Missing Your Smile (28 page)

“Hello, Maurice,” Susan said.

“Susan is Amish,” Teresa said. “She's the woman I've been telling you about. And Susan's going to take my baby to Amish country. Just think about it, Mom! He's going to grow up to be a real honest Amish man. And I might even get to see him someday—when he's big and all grown up.”

“Teresa always has her head in the clouds,” Maurice said to Susan.

“Mom, I really
want
this for my baby!” Teresa exclaimed.

Maurice set the bag on the table. “Whew! That bag doesn't have much in it, but it's heavy after the walk from the store.”

“We don't have much money for groceries,” Teresa explained.

“And food stamps don't go as far as you think,” Maurice said.

“Does the government help out with this place?” Susan asked.

“Yes, but you can see what it gets us. The landlord manages to keep the inspector away somehow. If this place was up to code, we couldn't afford it.”

“That's why I have to get a better life for my child,” Teresa said.

“Her boyfriend, Charlie, wants the child gone,” Maurice said. “But Teresa won't do that.”

“Abortion is murder,” Susan said. “Teresa understands that.”

“Those words don't go over well in this part of town,” Maurice said. “Look at us, at where we live. The law says abortion is a woman's choice. That's good enough for me. Besides, I'm not the one who went and got pregnant.”

“Mom!” Teresa said. “Don't talk like that. You had
me
.”

“I know, dear. And I'm not sorry I kept you! That was a good choice I made. One of the few.”

“We'd like to help in some way,” Susan said. “My boss, Laura, and I. That's why I came over…to see what we could do to help Teresa.”

Maurice laughed. “So you really are an Amish woman? I don't know that I ever met one before. Not in
this
neighborhood!”

“I
was
Amish. I'm joining the
Englisha
world right now.”

“She has contact yet with her folks back home though,” Teresa said. “She can find an Amish couple for me.”

“Is this true?” Maurice asked. “That you still have contact. I mean, don't they
shun
you if you leave? Isn't that the word the TV used—‘shun'?”

“No, I'm not in the
ban
.”

“Well, then,” Maurice said, a smile spreading across her face. “I must say I'm surprised by my daughter. I never really thought she'd find an Amish person to take her child. I'm sure not going to raise another child in this place—or in any other place. And Teresa doesn't want the government's Child and Family Services involved, so that left us in a bit of a pickle.”

“Mom,” Teresa said, “I've been telling Susan all about me.”

Maurice ignored her. “Ever since Teresa saw the thing they did on TV about the Amish, she can't get enough about the Amish. She'll stay up all hours of the night for a chance to watch that movie…what's it called? Oh yes—
Witness
. And what was the other one?
For Richer or Poorer
. Oh, I did get all misty at the end of that Harrison Ford one. How they all gathered around at the end to protect each other. Yes, that did make me cry a little.”

“But…” Susan took a deep breath. “I can't promise anything. I know what Teresa asked me to do, but I can't take the child myself. I don't know about adoption. The Amish don't adopt many children. They usually have plenty of their own.”

“Why are you here if you're not taking the child?” Maurice asked.

“Trust me, Mom,” Teresa said. “Susan is going to find my boy a home.”

Susan cleared her throat. She needed to speak up now. If she didn't, this moment would come back to haunt her. Teresa obviously wouldn't listen to her denials, but Maurice likely would. Things would have to be made clear.

Facing both women, Susan said, “As I said, Laura and I want to help. But adoption is beyond my ability to promise. I can't say that will happen. I'm sorry.”

“Did you hear that, Teresa?” Maurice looked at her daughter.

“Mom, please! She
is
going to help me!” Teresa insisted.

Maurice softened her voice and said, “Listen, honey. I don't want to see you hurt and disappointed again. You have to face facts. You can't live on false hopes like this. That's what you did with Charlie. You thought he'd marry you, and you and he would be happy ever after. But it just doesn't happen that way in real life. That's something I know a bit about. The fact you have to face is that I cannot and will not raise your child. I've humored you about this because I've never seen you want something so bad. But if this Amish woman can't promise an Amish home for your child, then you're going straight down to that pregnancy center to see if they will help you arrange an adoption here.”

“Mom, I
can't
. Please! He is my child, and I can't do that to him. I don't want him growing up in the world I live in.”

“He won't be in your world, child,” Maurice said. “They can find a nice, upright home. Or you can still let Charlie arrange the…”

“No!” Teresa said. “I will not kill my son!”

“Listen to me. With your child gone, Charlie will come back to you. Think what that would be like. He'd hold you in his arms again and love you. We'd have a real man in the house again. And maybe you could marry him someday, Teresa.”

“He wants to kill our boy,” Teresa screamed. “How can I love such a man?”

“By coming to your senses, that's how!” Maurice said. “Jerk yourself out of that dream world of yours! Either arrange for an adoption or end the pregnancy. There are no other choices. And you need to decide now. I know you. Once that baby pops out, I know you won't want to give him up. So you're either going to let Charlie handle this or you're going to put this child up for adoption locally. This Amish thing is a pipe dream of yours that's obviously not going to happen.”

Teresa collapsed into a chair, her arms spread across the table. She sobbed onto the dirty tabletop.

Susan tried to move, but everything felt frozen in place. She shouldn't even be here. She had absolutely no business being in this place. So how had this happened? How in the world could she ever do what Teresa wanted her to do? That was expecting way too much.

Seeing her daughter's pain, Maurice went over and wrapped her arms around Teresa. “You're such a dreamer, my little darling. You know I love you, but this has gone on long enough. The world is what it is, and we can't make it anything else. All this talk about God and how He helps people. It's good talk. I've played along with you because I hoped too, I guess. I hoped that maybe God would hear you and give you what you really want. But, sweetheart, it's not happening. It's just not.”

Both women were in tears, and Susan found herself also unable to hold her emotions in check. Through her own tears, she heard herself say, “I'll do it.”

Maurice went silent, turning to study her.

Teresa didn't move.

“You will take the child?” Maurice asked.

“I will write home,” Susan said. “I will tell them Teresa's story, and they will ask around. That's all I can promise.”

“So what do you think, Teresa?” Maurice asked. “Is that good enough for you?”

Teresa's shoulders shook, but she made no sound.

“That's good enough for now,” Maurice said moments later. “The baby isn't due yet. Why don't you see if God will answer my little girl's request? If the way she prays is any indication, that letter will be answered right back with good news.”

“Okay.” Susan swallowed hard, feeling the burden of her promise. The whole situation now lay on her shoulders, heavier than a hamper full of wash. Why had she ever thought herself capable of coming here to help? It had seemed so simple, so right, back at the bakery. And now she had promised to write a letter home with a very strange request.

“Is that okay with you, honey?” Maurice asked, running her fingers through Teresa's hair.

Teresa nodded, her head still buried in her arms.

“Do you need any other help with the care of the child?” Susan asked, taking a deep breath. “That is why I came over in the first place. Teresa needs to see a doctor again, I'm sure, and Laura is willing to arrange it and pay for it. Is that okay?”

“Is that okay, honey?” Maurice asked.

Teresa's head moved up and down again.

“Anytime then,” Maurice said, answering before Susan asked. “God knows we're not going anywhere.”

“I'll go now,” Susan said. “I'll let you know what Laura can arrange.”

She left quietly as both mother and daughter embraced. The stairs were silent on the way down. Susan paused outside to make sure she could find this place again. She whispered the number above the door under her breath and then found her way back to the bakery.

S
usan entered the bakery to find the lunch line forming.

“It took longer than I expected,” Susan whispered, slipping behind the counter.

“Don't forget your apron,” Laura said.

“Right. I almost forgot.” Susan looked down at the still unusual sight of polka dots down the front of her dress. She grabbed an apron and thoroughly washed and dried her hands before returning to the counter.

The next two hours both women worked steadily as customers came in for a simple lunch snack of their favorite pastries and coffee. As soon as one party left, Laura or Susan had to hurry out to bus the table for the next set of customers wanting a table.

Finally, just after two thirty, the rush died down.

Susan sat catching her breath as Laura poured two cups of coffee.

“We need a break!” Laura announced. “And we'd better take it while we can. Besides, I'm anxious to hear about your visit to Teresa's.”

“The place they live in is awful,” Susan said. “I've never seen anything like it before. Of course, how would I? I've lived on the farm in the country all my life.”

“I imagine the country has its dumps too,” Laura said. “But they might not be near an Amish community. Now tell me, how are we to help Teresa?”

“I met her mother, Maurice. She's still skeptical of any way this can work out well. I think she wanted Teresa to take up the baby's father's offer to abort the child, but Teresa knows better. As to how we can help, I'm afraid Teresa really wants me to find an Amish couple to take the baby. To my own shock, I agreed to at least write
Mamm
and
Daett
and have them ask around.”

“Do you think someone will step forward and take the child?”

“I really don't. But how could I tell Teresa that? It would break her already hurting heart. But I had to offer to try. Everything went by so fast. Both Teresa and her mother were in tears. I just couldn't walk out with the girl's heart broken. She's apparently seen stories about the Amish on TV and thinks that would give her child the perfect life she never had.”

“So the mother and daughter played on your emotions?”

Susan shrugged. “They got to my emotions all right, but I don't know about playing. It seemed pretty genuine.”

“You do have to be careful, dear. We
Englisha
have our characters,” Laura said. “And I wouldn't put much past people if they get their minds set on something.”

Susan wondered if perhaps she was being hoodwinked—acting like a country bumpkin who couldn't see through the scam. She decided to trust Teresa's story.

“I'm still going to write home,” Susan said, “and see if they know anybody from the community who wants to adopt. It's a long shot because it's not like everyone has a lack of children. The children are all wanted among the Amish—but wanted as
Da Hah
gives them. And that's not usually through adoption.”