Moonstone (38 page)

Joy returned still wet from the shower. She had a towel wrapped about her waist, but nothing covered her breasts. Her skin had turned a warm mahogany from the hot water and her dark hair glistened. Kelsey could hardly look at her and yet she couldn’t look away. She was beautiful. Joy sat down on the edge of the bed, her gaze focused on the open window. She didn’t seem to mind that she was in plain view for all the world to see. But there were no voices outside, and maybe no one passed on the street below. Maybe no one noticed the gorgeous, half-naked woman sitting on the bed.

Kelsey reached up to touch her breast and Joy turned just enough to push away her hand. It was a gentle rebuke, but it was clear. She went over to the window and closed the blinds, then turned and looked back at the bed. She eyed Kelsey for a long moment before walking back to the bed. She brushed a fingertip lightly over Kelsey’s forehead. “What am I going to do with you?”

A minute passed and then another with Joy only staring at Kelsey. The question hung in the space between their naked bodies. Kelsey desperately wanted to hear Joy answer her own question. But she said nothing.

“Are you going to leave?” Kelsey asked. Maybe it was useless to ask Joy to stay. She didn’t have anything to bargain with and wouldn’t blame Joy at all for walking—now that she knew everything.

Joy leaned down and kissed away a tear that slipped down Kelsey’s cheek. “Do you know that I’m in love with you?” Her voice was a whisper. Joy brushed a strand of Kelsey’s hair into place. She combed her fingers through Kelsey’s hair.

Joy didn’t resist when Kelsey pulled her close. She sank down on the bed and met Kelsey’s lips. Kelsey couldn’t make Joy forget about the past. But she could convince her that she was worth another chance.

Kelsey woke to the sound of the mattress creaking. Joy slipped out of bed. She went to the window and pulled the blinds back a half an inch. Light seeped in at the edges of the blinds, but the air was cold and the room was gray with shadows. Kelsey pulled the blankets up to her chin. She listened to the familiar squeak of the bedroom door and then the sound of Joy’s footsteps padding down the stairs.

“You awake?”

Kelsey blinked open her eyes.

Joy handed a glass of water to Kelsey and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I like what happened last night…I felt like a pillow queen.”

“You are no pillow queen,” Kelsey argued. But for the first time, Joy hadn’t been in charge. She’d let Kelsey make love to her without trying to control anything. Kelsey sipped the water and set the glass down on the nightstand. “Sometime I’d like to tie you down.”

“That could be arranged,” Joy said. She brushed her hand across Kelsey’s cheek. “How are you?”

“I don’t know,” Kelsey admitted. “Are we okay?”

Joy didn’t answer. She reached for Kelsey’s hand, spread open her fingers, and placed a small oval stone on her palm. It was polished smooth. Kelsey turned it over, trying to see the color. The stone was pale gray and etched with silver and blue lines.

“What is this?”

“A moonstone.” Joy sat down on the edge of the bed. “My dad gave it to me when I was leaving for college. He said it was to remind me never to walk away from what I loved. Joy paused. “For a long time, I thought that he was talking about the clinic. I always guessed that he loved that place more than anything else. That was what he would never leave.”

Kelsey turned the stone over in her hands. “It’s beautiful.”

Joy nodded. “I was wrong about my dad, but it took me a long time to figure that out. Moonstone was only the means to an end for him—how he took care of what he loved. I don’t even think he liked his job very much.”

“About last night…I know I have things I need to work through…” Kelsey stalled. Admitting everything to Joy had made it reality and not a bad dream. But she’d owned everything and the weight had lifted. Now she needed to give Joy more than an apology for the lie she’d told. She wanted to prove to her that it wouldn’t happen again, but she had nothing to show for that promise.

“We both have issues we probably need to work through. Don’t worry, it’s not only you.” Joy smiled. “I shouldn’t have started sleeping in the other room. I knew we needed to talk, but I couldn’t because I thought that the conversation would end with us breaking up.” She shook her head. “I kept hoping that if neither of us talked about it, somehow the whole thing would work itself out. But I couldn’t lie next to you knowing there were all these unspoken things…Since you didn’t argue with me when I’d said that you wouldn’t leave Raceda for me, I figured that meant that it was true. That you wouldn’t leave. For me. And that this wasn’t long term.” She paused and glanced over at Kelsey. “Last night when you told me that all I needed to do was ask and you’d go with me, I realized I’d never given you that chance. I assumed your answer was no, but I never asked.”

Kelsey smiled. “And I thought I was the one who needed counseling.”

“You do.” Joy swatted at Kelsey’s shoulder as she laughed. “I know I screwed up too. You don’t need to rub it in.”

“I love you.” Kelsey leaned across the bed and kissed Joy.

“I love you too,” Joy said. After a minute, she continued, “When things get hard again…are the drugs the first thing you are going to think of? Will I have to worry all the time that you are going to start using again?”

Kelsey considered the question. “Probably I’ll always think about how good it felt to not have any pain. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll use again. I don’t want to go back.” She paused. “That night I didn’t want to feel anything. I wanted to slip away. Only for a while, you know? No worries, no regrets…” She shifted on the bed and sat up against the pillows. “I wanted to be numb and not give a damn about anything or anyone. I was tired of nothing going right, of having to start over again and again only to end up back at the beginning. Back in Raceda. But I don’t want to be an addict ever again.”

“You left something behind on that beach,” Joy said. “When you came back, you were different.”

“That next day I told myself that it wouldn’t ever happen again. That I wouldn’t use that escape door again.” Kelsey rolled the moonstone in her hand and then held it out for Joy to take. “But I don’t know why you would trust me.”

“I trust you. But we could work through it even if something happened again.” Joy glanced down at the stone. “It’s yours.”

“I can’t keep it. It’s from your dad.”

“It’s yours,” she repeated. After a long pause, Joy continued, “I’m not selling Moonstone. I want to be someone you can count on. I want you to know that I’m not going to leave if things get hard. Maybe I’m more like my dad than I’ve ever realized.” Joy smiled. “A counselor would probably have a field day with us.”

“But I don’t want you to stay where you’re miserable. We could go anywhere you want. I’ll find someone to take over coaching and you can hire somebody to work at the clinic for you.”

“I’m not miserable here,” Joy said. “I’ve got this amazing view of the bay. A job where I’m the boss. Patients who bring me pie. An excuse to go kayaking every week. And this girlfriend who makes me forget about everything else.”

Kelsey clenched her fingers around the stone. “I tried so hard to get out of this town.” She relaxed and the stone rolled in her palm. “Never thought I’d want someone to plan their life here with me. Will you really be happy here?”

“This feels like home. I don’t want to be anywhere else.” Joy leaned across the pillows and met Kelsey’s lips.

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