you, I’m angry at life.”

She pats me on the back. “I know, Maggie, and it’s going to be okay.” She smiles and I know she understands. When I get back upstairs, I grab my phone, needing to talk to Sam, so I lay across my bed and text him.

Me: Hey, you left me last night without saying goodbye and I didn’t say goodbye to Ellie. Is she okay?

I lay the phone down and prop my pillow under my chin, waiting for his reply. I open my eyes when I hear my phone ding. I must have dozed off.

Sam: I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you. Ellie wanted to go to the park. If it makes any difference, I didn’t want to leave you.

His text makes me smile. I lay there thinking about how wonderful his arms felt around me and how I long to feel them again. I hear my phone ding again and I pick it up.

Sam: You still there?

Me: Yes, I’m here.

Sam: How are you feeling?

Me: Sore, but I’m okay.

Just as I start to think he’s not going to reply, I hear the ding.

Sam: Do you have plans today?

Me: No, I’m just going to hang around the house.

Several minutes pass before the ding.

Sam: Wanna hang out with us? I can come and get you.

Breathe, Maggie.
I think about whether I should say yes or no.

Me: Are you sure you don’t mind me tagging along? I don’t want to interfere with any father-daughter bonding time.

Sam: Don’t be silly. I’ll be there in an hour :)

Just as I jump up to take a shower, Aunt Virginia knocks on my door.

“Come in,” I say, going into my closet to find something to wear. She slowly walks in and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Maggie, do you want to talk about Sam?” she asks, with her head cocked to one side.

“I’m not ready to talk about him just yet. But I do hope it’s not too late . . . for us.”

She nods her head and grins. “I know how you two look at each other. You never looked at Josh like that.”

I sit beside her and hold her hand. “Aunt Virginia, I love him so much, but right now my life is such a mess. I just need to figure out how to unravel it all.”

“Maggie, I know you are scared, but just take it one day at a time.” Her words put me at ease. We hug and everything feels lighter. I quickly finish up getting ready.

I can hear Sam and Ellie’s voices coming from the kitchen as I walk downstairs. “Ellie, you heard me the first time. No ice cream this early,” Sam says as Ellie whines.

I step back out of view and listen. It sounds like Ellie is pushing her limits with Sam, which I think is good. She can’t always get her way with him.

“But Daddy, it’s the weekend. We can change the rules on the weekend,” I hear her say softly. I gasp quietly when I hear Ellie call Sam
daddy.
This is the first time I’ve heard her say that word. I smile and step into the kitchen.

“Hey, what’s all the fuss about?” Ellie has her arms folded over her chest and her bottom lip sticking out. I put my hands on my hips as I look down at her.

“Ellie, you know the rules. It doesn’t matter if it’s the weekend or not. Besides, your dad told you no.”

Ellie protests as Sam picks her up, but quickly softens when he peppers her face with soft kisses. I hug my aunt and tell her that I will be home soon.

Our first stop is Sam’s house. This will be the first time I’ve actually seen his entire house. I’ve seen the inside foyer many times when I dropped Ellie off, but I was never given a complete tour. Ellie pulls me by the hand as we walk towards her bedroom. And all I see is pink and purple as I step inside.

“Wow, Ellie, this room is so pretty!” She shows me her baby dolls and all the various toys that Sam has provided for her and it makes me happy to see that Sam has done so well for himself. As Ellie and I are walking back downstairs I hear Sam whisper my name from another room. I turn to see him standing in the doorway of his bedroom, and I watch Ellie bounce downstairs before I go in. Sam walks into his closet and grabs a jacket when I notice several sets of luggage pushed up against the wall.

“Well, it looks like you’re going somewhere for a while?” Sam walks out from the closet.

“They are packed and ready for Sunday. I’ll be gone for six weeks. I thought I gave you my schedule?”

I suddenly feel my heart drop. “Oh, you did, I remember now,” I say. I turn and walk towards the door, but Sam grabs me by the arm, pulling me close to him.

“Are you upset?”

I shake my head. “No, of course not, this is what you’ve worked so hard to achieve”

I try to gently push Sam back, but he pulls me closer until the front of our bodies are touching. We stand and stare into each other’s eyes for what seems like forever.

“I hope you realize that no matter how hard you try to keep your distance from me, my affection for you will never die,” he whispers.

I feel speechless and my heart flutters. I feel like the world could be on fire outside of these walls right now but it wouldn’t matter because, in that very moment, I belong to him, and suddenly, I know he belongs to me.

The entire day was perfect. It was made for just the three of us and I didn’t want it to end. As I glance at Ellie sleeping in the backseat, I can’t help but smile. Sam reaches over and holds my hand as we drive back to Aunt Virginia’s. He looks over at me as we get closer to the house and I can see the question in his eyes. I nod my head slowly and he turns the car around.

Sam carries Ellie upstairs while she sleeps and lays her down in her bed while I stand in front of the large window downstairs, looking out onto the pool. I watch the sun slowly makes its descent and I can feel Sam standing close behind me.

“When I look at the sunset I think of that weekend we spent together,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist. I lean my head back against his chest.

“If you had to do it all over again, what would you change?” I ask him. He pauses for several seconds before he answers.

“I would have met you a lot sooner so I could love you longer.”

Sam and I continue to watch the sun sink lower and lower until the sky is black.

6 weeks later

JUST AS I carry the last piece of luggage upstairs, I hear the doorbell. I turn to answer it, thinking that maybe I’ve left something and the driver is bringing it back. When I open the door I see Josh standing on the other side.

“Hey, Sam,” he says, plunging his hands into his front pockets. “I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.” I open the door wide and invite him in. “No, not at all. I just got home, come in.” Josh steps in. “I’m just going to grab something to drink.” He follows me into the kitchen and stands there awkwardly.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, opening the refrigerator door. “Can I get you something to drink? A beer or a bottle of water?” Josh sits down at the breakfast bar. “Sure, I’ll take a water.” I grab two bottles and hand him one while I stand on the opposite side. Josh exhales and looks down. I can tell there’s something on his mind and he needs to talk.

“Sam, I came here to ask you to do something for me.” I nod my head as I take a drink. “I need you to promise me that you will take care of Maggie.” I look at Josh in confusion while he continues.

“I love Maggie more than anything, but I’m not the one that makes her happy.” I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

“Josh, what are you talking about?” He moves around to where I’m standing and looks me directly in the eye.

“Sam, I’m not blind; I see how she looks at you. She has never looked at me that way,” I nod my head, still unsure of what to say.

I look him in the eye and do my best to be as honest as I can. “I won’t lie to you, Josh. I’ve loved Maggie since the day we said goodbye in Chicago, probably even before then. I don’t really think it’s up to us though . . . don’t you think Maggie has a say in this and she may not want to be with me?” Josh forces a smile. “She has made that decision. We talked about it several times over the past few weeks. She belongs to you, Sam, always has.” I get a warm sensation in my chest when I hear those words. I know it must have been hard for him to come here, and I’m not sure I could have done it myself. But I appreciate his words just the same.

Josh leaves and I close the door, confused. I know Maggie mentioned that she and Josh were going through a bumpy time in their relationship, but I wasn’t expecting a visit from him. I resist the urge to call Maggie, since she doesn’t need to know Josh and I talked, so I walk upstairs for a shower and a good night’s sleep.

I wake up to the ding of my cell phone and I smile because I know it’s a text message from Maggie; I left her a message last night before I went to bed so she would know I was home.

Maggie: Good morning! Your daughter is driving me insane to see her daddy.

Me: Who is this?