Moments of Clarity (25 page)

* * *

The bell rang and the students quickly ran out of the building and down the steps. Bumping into each other as they laughed and talked, some hurriedly boarded the buses that idled nose-to-nose behind each other in a circular formation. Others jumped into waiting cars, waving good-bye to friends whose rides hadn't arrived yet.

Sasha stood to one side of the building and waited. Eventually Tiara exited the glass doors, and with bent head, was digging into her purse, obviously searching for her car keys. Finally she withdrew a set of keys. Noiselessly, Sasha walked up behind her. “What did I ever do to you to make you want to destroy my happiness?” Her voice was harsh and her body language was warlike.

Whirling around to face her, Tiara's face registered shock and then fear.

Sasha noted to her immense satisfaction that fear that was the most dominant.

“You can't come on my job like this, Sasha.” Tiara groped for something else to say as she shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“Why did you do it? I want an answer and I want it now.”

Sasha looked Tiara up and down, and her eyes glittered in a way that Sasha had never seen before.

“I didn't make him sleep with me,” Tiara answered sharply.

“He didn't sleep with you,” Sasha retorted with certainty.

“Are you trying to tell me that you don't believe your own eyes?” Tiara's eyes snapped angrily before they slid away, unable to stand the accusations she saw.

“The man in the picture with you down on your knees isn't even Sexton.” Sasha's voice rose and attracted the interest of the remaining students at the curb.

A wary look crossed Tiara's face. Then she asked derisively, “How can you be so sure?”

“Sexton doesn't have a scar across the base of his neck. That's some other man you were probably pimping yourself to in order to get some cash.”

“You're turning on me because your man is a cheat!” Tiara exclaimed hotly.

“Sexton is not the cheat. You are!” Instead of Sasha's anger diminishing, it only flared more at Tiara's continued lies about Sexton. “You had somebody doctor those pictures or tell you how to.” Then even more contemptuously Sasha said, “In order to get the naked pictures of Sexton, you stole Calvin's key to Sexton's apartment, and again stole them in order to plant that tacky-ass blonde wig,” she ended scathingly.

Tiara quickly masked a look of consternation before blustering, “You're grasping at straws, Sasha.”

“No I'm not,” Sasha denied. “For the very first time, I see you for what you are.” Her eyes captured Tiara's, as if she could see into her very soul.

“Throughout our friendship you've always had to be the center of attention. If you had a steady boyfriend and I didn't, you were happy. If we both had boyfriends, but you thought yours was better, you were happy. The only reason you never interfered in my relationship with Abdul was because you felt that it wasn't going anywhere so you didn't feel threatened.”

“Shush, Sasha. People are watching,” Tiara said, furtively looking at the small crowd.

“Good, maybe they should know what kind of substitute teacher works here. I don't think that you should be around children. You're a horrible role model.”

The group of students watching the scene started laughing, amused to see a real life soap opera being acted out practically on the school's steps.

Tiara's body stiffened and she shot Sasha a look of arrogance. “That's not for you to decide.”

“Don't worry, Tiara,” she warned. “I'm not going to drop the dime on you. I know how much you need money since Peter dumped you,” she added snidely. “Stay away from me and stay away from Sexton. If you don't you'll be sorry,” Sasha advised with a cautionary tone in her voice before she turned to leave.

“I'm not afraid of you, Sasha. You're all mouth. You always have been.”

“Don't be too sure, Tiara.” She repeated her warning. “I'm at the end of my rope with you and your shenanigans.”

“All you had to do was cooperate,” Tiara added, exasperated. “You act as if there are a lot of eligible men out there. Calvin really liked you. You could have gone out with him and Sexton and I—”

Finally losing all control Sasha yelled, “Calvin is gay! Your brother is a homosexual. Don't you get that?”

The group of students now laughed so hard they didn't even try to pretend to hide it. Some were doubled over holding their stomachs.

Seeing this, Tiara became livid and spat out, “How dare you!” Then she lunged for Sasha.

Sasha quickly stepped to one side and avoided Tiara's attempt to assault her. When Tiara straightened, Sasha slapped her across the face with an open palm. The sound of the blow filled the air. Sasha stared at Tiara as she stood with her hand to her cheek and a stunned look on her face.

A young Hispanic teenager had his fist to his closed mouth but he yelled out from behind it, “Damn! Missy got smacked down.”

Very calmly, Sasha looked at Tiara, whose eyes were filled with shock and tears and said, “I warned you,” before she turned and headed to her car.

Chapter 21

Sasha lifted a shaky hand and dialed Sexton's number for the thirtieth time, hoping that this time it wouldn't go to voice mail.

Once it did, she tremulously spoke into the receiver, “Sexton, this is Sasha. I really need to talk to you. No apology is good enough for running out on you, but please give me a chance to explain. After that, if you don't want to see me again, I'll understand.” Then she dialed his home telephone number. The impersonal message, “The owner has put a block on his phone and is not receiving calls from this telephone number,” echoed in her ears.

Taken aback, Sasha dropped the phone as if it were a hot coal and it clattered onto the tile of the kitchen floor and broke into sections.

She stumbled to the bathroom. There she picked up a washcloth and ran cold water over it. After wringing it out, she stretched out on her bed with it on her forehead. Sasha lay in the darkness, cursing herself for her stupidity and cursing Tiara. At the thought of her, an intense hatred that she had never felt for another human being surfaced.
I'm not going to let her win
.

Sasha recklessly drove to Sexton's apartment. Once she parked her car in the garage next to Sexton's Escalade, she smiled hesitantly at Rudy when she noticed the look of surprise he tried to conceal once he saw her.

“May I go up?” She was afraid, and her expression showed it.

Rudy hesitated and then responded quietly, “Mr. Johnson went out a couple of hours ago and he hasn't returned yet.”

“Thank you,” she whispered despondently, now noticing that Sexton's Mercedes was missing.

As she drove out of the garage, her chest felt constricted and she couldn't breathe. She pulled into a vacant parking spot on the street, and bent her head in order to still an impending panic attack. Once the feeling passed, she lifted her head and saw Sexton driving into his garage with a woman she had never seen before. She was talking and he had a grin on his face in response to whatever she was saying.

“Oh, my God!” she spoke aloud before she opened her car door and shielding her face from the cars driving by, dropped her head and vomited. After she'd emptied her stomach, she continued to have dry heaves until all of her energy was spent.

Sasha moved her car to a parking spot at the entrance of the garage.
I don't want to make a scene. I don't even have a right to be here, so I'll wait. Once she leaves, I'll go back and try to explain.

She dozed off and woke up hours later. Using the darkness as her protection, she quietly crept from her car and walked towards the area where Sexton parked his automobiles and saw the Mercedes. Staring at them, she knew that he hadn't moved any of them.
He's still up there with her
. With tears coursing down her face, she returned to her car, turned the ignition key, gunned the gas pedal, and peeled off with screeching tires.

* * *

The next day, she sat on Desiree's sofa staring desolately at a cup of herbal tea. “I've tried to call him and he won't return my calls.”

Desiree stared at her bent head. “Make him talk to you.”

“I tried, but I saw him arriving home with another woman.”

“So what?” she gently scolded her. “I thought that you learned your lesson about jumping to conclusions.”

“I have, but I waited around and she never left. She stayed the night with him.”

Sasha's last words were muffled and Desiree could barely hear her. She gave Sasha a look filled with understanding. “I know that must hurt you, but it's to be expected that he'd turn to another woman for comfort. That doesn't mean he's over you.” Now she gave Sasha a stern look, “Maybe he's decided that you're too high maintenance and he prefers to be with a woman who appreciates him and doesn't doubt his integrity. There are a lot of good black men out there, Sasha. Don't doubt the love that he showed you.”

“I miss him so much, Sasha. I can't eat, I can't sleep.”

Desiree gave Sasha's slender form a once-over. “I can tell.” Sasha's bottom lip quivered and Desiree felt as if could see the pain she was feeling in her heart.

“I took some time off from work and I think that was a mistake. I've had too much time to sit and brood. I'm going back in tomorrow.”

“Are you going to try to see Sexton again?”

“Yes,” she answered. “He knows that I've been trying to talk to him from the numerous messages he's chosen not to return. I'm not ready to give up. I have to try to make him understand why I took off the way I did.”

Desiree placed her arm comfortingly around her sister's shoulder. “I know things look dismal, but Sexton wanted you from the first time that he saw you. Remember, I was there. I don't think that a person gets over a powerful attraction that grows into love in the short length of time you've been separated. After the two of you left Dominique's house we talked about the expression Sexton had in his eyes every time he looked at you. He didn't try to hide it or act as if he wasn't in love with you. And I've never seen you as happy or lighthearted with another man as you were with him. We knew that the two of you had something special.

“But you hurt him badly, Sasha. Now you have to get him to see you are still the person he fell in love with even though you made a terrible mistake by believing the worst about him. You know the kind of man he really is and you'll just have to do whatever it takes to get him back.”

Sasha drew in a deep breath filled with unhappiness and exhaustion. “I'm going to give him some more time to cool off.”

“Don't give him too much time,” Desiree cautioned. “My ex did that, and by the time he worked up the courage to see me I was already head over heels in love with another man, a man who I ended up marrying.”

As she left Desiree's house, Sasha was mindful of her advice and once again drove to Sexton's apartment. She knew that it was useless to try and call him again since he'd made it clear that he was not going to make himself accessible to her. Sasha was sitting at the light, waiting for the green, when she saw Sexton's Escalade driving down the ramp. Once again he was not alone. The same woman who had been in the car with him the previous night was in the car, grinning.

As Sexton drove past her, his eyes locked with hers, and then he coldly turned his head in the opposite direction.

Sasha dropped her head to let it rest on the steering wheel. She quelled tears, knowing they were no good to her. Only the honking of the cars behind her prodded her into action. Instead of pulling into the garage so that she could turn around she made a U-turn and ignoring the car horns of angry motorists, she drove in the direction that Sexton had gone.

The traffic was heavy as usual, but she easily spied Sexton's SUV ahead of her. There were several cars and a city bus between them, and while keeping a distance, Sasha craned her neck to not lose sight of them.

Suddenly, Sexton pulled out of traffic and parked in a space in front of the movie theatre they had frequented as a couple. Agilely, he jumped out of the driver's side and walked around and opened the door.

Traffic was now at a standstill and Sasha slid a little ways down in her seat, embarrassed at herself for spying.

Sexton held his hand out, and smiling at him with a loving look, the woman placed hers in his. Sasha could see that the woman was unusually tall and stood eye level to Sexton. As they walked together towards the entrance of the movie theatre, Sasha watched dazed as the woman slid her arm into the crook of Sexton's. After purchasing tickets at the window, they disappeared inside, arm in arm.

Sasha sat stupefied, wishing she had never followed him. Then swallowing hard, once again she pulled out into traffic.

Once she arrived back home, bereft, she slid naked into bed, curled into the fetal position, and pulled the covers completely over her head.

* * *

Sasha aimlessly pored over the budget reports that were due to be completed before she left work that day. She ran one hand listlessly through her hair and, with a sudden feeling of intuition, felt the hairs on her neck stand. She looked up and her eyes locked with Sexton's as he stood in the doorway of her office.

He was dressed in black from head to toe and his eyes glittered with a force that made her feel apprehensive.

“Sexton, you came.” Her voice was faint and her lips quivered with apprehension.

“I have an appointment at the sports medicine clinic.” Sexton's terse voice gave no indication of emotion, and the rigidity of his body dashed any hope that might have been ignited in Sasha by his appearance.

She was at a loss to reply with anything but, “Oh.”

“I felt that since I had to come here, I might as well kill two birds with one stone.” Sexton reached into his pocket and withdrew a few sheets of paper stapled together. He handed them to her and said bleakly, “These are our annulment papers. All you have to do is sign them. I'll take care of the rest.”

Sasha's heart dropped to her feet, but she took the papers from him. Quickly scanning them she handed them back to him and said, “I can't sign it.”

Sexton coldly asked, “Why not?”

“Annulments are for people who've never had sex. We had sex the night we were married. It wouldn't be right or legal.”

Sexton's eyes were hard and his words dripped with sarcasm. “Since when did you decide to do the right thing, Sasha?”

Sasha recoiled from the severity of his words. “Can we please talk, Sexton?” she softly pleaded.

He rocked back and forth on his heels and Sasha could see that his fists were balled in his pockets.

She pointed to the chair in front of her desk and reiterated her request. “Please hear me out.”

In one quick motion, Sexton kicked her office door shut with his foot and lowered his long frame into the chair, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Saying I'm sorry for running out on you in Vegas is obvious. Changing what I did is impossible, but trying to make it up to you for the rest of my life is possible.”

“You can't make up for the past, Sasha.” Sexton stared at a spot on the wall behind her, obviously now loath for their eyes to connect.

“I made a mistake. Married people do it all the time, and they move on and try to forgive.”

“They have a foundation, Sasha. We have nothing. You ruined things before we even got our feet wet,” he replied bluntly.

“We're married, Sexton. That means something.”

“Obviously not to you. You showed me what you really felt for me when you ran out on me on our honeymoon. You proposed to me, married me, and then took off.” His teeth gritted with every word.

The sickening feeling in Sasha's stomach intensified and she looked away out of guilt before she whispered, “Who is that woman that I saw you with?”

“None of your business.” His words were harsh to her ears and she had to blink back tears.

She couldn't stop the jealousy in her voice. “Is she the reason you won't give us another chance?”

“You are the reason I won't give us another chance. It's all about you, Sasha!”

She choked back tears.

His voice was raw with emotion that he couldn't conceal. “Can you imagine how I felt when I returned to an empty suite? That was the most humiliating experience in my whole life, and I'm not going to give you the power to ever hurt me again.”

His manner was contemptuous, but Sasha could see the pain and anguish he was feeling as he bitterly relived the scene he had encountered after she had run out on him on their honeymoon.

She didn't attempt to dry the tears on her face. “I'm sorry, Sexton. But when I got that envelope from Tiara, I was so distraught I wasn't thinking straight and I panicked.”

“Yes, Tiara.” Sexton bit off his words and continued harshly, “So what if I gave her money. It is mine, you know,” he drawled. “We weren't married and I didn't know that sleeping with you meant that I was supposed to give you an itemized statement of what I did with my own money.”

“I didn't leave because of the money that you gave her. I know how generous you are. It was the thought of the two of you sleeping together, that's what I couldn't handle.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” Sexton's voice exploded in the room and she thought the window might shatter from the force. “I have never slept with Tiara.” He tapped his chest with his index finger with each word.

“I know that now. She sent me some doctored pictures that made it appear that the two of you were lovers.”

“And you believed that? The fact that you did only adds insult to injury.”

“I'm not making excuses for myself or for what I did, but if you saw them, maybe you would understand how seeing something like that on your honeymoon would throw you for a loop.”

“I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense, and I'm not interested in seeing them,” Sexton retorted with disgust in his voice. “I warned you about her, and you wouldn't listen.”

“I know, Sexton, but I'm listening now.” Her eyes begged him to forgive her.

He spat out harshly, “It's too late.” Then he pointed at her. “What you did was juvenile.” He put his index finger on his chest. “I don't want to be bothered. You make life too hard.”

She swallowed hard. “Please, Sexton, give me another chance. Give us another chance.” Sasha clasped her hands together and tried to steady them.

“You just don't get it, do you? What you did to me is worse than what my birth mother did.” Pain and anguish were etched on his face. “She too abandoned me, but I've always told myself that if she had given herself a chance to know me, she wouldn't have. You know me, the real me, and yet you still left. That's worse.” He drew in a deep breath, stood, and walked to the door. “I'll contact my lawyer and have divorce papers drawn up. I'll put a rush on them.”