“Avil, put your mother on the phone. I need to talk to her for a minute,” Tyrone says to his thirteen-year old son after he answers the phone.
“Hey, dad. Everything cool?”
“It depends on what your mother says,” he says holding the black duffel with all his clothes firmly in his hand, one bare foot on the cold dirty ground and the other in his white pump. He was standing in a phone booth outside with no place left to go.
“What’s wrong now, Tyrone?” Shannon says with irritation in her voice.
“Uh…I know I haven’t been over to check on you or Avil in awhile, but you know I been tryin’ to keep my head up. So much shit goin’ on around me, Shannon. I just needed to be by myself.”
“And you tellin’ me that because?”
“Because I need your help.”
“What’s new, Tyrone? You always need my help. When you gonna give me what I need? And what I want? When somebody gonna love me best? You out there bein’ weird, your son actin’ all feminine and I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to find out what the fuck I did wrong to be all alone and playin’ with my pussy every night.”
“You know I wouldn’t stay away from you if I could help it. Shannon, I didn’t want to tell you this because I didn’t want you to worry but the house I lived in burned down and I almost died in it.” He lied. “I’m just gettin’ back from the hospital right now. Everything I own is in my bag.”
“What?! Are you okay?”
“Yeah…I just need somewhere to lie down.”
“What about Dayshawn?” she says with hope in her voice, “Is he hurt?”
Always an amazing liar he says, “He died. It’s just me out here now.”
“Wow…I didn’t know all that was happenin’.” She says although it’s obvious that she’s pleased to learn of Dayshawn’s death. She didn’t like Dayshawn the moment she met him in high school because she hated that Tyrone as she called it, ‘
had someone to be gay with
’. “If I let you stay here though, I need to know how long you plan on stayin’? I mean, can you at least hang around a little longer this time to spend time with your family? Real time?”
“Of course, Shannon. That’s why I’m callin’ now.”
Silence.
“No runnin’ the streets and hookin’ up with men?”
He had to think long and hard before he answered that question. He soon realized it was impossible for him to leave the streets. What he’d have to do was find a way to hide his activities behind her back.
“No men. Just me and my family.”
“Fine, you can come home.”
“Thanks, Shannon.”
“Wait…before you come I need you to look like a…well…father and husband. My mother is here and you know she still believes you raped my brother Nathan. And since he been in that mental institution ever since, it’s even harder for her to believe you didn’t.”
“You still think I did?”
“I know you didn’t and she’s tryin’ to blame you for her shortcomings as a mother. I just don’t want the problems tonight.”
Tyrone thought about Nathan and their time together. Only he and Nathan really knew what happened that night and he had no intentions on telling Shannon. In fact he lied so much to himself that he started to believe his lies. But there was one person other than Tyrone who remembered exactly how the incident went down.
Years ago, Nathan was in town from Atlanta to visit his sister Shannon after not seeing her for five years. Their relationship was always strained since she could remember, her oldest brother always abused some sort of drug. First he started off small with weed and since it’s often considered a gateway drug, before long he upgraded to heroin.
The day he visited Shannon, she hadn’t gotten home from work as a makeup artist. So she asked her husband to make sure her brother got settled in. Although they fought a lot, she was actually looking forward to seeing him again.
But the moment Tyrone laid eyes on Nathan, he knew he wanted to fuck him, even if Nathan didn’t know. As the day went on, neither of them could have imagined how much they had in common. Nathan really could not have imagined their connection because he knew how much his sister despised him because of all of the lies he told while on drugs. And since everyone in Shannon’s family hated Tyrone, after hearing rumors that he was gay, he didn’t think he had an in-law alive who would like him. He was wrong.
After a few cups of hard liquor were drank between the two of them, the conversation moved to drugs. And although Tyrone was no stranger to getting high or snorting cocaine, he never dealt with anything else. But when Nathan offered him heroin, he gladly accepted. What Nathan didn’t know was that after he took his first hit, and handed the needle to Tyrone, he only pretended to put it in his arm. The expensive drug dripped to the floor. Tyrone chose to be as conscious as possible, for what he was about to do.
Sharing a couch with Nathan, Tyrone said, “I ain’t feelin’ shit.” He tapped his arm in the place the needle should have entered and said, “Let’s do anotha one, man.”
“Damn, here I was thinkin’ I was puttin’ you on to somethin’ new, and you handle this shit betta than me.” He said nodding a little. “Okay…okay…I was gonna save this for later, but let’s cook this one too.”
So again he shot up and again Tyrone pretended to get high. He even allowed his eyes to roll toward the back of his head and lean to the side. And when he saw Nathan falling in and out of consciousness, he put the deadbolt lock on the door, threw Nathan over the edge of the sofa and raped him over and over again. When Nathan who had never been with a man before, while in and out of consciousness saw what was happening, his spirit weakened. His sister’s husband had taken advantage of his body and violated him in the worst way.
When Tyrone was done, he cleaned him up and put him in the guestroom as if nothing happened. The next morning when Shannon arose to greet her brother, she saw he was gone. He never even told her why. Her sadness turned into anger and she eventually counted her brother’s actions as another way to prove he didn’t care about her or her feelings.
A year afterwards, Nathan dove deeper into drugs doing whatever he could to take his life. And when he was finally sentenced to rehabilitation after going on top of a department store roof naked, claiming snake people were trying to kill him, his life changed for the better. The first thing he did when he was sober was attempt to right the wrongs in his life. He started with telling their mother about the rape, so that she could warn his sister about her husband. His mother believed him and pled with Shannon to file for a divorce. But she stood by her husband and swore he could never do something so heinous. She never spoke to her brother again.
“Okay baby. I’ll try to put somethin’ together, based on what I got with me anyway. But you know I don’t live my life like that anymore. I’m openly gay now, Shannon.”
“Who fault is that? Yours or mine?”
“Shannon, it’s nobody’s fault. I just don’t want to give you the wrong impression when I come over. Although I want to spend time with my family, we can’t be like we were anymore.”
Silence.
“Tyrone, I said my piece. I’ll see you when you get here.”
“What the fuck is he doin’ here, Shannon?” Grace screams at her daughter when she opens the door to see Tyrone standing there. “This monster violated my son…your brother…and you allow him into your home?”
“Mother this is my house and I do what I want! Plus I’m not trying to hear my brother and all them lies he be tellin’ you! He been on drugs so long he don’t know what’s goin’ on no more.”
Tears streamed down Grace’s face and she yells, “Baby, this man is sick! Look at him…he comes in here with no shoes, wearing smeared makeup all over his face and jeans so tight I doubt if he has balls anymore! When are you gonna open your eyes?”
“I don’t care, mama! He’s my husband!” She yells louder. “And so what…what if he is gay? You can hate a person because of that?”
“Gay I don’t have a problem with, Shannon! But a rapist and a cheater is another story! ‘Especially when my daughter is involved with one.”
“Mrs. Holbrook-”
“Don’t you Mrs. Holbrook me, mothafucka! Don’t you ever speak to me again!” She says pointing at Tyrone. “Shannon,” she continues in a much softer and caring tone than before, “you can’t have him around you. You have to let him go. Look at your son…”
“Go in the room, Tyrone. I have to talk to my mother alone.” When he’s gone she says, “That’s right, mother. Look at my son! And then take another look at the man you just disrespected back there because believe it or not, he
is
his father.”
Silence.
Grace lowers her head, stands up straight and says, “I’m done. Have it your way. I just hope you live long enough to remember the day your mother warned you.” She grabs her purse and walks out the front door.
After arguing with her mother for over an hour, all Shannon wanted was sexual relief. She tried to fuck him but he wouldn’t get hard. She wasn’t going to let that stop her though.
“Oooohhh, kiss it for me like that,” Shannon moans as Tyrone spreads her legs and licks her wetness. “I love when you do it like that.”
As a woman, Shannon was very attractive. Her thick legs and small waist turned heads every time she walked down the street. But that was just his problem, her body reminded him constantly what he really wanted was a man. His disgust for her grew so bad that toward the end of their marriage, he demanded that she allow him to penetrate her from behind, so he wouldn’t have to see her angelic face. She accepted because it was the only way to keep him in her life.
Shannon was so entrapped in his touch, that she pulled his head toward her wet mound and pushed her wetness against his face.
“Shannon,” he says clutching her wrists, “don’t grab the back of my head. You know I don’t like that.”
“I’m sorry,” she says looking down at him, “it just feels so good and it’s been so long. I’ll try to be careful. Just don’t stop. Keep flickin’ that tongue.”
As her head drops back to the pillow, she moves her hips wildly to get back the feeling she lost when he stopped. But this time something was wrong. Tyrone felt his stomach rumble and a bitter taste fill his mouth.
“Are you okay?” she asks noticing he wasn’t performing the same.
“I…I…” his sentence was cut short as he spewed vomit all over her vagina.
Aggravated, she leaps off the bed and he runs to the bathroom to finish releasing the cheese steak sub he ate at a rundown carryout a few hours earlier. With both hands on the rim of the cold toilet bowl, he feels his stomach buckle with pain.
“Are you okay?” she says entering the bathroom to clean herself off in the sink. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine and I know you had a long day.” Placing her foot on the edge of the tub, she wet a washcloth to wipe herself. “I’ll give you a few minutes so you can start again. I was almost there, silly,” she continues rubbing his back.
“You gon’ need to give me a longer than a few minutes,” he manages to say looking up at her.
“Oh…well…I’ll be out there waiting.”
When she’s done she leaves him in the bathroom alone. Ten minutes later he walks into the bedroom.
“Shannon, I can’t do this anymore.” He says sitting on the bed next to her. “I can’t live this lie no more. It’s gotta stop here.”
“But why?”
“As much as I want to please you, I just can’t fuck you no more.”
“I know you feel that way right now, but if we can just get counseling, I know we can make things work.”
“You not listenin’ to me, sweetie. I’m gay!”
“But you’re married to me!” she says touching his arms. “Look, honey, I’m willin’ to understand that part of your life. Just don’t remove the part from your world that includes me.” She says rubbing his back again. “Remember when use to fuck at my house and you liked it?”
“The key word is
use
to. Look at me! And then look at your house! My pictures are everywhere around here!” he says grabbing one which sits next to the bed. It was taken on the day of their wedding. “Can’t you see we aren’t the same? I’m not the same man in this picture, Shannon!”
“I still love you anyway, and I don’t think of you like that.” She says placing the picture down. Tears roll down her face. “Maybe if you stopped hanging around your friends as much, we could work on our marriage. I know I can please you if you just give me a chance.”
Tyrone grows frustrated but he doesn’t know what to do. Part of him, the selfish part, loves that she is so committed that no matter what, she’d still be by his side. And the other part, the part that is disgusted by their lives together wishes she just move on.
“You believe what you wanna believe.”
When Tyrone gets up to walk out of the room to sleep in the guestroom she says, “If you want to sleep here…you will fuck me. And you will fuck me like you love me. You owe me that!”
Tyrone turns around and looks at her in disbelief. Her love for him was so strong it left her obsessed.
“What?” he says.
“I think you know what the fuck I’m saying. Look at you…you’re in your late thirties, you can’t read or write and you’re homeless. Who the fuck will want you more than me?” she says cutting her eyes at him. “I’m there for you whenever you need me…give you money when you ask…take care of your son. But what about me? You mean to tell me that you can’t even lick my pussy like you love me? With all the dirty dicks you done sucked? My pussy is worse than theirs?”
“Shannon…”
“Shut the fuck up, Tyrone! No more excuses. You don’t get to call the shots right now, I do. Now if you wanna stay in my house, you will get in this bed and fuck me like I know you can,” she says wiping the tears from her eyes.
Tyrone considers his options briefly.
He has none.
So against his will, he walks slowly toward the bed.
“You still got the kit?” he asks in a low voice. Having gotten her way, she hops off the bed and removes a brown plastic bag from underneath the mattress. Like it was second nature, she removes an old worn out poster of LL Cool J with his ripped up abs exposed and places it on the wall. Then she goes in her closet, grabs a red varsity jacket and baseball cap and places them on. Not a strand of her shoulder length hair shows.
With her ass pointed in his direction, she gets on her hands and knees and spreads her legs. At first glance, she looks like a young boy waiting to be fucked and it works for him.
Focusing on the poster he did what he had to do. But if he were smart he’d realize that anyone that dedicated to one person was mentally off balanced, and he needed to run and fun fast.