“What about yours?”
He shrugged. “Mine is rented. I don’t have much in it. We’ll just use yours when we’re in Florida.”
My eyes widened. “You’ve been paying a weekly rate on that cottage this whole time…just to stay by me?”
Kyle shook his head. “I told you not to worry about money. And it’s only been a few weeks, not years.” He grinned playfully. “I knew I’d sweep you off your feet faster than that.”
“Oh, you were quite sure of yourself, huh?” I teased back.
“Yes.” Kyle chuckled quietly. “I knew from the way you kissed me, like you couldn’t get enough of me, that you were a goner.” He gave me a boyish grin.
I gathered my arms around his neck. “The same could be said about you.”
His expression turned thoughtful. “Lily, you’ve had me since the first time I laid eyes on you. Watching you on the beach was a life-changing day for me. It was as if I knew you were going to be a part of me.”
“I think it was the same for me, but it scared me, too. My eyes kept drifting to you, and you were so intense while you watched me.”
“That’s right.” Kyle smirked. “You did check me out.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “I did.”
His hand gripped my chin gently to bring my eyes back to his. “You are so beautiful, especially when you laugh. Your eyes fill with so much love and happiness.” He kissed my lips softly and then pulled away. “I’m going to make you laugh every day when you live with me.”
My smile was replaced with nerves. “You don’t think this is all moving too fast?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t need a calendar to tell me how long I’ve known you, Lily. I know what I feel, and I can see it in your eyes even though you might not always want to say it out loud.” He kissed me on the cheek and then looked back and forth between the hammock and the fire pit. “So…are we camping out?”
“I was planning to sleep in that hammock.” I glanced at it and then up and down Kyle’s physique. “But I’m not sure you’ll fit.”
He showed off his gorgeous smirk again. “I think we can make it work. I’ll even let you snuggle in close,” he replied, taking hold of my hand. His eyes roamed toward the house. “We don’t have any extra clothing in the car. Do you want me to go inside and grab a blanket? Do you even have a key to the house?”
I blinked at him in surprise. “It…it would probably be a good idea. I don’t have a key, but you can use the keypad. The code is nineteen eighty-six.”
Kyle nodded. “Does that have a significant meaning?”
I looked in the direction of the house, remembering the day my parents had picked the code. My mom’s eyes had glowed as soon as my dad had said the numbers out loud.
“It was the year my parents were married.”
“I’m sorry, Lily. I wish I could take away your pain.” He rubbed my hand in his. “Do you want to go inside with me?”
My lips parted as I took in a deep breath. “No, I think it’s best if I wait out here. The keypad is on the right side of the door over there.” I gestured in the general direction.
He kissed my temple and stood. “Alright, I’ll be right back.”
I watched Kyle as he walked up to the house, moving farther and farther away from me. I put my arms around my chest, hugging myself, as I looked up into the clear sky. The night air had definitely cooled off a bit, and the stars were shining brightly.
I shifted my position in the grass while my gaze roamed back to the house, my childhood home. I took a deep breath at the thought of Kyle being inside of it.
It was a tall two-story house with a vaulted ceiling and big windows that took up most of the wall space. A few of the trees on the sides of the house were a bit larger and fuller now. The backyard deck wrapped around the right side of the house to an entrance that led into the mudroom.
When I saw the lights turn on in the mudroom and kitchen, my nerves began dancing on edge.
Kyle
was in my old home. I felt really awkward about it, but I was glad it was him and not me.
Part of me was curious and wanted to go inside, but my last memories of that home were so lonely and painful. Just the dark thoughts of it stirred a deep ache in my chest, and I tried to shake it off.
I can sleep outside. I used to do it all the time as a kid.
Trying to distract myself, I glanced at the back deck that was now lit up by the glowing lights coming from inside the house. My mom’s empty flower baskets were hanging over the railing just as I’d seen in the front yard. Mom had always filled them with the prettiest flowers she could find, and every spring, she would pick out fresh perennials to plant around the yard. All the flowers had added just the right amount of color, brightening up the overall look of the house.
My parents had been very good about the upkeep of their home. Every year, Mom and Dad would decide what things around the house needed to be updated or repaired. They’d had a perfect system of working together.
The lights went off, and then I could hear Kyle’s footsteps on the deck. My uneasiness returned, festering deep in my gut. I couldn’t believe I’d just let him go in there. I was baffled by my fear of going inside and of the emotions it might stir if I did, considering how strong they came over me from just being near the house. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn’t help myself. The house had brought back so many memories that were too painful to think about right now.
I was not sure how to keep the memories of my family positive when they made me feel damaged and broken. I was supposed to be moving forward, and looking at this house only made me feel loss and pain.
So much pain.
I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.
When I opened my eyes again, Kyle was walking toward me with a few blankets and pillows in his hands. Immediately, I knew that they had come from the basket next to the couch in the living room. My sister and I had fought over the gray crochet blanket so many times. My mom had commented over and over on how she wished she had bought two.
“Here.” Kyle reached out to hand me a blanket. “I found these in the living room.”
Frozen in place, I stared at his hand.
I’ll never again fight with Annie over that blanket.
The thought pierced my heart and stole my breath away. I glanced up at Kyle, not sure what to say. It was just a blanket but also so much more.
He looked into my eyes with understanding as he dropped the items before sitting down beside me. He pulled me into his arms, and I willingly straddled his lap, wanting his warmth and comfort. He hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head affectionately.
“I’m sorry, Lily. I can’t even imagine how difficult this is for you. It was hard for me to go inside, knowing how much this hurts you.”
I exhaled a shaky breath. “I want it to be easier. Will it always be this hard?”
“I don’t know.” Kyle sighed as he brushed my hair off my cheek. “I hope not.”
He leaned back to meet my gaze as a tear escaped and slowly rolled down my cheek. He brushed it away with such tenderness that it nearly made me cry even more.
“I just don’t know how coming here is supposed to help me. I feel worse. I feel lost. I want to kick and scream and then sink to my knees and cry. I’m trying to trust Jeanine and follow her guidance, but I’m not sure I can take much more.” After a shaky breath, I whispered, “It’s too much. This is why I left.”
Kyle tightened his embrace and kissed my forehead. Then, he tipped up my chin to meet his eyes. “I think that’s why Jeanine asked you to come back. You never broke down, Lily. You need to let it all out, so you can grieve. She thought it was necessary for you to move forward.”
I paused, knowing he was right, but I just wanted to live in my bubble where my feelings could not hurt me. Facing loss and heartache would be so much harder.
“One day at a time, Lily. I’m right here. We’ll do it however you want, but running is not an option. You are strong, and you can do this. You just have to believe in yourself.”
Believe in yourself.
He and so many others had said that to me before.
I nodded in agreement, completely spent from my overwhelming emotions. I tilted my head to the side and laid it on his chest. His arms immediately gathered me close again while I replayed his encouraging words in my mind. They meant more to me than he could ever imagine. I could hear his heart beating beneath my ear, and my eyes began to feel heavy. Being in Kyle’s arms gave me a sense of peace. I felt complete with him by my side.
I looked up into Kyle’s eyes. I wanted to thank him for everything he had done for me. Just then, a breeze picked up, blowing a few strands of my hair across my cheeks.
Kyle smiled softly and used his fingers to tuck the stray pieces behind my ear. “You’ve had a long day. Come on, beautiful, let’s get you some sleep.”
We walked over to the hammock, and Kyle pushed both of his hands onto it to steady himself as he nervously lowered to a sitting position. I bit my lip, holding back a laugh. I was seriously not sure if the hammock would be strong enough to hold me, let alone him and his muscles.
He lifted his legs and stretched back into the hammock. He sat completely motionless as he waited to make sure it would hold his weight. “I see you trying not to laugh.” Grinning, he patted the space next to him.
A chuckle slipped past my lips. “One wrong move, and we’re going to flip. You know that, right?”
“Yep, so move slowly.”
I carefully braced my palms on the hammock and then slowly lowered myself next to him. Luckily for us, it was a pretty large hammock. I bravely pivoted my hips to snuggle into his side while using my legs to counter the movement. The familiarity of his body against mine was relaxing. Kyle had a way of putting my nerves at ease while ridding my mind of any unwanted thoughts.
“So, what do we do tomorrow?” I asked.
He kissed my forehead as his fingers brushed through my hair. I closed my eyes and welcomed his touch. He always knew how to soothe my uneasiness.
“We’ll take tomorrow one step at a time. We’ll do whatever you feel comfortable doing.”
I was ready to let sleep take me over. “Thank you…for everything,” I murmured. I let out a yawn.
Kyle kissed my temple softly. “Thank you for being my everything.”
***
Tender tiny fingers reached for me, pleading to be held, while the sweetest bluest eyes I had ever seen looked out to me. Little brown curls were wrapped around the smallest ears, and I wanted to run my fingers through the soft hair around the nape of his neck.
But I could not get closer.
I reached and reached, his hand just beyond my grasp each time.
My heartbeat kicked up a notch, and my blood pumped through my veins. My instincts told me I had to clutch on to that tiny hand at any sacrifice even if it cost me my life.
I scrambled, trying to think of a way to touch and grab hold of those precious hands.
Large hands gathered around those little fingers that I was so desperately attempting to get to and pulled them farther away from me.
***
“No! Give him back!” I screamed. I strained to sit up but firm hands wrapped around my waist, holding me down. My body swayed as if I were floating. My eyes darted around frantically, searching for that child, but I could only see darkness.
Let me go!
“Lily!” a sleepy, rough voice said in my ear.
Cool air brushed along the exposed skin on my arms, and a chill ran up my spine. “No! Let me go! I need to help him!” Tears streamed down my face as my lungs constricted painfully, and I gasped for my next breath.
I need to help that child.
“Lily, you’re dreaming,” Kyle said soothingly in an effort to calm me.
His hands ran up and down the sides of my arms while my body shook uncontrollably.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” Kyle said, his voice gentle. He drew me closer to the warmth of his body, keeping the coldness at bay. He hesitated for a moment. “Who did you need to help, Lily?”
I blinked as I inhaled the smell of him. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and sniffled rather loudly against his chest.
My dream rushed to the forefront of my mind.
Baby fingers
. I felt slightly confused.
I have never dreamed of…
The wheels of my early morning brain continued to turn.
Oh my god
. I gasped at my revelation.
“Lily?” Kyle asked nervously, awaiting my response.
“I think I had a dream about…my sister’s baby.” The words felt foreign on my tongue. My heart ached as I mourned another life that had been lost on that day…a life that had never had a real beginning.
“I was trying to reach for him.” I took a deep breath, not knowing if the baby had even been a boy. “His little fingers were outstretched to me, too. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t grab him. Then, someone with large hands swooped him away from me.”
The sun was beginning to rise, and I could see the soft outline of Kyle’s features. He regarded me quietly for a moment, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.
“Maybe that was a higher power stepping in, letting you know that he is okay,” he said.
My eyes broadened at Kyle’s words, and I pondered the idea briefly. In a way, it did kind of make sense. It was a better way to perceive my dream than what I had thought of as a bad guy stealing the baby. I exhaled, feeling relief from the positive spin on the scenario.
“I like that point of view better,” I replied quietly.
Kyle’s eyed me nervously as I pivoted on the hammock. He was probably hoping I wouldn’t flip us over. I placed my legs in between his and put my elbows on each side of his chest, looking down at his face.
“Let’s talk about something happier.”
The corner of Kyle’s mouth turned into a sexy grin. “You agreed to move in with me yesterday.”
“Holy shit, I did!” I screeched playfully. “I take it back!”
Kyle growled as he gripped my behind and pulled me up the length of his muscled body until we were face-to-face. His breathing accelerated as his eyes bore into mine. My need for him started in the deepest part of me, begging for release.
“Too late, beautiful. You. Are. Mine.”