Authors: Kristen Ashley
“Is that all it takes?”
“That and pizza and puttin’ up with your attitude and watchin’ movies with you that make you cry, yeah, that’s all it takes.”
That was certainly interesting but I had other things I needed to explore.
Therefore, I moved on.
“What was that with Lanie?” I asked.
“What was what with Lanie?” was his uninformative response.
“Well, I’m naked in bed with you, who’s mostly naked. I work for you. I fight with you. I watched a movie with you, actually two, almost three. You brought me pizza –”
He cut in to demand, “Get to the point, darlin’.”
“You made her pancakes,” I stated on what sounded like an accusation because, well, it kind of was.
“So?”
“That’s it.”
“And?”
“Well, I think, should you happen upon our rescue vehicle after we’ve been kidnapped, considering all that, it should get to be me who rides away on the back of your bike with you, not Lanie.”
I saw the white flash of teeth surrounded by his dark goatee indicating he was smiling and got another squeeze before he whispered, “Jealous?”
Um…
hell
no.
So hell no, I was so pissed, I managed to yank straight out of his arms and I rolled. I got to my feet beside the bed righting my bra as I went in search of my underwear and shorts.
“Babe, get back in bed.”
“No, I’m going home.”
“Unh-unh, you’re gonna stop bein’ stupid and get your ass back in my bed.”
Uh… what did he just say? Stupid?
Hell no again!
I found my shorts and panties, separated them and started to tug my panties on. I did not succeed in this endeavor because Tack’s fingers jerked them from mine and he tossed them across the room. I watched their lightness flit through the dark and settle. I straightened, turned to Tack and then his fingers closed around my wrist and he jerked again,
me
this time. I went sailing, landing on him. He rolled us to our sides, his hands went into my pits and he hauled me up the bed then he rolled on top of me.
“Get off me, Tack.”
“Like I said, stop bein’ stupid.” He didn’t have to repeat the get back into bed part since he planted me there.
“Get off me.”
“Red –”
I lifted my head an inch off his pillow and hissed, “Do not play my best friend against me. That is
not
cool.”
This was met with silence and even though I was angry and felt I had a right to be, his silence was angry and it was scary.
Then he spoke. “No, Tyra, what is not cool is you thinkin’ for one fuckin’ second I’d do that.”
“You yourself just taunted me with ‘jealous’,” I mimicked his low, gravelly voice on the last word and the scary angry vibe ratcheted up about twelve levels on the scary and angry scale.
“I was teasin’ you. I didn’t think you actually believed I’d do somethin’ that fucked up.”
“Okay then, what’s the deal with you taking off with her?”
“The deal with me takin’ off with her is the reason you and your aunt got taken was because of her. They didn’t want you. But these guys are lethal, serious as shit. They do not mess around, they do not care about collateral damage and they’ll take every advantage they can get and suck it dry. They didn’t want you but they would have used you if they needed to. Not gonna fuckin’ happen. I told you this shit leaks and it leaked. So for your protection, and hers, she needed to be locked down. I locked her down.”
I had a lot of questions, including what the heck “locked down” meant but I prioritized them quickly and out of my mouth came, “Do you mind explaining to me why it was
you
who needed to lock her down?”
“Do you mind explainin’ to me why you’re questioning why it was me?”
This was a good question I wasn’t prepared to answer. And the reason I wasn’t prepared to answer it was because it hit me just then that he was right even though he’d been teasing. I was jealous. I was jealous of my own best friend. And acting like a moron. Acting like a moron in a variety of ways including the fact that I’d just had sex with Tack again. I didn’t even think about it, not that he gave me a chance, but even so, I didn’t think about it. I just did it and I liked it… a lot.
What was going on with me?
Having been kidnapped and having used Tack and how I felt about him as the way to keep my head straight while said kidnapping was happening and having just had sex with him, I felt it was time, finally, to figure that out.
Therefore, I ventured cautiously, “Um… perhaps we should discuss our relationship.”
“Yeah, we’ll discuss it by me tellin’ you you’re pretty fuckin’ lucky right now seein’ as I just came and came hard ‘cause ‘a you and that greedy pussy of yours so I’m feelin’ patient,” he stated, not sounding patient, not in the slightest. “So, since I’m feelin’ patient, I’ll take the time to explain even more shit to you. And the shit I’m gonna explain is that you do not tie a man like me down. You do not do that, Tyra. You try that shit, you’ll find yourself cut loose.”
It seemed pretty clear when I ventured cautiously, I didn’t venture cautiously enough.
Therefore, I ventured even more cautiously when I told him, “I’m, um… uncertain what you mean by tying you down.”
“Givin’ me that shit about playin’ you and your friend, askin’ me to explain myself. I do what I do and you gotta trust that I’ll do right by you. You tie me tight to you so I can’t breathe, I’ll find a way to get loose.”
“Am I…” I found the need to swallow, so I did and tried again. “Am I tied to you?”
“Not yet and I gotta tell you, with this bullshit, I’m rethinkin’ the hold I got on those strings.”
Uh…
Ouch
.
That hurt. It hurt so much I felt my chest jerk back into the bed like he’d dealt a body blow. But even as my body responded to his verbal strike, my brain didn’t recover.
Yes, that’s how much it hurt.
I was venturing cautiously. Things were weird and wild and confusing and happening too fast and they needed to be sorted out.
Tack was definitely not venturing cautiously. Tack was being Tack, laying it out and being honest about it, brutally honest.
But he’d never been
intentionally
brutal to the point of being mean.
And no woman needed mean no matter if it came with honest.
Therefore, I whispered, “I want you to get off me, Tack.”
“I’m not gettin’ off you, Tyra. I’m pissed and you’re… whatever the fuck you are and we’re talkin’ this shit out. You’re not gonna hide away, lick your wounds and think up more shit, that, mind, is pure shit, to hold me back.”
“I’m not sure you get this but I’m not certain I want to hold onto your strings either,” I said quietly.
“Right, that you just came twice?”
“Pardon?”
“
Babe, I asked, you didn’t hesitate to spread wide for me. I told you that mornin’ you started workin’ for me, I touched you, you’d spread wide and you did. You give attitude, darlin’, I enjoy it. It works. You got a way of dishin’ it out that makes me go hard and part ‘a the reason I go hard is I know, I get in there, it’s gonna be worth puttin’ up with your mouth but what I do
not
enjoy is this cat and mouse bullshit you got goin’ on.”
“Cat and mouse bullshit?”
“Hot for me one second, cold the next. Sweet then tart. You need more?”
“Has it occurred to you that this whole thing is a bit confusing for me?” I enquired.
“No shit?” he fired back. “Has it occurred to you I get that and that’s why I’m always explainin’ shit to you? Which, while we’re talkin’, I’m just sayin’, is gettin’ tired.”
Another verbal blow, direct hit, and the hurt spread.
I stared at him through the dark. Then I turned my head away and closed my eyes tight.
“Look at me, Red,” he demanded.
“Get off me, Tack,” I replied quietly.
“I said, look at me.”
I looked at him and felt his eyes on me. Then his hand curled around my jaw and his tone gentled when he spoke again.
“Baby –”
It was me who cut Tack off this time and I did it by whispering, “No,” then I turned my face away again.
His fingers brought me right back and when he had my eyes, he whispered, “Darlin’ –”
“I want to go home.”
“You’re not goin’ home.”
“Please take me home.”
“Baby, it’s after three in the morning. I’m not takin’ you home.”
“Then I’ll get a taxi.”
“Tyra –”
I lifted a hand, wrapped my fingers around his wrist tight and whispered, “I want to go home.”
His hand moved so his palm was against my jaw again and he whispered back, “You’re pissed.”
“No, I just want to go home.”
“Baby, this shit’s ever gonna work, we gotta be able to talk.”
“
Tack, I’ve just decided I don’t
want
this shit to work.”
“Jesus, Tyra –”
“No!” I cried, shaking my head. “No one has ever talked to me that way. I don’t like it. It’s not nice.”
“It’s not nice, Red, but it’s real.”
“
Well real
hurts,
” I returned then felt tears fill my eyes and I couldn’t see him very well and I didn’t know if he could see me but I didn’t want him to see me cry. So I let him go, pulled my face away and tried to slide out from under him but both his arms wrapped around me. He turned to his side, pulling me into him. I pressed my hands against his chest and exclaimed, “Stop it! If I want to go, I should be able to just go!”
Then my breath hitched and he had to have heard it. It was loud and I knew he knew I was crying.
Damn it!
I dipped my chin and shoved harder at his chest but his arms just got tighter and he threw a heavy thigh over my legs.
“Calm down, baby,” he whispered.
“Let me go,” I whispered back.
“Calm down a second.”
I bucked hard against his arms and shouted through my tears, “Let me go!”
“You need to settle and get it out,” he told me and I stilled then my tears stopped coming and my head snapped back to look into his face.
“I do?” I asked sarcastically. “Is that what I need to do, Tack? You know? Do you know what I need to do? Have you been hooded? Kidnapped? Bound? Have you ever lain in a dark room with your aunt, who you love like crazy, somewhere you don’t know where she is? Same with your best friend, who you love just as much? Have you lain there wondering what would become of you? Has that happened? Because if it has, then I’ll know you’ve got experience so I should listen to you and know how to behave.”
“Tyra –” he started but I kept going.
“
I don’t know what to do with you. So if you think I’m hot and cold, that’s because
you
can be really nice and really not so nice so I’m just going with
your
flow. I’ve never known a man like you and I don’t know what to make of you. Because the nice seems worth it and then, like just now, you’re really,
really
not nice and I don’t know what to do.”
His hand slid up, fingers sifting into my hair, and he muttered, “Baby –”
I kept right on talking. “So if I’m taxing your patience, Tack, my apologies. I know what could help out with that. You could let me get out of your bed, get dressed, go home and quit my job so you won’t see me again. Right now, I have to say, that works for me because when you get angry and impatient, your words hurt and you don’t know me enough to know if I can withstand that so let me explain something
to you
. I can’t and I don’t want any part of it. And that is not me running cold on you and playing games, Tack. That’s me being
real.
”
After I finished speaking Tack was silent but, I will point out, he was silent while not letting me go.
Then he murmured a question to the room because he certainly wasn’t asking me, “What’d I get into when I got into this with you?”
But it was me who answered, “It doesn’t matter because, if you’d just
let me go
, we’re both out of it.”
His hand slid from the back of my head to my face, taking my hair with it and he whispered, “You think about our Saturdays, baby, and what we had just now and you tell me that me lettin’ you go is what you need, and you mean it, I’ll let you go.”
“I need you to let me go,” I stated instantly.
“Fuckin’ hell,” he was still whispering, “you didn’t even think about it.”
“You told me you’d rather cut off your own arm than hurt me, Tack, and you just hurt me. Hurt is more than physical pain. You dished it out not knowing if I could take it. And I can’t. That’s you and that’s me. You have to be you and you can’t be you around me without me getting chewed up in the process, so no. I don’t need to think about it because I know it’s going to happen again and I don’t want that in my life.”