Misplaced Innocence (33 page)

Charisma came crashing back to the present, all those tender moments she had imagined she and Jared had shared in the last few weeks shattering and splintering from her mind. Mary Anne was laughing about something, the sound husky and rich, something you might find on a movie screen, her words were slow and imbued with that appealing cadence of the west. Jared was looking at her now, saying something else, and Charisma felt herself seeping into the ground, suddenly invisible.
 

In a flare of kelly green cotton, she spun on her heels and disappeared back into the sea of people, hoping those tears she felt burning the back of her eyes wouldn't make an unwelcome appearance in the next few moments. If she'd had any doubts before those had been entirely dispelled by the display of history and sexuality. She had just been a pleasant diversion and he was going back to his roots. All of them.

She was trying so hard to focus she almost ran over a small child. But then she was safely tucked in her truck and she was backing out, and
 
Carlton was disappearing from view.

~*~

Jared had finally managed to pry Mary Anne's fingers away from the collar of his shirt, and spun her around so they were both facing Charisma.

“Oh,” she said, her eyes widening in that innocent and unassuming way she had mastered. “Where did your little friend go?”

Jared frowned. It was true that Charisma was no longer in the spot she had been, and it was also true that Jared hadn't seen her slip away. His eyes scanned the crowd for her, but he didn't see that too-familiar crown of dark hair, of the bright green that brought out the prettiest flush in her cheeks. He turned away from the mass of people to glare down at Mary Anne. “She is not my little friend, Mary Anne, and you know that. I can't believe you would go out of your way to be so mean to someone you can't even take the time to get to know.” She opened her mouth, sure to have something witty and sweet to follow, when Jared interrupted her again, “Scratch that. I
can
believe you would act that way.”

Her eyes darkened unexpectedly, for the first time since Jared could remember looking neither sweet nor innocent. “You know, Jared,” she bit out at him, “Everyone knows about us. They've been talking since you reappeared here. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you the way you imagined they would with your pretty, Big City girl and your amazing business, and you had to come slinking back here like you've never made a mistake in your life. You know you should have been with me all along. I would have made you happy. Your wife couldn't do it, and certainly that mousy friend you have won't be able to do it either.” Her bright eyes flashed up at him, all fire, the most appealing he had seen them be in a long time. “I know how to make you happy.” The anger slipped from her face, and there was just that wistful, reminiscent thoughtfulness that brought him back to the years they had been together. “I remember.”
 

Her words had gotten so soft, he almost didn't hear that last part, and he was certainly so distracted by her angry monologue that he had failed to notice how she was creeping toward him, her hands resting on the breadth of her chest, as though she had spent her whole life touching him that way, and to be fair, she had spent a good portion of her life touching him that way.

He caught her hand in his and pulled it down, gently holding it between them, and looked at her, really looked at her, for the first time in a long time. She'd never married. Her eyes had that longing and sadness that echoed failed relationships and crushed hopes. “Stop, Mary Anne. You and I both know we don't work. We tried. It's not that I don't care about you, it's just that there's someone else for you. And maybe that someone isn't here in Carlton. You should go somewhere else; see new things and new people. Don't let Carlton weigh you down. You can have what you want, but if you're honest with yourself, you'll know that what you want isn't me. It's just the idea of me.”

She bit her lip hard enough that the color drained from her pout. “But I know you....”

He smiled. “I know you do. And I know you think I'm safe, that I won't hurt you. And I am safe. And I wouldn't. And I'm sure we could be very amicable together. But it's not enough. I want more than that. And you deserve to have more than that. Charisma is amazing. And if you spent five minutes getting to know her instead of tearing her down, you would realize that. She makes me happy. Really, very happy, and I want to be with her. You should be able to respect that. She's special to me.”

“I know.” The words were soft, and for a moment he wondered if she had said them at all. “I can tell when you look at her. It's the same way you used to look at me. Like every morning was just an excuse to be with me for another day. Like every thing I said or did was exactly what you wanted. Like I mattered.”

“Stop. You know you matter. Not just to me, but to everyone in this town. You'll get what you need and what you deserve, but it can't be with me. I'm sorry.”

Her green eyes blinked up at him, curiously devoid of tears, but still aching somehow. “I know. I just thought maybe it was worth the effort. Everyone always says we were so good together....”

He cupped the side of her face and ran his thumb over the slope of her cheek. “We were.”

She smiled at him, a real, genuine smile that showed off her pretty teeth and the gentle lines around her eyes and mouth and she was the girl he had known. She leaned into him and pressed the barest of kisses to his cheek. “Thanks, Jared. You always did know just what to say. I think maybe you should go look for your friend. Your Charisma. She blew out of here pretty fast. Sorry.”

“You've got this, Mary Anne.” He smiled once more before disappearing into the crowd. She followed his bobbing head until he rounded a corner and was truly gone from her sight. She took a deep, steadying breath, and a last look at the home she had made in Carlton. Jared had been right. About so many things.
 

~*~

Charisma pulled into her driveway. She could
 
call it that officially, she figured, since she'd had gravel laid, the new parking area framed with red brick and low shrubbery. This place was just her home now. It had lost all those scary memories. She'd pulled down the blankets from the windows, reorganized her house, put up fresh paint. It was sweet and homely; everything a home should be, and a far cry from the run-down, neglected home she had lived in just a few months before. She heaved a deep sigh and swung open the door. It creaked in protest. That was the next thing on her list. A new car could wait. Maybe it was time for a new space. Get away from this Carlton and all the bad things it had held for her.

The house was dark and cool, and Scruffy thumped her tail in welcome without raising her head from the sofa. Charisma collapsed beside her and ran her hand over the dog's broad head. “Well, girl, it was too good to be true. I suppose. Of course, I did get you out of this. So I can't complain too much.” She paused and wiped a hand angrily over her face, before settling back into the sofa and absorbing the silence.

The front door rattled, and through the wood Charisma was pretty sure she heard a muttered expletive. Then there was an impatient knock followed by “Charisma, dammit, open this door,” in a voice that had become achingly familiar.
 

She wasn't in any hurry to let him in, however. “What?” she snapped, petting Scruffy harder.

“Well I thought we could talk. But I'm not really interested in talking through the door. So, I think you should let me in?”

“I'm not really sure we have much to talk about. Did you bring your girlfriend?”

Scruffy had finally had enough of the rough treatment and she stood up with a shake before launching off the sofa and settling across the room on the floor, eyeing Charisma warily.

“Oh, come on!” There was a bang which Charisma imagined was the solid toe of his boot making contact with the base of the door. “Mary Anne is, in no way, my girlfriend and I am here, all alone, sounding like an idiot while I yell through your front door.”

Charisma smiled just thinking about how he must look out there before standing up and crossing the room to let him in. She unlocked each of the locks he had installed for her, swinging the door wide. “Well. Did you have something to say?”

Jared stepped inside the house before she had the opportunity to shut him out again. Even angry she was as pretty as ever, her hands resting lightly on her hips, the green material of her dress pulled tight across her abdomen and the flare of her hips. He resisted the urge to reach out and put his hands on top of hers. He was pretty sure that would be about as welcome as a dog bite.
 

“Charisma. You can't be angry about what you saw –”

“I can be whatever I want to be. You cannot tell me what I can and can't do.”

He raised his hands in surrender, an eyebrow drifting upward. “Fair enough. Although, you know I wouldn't ever tell you what you can and can't do, or be, it was mostly a figure of speech. What I meant to say, is that there's nothing to be angry about. You saw what Mary Anne wanted you to see. Okay. We dated in high school; we hooked up through college. Okay. I slept with her as an adult. But,” he stepped forward and caught her arms in his, a shiver of electricity slipping through him at the touch of skin on skin. She didn't pull away from him and he let a hand travel up the length of her bare arm, across the exposed clavicle to cup the side of her face. She made the smallest of inclines, so subtle he wasn't even sure it had actually happened, and pressed into his palm. “There is no way I would want to be with her and not you. I haven't thought about anyone else since the day I met you. How could I? Mary Anne is just jealous. She and I discussed it. She knows how I feel about you, and she knows that she and I won't ever be together again.”

She was studying his mouth intently. Finally, he raised her chin until they made eye contact. “You listening?” His voice was low and gruff.

“I hear you.”

His mouth quirked upward in one of those irresistible grins. “Yes, but are you listening.”

Charisma had the sneaking suspicion that Jared was telling the truth. It didn't leave her with an especially warm or welcoming feeling. In fact, it was making her feel a little small and, well, silly. “Well,” she said, twisting away from him with a half-hearted effort and then feeling a stab of sorrow when his hand dropped away from her. “I don't see how you could have expected me to react any differently than I did – ”

“Hey, I'm not saying you were wrong to react that way, I'm only saying that what you thought you saw wasn't happening at all.”

Charisma folded her arms over her chest and turned her eyes downward, a lock of dark hair slipping out from behind her ear and falling in front of her face. “Fine,” she muttered, sounding decidedly anything but fine.

“Okay. I'm glad to hear that.” There was a pause. Then, “So, I was thinking, as long as we're having this conversation, maybe we should be clear on some things. Like for starters, I'm not interested in seeing anyone but you.” He pushed back the lock of hair and tilted her face upward until she was no longer staring at an imaginary mark on the floor. “Probably ever. So, if you're interested, you know, I am.”

One of her eyebrows raced upward. “If I'm interested, then you are?”

He pursed his lips like he was deep in though. “Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm thinking.”

“I can't believe that's your idea of a successful way to pitch a relationship.”

“What pitch? I followed you across the country and pretended to be a dirty politician, wore a bullet proof vest and got shot, just so I could see your pretty face, and wake up in a horrible hotel room in New Jersey next to you. I don't know a better advertising campaign than that.” He stepped toward her and unfolded her from herself, pulling her to him until she fit snugly against his body, the rough of his blue jeans pressing through the cotton of her dress.
 

He caught her hair in his hands, until the knot came loose and her dark hair skittered to her shoulders, his hand cradled the back of her head as he leaned down toward her, his mouth catching hers in the gentlest of kisses. His mouth was warm against hers and she fell into the kiss, her hands slipping up between the buttons of his shirt to press against his skin.
 

She made a soft sound against his mouth. “You make a convincing argument,” Charisma said when she pulled away far enough to catch her breath, her hands slipping down the front of his shirt and sliding the buttons through their holes until the shirt fell from his shoulders.
 

“I try,” Jared murmured back. “So, I've also been thinking, it just isn't the same at my place without you there. I miss having you around – ”

“In the guest room?” she asked as she trailed her hands across his chest, twisting in the dusting of hair.
 

“Well, I'll take what I can get. At least when you were in the family room or at the kitchen table I could pretend that you would be going to bed with me, instead.” He sprinkled kisses across her jaw line and down her neck. “So, anyway, I was thinking, maybe you should come stay again. Maybe on a more regular basis. Maybe even in my bedroom.” They were inching their way away from the front door and down the narrow hallway, his hands guiding her from where they rested on her hips.
 

“Were you?” Her teeth flashed in a smile before nipping down on his soft lower lip. “And what about my home. And my office. And my things?”

“Well, I've been having all this time to think,” he said as he swung open the door to her bedroom and pulled away from her long enough to tug the green dress over her head. “And I've been thinking, it's such a cute place, and your office is so, okay, it's pretty creepy, but it's also set up and there's a lot of space here and maybe, if you were living at my house with me, then we could take all this extra space and, I don't know, turn it into a clinic, maybe. And then, you could work here, and maybe I could work here, and we could fix up the fences and that old barn, get a few horses, and then we could live there. In the other house. Scruffy, too.”