Oh yes, the job. The one thing he refuses to talk about. “What do you do there?” I edge at the topic.
“I work, Samantha. Push papers and sit in dull meetings.”
And again I’m shut down. “Why don’t you like to talk about work?”
“Because it’s work.” he says in a low voice, digging his thumbs into the heels of my feet. I wonder if it’s his way of telling me to get off the subject. The secrecy in his deep blue gems gives nothing away and truth be told, I’m starting to get pissed that I don’t know anything about what he does at Weston. Maybe I have a better position and he feels beneath me? Surely, he knows me better than that. I know I’m higher up on the totem pole being the COO’s assistant, but I wouldn’t ever look down on someone in a lower position than me. I got my position purely out of luck and an amazing best friend.
Feeling the annoyance start to grow into anger, I excuse myself with a lame excuse of being tired and ready for bed. I’m sure he didn’t buy it, but he didn’t protest either. We both change and slide into bed at the same time. He grabs me by the waist and pulls me into him allowing my head to rest on his chest, a place that feels perfect like it was made for me. I listen to the slow steady thump of his heartbeat and it begins to lull me.
“I love you,” he whispers into my hair.
“I love you,” I say on the edge of sleep.
_________________________
The smell of coffee consumes my senses and forces my eyes to flutter open. The sight before me is to die for. Tanner is knelt down beside the bed level with my line of sight holding a cup of coffee with a lethal smile. I definitely could get use to this.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” he says.
“Mmmm…” I groan stretching my limbs.
“Drink this before you turn into an ogre,” he laughs amused by my manner of plainly hating mornings.
“What time is it?” I take a slow sip of coffee noticing the room is light from the morning sun shining through the white curtains.
“It’s eight o’clock. I have some things I have to attend to. You’re welcome to stay here if you want. I’ll be gone for a few hours.”
It’s when he stands, I see that he’s not in his “downed” attire but dressed for work in a black suit with a blue stripped tie. “Where are you going? Are you going to church?” I scan him over, top to bottom.
He looks down at his clothes and back at me, “I wish I had time for church, although that’s not a good reason not to go. I have some things I have to do across town.” There’s something in his eyes. Apologetic, guilt, confidential information, I don’t know, but I don’t like it. He checks his silver watch, “I have to get going. I’ll call you later.” He places a soft brisk kiss on my forehead and turns for the door. “Lock the door behind you if you leave,” he says over his shoulder.
_________________________
I didn’t feel comfortable being at Tanner’s without him. There was just something about sitting there unsure of anything I could do, or what I could touch, so I came home. Jess and I have spent the day sitting on the couch catching up on all the dumb reality TV shows that we’ve missed in my absence with Tanner. Somehow, we find pleasure in watching women begging men to love them, backwoods rednecks catching wild animals, and adults partying and acting like complete idiots. I don’t like the sappy love stuff, but these guys catching raccoons crack me up.
My phone chimes alerting me to a text. It’s a little after 9:30 at night and I’m very aware that it hasn’t gone off all day.
Tanner: Sorry so late. I’m home. Horses then heading to bed. See you tomorrow. I love you.
He left his house this morning telling me he was going to be gone for only a few hours. He said he was going across town. Which town did he cross?
Me: Looking forward to it. Good night. Love you.
I have to be honest and say it stung a little, but I’m not mad that he hasn’t contacted me at all today. I’m looking forward to seeing him tomorrow. He does strange things to my senses. My ups are downs, lefts are rights, and my insides are always tightening.
Chapter 23
I arrive at work right on time, making it just inside the door before the sky opens its wrath of pouring rain on me.
“Sam!” Dana yells out just as I was about to enter into my office. “I have something for you.” She’s already heading toward me, stretching out a white envelope to me.
Anxiety swarms my body as I reach out to grab the venom she holds in her hand. It’s heavier and thicker than the others. My eyes flash up to hers and I fake an appreciative smile. “Do you know who delivered this?”
“No, I don’t. It was in the mail from the weekend.” She offers a tight smile, and for a minute I begin to wonder if she knows there’s something more, something evil going on, but then her eyes soften.
“Okay thank you, Dana.” I smile again, turning with a heavier than usual poison in hand.
Yet again, there are no clues of who it’s from. My name is typed and just as the others, the stamp is crooked. Strangely, it doesn’t bear the post office’s mark of shipment making the stamp insignificant. I debate on calling the detective first but curiosity is hanging my cat. I tear open the envelope careful not to destroy anything it may hold. I unfold a paper containing twenty, maybe thirty, names of women with my name at the end of the list. Then I pull out something wrapped in white tissue.
I gasp loudly, my hand shooting up to my mouth. My stomach sinks and bile starts growing in my throat. Pictures. Tanner in suits at different places, and even worse, with different women. He’s kissing some, holding others by the waist, and smiling in most. The urge to get sick is so overwhelming that I have to take slow breaths to keep from losing my breakfast. I flip through them, each one shattering me more. I pause at the last picture. I’m tiptoed on my front entrance placing a kiss on his cheek, his eyes are closed, and he’s in a suit.
Hurt and fear pang in my chest. I fumble through the company directory to call him, but he isn’t listed and for that damned matter there isn’t a Smith in it. I send him a text with uncontrollably shaky hands. If he’s seeing these women behind my back, I’m done. The hell with him.
Me: I need to talk to you.
I feel nauseous when I enter into Adam’s office desperate not to throw up on his floor.
His green eyes widen at the sight of me, “Sam. Are you okay? You are extremely pale.”
Swallowing the acid in my throat, I take in a breath of air. “Sir, I’m sorry to ask, but may I be excused for the day? I am not feeling well.”
“Sure. Please. Go home and get some rest.” His tone laced with worry.
I’ve checked my phone at least a hundred times on my ride home waiting for Tanner’s text only to be let down time and time again. Nausea has subsided being replaced with anger. Fuck him for not returning my silent emergency text, and fuck him if he’s seeing these women. Oh God, what if he’s had sex with all of them. Am I just another to add to the list? I find this thought highly ironic remembering I was at the bottom of the list the envelope included.
The heat slaps hard against my already hot face when I step into my apartment which feels like a damn sauna.
The heating and air needs to get its shit figured out
, I think heading to the thermostat. Eighty degrees! What the hell? Turning it back down to seventy, I head back to the living room checking my phone again. His name is on my screen…finally!
Tanner: I will call you later. In a dull meeting.
“Screw that!” I sigh out loud halfway in a scream of anger. Maybe I should text him some pictures? No. I want to see his face. I need to know his expression the moment he sees these damned pictures. I begin to skim back through them trying to see if they’re dated, or if I recognize anyone. He’s helping women from his BMW, and some walking arm and arm down the sidewalk. The more I look at these damn things the more my blood boils. I decide enough is enough and call the best thing I’ve got.
“Jess Lindell.”
Thank God she answered.
“Jess,” I blurt so pissed my voice shakes.
“Sam? Are you okay?”
“No. I got another letter. This time at work.”
“What did it say?”
“It’s a fucking list of women and pictures of Tanner with other women.”
“Are they…um…” Years of friendship tells me her mind went straight to the gutter.
“No! I would seriously puke if I saw that.”
“That bastard better not be seeing anyone else!” she hisses. “Oh shit, Sam. Do you think that’s what he’s doing when he tells you he’s got things to do?”
Good going, Jess. Sunday immediately pops into my mind when he left in his suit, all dressed up never telling me exactly where he was going.
“Look, I’m not busy today. Jackie is out of the office. I’ll be home shortly.” Jess says interrupting my mortifying thoughts.
“You don’t have to.”
“You seriously didn’t just say that? This is serious, Sam. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit here and be bored while worried sick over you. I’ll be there shortly.” She hangs up.
My feelings are scattered all over the place along with the pictures on the coffee table as Jess scans them trying to decipher if they are recent or old. Seeing him with other women does something evil to my body. My gut is twisted, my head hurts, and my heart…well I think it completely closed up shop and went home. I know he’s got a past, but surely this can’t be
all
his past. They have to be friends…a lot of female friends, right? His truck is not in any of the pictures, only his BMW, and all the suits look familiar. His conversation about women only seeing the fancy side of him smacks me in the face. I blanch, close to losing control. Tears well up in the corners of my eyes. I slam them shut, leaning back on the couch taking deep long jagged breaths.
Chapter 24
I wake up to Jess snarling at someone at the door. “Does she know you were coming?”
All this emotional turmoil has got me out of it, completely exhausted, and I must have fallen asleep on the couch trying to investigate the pictures. Jess is waving her hand all over the place, blocking the door from opening with her body.
“What does that matter? She left work early. Is she okay?” Tanner says concerned.
“What the fuck is it to you?”
“What’s the problem, Jess?”
“Jess!” I yell from the couch, tired of hearing them bicker.
She pushes the door against him. “It’s Tanner.” She says this like I didn’t already know.
“So I hear.” I sit up raking my hands across my face, “Let him in.”
She presses her lips into a hard line, rolls her eyes, and then huffs loudly. When Tanner steps in, they exchange a look, hers murderous, his confused. He rushes past her not noticing the door slamming shut behind him.
Within seconds, he’s beside me brushing my hair out of my face. “Samantha, what’s wrong?”
My heart is all over the place. I’m pissed, I’m hurt, and most of all completely confused at how he could do this to me.
He stops touching me, his body tense. “Samantha, what is wrong?” He says slowly.
Determination flares through me. I grab the envelope off the table and shove it in his chest staring directly into his eyes. He takes the envelope without ungluing his eyes from me, confusion flickers in his azure marbles. Finally, he lowers them to the envelope. As he opens it up, I watch his expression turn from a concerned panic to something dark, something horrified.
“Where did this come from?” His voice is thick and low. I jerk up surprised at the audacity of him being furious with me. “Who gave this to you?” He growls.
“What the hell is it?” I ignore his question. “Explain this shit to me.”
He lowers his eyes back to the pictures, but when he raises them back to me they’re riddled with anguish. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Then what the hell is it? Are you seeing other women? Is that what the fuck this is?” I shoot up to my feet and slap everything from his hands, scattering it on the floor.
“No, Samantha, I’m not. I haven’t seen anyone since our first date.”
“Who is in the pictures then?” I slam my palms into his chest. “What the fuck do these names represent?”
He closes his eyes rolling his shoulders, “I’ll talk when you stop cussing me.”
I laugh, anger raging through me. “Are you fucking serious? Put yourself in my shoes!”
“I’m assuming someone is trying to drive a wedge between us.” His tone too business for my liking.
“You assume? That’s the best thing you can come up with? I could give a rat’s ass who sent it to me. I want an explanation from you about all this.”
He picks them off the floor, flipping through them again. He inhales deeply and meets my eyes, “Samantha, these pictures, they’re women I’ve dated.”
My heart sinks, breaking into shattered little pieces of sharp shards of glass. “And the list,” he continues, looking back to his hands “well— ”
“Exes?” I interrupt him.