Misalliance (Death Dwellers MC #4.5) (23 page)

She sobbed into her hands and Johnnie balled his fists at his sides to keep from taking her in his arms and telling her she could handle this however she pleased. He’d tell her he’d eat ten of Christopher’s bullets to take her current misery away. Getting
to
that day when Christopher had enough of her was annoying the fuck out of Johnnie.

“I-I don’t want to lose you, Johnnie, and I do want to be whole again.” She swiped the tears from her cheeks and inhaled deeply. “I-I’ll go.”

Johnnie’s relief hit him so hard everything but his dick sagged. “That’s my girl,” he said with pride and wrapped her in his arms again, loving her with everything in him and admiring her hidden courage.

Chapter 26

Misjudged – Kendall

Kendall Miller followed Johnnie, Christopher, and Cash into the clubhouse and stopped short. About twenty-five people were there with food laid out and a huge cake on the bar. Crepe wedding bells and a handwritten banner with the words
Congratulations Johnnie and Kendall
hung in the center of the room.

Ryan and CJ sat in a cordoned off area, surrounded by blocks and Legos and stuffed motorcycles, wearing small leather jackets, jeans, and black boots, babbling back and forth between each other. Zoann sat nearby, her arms folded, looking gorgeous even without makeup.

Kendall blinked at the sight of Bailey, the side of her face bruised and swollen. Mortician hovered nearby, his entire demeanor
angry
. Val leaned against a wall, cleaning his nails with a knife. Stretch stood near…near Father Wilkins and Brooks. Charlotte was there, too, dressed in a white designer suit, her face pinched with unease, halting the conversation she’d been having with Meggie.

Kendall’s and Meggie’s gazes met and Meggie smiled gently at her. The memory of propositioning Christopher hit her and her hands trembled. There was no excuse for what she’d done…except there was.

“Surprise, gorgeous,” Johnnie said, tenderness softening his eyes and his voice. “I’ve heard each and every word you’ve ever told me, Kendall. I’m not sure what makes you think I haven’t.” He touched her elbow, her skin, her very heart and soul, guiding her to where Father Wilkins stood.

“How’d you do this?” she whispered, unsure now. Of herself and her well-being. Of Johnnie, too.

“Megan helped me.”

Meggie. Always Meggie. All the time she’d been raging to Meggie, trying to be her friend, and Meggie had known Johnnie’s intentions. One word from her could’ve eased Kendall’s mind, but she’d kept silent. Always loyal to
Johnnie
.

Meggie approached Kendall, pale but too beautiful for Kendall to put into words. Beautiful and pregnant and delicate and loyal to Johnnie. All the support and attention she’d need during
her
pregnancy, Meggie would get because she never allowed Kendall to have any spotlight.

She hugged Kendall, but Kendall stood frozen, unable to respond, not wanting to be so angry and so bitter. So resentful. Maybe, there was no hope for her to be redeemed. She’d sworn to Christopher she was showing him the real her. She’d told Johnnie about the men she slept with to get ahead.

Stepping back, Meggie smiled and smoothed down Kendall’s shirt, the wedding rings on the blonde’s finger mocking her. “This wasn’t easy to plan in a few hours.”

Her gaze flew to Meggie’s, the words shocking her.

Meggie linked her arms around Kendall’s and squeezed them in reassurance. “We worked with what we had to make it as special as possible,” she went on, sending a silent message to Kendall.

Like a real, true friend. Like a girlfriend.

Kendall glanced in Christopher’s direction and his hatred for her almost reached out and touched her. He truly, truly despised her, more so now with her latest actions.

“If you want a big wedding, I promised Megan you could have it if she helped me,” Johnnie said.

“God, fuckhead, you’re so fucking romantic,” Zoann snapped while Christopher rolled his eyes and Mortician snorted.

Meggie sidled Johnnie with a sour look. “No, moron, Kendall can have her big wedding because that’s what she wants.”

“Since when do you take up for me?” Kendall asked Zoann, pinning her with a curious look.

Zoann shrugged. “Since Johnnie turned into a stupid fuckhead.”

“Thanks a fucking lot, Zoann,” Johnnie griped. “Remember who the fuck you’re married to?”

“A fuckin’ valentine,” Christopher called, tapping his cut and searching for his cigarettes. He wore a jacket, so the bulge of his shoulder bandages weren’t easily discernible. After lighting a cigarette and releasing the smoke, he laughed. “A motherfuckin’ Hallmark card with the brain of paper stock.”

“Oh my God, would you guys grow up?” Meggie asked in frustration.

“Not any time soon, sweetheart,” Johnnie answered.

“Can we get on with it?” Father Wilkins cut in. “I have to finish decontaminating my body after Mrs. Caldwell threw up on me.”

“Wilcunt, you lucky I’m fuckin’ tired from a long ass trip…what the fuck you say?” Christopher focused on Meggie, humorous satisfaction on his face. “You fuckin’ hurled on this motherfucker, baby?”

“Thank you for blabbing, Father Wilkins,” Meggie jeered, not bothering to answer her husband, who was laughing outright.

“Megan, you made my fuckin’ night with that fuckin’ news.”

Pink stained her cheeks and she gave the priest an evil look.

“An extra grand might’ve kept my annoyingly proper mouth shut and my fat little hands filled to my beady little eyes’ satisfaction.”

The lightness of Christopher’s attitude fled in a moment and he straightened, puffing his cigarette and squinting thanks to the awful smoke. “What the fuck that mean?”

“Maybe, that he has a fucking wish to be gutted after all?” Johnnie guessed.

“No, it just means he’s a big ass.” Meggie’s version of a bad curse.

“Here I thought you were a little intelligent, Mr. Donovan,” the priest taunted. “It simply means Mrs. Caldwell is still in leading strings as far as threats, insults, and bribes go.”

Throwing his cigarette on the floor, Christopher started for the priest. He grabbed the man by the scruff and the collar and began dragging him toward the door. “
She
might be, but I sure the fuck ain’t.”

“He has to perform the marriage ceremony,” Meggie cried, rushing after her husband and the priest. “Let him go.”

Johnnie followed behind. “Fuck, Christopher. Go back to your fucking cage and let the ornery motherfucker go, so he can marry Kendall and me.”

Johnnie’s announcement should’ve sent Kendall over the moon. It was what she’d been so hurt over—his lack of setting a firm wedding date. But he’d stolen the joy of planning it and choosing her dress, anticipating her big day.

“Let the priest go, Johnnie.” Kendall raised her voice to speak above the back and forth of Christopher, Johnnie, and Father Wilkins.

Everything went silent at her words. Even the priest froze.

At least she finally had Johnnie’s undivided attention.

“What do you mean
let him go
, gorgeous?”

Her belly churned in fear and she wondered what she was doing. But listening to their banter and seeing their interactions with one another, she had to do it. They each had a place there. She was told she did. Perhaps, they were right. Perhaps, families communicated with insults, arguments, and teasing with no harm, no foul in the final analysis.

Kendall didn’t understand them. Being sent away after he’d sworn he’d always stand by her had affected her more than anything. She’d relied on Johnnie to keep her safe. Make her happy. Be her rock to lean on.

But it seems that she wasn’t his and he wasn’t hers.

She looked at her feet, her heart breaking. “It means I can’t marry you right now.”
Maybe, never
. “I…you’ll only send me away again. I have a long way to go, Johnnie, and I can’t be shipped off every few weeks with the threat of you leaving me if I don’t comply.” She swallowed, hating herself for her next words. “Even Meggie is secure in the knowledge Christopher will never walk away from
her
. If they end, it’ll be because she walked away from him. No matter what happens with her, he keeps her with him.”

“Kendall, we’re not Christopher and Megan. We’re us. The way Christopher handles his girl won’t be the way I handle you. It can’t be. It’s not who I am.”

“You didn’t even give me the option to plan my own wedding.”

“No. I refused to have you fucking starve yourself to fit into a goddamn wedding gown, especially while you’re carrying my baby.”

She flinched at his hard words. “That’s how you see me? A pregnant woman to pity and protect in your own twisted way?”

“I love you,” he told her slowly. “I want to marry you.”

“No, you want to marry the Kendall I
was
, but she’s gone. This Kendall? The woman I am now? I need to know you value me.” Any woman would need to know that, so she rephrased the sentence. “I need to know you hear me when I tell you what
I
want. I need to…I need your reassurances. I need to
see
that you’re truly over Meggie. But you defer to her for
everything
, including my wedding.” She looked at Meggie in sorrow, not wanting to ruin the friendship that Kendall finally accepted as genuine.

Meggie was Meggie, though, and the quality in her that Kendall both loathed and admired came through now.

She focused on Mortician. He’d been her first friend and in trying to befriend the women, she’d alienated him. “I’m sorry,” she told him.

For a moment, his face softened. “We cool, Red,” he assured her.

“So that’s it?” Johnnie asked, the hurt in his eyes piercing Kendall and making her dizzy.

It shocked her a little, as well. She hadn’t believed he’d felt so deeply for her. Had she misjudged him?

Another bout of fear and uncertainty almost made her recant her decision. He lifted her chin, a plea in his gaze.

“I promise, upon my mother’s grave, that I love you. I’m marrying you because I want to be with you.
You
. Don’t do this. Please.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered and stepped back, remembering the words of her therapist, Dr. Hughes, about setting a loved one free to choose whether or not they came back. “I need to be well and I’m not. Not with the way I’ve been living in fear of you leaving me. I need to know I can stand on my own two feet, whether you’re with me or not. The fact is I don’t think I can. I went through a lot of scenarios to get your attention. Some of them I’m not proud of.” Biting her lip to keep from sobbing, she pulled off the engagement ring and held it out to him.

“If I take this ring back, we’re done. I won’t ever take you back.”

She did sob, then. That wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She looked to Mortician again, a silent plea for help, an unspoken question. Was this the right thing?

She already knew how he felt. He’d told her months ago that Johnnie rejected love simply because of the
way
he’d been loved growing up. At the vile and reprehensible whims of his grandfather.

“Take it,” she insisted in a broken voice.

He snatched it from her, unholy anger replacing the watery brightness in his eyes.

“Don’t fucking say something you regret, John Boy,” Mortician warned.

Johnnie whirled to face the other man and stalked to him. “As if you fucking know what the fuck I was going to say.”

“Have a fucking idea,” Mortician shot back with a shrug. “You a sociopath and a stupid motherfucker, so the shit in your head must be some scary ass bullshit. You ever want Red back, motherfucker, just shut the fuck up.” 

His shoulders stiffening, Johnnie turned to Kendall and studied her, his nostrils flaring. He seemed so confused as if all his actions had been right and justified, and he couldn’t understand Kendall’s attitude.

“I did the best I knew how to do, Kendall,” he raged. “For us and our relationship. For you.”

She saw him shutting down right in front of her, erecting walls around himself and closing her out. Raising her hands in supplication, she started forward, not knowing what to say, her entire world upside down.

“No,” he growled, backing away. “Fuck no. You’re not dicking me around. We’re over, so get the fuck out of here.”

“Way to go, asshole,” Zoann called, glaring daggers at Johnnie’s head.

“Shut the fuck up, Zoann,” he snapped, needing someone to vent his anger on. “You were fighting with Kendall, now you’re defending her? Fuck you.”

“Cunt licker,” Val growled, but Zoann stomped from around the bar and slapped Johnnie, hard enough to make his head jerk.

“Now, fucker, I’m fighting
you
.” She shoved him back.

Kendall remembered Zoann was related to both Johnnie
and
Christopher. They fought first and asked questions later. The thought made her frown and she pressed a hand to her belly, thinking of her new baby and wondering if it would inherit the killing gene the Donovans and Caldwells had.