“Yes, she’s a good one,” Adam says. I press my lips tight and narrow my eyes at Tanner before I lower my gaze again. He knows I’m a good one in all aspects, and as boss he should know my work is well done. Screw him for acting like he doesn’t know.
Thank the Lord above me, the meeting finally has started and all small talk about or to me has ceased. Adam has brought me to take notes, but my mind hasn’t sent the message to my hand. My thoughts are anywhere but here. It’s unsettling how he can stay so calm, and I’m inches from jumping off the nearest bridge. It also doesn’t help that every time I peer up through my lashes, his stare is on me. No one seems to notice, but my crawling sensations let me know very clearly.
Tanner seldom speaks during the meeting, but when he does, he’s very professional, so business-like. It takes me off guard reminding me about his double sided lies. Tanner Smith, whatever. It’s just work, whatever. Oh did I mention, I’m the fucking boss? Whatever.
I’m tired of the sensation of being stared at like a piece of meat dangling in front of hungry wolves.
I raise my head up slowly trying not to attract unwanted attention. “What the hell are you staring at?” I mouth. The bastard smiles at me. Rattled, I hurry and look back down. A smile creeps across my lips.
This is such a ridiculous situation
, I think to myself,
one that I should have known better about in the very beginning
.
Finally, this meeting has come to a close. I scramble, grabbing my things to rush out of here before I have to endure more small talk with the smiling bastard.
“You really impressed me with the things you snuck in the report,” Adam says as I stand readying myself for a bolt out the door.
“Thank you, sir.”
“I may start bringing you to all my meetings. You did a great job pointing out things I missed.”
“Well, sir, I am your assistant.
I’m
actually the one who babysits you.” I glance to Tanner.
“She has a point.” Tanner throws his two cents in.
“Well, gentlemen, I need to get going. I’ll see you tomorrow, Adam.”
Tanner and Adam begin speaking in hushed voices as I head for the door. My self-consciousness starts to flare her ugly head causing me to wonder if I have something on the back of my skirt.
“Sam?” Adam says, “Mr. Weston just informed me that you deserve a day off tomorrow for all the hard work you’ve done.”
I stop, debating if I should even turn, but my traitorous body does it on its own even though my brain screamed no the entire time it turned. I get an eye full of sexy Tanner with his hands in the pockets of his perfectly tailored dark charcoal grey suit, clinging to every delicious muscle, a boyish but mischievous shit eating grin pulling at his lips. It’s got to be illegal to look that good.
I narrow my eyes at him directing my question to Adam. “Oh did he now?”
“He agrees you are a dedicated worker and you deserve a day off,” Adam says.
“I assure you, both of you, that all my hard work hasn’t worn me out. I enjoy the challenges Adam gives me.” My cheeks are beginning to hurt from my fake tight smile I’m forcing.
“It’s there if you want it, Miss Beckman.” Tanner says nonchalantly like not a damn thing happened.
“Thank you,” I say through a gritted smile. “Good night, sir.” I turn on my heel and quickly head for the exit, but I swear the door is backing away from me.
“Miss Beckman, may I have a word with you?” Tanner asks firmly. I stop letting out a long sigh, dropping my shoulders. I can’t win with this man.
I silently beg Adam not to leave as he passes me bearing a smile. Unfortunately, he doesn’t hear girl code. I take back the sigh I let out earlier, taking a deep breath and turning around to confirm the feeling of him being too close. He reaches over my head and pushes the door shut, his eyes never leaving mine. As always when I’m around him, the world around me sinks into the background.
“How have you been?” His voice is soft like a feather across my face. I lower my gaze staring into the blue striped black tie that hangs from his neck. He’s too close for comfort, and now I’m surrounded by his woodsy mandarin cologne I’ve tried my best to forget.
“Good,” I clip.
“Why can’t you look at me?” I hear his over confident smile in his voice and my heart slips into my stomach.
Because I don’t want to get sucked into a trap by my heart that painfully misses every inch of you, even though I glued its pieces you destroyed back together
…let’s just keep that to myself.
“Tanner what do you want?” I ask his tie.
“I just wanted to check on you.”
I feel desperation start to settle in my chest. Being this close to him isn’t doing anything to help me keep my mind clear. Things get fuzzy around him. “I’m fine. Can I please go now?”
“Please look at me, Samantha.”
I’m apprehensive to comply with his compassionate urge, nervous which way my feelings are going to lead me, but I raise my head. His eyes graze over my face soaking in my features, steadying on my lips.
“I miss you,” he says in a whisper. I blink, scared to say anything. He raises his eyes back up, tilting his head to the side, “you miss me too.” This wasn’t said as a question. If he only knew.
“How can you possibly assume that?” I say nonchalantly.
“Your eyes,” he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. The touch of his fingers grazing the outer part of my ear send a blaze through my body, spreading into my heart, stealing the air from my lungs.
I close my eyes trying to regain my strength, my focus. “I need to get going, Tanner,” I manage past the lump in my throat.
“All I do is think about you, about us. You are constantly on my mind. I haven’t slept in my bed because your scent is still there. I can’t bring myself to wash it away. I can barely look at Belle,” he closes his eyes, “I’m empty without you.”
He’s so close to me that his breath washes over my lips and across my face. It takes all my strength not to run my tongue over my lips to taste him one more time.
“Tanner, I really need to get going.” I can’t stand here any longer. This is becoming too hard and painful. I left him without any more words from him, and I’m determined to not let this shatter me.
“Samantha—”
“You can’t do this!” I blurt out interrupting him, “This isn’t fair. I get myself together and then today I’m thrown into a meeting with you, being forced to be around you.”
“I had nothing to do with it. I was just as surprised as you were.”
“Now I’m back picking up pieces that I had placed perfectly in their spot. This isn’t fair.” Hot stings from my tears begin pooling up, threatening to spill over.
“Have dinner with me.” He didn’t ask but more demanded it.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I don’t see you in the elevator anymore,” he says.
“You’ve been watching for me?”
“I’ve been watching for weeks now,” he says quirking up the corners of his lips.
“I hate the elevator.”
“Why is that?” He smiles, humorous. He knows. Shit.
“You know why.”
“So what have you been doing?”
“The stairs.” Okay, when I say this out loud, it’s sounds silly.
“Samantha, I screwed up. But when I told you I loved you, I meant those three words more than I’ve meant anything in my life. Please have dinner with me. You can pick. Ask me anything, I’ll be completely honest with you,” he pleads.
“Then what? Jump back into your arms? Pretend that you’re not a lying asshole?”
He blinks at the jab, but remains determined and unfazed. “If you aren’t one hundred percent satisfied I’m being honest, I will never speak to you again other than here professionally.”
I say nothing, arguing with myself internally. I know being alone with him isn’t going to do me any justice.
“Please,” he adds.
Closure I remind myself. I need closure. I need to find out why the hell he had to lie to me. “Okay, when?”
“Right now.” He says matter-of-factly.
I jerk back. “Now?”
“Yes.”
“You pick, but I want somewhere we can talk and no fancy shit.”
“Of course,” he says.
“And not at your house.” I know that will end badly. I only have so much self-control.
“Deal. Ride with me.”
“Hell no.”
Is he crazy?
“Fine, then follow me.” He makes the final deal.
Chapter 31
I was a nervous wreck following him to the restaurant. I called Jess and informed her of what was happening. Her excitement rang through my ears. I’ve tried for weeks to get over this and she knows it, but she also knows how much I care for him. Right now, I’m taking a big risk that could destroy my hard work.
I’m thankful he brought us to Prime’s Restaurant & Bar and insisted the manager allow us to be alone in the patio section that was already closed. Anything fancy would have pissed me off.
He sits across the little table, confident yet nervous, happy yet sad. “Hungry?” he asks breaking the long, awkward silence that’s been hovering over us since we sat down.
“No.”
“Thirsty?”
“I’ll buy my own beer.” My tone is straightforward.
“As you wish,” he says.
We fall back to a nervous silence. No words. We don’t speak to each other when the waiter comes and takes our orders of beer only. While he’s fetching them, I never look up. I’m racking my brain, trying to figure out why exactly I agreed to this. I can feel his stare on me and it’s making me uncomfortable as hell. After waiting what felt like a slow death in eternity, the waiter brings our beers. I turn mine up taking a long impolite swig of it, trying to calm my nerves.
“Samantha?” Tanner says breaking the silence. “Talk to me, please.”
“Look, I’m nervous as hell. Give me a damn minute to let my beer help me out here.” I know I shouldn’t be mad at him still. I should be over it, but all the emotions are rushing back to me. He doesn’t flinch at my words and continues to watch me drink.
“I know I agreed to come, but now that I’m here, I don’t know why I did. I really don’t have anything to say.”
“I’ll give you my reason for wanting to come. I wanted to clear the air with you. You don’t have to worry about your job either. You do great work for the company. That’s business, this is personal,” he waves his hand between us.
It reminds me that the business is what he lied about, and why we’re here, sitting in the worst awkwardness there is. “Are you expecting us to get back together?” I’m hoping by my tone he understands I’m done, although I haven’t completely convinced myself of it.
“That is a trick question. Do I want us back together? Yes, with every ounce of me. Do I expect us to get back together? No.” His eyes drop to the table where his hands are.
“If you have no expectations of us getting back together then why clear the air?”
I order another beer before he can answer. The first one went down too fast, and I need another to keep working my calm.
When the waiter steps away fetching my beer, he answers my question, “Because I care about you and I don’t want you to walk away from me with any doubts.”
“I have no doubts. I know you’re a liar. Nothing to doubt about.” Okay, that was mean and this time he visibly flinches. I sigh trying to find something better, “Are you nervous at all?” He hasn’t showed any signs of being as unstable as I am.
“Petrified.”
“Well, I can’t tell. You seem so calm.”
“Do you want me to shake in my boots?” he arches a brow playfully.
“Might help some,” I giggle. “I feel like a mess over here and you appear completely confident.” I surprise myself by being able to crack a small joke. The waiter brings my beer, and I take another gulp of my liquid confidence.
“Start at the beginning, middle, or end. Pretend it’s ask Tanner twenty questions,” he chuckles. Oh how I’ve missed the rumble from his chest.
I roll my eyes trying to seem mad, wiping away the faint glimmer inside my chest. “Fine. At the beginning then. I’m assuming boss man knows his employees and that’s why you knew about me?” I cringe at boss man.
“Not at first. The first time I saw you in the elevator, I didn’t know who you were, so I looked. That’s how I found out you worked for Adam, your last name, and everything else in your file. Don’t assume I know everything. That’s HR’s job.”
“Where’s your office?”
A smile slides across his face, “Ironically, directly above yours.”
I’ve missed his smile, missed his voice, missed him—all of him. I feel myself becoming brittle. I look down to regain myself, but it doesn’t help. Tears gush over and I begin to cry.
“Samantha,” he says beginning to get up to move to me, but I shake my head and wave him away. I don’t need his pity. “Please don’t cry.”
“This isn’t fair to me,” I snub, “it hurts.”
“I didn’t ask you to come here to hurt you. Like I said, I want you to walk away with no doubts.” I wipe my eyes, but the tears continue to creep past the dam.