heighten enjoyment. I clutched Grigon’s back convulsively, pressing myself up against him, hearing his chuckle as he pressed me flat to the bed. Bellna was ready to get on with it and so was he, and once again I was in the minority. I tried to push away her presence but it surged all around me, raw with power, impossible to control. My knees separated of their own accord, the baldest invitation possible, and Grigon wasn’t slow to accept. He positioned him-self between my thighs, gathered me to him, then smothered me with a kiss as he surged forward into me.
If not for that kiss it would have been all over right then and there. Aroused or not, Bellna was suddenly afraid, and she tried to cry out when Grigon entered me. From my point of view the sensation was unbelievable; Grigon felt as though he were twice the size he actually was. Bellna, unused to that sensation under any circumstances, tried to fight her way free and then panicked when she couldn’t. Panic for her happily corseted of withdrawal from control, and I was back where I was supposed to be when Grigon raised his head.
“Does something disturb you, little one?” he asked, kissing my face gently as he smoothed my hair back. “It was my impression that you attempted to speak.”
“I’m merely overwhelmed,” I got out, trying to gather up all the ends Bellna had dropped, before he decided something was peculiar. “I had not anticipated such size and strength from you. Perhaps you would allow me to see to your needs in another manner?”
“My sympathy and understanding are yours, wench, yet this may not be,” he answered, his words nearly a murmur as his hips began to move slowly. “I cannot bring myself to abandon the exquisite tightness of you which, though it now disturbs you, will only be aided and lessened by my presence. You have obeyed me well till now; will you continue to do so?”
“Am I now permitted disobedience if that is my wish?” I asked, nearly gasping the words. His movement was making his presence even more unbelievable, and I didn’t know how long I could stand it.
“No,” he said with a merry grin, gathering me to him again. “I would indeed be a fool were I to permit such a thing. Perhaps afterward.”
He lost interest in conversation then, and it occurred to me that I had another afterward to look forward to. Grigon’s performance was considerate as far as rape usually goes, but considerate or not it was still rape. With that in mind I forced myself to concentrate on what he was doing rather than ignoring it, and began to help him – in my own way. A woman who knows what she’s doing can either extend a man’s performance or force it into termination, and Grigon had been holding back a longer time than was usual. I know he was looking forward to a leisurely ride, but I’ve had training from an adept of Saccarion, and he couldn’t resist my muscle movement. With teeth gritted he tried to hold back, fighting the urge for release with non-movement, but he didn’t have a chance. He climaxed uncontrollably, his hands on my shoulders, and then he withdrew to lay down beside me and breathe deeply for a minute or two. I stirred where I lay, well aware of the fact that my needs hadn’t been seen to, but I’d rather have to use a lot of self-control and cold showers than submit to rape.
“I apologize for the brevity of the entertainment, Grigon said at last, rolling onto his side to put his hand on my middle again. I was surprised to see that he didn’t understand what had been done to him, but it did save me some trouble: “We will proceed to your suggestion of alternate amusement, and then will return for a second and longer encounter of intimate enjoyment, eh? Let us. . .”
“Forget it,” I interrupted, switching back to base language as I pushed his hand away and sat up. “You’ve had enough fun for one night at my expense. Let’s discuss whether or not I’ve passed the test.”
“You’re a hard woman,” he sighed, following my example as to language. Other than that he turned to his back again, tucked his hands behind his head, and looked up at me. “As far as the test goes, I’m not the one to ask about it. How did it go from your end?”
“It wasn’t as simple as I thought it would be,” I admitted, running both hands through my hair while my elbows rested on my knees. “Isn’t there some way to get rid of her so I can get on with this project in peace?”
“Not without going back home,” he said, watching me closely without moving. “I’ll call Dameron and arrange for retrieval.”
“Forget it,” I repeated, giving him a sour glance. “As far as the project goes, nothing has changed. If I don’t go, there’s no one waiting to be sent in my place. I’ll have to manage just as I am.”
“Manage to do what?” he asked, keeping his tone level. “Get yourself killed? The men on this world don’t fool around. If your alternate personality comes out at the wrong time, you probably won’t have the chance to repair the damage. It’s too much of a risk.”
“Breathing in and out is a risk,” I countered. “And you forget one thing: I’m supposed to be Bellna. If I slip as Bellna, there’s not much harm done. After it’s all over, I’ll just have to stay away from people until I’m picked up. I’ve lived off the land before; I won’t starve or trip over something with teeth and claws.”
“I still don’t like it,” he said, finally sitting up straight and folding his legs in front of him. “There are so many things that can go wrong that we didn’t dare ask the computer to list them; it would still be working on the question. What if you can’t avoid being among people? What if you do trip over something with teeth and claws? What if you run afoul of something we haven’t even thought of? I keep getting visions of you lying half under a bush, awash in your own blood, complete vacancy behind those pretty blue eyes. I don’t think I could shrug off being partly responsible for the death of a young girl with everything to live for.”
I could see him fairly well in the flickering candlelight, and he wasn’t joking or being sarcastic. He really felt concern for me – but for the strangest reason.
“You’re not by any chance thinking of me as being as young as I look, are you?” I asked suddenly, bringing a flash of startlement to his eyes. “Bellna is this young and innocent and helpless; I’m not.
Putting me half under a bush, awash in my own blood, has been tried before any number of times. It didn’t work then, and it’s not guaranteed to work now. If you don’t believe that, I’ll be glad to prove it by tossing you into the fireplace. Just say the word.”
“I think I can get along well enough without your kind offer,” he answered, a faint smile just beginning to curve his lips. “I’m not that easy to toss into a fireplace, but I’m willing to stipulate the fact that you’re competent. The only question is, are you competent enough to overcome the handicap you have? Will you be able to handle it no matter what the situation?”
“Well, I can think of one situation when I may not be able to handle it,” I said, deciding to try some calculated misdirection. “I’m glad you didn’t try beating me with that belt; I don’t know if I could have kept control of myself.”
“You think you would have lost control to Bellna?” he asked with a frown. “Because of a beating? What makes you think she would have dominated you at a time like that?”
“I’m not talking about her dominating me,” I said, shaking my head as I lay back down and stretched out. “In fact, it has nothing to do with Bellna. I’m the one with an aversion to being beaten, and I’ve been known to be somewhat-harsh with people who try it. I had a run-in with a heavy whip once, and the passage of time hasn’t done much to make me forget it.”
“Harsh,” he echoed, a strange expression on his face as he looked down at me. “Your eyes turn soulless when you say that. I’ve never had a heavy whip used on me, but I can imagine what it must be like.
Tell me what was done to you.”
“It’s impossible to imagine what it’s like without experiencing it,”
I said, unable to keep the harshness out of my tone even though I looked away from him. “As far as the rest of it goes, I’d rather not discuss it.”
“You’re trembling,” he said, his hand suddenly on my arm. “Of course we don’t have to discuss it if you don’t want to. Are you all right?”
I turned my head back to him and nodded without speaking. I always trembled when I thought about that one -particular incident, and not just from anger. Anyone who thinks they would react differently and more bravely is invited to try it for themselves.
“You shouldn’t have much to worry about on that score at least,”
Grigon said, moving his other hand to stroke my hair. “Most men on this world would rather bed a female than beat her, especially one who looks like Bellna. Your peasant girl role was good enough to mollify anyone who wasn’t actively bent on harming Bellna; if you run into the other kind, you’re free to defend yourself. If you were able to keep me from seeing such deep-seated emotions when you brought my belt, you should be able to retain control at other times. I feel considerably better about this now.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said, producing a smile to match the one he was wearing. “With that in mind, I think I ought to get some sleep now. Tomorrow will be a busy day.”
“Uh, yes, tomorrow,” he agreed, suddenly looking more reluctant than friendly or approving. “I suppose you will need your rest. Are you sure there isn’t anything else you need-that I could help you with?”
“Don’t tell me you’re asking,” I said with brows high, raising’ up on one elbow toward him. “What happened to the demands and orders?”
“They go with the other characters,” he said, showing a grin. “In my own persona, I don’t indulge in rape unless I have to. And that ‘have to’ refers to professional necessity, not last-ditch desperation. If you tell me to walk away, it won’t be the first time I’ve done it.”
“Then I don’t have to feel guilty about making you do it again,” I said, lying back down. “Good night.”
“That value judgment is open to debate,” he sighed, taking his hands away from me. “Merely expressed as a wish to be granted, however, I offer the same back to you. Sleep well.”
I waited until he had gotten off the bed and had started for his clothes before calling him back. I’d been curious to see if he really meant what he’d said about leaving, and at that point there was no doubt. Although rape tends to turn me stubborn, free agreement on all sides is another matter entirely -and his abruptly terminated performance earlier had gotten me curious about how he would do under other circumstances. He came back to the bed with a soft laugh, took me in his arms, then proceeded to make my struggle with Bellna less of a struggle. My invisible guest was losing both her fear and her reluctance, but her over enthusiasm was something left to be worked on. I had a very pleasant time - but Bellna loved it.
I awoke when the automatic sensing system I’ve developed over the years told me I was no longer alone in the room. I could hear soft, whispered conversation, and could see the sudden glow of a just-lit candle through my slitted eyes. Whoever the intruders were, they certainly weren’t trying to sneak up on me; a second candle cut the dimness, and another whisper joined the others. The last whisper overrode the first two sharply, and there was a brief period of silence during which I could see three long-skirted figures moving across the carpeting in front of the fireplace. A fourth skirted form passed behind the first three to the hearth, set wood in it, then worked briefly to get a fire going. While this was being accomplished the first three opened a large box, pawed through its hidden contents, then began arguing in very low tones. All four of the intruders were female, and Bellna’s thoughts indicated they were servants. I hadn’t been told to expect any servants, but then I hadn’t been told much of anything. They seemed to be trying very hard not to wake me up, and the chill in the room’s air did well to convince me that staying where I was was probably my best course of action. I yawned silently, snuggled down farther under the covers, and continued with my best course of action.
I wasn’t sleepy enough to fall asleep again, but the comfort of the warmed silk cradling my body set my mind to drifting. It was highly unlikely that the four women were anything other than the servants Bellna thought them, and that meant my last-ditch effort with Grigon the night before hadn’t worn off the way I’d been afraid it might.
He’d been very attentive and considerate while making love to me, but most mature men have no trouble separating bed time from thinking time. If he hadn’t down checked me for the project, it meant that he really had been convinced by the story I’d told him. Not that the story wasn’t true. There are an uncounted number of times when truth will do more for you than lying; the catch is in knowing when one of those times has come by.
I felt a contented purr in my mind, and realized that Bellna was also thinking about Grigon. He was talented enough to satisfy almost any woman, but especially one with Bellna’s limited experience. She’d lost control almost from the first moment he’d entered me, but I’d been able to ignore her until Grigon began trotting out various facets of his talent. There are certain things no woman alive can ignore, especially if she starts out aroused. Grigon had the advantage over me the second time, and he wasn’t shy about pushing for all he was worth. I’d felt my control slipping, fought to regain it, then realized that I couldn’t fight. My awareness was sliding into Bellna’s, the two of them running together, the resulting consciousness completely bound to the man who was laughing softly as he watched me. Grigon obviously knew total surrender when he saw it; the rest of our time together had been filled with pleasure, but I’d had no say in any part of it. I’d felt nothing but satisfaction at the time, but looking back on it was somewhat embarrassing, just as Bellna’s girlish memories were. My feeling the way she did had caused the bonding between us, but was that any better than having her assume control? The resulting personality didn’t do things the way I did; it might be best if I tried to avoid-“Forgive me, Highness, yet I must awaken you,” a soft voice interrupted my thoughts, coming from right beside the bed. I opened my eyes to see a young girl, her hands held nervously before her, no more of her expression visible than the tremor in her voice. I was basing my guess as to her age on the sound of her voice, but when she stepped back and turned enough so that the candlelight touched most of her face, I saw I was right.