Mrs. Lizzy Is Dizzy! (5 page)

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MY WEIRD SCHOOL DAZE!

My Weird School Daze #1:
Mrs. Dole Is Out of Control!

Everybody was freaking out because there were sparks flying all over the place. Some of the sparks were falling on the hay at the petting zoo.

“Excuse me,” I said to Emily.

“What do you want, A.J.?” Emily asked, like she was all annoyed.

“I just wanted to let you know that you’re on fire,” I told her.

“Oh no!” yelled Mr. Sunny. “He’s going to hit—”

Mr. Sunny never got the chance to finish his sentence. Because at that moment Mr. Granite landed right on top of Mr. Sunny’s sand castle!

BAM! Mr. Granite crushed it! I mean, it was totally flattened! Mr. Sunny’s amazing sand castle looked like a big pile of sand again…with a pair of feet sticking out of the top.

“Wait a minute!” Michael said. “How do we know you’re not yanking our chain? Prove you’re an alien!”

“Yeah,” I said. “Let’s see you peel off your face.”

“Well…okay,” Mr. Granite said as he put his hand under his chin….

Mr. Granite pulled at his neck, and the skin started to come loose. Then he peeled off his entire face! And you’ll never believe in a million hundred years what he looked like underneath.

Coach Hyatt blew her whistle.

“Line up!”

“Are we gonna pick up your car again today?” asked Neil.

“No!” the coach barked. “Today you ragamuffins are going to learn the most important part of football—how to do an end zone dance.”

“A what?” asked Ryan.

“After you score a touchdown, you have to do a dance in the end zone,” Coach Hyatt said.

Then Coach Hyatt showed us her end zone dance. She shook her butt, lifted a leg over her head, hopped up and down for a while, and then put her hands in the air and waved them
around like a crazy person.

Coach Hyatt is a riot!

Graduation Song!

Sung to the tune of “Pomp and Circumstance”

I’m gra-ad-u-a-ting,

There’s a square on my head.

Why is there a square on my head?

Be-cause I’m grad-u-a-ting.

Old Mr. Loring he was over the hill

So the board of education told him he would have to chill.

My name is Hynde, and I’m gonna blow your mind.

I ain’t no music teacher, I’m a born music creature.

Cause my daddy’s name was Amos, but he never became famous.

So he took me on his lap, and he taught me how to rap.

I can rhyme any line. I got juice like Dr. Seuss.

Until I hit it big, I got this teaching gig.

So sit back on your pants and dig my new break dance.

That’s all right! That’s okay!

We’re gonna win it anyway!

Go…Moose
!

Yay!

Bonbons

Summer

Recess

Calculators

Dirt bikes

Boo!

School

Crybabies

Tofu

Andrea

Dan Gutman
has written many weird books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.

Jim Paillot
lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.

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