“You wanted to,” she repeated. “It’s always about what you want, isn’t it, Jake?”
Oh brother, he hated those words and her tone of voice. Frowning, he stared at her.
“I should have listened to myself.” Now her tone was quiet, almost too quiet. “You were wrong for me the second I saw you, but I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Sweetheart, you’re not making sense.” He took a sip of his coffee. “I was giving you a little help. Everyone needs a little help now and then.” He reached for her hand.
Her chair crashed to the floor as she jumped to her feet to avoid his touch. Anger visible in every line of her body.
“Why are you so angry?” he asked.
“Because I’ve told you before I don’t want you paying for things for me. I can take care of myself. How did you find out about the hospital bill anyway?”
Jake rubbed the back of his neck. He wouldn’t lie to her, not now. “Mr. Howard called one morning you were out getting breakfast. I picked up the phone.”
“And he just told you about it?”
“No. At first I thought something had happened to you, some accident or something. But when he explained, I told him I know someone on the board of directors.”
“And decided to use your clout to delve into my life, my problems.”
“I could take care of it, so why not? One less thing for you to worry about.”
“It was my worry, my problem, not yours.” She threw the letter at him.
Anger seeped into his veins. This had been building for a while. Now he knew why he’d been holding back in telling her that he loved her. She’d been biding her time to find an excuse to leave him. His heart grew heavy. “I sleep in your bed, kiss your body, make love to you, but helping you with a small bill is an issue.” He pushed away from the table. “When are you going to trust me? When are you going to tell me about your childhood? About your mother? About being homeless?”
Her mouth dropped open and her blue eyes went stone cold. “How did you know I was homeless as a kid?”
Damn, how could he slip up like that? Probably because he was tired of pussy-footing around it. “Didn’t you tell me?”
“No, I didn’t.” She glared at him. “You’ve had someone spying on me.”
“Not spying, only checking into your life.”
“Why, Jake?”
“How the hell else am I going to find out about it?” He rocked on his heels. “You sure as hell won’t tell me about it.”
“This isn’t going to work. I can’t be what you want me to be.”
“And what the hell do you think I want, Beth?” How could she know, when she never asked him?
“You want what all rich men want—a little dress up woman, one who’s always at his beck and call. Oh, give her a fancy house, gorgeous clothes and expensive jewelry and she’ll be happy. That’s not me.”
“No, it’s not. But I never said that was the type of woman I wanted.” Hell, she was carrying more baggage than he realized.
“Not in words, but in actions.” She waved her hand in the air as she spoke. “You went out and bought the big screen TV after you agreed not to. I picked out one dress at Cecila’s shop, yet you brought a dozen and put them in the closet. You keep pressuring me to take the day shift, and taking me to dinners and parties I don’t belong at.”
“Your TV died, you need more than one dress, the day shift would give us more time together and I wanted to show you off to my friends and business associates.”
“I’m not a new car to be shown off. I’m a woman.”
“Show off was a poor choice of words.” But in a way it wasn’t. He did want to show her off, to show the world the woman he loved. “I’m proud of you and I wanted you by my side in all things, business and pleasure.”
She shook her head. “This isn’t going to work.”
Cold spread from his toes to his brain. The second time she said those words. “What isn’t going to work?” But he already knew the answer. He could see it in the way she held her body, arms crossed over her stomach, the slight trembling of her lip. She was going to walk away from him again.
“Us.” She spread her hands out, palms open. “I told you when we first met, I’m a pizza and beer kind of girl. You’re more caviar and Chambord.”
“And the two shall never mix.” This time he shook his head. “Life isn’t that clear cut, Beth. Stop being afraid of being like your mother.” He couldn’t believe he said the words, but he had to. “You’re using my money as an excuse to cover your own fears.”
“We want different things. You want a woman you can show off, I want a man who wants me, just as I am.”
“I see.” His words weren’t making an impact. He glared at her, all reason gone. The gloves were coming off. “Let me tell you something. If I wanted the type of person you’ve described, I’d be married by now. Any number of women I’ve dated over the last few years would fit the bill.”
“Then what are you waiting for? Go to them.”
He caught her by the shoulders before she could flounce away. It was time for some home truths to the woman he loved. “I don’t want other women, I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” He took a breath before continuing, “I hired the PI before we started dating when I was trying to find you after our first night together. Maybe reading his full report was a mistake, but I’ve waited for you to open up, to talk to me, to trust me.” He glared at her. “But don’t you understand?”
“Understand what?” She tried to squirm away from his hold.
He took her face between his palms, his heart splintering with every word. “I love you.” His gaze captured hers. “I love you for who you are.”
Leaning down, he placed a soft kiss against her lips. “I need to think.”
Her words hit him hard in the stomach. He’d done everything he could to make her see that he loved her and wanted just her, the way she is now.
“Think all you want, but take a deep look inside yourself, Beth, and figure out who it is you really don’t trust before you end up alone for the rest of your life.” Releasing her, he marched out of the kitchen and into the living room. He stood by the window gazing out at the city until he heard her soft footfalls.
He watched her reflection in the window. Head held high, she strode by and into the bedroom, only to return minutes later dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. She picked up Rosie from her bed and cuddled the dog in her arms.
“I’ll be in touch,” she whispered before opening the door and walking out.
The click of the door shutting drove a knife into his heart.
Chapter Eleven
“He’s really gone from my life.” Beth said the words out loud the next morning. She couldn’t believe she’d walked out on Jake. All night, she sat on her sofa waiting from him to march into her apartment, sweep her into his arms, carry her into the bedroom and hold her close all night.
She’d apologize for storming out and he’d apologize for blowing up. They’d make love and everything would be okay. But it wasn’t. Jake was gone. Hopelessness crashed through her when she finally admitted that staring at the front door wouldn’t make Jake magically appear.
Rosie started barking when someone placed a key into the lock. Jake! Beth sprang up off the sofa, smoothing her hand down the front of her robe. Darn, she should have brushed her teeth earlier, fixed her hair and maybe put on something a little more seductive.
She held her breath as the door opened.
Carla stepped inside her apartment.
Beth flopped onto the sofa. It wasn’t Jake, it would never be Jake. Tears welled up in her eyes and she fought to blink them away before Carla saw them.
“What are you doing here?” Carla asked.
“Hey, what’s the hold up?” Karen pushed her way past Carla. “You’re not supposed to be here, Jake said—oomph.”
Karen stumbled forward as Theresa pushed her in the back. “Come on, let’s get this done before they get…”
Beth stared at her friends.
“Where’s Jake?” Carla asked, sitting down on the sofa next to Beth.
“Gone,” she whispered, her heart crumbling. She wouldn’t cry, not in front of her friends.
“Gone where? Another business emergency?” asked Karen.
“Jake is out of my life. Forever.” Just saying the words brought a fresh onslaught of tears and this time she couldn’t stop them from falling. Damn it, life wasn’t fair and she was crying over a man again.
She closed her eyes. But if life was fair she wouldn’t have fallen madly, head over heels in love with Jake Masters and she wouldn’t be nursing a broken heart.
“Why?” Theresa asked, then went on without waiting for an answer. “No, wait, forget the why. Tell us exactly what happened.”
Opening her eyes, her friends were gathered around her all offering support. Tears flowed faster now, she didn’t deserve these wonderful women or their sympathy.
“This is all my fault,” she blurted out.
“Tell us,” said Carla.
For the next forty minutes, she told her friends everything, from the first night with Jake, until she walked out on him last night.
“I don’t get it, why is he hung up on trust?” Beth sniffed, then blew her noise using the box of tissues Karen had given her.
“Well I do,” said Karen.
“You do?” Beth lifted her head. Her friends knew her better than Jake, but they weren’t yelling that she was wrong.
“Yes, Jake is typical male scum. He was looking for an excuse to end things and you gave him one.” Karen waved her hand in the air.
“Run, run, run—that’s all men do when they find something they can’t handle,” said Theresa.
“Stop it. Jake isn’t like that, you know he isn’t.” Beth stared at her friends. They knew how much Jake meant to her. Why were they painting him as the villain? Because she said so? She blinked, the blinders were coming off and what Beth saw she didn’t like.
“He left you before, what’s so different about this time?” asked Carla.
“I left him. Of all the stupid things I’ve done in my life, I let him into my life, my apartment, my sanctuary, and…” A sob caught in her throat. “Oh God, I love him so damn much.” And it was her fault. She didn’t trust him with her inner most thoughts about her mother or herself.
Tears flowed again, and Carla enfolded her in her arms. “That’s what we needed to hear.”
“Huh?” She sniffed and grabbed more tissues out of the box. She was so confused.
“We were being sarcastic, trying to make you realize how much you love Jake and how much he loves you,” said Karen.
“But I left him.” Grabbing more tissues, she blew her nose.
“So? Don’t you realize it yet? He wants to share your life, your entire life, not just pieces of it,” said Theresa.
“He’s living with me, how much more can we share?”
“How about your childhood with your mother? How you felt growing up with her and her lovers? Share your fears, your memories, your life with him,” said Carla.
Damn, her friends knew how to lay it all on the line. But they were right. “He already knows.”
“From a damn report. But not from you.” Carla tapped Beth’s chest. “What’s in your heart? The hurt, the pain, the hopes and dream even if they are shattered dreams.”
“I can’t.” She couldn’t open herself up to the pain, let alone the emotions that would tear her to shreds. She had to keep them buried or they’d destroy her.
“When are you going to get this through your thick skull? Jake isn’t like Don or any of the other guys you’ve dated,” said Karen.
Beth folded her arms over her chest and stared at her friends. “Why are you all suddenly defending Jake? You were ready to hang him a few minutes ago.”
“To make a point, and we can see the mistake you’re making,” said Karen.
“The only mistake I made was falling in love with a man who doesn’t trust me.”
“Bull shit.” said Theresa. “You’ve the one who hasn’t trusted. Come on Beth, Jake has tried everything to be honest with you on most things. He hid paying the hospital bill because deep down he was afraid you’d bolt and you proved him right.”
Beth blinked, then blinked again. Damn it, her friends were right. She was the one who didn’t trust. Jake had told her everything about being adopted, about his adoptive parents and how he felt about being adopted. Even how much he wanted his own family. And all she’d done was shut him out. And the bill? What would it have hurt to share it with him, to explain why she was so determined to pay the bill off herself?
Rubbing her forehead, she bit her lip. It was time for her to open herself to Jake, even if he turned her away after she did. No, she wouldn’t think that way. She loved Jake and, damn it, he said he loved her. “I can’t do this alone, I need some help.”
Her friends grinned at her and pulled her into a group hug.
“First, go take a shower and we’ll fix you something to eat,” said Theresa when they broke apart.
“I’ll take Rosie for a walk,” said Carla.
“And I’ll raid your closet to see what I can find,” said Karen.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.” Beth smiled for the first time in twenty-four hours.
“You can make sure the bridesmaid dresses aren’t some hideous color,” said Karen.
****
Jake’s head jerked up when his office door opened. “What did you do, sleep here last night?” asked Greg as he sauntered into the office.
“Yeah.” Jake punched the keys on the keyboard with more force than was needed. He wasn’t about to admit he couldn’t sleep at home. His bed was too big and he was too alone in it.
Five days had gone by since his blowout with Beth. And four days since he’d cleaned his clothes and personal items out of her apartment. He’d hoped to create some contact between them, but she wasn’t even at her apartment. He’d left a note, but there’d been nothing but silence from her.
“This is not good.” Greg sat down in one of the plush chairs. “Does your sleeping in the office have anything to do with the fair Beth?”
“No.” Who was he kidding? It had everything to do with her. “Beth is no longer a part of my life.”
“Whoa, buddy.” Greg leaned forward. “You’re talking about Beth, right? The cute little brunette you are planning on marrying? The wedding you asked if I’d be best man at?”
“She left me, so there will be no wedding.”
Greg stared at him, mouth open like a fish trying to get air. Each day Jake fought against calling Beth. He wanted her to tell him about her childhood, he wanted her to trust him enough to share her life with him.