_________________________
Tanner is on the front porch sitting in a rocking chair, waiting on me, when I pull up and park my Jetta. The whole way here the thought of telling him how I feel has me jittery. A nervous energy bubbling in my blood. I take a deep breath, still secluded in my car before stepping out.
When I do, he’s at my door with a destructively sexy smile, “Hey, Belle.”
I’m caught off guard that he called me by the nickname only Jess uses. He’s been so consistent and insistent with using my full name that I’ve grown to love hearing it fall from his lips.
“Belle? Since when did you start calling me that?”
Something flashes in his eyes, sincerity and panic mixed together. “I like the way it rolls off my tongue, too,” he says playfully. “You hungry?”
“Yeah, a little.” I hate that he’s left me in the dark again.
“I have something for us.” He clutches my hand leading me to the barn.
“What does the barn have to do with food?” I’m totally confused.
He still hasn’t answered me, which is driving me insane, and he’s chuckling in amusement knowing it is. Am I in for a treat of hay for dinner, or are we riding bareback into the city and tying up to a freaking street post or something?
“Watch your step.” He points up to a wooden ladder that I’m apparently supposed to climb. I press my lips at him, arching my eyebrow. There’s that chuckle again. “I’ve been so busy with work and indulging myself with you every spare second I get that I’ve forgotten to show you something. You’re going to love it. Now, up you go.”
The hay under my feet pads the floor, making it feel almost like a gymnastic dance floor. Bales of sweet smelling hay are stacked from floor to ceiling and in the middle, there’s an opening cleared out. Boxes of Chinese takeout are placed on a hay bale in the center with two beers directly beside it. I like wine, but prefer a beer. Thankfully, Tanner agrees with me.
“What’s this?” I wrench my head to him. He doesn’t say a word while stepping past me, mischief in his eyes. He unlatches a door and pushes. Holy hell, it’s beautiful! The sun is setting, painting an astonishing country portrait as it drops behind the trees in the distance splashing the sky with purple and outlining the orange clouds with yellow.
“Tanner…” I trail off unsure what the right word should be to describe it. Stunning, amazing, beautiful, breathtaking…they all seem inadequate.
He steps in behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist resting his head on my shoulder. It feels good, like home. When I was seventeen and needed to get away from the world, I would drive to a road that ended in a cul-de-sac surrounded by the lake. That was my home. It felt surreal, humbling, and relaxing. I could think about anything I needed to and by the time I left, I felt ready to take on the world. He feels like my home.
Now is a good time to open up and let him know how I feel, but when I turn to him, he speaks first.
“Let’s eat.” And just like that, the courage to tell him dwindles away.
I eat in silence pondering how I’m going to do this. I haven’t said the
L
word
in four years and being a hopeless romantic who’s read too many romance novels, blurting it out doesn’t sound like a good plan.
“I used to come out here almost every night to see this,” he says pulling me away from my thoughts. The sun has departed behind the trees and the moon and stars have begun to shimmer as night approaches.
“I don’t think I would ever retreat to my bedroom if I had this view,” I tell him. “This is beautiful.”
He scoots closer to me throwing his arm over my shoulder and pulling me into his chest. He’s sticky, like he’s too hot and his heart is pounding fiercely against my face.
“You okay?” I turn up to him.
He pulls air into his lungs slow and long and wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans. The moonlight that has now brightened the sky around us gives me enough light to see the worry in his eyes. Seeing an uneasy look in his eyes twists something in my gut.
“You’ve been in my life for a little over two months and in that time you’ve managed to engulf my heart and mind with only you.” My breath is held, trapped in my lungs. He swallows hard before continuing, “I love you, Samantha.”
It takes everything I have not to cut flips across the loft. Air slams out of my chest and moisture pools in my eyes, spilling over onto my cheek. “I love you too,” I answer breathless.
He wipes the joyful tear from my face with his thumb and places a delicate kiss on my forehead, “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, but honestly those words frighten the hell out of me. I didn’t want to go another day without you knowing how I felt.” His breath washes across my face, his words enter my soul. He loves me. If he only knew how long I felt it without saying it and how scared I was. Jess was right, we’re chicken shits.
Chapter 21
We lay naked on the hay in the darkness of the loft with the night sky shining down on us. Tanner has been drawing circles on my thigh for fifteen minutes sending cold chills dancing across every part of my skin. After he told me he loved me, he showed me by making incredible love to me, taking his time and savoring every last inch of me.
“You called me Belle earlier because you love me.” I smile remembering the flicker of panic when I called him out on it. I should have known then, but I was too caught up with my own nervousness.
“You’re too smart for your own good. It’s frivolous I know, but it was a test to see if I could say it.”
I prop myself up on my elbow facing him, resting my head in my hand, “You were that nervous?”
“Much more than you know. I had a hunch you felt the same, but I didn’t want to ruin what we have if my assumptions were wrong. I was petrified that if you didn’t this would have been my last night with you.”
My phone chimes. Leave it to my phone to ruin a great moment! Tanner reaches over and checks the ID. “It’s Jess,” he says handing it to me.
Okay, nosey much?
Jess: Sam. Call me ASAP!!
There’s not a lot that Jess uses ASAP for, so when I slide my thumb and hit her name, my pulse is closing my throat.
The phone only rings twice before she picks up in a panic. “Sam! You got another one.”
Tanner perks up to his elbows hearing Jess’ scream in my ear, “Another letter?” he asks.
“It’s just like the one you received a few weeks ago. Oh fuck, this is scary shit!” I can hear Jess pacing the floors in her heels.
I jerk sitting up, “Open it up. What’s it say?”
I hear her rip open the envelope and unfold paper. “Oh my God,” she gasps.
“What does it say, Jess?” I hiss. This dramatic slow shit is about to kill me.
“Samantha,” she begins reading slowly, “You shouldn’t be with someone like Tanner. You have it coming for you.”
Everything becomes slow motion. I see Tanner’s mouth moving, but there’s no sound. Matter of fact, there’s no sound around me except the quick breaths I’m taking.
Tanner puts his hands on my face. “Samantha!” His voice screeches through my ears. “What is it?”
I blink. “They know about you.”
“Me?” he says surprised and jerks the phone out of my hands, “We will be there shortly…I’m coming with her…She’s going to call the police…Jess she’s fine, she’s with me…Yeah…Bye.” By the time he hangs up, he’s completely dressed waiting on me. “Get dressed now,” he orders in a guttural tone I’ve never heard him use.
_________________________
A husky man in a brown suit that probably should have been tailored a size bigger, or three, sits across from me pulling out a pen and paper. “Miss Beckman, I’m Detective Bennell.”
“Hi.” I force out. I’m not excited to be in this situation. This is what you see on TV when the person looks into the camera and says, “I didn’t think it could happen to me.” I’m now that person. Great.
“Do you have an idea who this could be?” He never takes his eyes off the letters to see me raise an eyebrow and roll my eyes at him.
If I did, I would have told you earlier, dipshit.
I shake off my rude thoughts. He’s only here to try to help me. “No.”
“Miss Beckman, I need you to think hard. Anyone made a pass at you? Maybe someone you ran into at the grocery store? Someone at work? Nothing is too small in this situation.”
“What about Logan?” Jess pipes in from the oversized chair in the corner.
I can feel Tanner’s eyes piercing me, but I don’t acknowledge him. I have never brought Logan up to him. He wasn’t important, a two-week date, so I never thought about it.
“What is Logan’s last name?” the detective asks.
“Starkes…but I don’t think it’s him,” I answer.
“Sam, think about how that situation with him played out.” Jess is killing me over here.
“How what situation played out? I need to know about anyone, Miss Beckman. These letters are more than threatening if you ask me, so no one should go unchecked,” Detective Bennell says.
If Tanner wanted to know, he’s about to get an ear full whether I’m ready or not. I take a deep breath, and before I can speak, Detective Bennell chimes in.
“Ma’am if you would feel more comfortable with him out of the room,” he nods toward Tanner, “I can—"
“No,” I interrupt him before he makes the whole room uncomfortable. “He’s fine.”
Tanner places his hand on mine, a touch that both calms me and makes me feel safe. “Long story short, we dated for a few weeks. He developed feelings for me quickly, ones that I didn’t share. This upset him and he cussed me. I tried walking away, but he grabbed me. I smacked him and ended up running away.” Short and simple, but from the detective’s face, that isn’t good enough.
“What happened after you ran away?” the detective asks.
“I came home and Jess took me to a club.” I flashed Tanner a lopsided smile. Hopefully, he doesn’t think he’s the rebound. I didn’t have anything to rebound from.
“Could these letters be something he would write?”
“No. He tried contacting me a few times after that night but finally he left me alone. He actually works for one of the contractors our company is affiliated with. I’ve spoken to him a few times, but only in regards to work. He’s never said anything out of line.”
“What about zombie vampire guy at work?” Jess yet again, pipes in but this time it makes my mind wonder. He is a creep. He acted nice the day I found the letter on my car, and that’s completely opposite of every gene in his body.
“Jeff. I can’t think of his last name.” I reply before the detective could ask me a million and four questions.
“Drazen.” Tanner informs us.
Detective Bennell jots down a few things in his notepad then raises his eyes to Tanner with curiosity in his deep brown eyes, “What about you, sir?”
Tanner’s head jerks back surprised. “What about me?”
“Where exactly do you fit into this picture?” he says, twirling his pen in the air. “Why would the letter mention you?”
Tanner’s demeanor stiffens. He pulls his shoulders back and clenches his jaw. “Miss Beckman is my girlfriend, sir.”
“Tanner, what is your last name?”
Tanner’s eyes narrow at the detective, “With all due respect, I will not be a part of this interrogation. If you’re going to assume I have anything to do with this malarkey, then you obviously need a refresher on your detective skills.”
Both Jess and I turn toward him, mouths gaped open. Did he really just insult the officer? Detective Bennell doesn’t seem fazed. He doesn’t flitch. He doesn’t blink. A smile ticks at his lips. “Sir, I assure you that my seventeen years as a detective keep me refreshed. I’ve seen some bizarre things throughout my career. Spouses and companions are always first suspect.”
“If you need an alibi, you are in presence of one. I have been with Miss Beckman on many of the occasions. I cannot possibly be in two places at once. I assure you I have her well-being in my interests.” That possibly could have been the sweetest, most uncomfortable moment I have ever experienced in my life. Who knew that sweet Tanner could be that curt?
Chapter 22
After the detective left, Tanner refused that I stay at my apartment tonight alone. I started to argue that Jess would be alone, but she nipped it in the bud when she reminded me she had Marty. I didn’t argue with Tanner either. I don’t know how I feel about being alone, but I don’t want to find out. Plus, being wrapped in Tanners arms…there’s no other place I really want to be.
“What are you thinking about, Samantha?” Tanner asks watching me stare at the fogged up wine glass in my hand. The moment I agreed to stay with him, his hot tub that is on the balcony off his bedroom started calling my name. Tanner loved the idea, and since being in here, my calves and feet have been rubbed by his magical hands.
I’ve replayed the afternoon in my head so many times that I could account how many breaths he took while he stiffened up and was defensive toward the detective. “I’ve never heard you so business-like…so hard-lined.”
“I’m that way when I need to be. My job requires it.”