Mr. Hollywood (Celebrity #1) (25 page)

“
Fine,
then. I
’
ll tell you mine if you
’
ll tell me yours.
”

“
Deal,
”
she agreed with a smile and I drank
it in. I was pretty sure that after what I had to tell her she wouldn
’
t be smiling much anymore. Hell, I
wasn
’
t even sure if I
’
d be able to.

She wanted the truth though, and after everything I
’
d put her through she deserved to
know it. I just hoped she would still want me after she learned that leaving
her behind wasn
’
t the most terrible thing I
’
d done.

“Mr. Hollywood is Dating a Nurse with a Child!”

 
~
The
Gossiper
~

Chapter Nineteen

Z

Fear choked me. Not because I was afraid to talk to
Aubrey, but because I was about to tell her something I pretended never
happened. I say pretended it never happened, because I did my best to ignore
it, but it still haunted me every single day of my life, and I couldn
’
t seem to get past it.

Hopefully Aubrey would find a way, or else I was about
to lose her all over again. If that happened, I wasn
’
t sure I
’
d make it through.

I gave a wry laugh. Fate could be a cruel motherfucker;
dangling everything I ever wanted right in front of my face, only to snatch it
away again. Aubrey needed to know everything though. After all I
’
d done, I owed her everything
—
even if it meant losing her. She
was correct. She had the right to know and not be blindsided, and since there
were others who knew my secret, it wasn
’
t something I could keep to myself.
There was always the chance of someone leaking it.

Even now I wondered if I knew it would all come down
to this, would I have still pursued her? Or would I have run the other way,
like I had been for years, trying to avoid this?

I guess we
’
d never know now.

Sighing deeply, I began telling her of my sordid past.
“
Well, you know most of how this all
started out. I got drunk and slept with someone that looked like you. I was
also a big chicken apparently, since I completely avoided telling you about it.
For me, it was easier to run, to try and numb the pain and disgust. I convinced
myself that you deserved better than me and I was doing the right thing by letting
you go. When I didn
’
t hear from you again either, I
thought maybe you
’
d found someone else. While even
the thought of you being with another guy crushed me to my core, I still felt
you were better off without me.
”

“
Oh,
Zane. I
’
m sorry you felt like you couldn
’
t talk to me.
”
She didn
’
t move away, staying there with her
head on my shoulder as she listened. I appreciated her not staring right at me.
It would be easier to tell her if I couldn
’
t see her eyes. I couldn
’
t bear to see the disappointment in
them.
“
Why? You used to tell me
everything.
”

“
That
’
s because I never had to tell you
something that would deliberately hurt you. I couldn
’
t do it. The thought of seeing the
disappointment in your eyes, or hearing you say you never wanted to see me
again
—
it was too much. So I just left. I
chose to save you from the pain
—
I thought
—
and made the decision for us.
”

“
Yes,
you did. But if you could
’
ve trusted me we could
’
ve found a way to work things out
together. True, I would have been crushed by your revelation. Completely
crushed, I
’
m not going to lie. I would
’
ve been angry and I would
’
ve cried and screamed, but we
’
d at least have had the chance to
try and pick up the pieces and move forward. But none of that matters now.
”

“
I
’
m sorry, Aubrey. I know I should
’
ve trusted you. It
’
s way too late for me to fix the
past now, though, and I still have things to tell you. I do trust you.
Completely. And I
’
m hoping this next revelation will
prove it.
”
I paused hating that
everything inside me was quaking.
“
I
’
m
going to start with the worst first. Hardly anyone knows what I
’
m about to tell you, and that
’
s because I
’
ve busted my balls to keep it that
way. So I
’
m going to ask you one more time .
 
.
 
. are you sure you want to know
everything
?
”

Turning her head, she stared at me, her eyes searching
my face before she finally spoke.
“
I really do. I need it for my own
peace of mind, and so I can help you if you need it.
”

Damn. I would
’
ve loved for her to change her
mind.
“
Okay then.
”
I took another deep breath.
“
I don
’
t
know how closely you
’
ve followed my career, but for
awhile I was dating an actress named Lauren Cassidy. You
’
ve probably heard of her.
”

“
Who
hasn
’
t?
”
she
replied not sounding very enthused.
“
I used to hate her guts. I refused
to even watch any movies she was in.
”

“
How
come?
”
I asked, surprised by how much
bitterness had crept into her voice.

“
Because
she had you.
”

“
Oh.
”
I must be a shithead, because that
little revelation actually made me feel good
—
not
that it upset her, but that she cared enough to dislike Lauren.
“
I had no idea. I
’
m sorry.
”

“
I
’
m over it now, for the most part
anyway. The two of you splitting up helped that. Were you in love with her?
”

“
No
—
not in the way you mean, at least.
But I cared a lot about her. We weren
’
t really good for each other,
though.
”

“
How
come?
”

I blew out a breath before continuing on.
“
We met on the set of a movie we
starred in together.
”

“
I
know. It was all over the tabloids.
”

“
Well,
she was into the party scene as much, or even worse, than I was. We got pretty
rowdy together, holding massive parties and whatnot, where the drugs and booze
flowed freely.
”

“
Doesn
’
t anyone police this stuff? How do
you go about getting those kinds of drugs in those quantities?
”
She sounded irritated.

I shrugged.
“
There
’
s
actually party dealers you can order from. They
’
ll
even send girls
—
or guys, if that
’
s what someone wants
—
to party with you. I used to order
from them all the time.
”

She was silent for a moment.
“
Did you have sex with these party
girls?
”
Now we were getting into the tough
shit.

“
All
the time,
”
I answered honestly.
“
On more occasions than I can even
name, unfortunately. There were even times that I couldn
’
t remember the parties. I
’
d wake up naked in a room full of
women having no memory of who I slept with, just knowing that I had.
”

She shifted uncomfortably.
“
I
’
m
not sure how I feel about that.
”

Releasing a harsh laugh, I stood, walking away from
her. I didn
’
t want to be touching her when I
said this. I didn
’
t want to contaminate her even
more.
“
Well, I
’
m fucking screwed then, because
that
’
s not even the bad part.
”

Her eyes grew a little wider.
“
There
’
s
more?
”

I nodded, trying to swallow past the knot in my
throat. I wasn
’
t even sure I
’
d be able to tell her what I needed
to say.
“
Yeah.
”

There was fear in her eyes now and she glanced around.
“
Why don
’
t we go into my room? I think I
’
d feel better discussing this
behind a locked door where Dustin can
’
t accidentally overhear.
”

“
Good
plan,
”
I agreed, waiting for her to stand
and then following her down the hallway. She didn
’
t
reach for me or make any kind of contact. That wasn
’
t a good sign.

As soon as we were safely locked inside, she went and
sat on the end of her bed, staring at me as she waited for me to continue. I
was too nervous to sit though, instead choosing to pace the floor near her
bedroom television that sat in a small entertainment center.

“
I'm
ready whenever you are,
”
she encouraged, but she
looked like she
’
d rather chop her own ears off than
hear what I had to say. I didn
’
t blame her.

“
Lauren
and I were together for quite a while, a couple years at least. One night we
hosted a huge party. We
’
d both received awards for our work
and decided to throw a massive free for all. We spent a ton of money on party
supplies
—
which is basically code in
Hollywood for drugs and alcohol. Tons of people showed up and we all proceeded
to get completely and totally wasted. The last thing I remember about that
night was helping to set up a beer keg that someone brought late to the party.
Or maybe I even ordered it. If I did, I was too far gone to remember. Everything
after that is a complete black out for me. I don
’
t
recall anything.
”

“
What
happened?
”
Aubrey
’
s face looked pale. She knew I was
about to drop a bomb on her.

There was no sugar coating anything for her now.
“
I woke up in bed, naked, with a man
I
’
d never met before
—
or at least I don
’
t remember meeting him.
”

Her eyes rounded like saucers and I rushed to
continue.

“
I
knew right away that we
’
d slept together because .
 
.
 
. uh .
 
.
 
. I could
feel
the evidence.
”