Authors: Roni Hall
“Kevin! Kevin! It’s me Ben. I need you to come quick to look at Silver!” And then even louder, “Kevin! Are you in there?”
“No, no, no,” Kevin whispered, his lips inches from hers. He rested his forehead against hers. Neither wanted to let the outside world in but the real world was surfacing. Reluctantly they parted and Kevin walked to the door.
“What’s up?” he asked, sounding perturbed. Ben looked past Kevin to Jamie inside.
“Oh, sorry, Kev. But Silver has a nasty wound on her front leg and can barely walk. I don’t know what happened. Can you come look at it?”
“Of course, I’ll be right there. Is she in the barn?” Kevin asked flatly.
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Not a problem. I’ll be right there.”
Ben smiled apologetically and left.
Kevin closed the door and walked toward Jamie.
“I’m sorry. I’ve got to take a look at Ben’s horse. We’ll have to decide if we need to do something tonight or if it can wait till morning.” A heavy sign escaped him.
“You don’t have to explain. Do you mind if I come take a look with you? I don’t know horses, but I know wounds.”
“Of course, you’re a nurse. If you don’t mind.” She walked toward the door where he stood and as she passed him he put his hand on her arm to stop her and kissed her lips lightly. Pulling away, he looked into her eyes and moaned softly. She smiled and he opened the door for her.
They went to the barn to assess Silver’s leg. It was ugly and no one was sure what had caused it, but the group agreed that it could wait until the morning. Ben would call the vet tonight to schedule an appointment.
When Jamie opened the mess hall door for her morning tea, Kevin was already there with his coffee. His face lit up when he saw her and he made a beeline over to her.
“Good morning. How’d you sleep?”
“I slept well. How about you?”
“I slept great.” He winked at her.
Jamie blushed as she headed over to make her cup of tea. Kevin followed her. “I thought maybe we could go for a ride later this afternoon, if you’re free.”
“Sounds fun.”
“Good. I’ll see you later then.” He touched her arm and left. Jamie set off with her tea to the barn.
“Good morning, Jack. How did you sleep last night? I slept like a baby, in case you’re interested. I brought you a little breakfast treat, but don’t tell anyone. Here’s an apple for you.” She held it out to him.
Did she imagine it or did he take a step toward her? He looked her straight in the eyes like he always did.
“It’s okay, boy.I won’t hurt you.” She pleaded with her eyes for him to trust her. Jack took another step then raised his head up and down.
Stunned, Jamie encouraged him. “It’s okay, Jack. Here you go. C’mon boy.” She spoke softly.
Jack took another step, then another and another. Just two feet away, she could reach him if she tried but she didn’t want to make any sudden movements to spook him.
“C’mon. It’s okay. It’s only me and I have an apple for you. C’mon boy.”
Ever so softly she spoke and held the apple out to him. Jack took another step. One more and she could touch him. Oh, how she wanted to stroke his mane; she wanted him to know that he could trust her. Jack looked at her and took the last step. He took the apple from her outstretched hand, looked at her, and took another step forward.
Slowly, so slowly she reached her hand up to stroke him. When he didn’t retreat, she stroked him again with a little more pressure. She had to stretch to reach the top of his head. He brought his nose to her head and snorted.
“That’s it boy. That’s it. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”
She continued to stroke him, chattering softly. He leaned in to her touch until a loud bang on the other side of the barn sounded and Jack retreated into his stall.
“Okay, Jack. I have to go to work now anyways. But I’ll be back later. Thank you for trusting me. You won’t be sorry. I’ll look out for you, I promise. See you later.” The stallion snorted again and followed her with his eyes as Jamie turned to leave.
About 2:30 Jamie stopped at the drink station for a cold lemonade. Ben, Rick, and six other hands joined her around the picnic table, enjoying the breeze and re-hydrating. As they sat chewing the fat, a white limousine pulled up the long drive and stopped in front of Kevin’s log home. The limo driver honked the horn rather obnoxiously five or six times but no one got out.
Jamie watched this ridiculous sight, since the limo looked so out of place at the ranch. She made some such remark but curiously, none of the guys said anything about this odd scenario. However when she looked at Ben’s and then Rick’s expressions, she knew something was up. Both had a peculiar, worried look on their face as their eyes darted from the limo to the house to Jamie and back over and over again.
“We probably should get back to work, Jamie.” Rick stood in her line of vision of the car. Taking a step to look beyond Rick’s broad shoulders, she watched the limo driver get out, walk around to open the back door and lend an extended hand to assist the passenger out of the car. Out came someone from a movie.
Glamorous
was the first word that came to mind when Jamie first saw her. The striking woman was tall and darkly tanned with an exaggerated figure and not much to cover it. The spectacle had long over-bleached blond hair, large dark glasses, and carried an oversized hot-pink purse. In response to the car honking, Kevin finally came out of the house.
The blonde screamed, “Kevin!” and ran to him with outstretched arms, then enveloped him in a long passionate kiss, her body pressed close against his from chest to toes. As she kissed him on the lips, Kevin caught site of Jamie watching from the drink station and his eyes widened. He tried to wrench the blonde’s arms from his neck with no success. The limo driver went about his business of unloading her numerous matched bags from the car then promptly took off. Finally when the blonde released her hold on Kevin, she headed into his home as if she had done this many times before. Kevin looked at her, then Jamie, then followed the blonde into the house and slammed the door.
Speechless, Jamie’s heart dropped to her stomach at a loss for what to say or do. This woman obviously knew Kevin and had been a guest here before. And from the looks of her actions, she wouldn’t be sleeping in the guest room. Now she understood Ben and Rick’s expressions and they both looked at Jamie with grim faces, obviously speechless.
Picking up her lemonade, she downed the last few swigs. “Like you said Rick, time to get back to work.” Turning and walking toward the barn, she had to concentrate to keep her head up and her back straight. She knew they were watching her and she did not want to give them any inkling that she was crumbling inside.
No, no I will not cry because really I have nothing to cry about. I had one kiss with the man, that’s all. Just one unbelievable, earth moving, heart stopping, God-I’m-gonna-die kiss. So get over it, he owes me nothing. We’re just friends who happened to have shared thirty seconds of lip entwining. The blonde obviously knows him better than me, so if anyone’s going be mad or jealous, it should be her.
Jamie walked into the barn for the sake of appearance but couldn’t bring herself to work.
I know it’s my own fault but my immediate world is shattering and I need some time
. She couldn’t go to her cabin because the guys would still be out there and she didn’t want to face anyone. Jamie knew her facial expression was a dead giveaway for what was going on in her heart, and she just didn’t want to advertise to the world that she was dying inside.
I need sanctuary. Where can I go until I get my head (and heart) together?
Instantly she knew where she could go. To her only friend.
Chapter 14
Jamie walked to the back of the barn toward Jack. She opened his stall door and called to him.
“Jack, don’t be frightened but I need a place to hang out for a while. I won’t hurt you, I promise. Just let me stay with you. No one will look for me here.”
Jack eyed her and started to approach but stopped when she opened the stall door. Jamie walked past him and retreated to the back of his stall. Leaning against the back wall she slid down to the floor, her face in her hands. Jack walked over to her and brought his head down to hers, nudging her gently.
“I’m such a fool, Jack. What was I even thinking? How could I let my heart get so far ahead of my brain? It’s my own fault. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t get involved with another man. What was I thinking?” Shaking her head back and forth in her hands, she continued. “It shouldn’t hurt so much because I can’t lose something I didn’t have. Ignore me. I just need you to be here.” Jack nudged her head again and she lifted one hand to stroke his nose.
Not sure how long she sat there, Jamie lost track of the time but eventually she heard Kevin call her from inside the barn. His voice came closer and she responded by cowering down even more and Jack repositioned himself as if trying to hide her. Kevin’s voice came and went. She was safe. She couldn’t face him, not yet. “I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me, thank you very much. What was it Marlena Dietrich said?
I vant to be alone
. Yep, that’s me. Just leave me alone for a while and I’ll be okay,” she spoke softly to Jack.
Jamie drifted off to sleep in her crouched position and when she woke, darkness filled the barn.
Like it or not I’m going to have to leave.
She stood up and Jack looked at her.
“Hey boy, thanks for letting me stay. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” She stroked his side, neck and face then kissed him on the nose before she hugged his neck. “See you in the morning,” she whispered and slipped out of his stall.
Walking swiftly to her cabin, she saw a note tucked under her door on the floor.
Jamie, I need to speak to you. Please. Kevin
“
I don’t think so!” She said out loud.
After spending hours in a horse stall, she craved a long hot shower and went into the bathroom, deliberately stepping on Kevin’s note with her dirty boots. Afterward she was physically clean but still heavy with emotional crap. Exhausted, she climbed into bed and lay in the darkness, her mind going a mile a minute when there was a knock on her door.
Kevin spoke with urgency. “Jamie. Jamie, are you in there? Just let me know if you’re in there and safe for the night. Otherwise I’ll have to knock down the door and keep searching.” He went silent and Jamie said nothing.
“I need to know you’re okay for the night.” She thought for a minute, then reached for her boot on the floor and flung it at the door hard, hitting it square on with a loud thud.
He waited a minute then his footsteps faded away.
I‘ll face him tomorrow; I just can’t today. I don’t want him to see how broken I am. What a difference a day makes. Yesterday I went to bed dreaming of Kevin kissing me and tonight I go to bed with the nightmare image of that blonde wrapped around him. Life can really suck sometimes.
As expected, she did not sleep well.
Since things have changed so drastically, I need to think about going home. I can’t do it too soon or it will look like I am running away, even though I am. Kevin and I started this as friends and we can end it as friends. I can’t be a sore loser because I had visions of grandeur.
Jamie sighed.
It’s time to face the music. Don’t change my routine. Get up, get dressed, get my tea, and go to work. Don’t look pitiful. Besides, I need to see Jack. He bailed me out yesterday. Yes, Jack. Focus on my loyal friend
.
It was not easy opening the door to exit her cabin.
Ready, set, go
.
Like going to the dentist for a root canal, some things can’t be put off.
The crisp morning air provided her the kick she needed as she headed toward the mess hall. Jamie pretended she wore blinders, focusing ahead where her feet needed to go but not looking side to side like she usually did to make small talk with whomever may be near. Thankfully the mess hall was near empty; she made her tea and exited. As she walked to the barn, Ben came out of nowhere and walked alongside her.
“Morning, Jamie.” He offered cautiously. “You okay?”
“Morning, Ben. Of course I am. How are you?” She avoided any eye contact, attempting to focus on drinking her hot tea and not breaking her stride.
“I’m here if you need anything. You know that, right?”
His voice of concern almost made her break down and cry but she could not. However, his effort touched her and she stopped walking.
“Thank you Ben. And I do mean that.” She made eye contact, smiled a half smile, and turned toward the barn. Once in the barn, Jamie headed straight to Jack’s stall, only he was not there. Alarmed, Jamie ran to find Hector.
“Hector! Hector, Jack’s not in his stall. Where’s he? Is he okay?”
“
Sí
. Jack is okay. I moved him out back in the small corral so he can get some exercise. I didn’t get around to cleaning his stall yesterday afternoon. I think Jack had company.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Hector. Can I help you catch up today?”
“No, it’s good. Are you okay?” Hector looked at her. A man of few words but his eyes were kind and spoke for him.
“
Sí
. Thank you for asking. I want to see Jack.” Hector pointed with his eyes in the direction Jamie should go. “
Gracias
.” She nodded to Hector and went out back to the corral to visit Jack.
“Hey, Jack. It’s nice to see you outside getting some fresh air.” She stroked his neck and he nudged her. She looked around nervously. “Mind if I come in?” Jack had a bridle and rein on. Jamie climbed in through the rails on the gate and took Jack’s reins.
“C’mon, Jack. Let’s both get some exercise.” She walked him around the perimeter of the corral. Since Jack didn’t seem to object she picked up the pace to a brisk walk for her.
Jack, you certainly take my mind off other things
. As she finished her last lap and prepared to exit the corral she saw Hector standing there waiting for her.
“Oh, Jack. I hope I didn’t get us in trouble.”
Hector looked at her and she started to apologize but he held up his hand.
“Jack doesn’t let most people approach him. You have a way with him, I can see that.”
“
Gracias,
Hector. That means a lot coming from you.” She decided to push it, as long as she got this far. “Do you think I could walk Jack again sometime? He seemed to enjoy it.”
“
Señor
Kevin won’t be happy about that. He doesn’t want anyone around Jack, he thinks he’s too skittish.”
“
Señor
Kevin,” she said with a sneer, “doesn’t have to know. It could be our secret, the three of us.” She pointed to Jack, Hector, and herself.
Hector’s furrowed face shook from side to side, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.
Señor
Kev —”
Jamie cut him off. “Hector, you can see that Jack trusts me. I promise to be careful.” She laid her hand on his arm, squeezing it.
“I don’t know,
Señorita,
the only reason I might agree is because Jack needs exercise and
Señor
Kevin is too busy and I have so many horses so Jack often gets missed.” He looked hesitant. “Okay, we’ll try it, but you have to do as I say. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Oh, I will. I promise.
Gracias, gracias!
” For a minute she had forgotten about her heartache. Almost.
Kevin tried to comprehend how everything could go from so good to so bad so quickly. To use an old-fashioned word, he was smitten with Jamie and things were starting to progress but in a few short moments it all went to hell.
Where the blazes had Lola come from? He hadn’t heard from her in months and out of the blue she just popped in? True, she had done this before and he always let her stay. Kevin tried to sort this all out in his mind. He was no angel, never had been, and Lola and he had a past. There was never an emotional or love connection. What they had was purely physical, convenient, and mutual. He wasn’t proud of it, but that was the truth. However, since he’d met Jamie, all that had changed. He had no desire to see Lola or anyone else for that matter. The thought that Lola would show up had never crossed his mind. He’d never thought to call her and tell her no more visits because simply, he never thought of her anymore.
Once he’d followed Lola into the house, he was blunt, possibly too blunt and that pissed her off — she’d set in her heels and refused to leave. At that point Kevin had moved out of his own house and bunked in with Ben. He wanted a witness that he was with Ben every night, all night, and nowhere near Lola. He hoped this would help him win Jamie back. He needed to talk to Jamie. If she would listen.
Needing to research flights home, Jamie decided to skip breakfast. She didn’t feel like going into that crowded mess hall quite yet, she was afraid of who she might run in to. However, only a few hours later she realized that missing the morning meal proved not to be a smart idea, not when she was doing physical work. Learning her lesson, she knew she would never survive the day if she didn’t eat lunch and this meant entering the mess hall.
Get it over with
, she told herself. The first time would be the worst and with her own words of encouragement, she kicked herself in gear and strode toward the mess hall. The walk seemed longer than usual and she had to make a conscious effort to keep her shoulders back and her head up. Entering the building, she tried to act as nonchalant as possible. Grabbing a plate without looking around, she walked to the buffet line and filled her plate half-heartedly. Taking the nearest empty seat, she offered pleasantries to those immediately around her but did not look any farther than that. If Kevin or his date were in the hall, she didn’t want to put them in her line of vision.
Play dumb,
she told herself,
and if they’re here, act cool.
Making quick work of her lunch, she hardly noticed the taste of the home cooked vittles. She downed her water and headed toward the door, anxious to get out of there. As she opened the door, she came face to face with Rick.
“Hey, slow down there, little lady. Are you finished already?” He eyed her face. “How about you sit down and have some dessert with me?”
“Thanks, Rick, but some other time. I’ve got some things to do.” And with that she made her exit.
“Goddammit, Kevin!” Rick bellowed behind her.
After her quick lunch, Jamie went to her cabin to continue researching flights on her cell. She needed to get out of here but it was going to be more complicated than she thought. Since she was in a rural area, she would have to schedule a puddle jumper to get to Bozeman, and then book a major airline from there. To confound matters more she would have to arrange ground transportation to the local airport, which was thirty miles away. This would take more than a few phone calls and more time.
With lunchtime over she returned to the barn. Trying to distract herself, she focused on the horses, giving them some extra attention, especially her new best friend. As she finished with Jack, she felt the heat and thirst herself so she exited the barn and made her way to the drink station. Grabbing an iced tea from the cooler, she sat down at the picnic table and was lost in thought as she watched the cool droplets slide down the icy bottle clasped in her hands. Out of nowhere, Ben and Rick appeared, grabbed their drinks, and sat down beside her. They kept the conversation light and idle, which Jamie appreciated.
Let’s pretend nothing happened because really nothing did,
Jamie tried to convince herself. She almost managed to believe that until Kevin approached, smiling rather sheepishly.
“Hey.” Kevin spoke in general to all of them.
“Hey, Kev,” Rick answered back and Ben nodded.
Jamie looked at Kevin, faked a small smile, then looked away. Kevin looked at Ben and Rick who must have gotten the unspoken message.
“Well, time to get back to work. See you later, Jamie,” and they left. Not about to sit here alone with Kevin, she started to get up.
“Jamie.” He put his hand on hers to stop her from leaving but she pulled away. “I want to explain.” His eyes met hers which was more than she could take and her knees buckled, forcing her to sit. Kevin sat across from her.
Breaking eye contact, Jamie started before he had a chance to say anything. She was taking charge.
“Kevin, this’s your home, your life. You don’t need to explain anything to me. I’m grateful that you invited me in to your paradise because this has been a wonderful experience for me. But you owe me nothing. We’re friends.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You owe me nothing more.” The heat of the midday sun beat down on her, but it was Kevin’s presence that was causing her to sweat.
“Jamie.” Kevin put his hand on hers again and looked into her eyes. She locked eyes but this time hers welled. God, she hated that she could not control that.
“Please, hear me out,” he pleaded softly and just as he opened his mouth to continue a voice shrieked out behind him.
“Kevy baby!” Lola approached from behind. Kevin’s eyes closed tightly as if he were in pain. Jamie shot up and out of there within seconds, not looking back.
“Jamie.” She heard him calling her but she did not turn. “Jamie!” She could not. She did not want him to witness the tears tracking down her gritty face. Heading blindly into the barn, she could barely see for the liquid pain in her eyes. She made her way toward Jack’s stall, forgetting he was outside. Seeing his empty stall, she marched to the corral and there he stood, all saddled up and ready to go. Not thinking twice, she opened the corral gate, grabbed the horn of Jack’s saddle, and with an elongated stretch of her legs, mounted him.
“Let’s go, Jack,” she whispered and kicked his sides. Jack didn’t need to be asked twice, he took off on a slow gallop. Tears still clouded her vision but she knew the direction they were going in and thank God, Jack seemed to know the rest. Clenching the reins in her fists she realized how high she sat on the tall horse as they left the ranch behind, along with the source of her sorrows. As they got to a clearing, she gave Jack the go ahead to run. The powerful stallion took off and she felt like a bird in flight, soaring above the earth. Hair flying, whipping her face, she was the wind. The pine trees were a green blur on both sides, the sound of Jack’s hooves against the trail muffled. Unable to see the ground, she swore they were floating on air, rising above the clouds and all her troubles. If her heart hadn’t been aching so much, it would’ve been pure heaven. What an oxymoron of feelings! Leaning forward she held on to Jack’s mane as it licked her face, wiping away her tears and worries. No words or commands were necessary; she and Jack were one. Jamie had never felt so close to an animal before and wondered how this could be happening. Not wanting to overthink it, she decided to live the moment at hand and appreciate it for what it was, very special and surreal.