My Favorite Distraction (Distraction #1) (29 page)

“Wrap your legs around me
.”

I did,
the knuckles of my fingers white from the hold I had on the table, and he began to move inside me. It was heavenly. All of my nerves were on fire, his body grazing against mine, causing streaks of pleasure to pool inside me.

“You are so perfect
. I could play with you forever and never feel cheated.  Your body responds so well to my touch, there are so many things I want to do to you.”

He mov
ed faster, but his urgency wasn’t there.  His strokes were careful, not forceful.  His voice was soft and confident lacking the edgy animalist swearing I was used to.  He began groaning my name and the sound of the pure longing pushed me over the edge. I let go of the table and grabbed his arms, my nails digging into his flesh when I came. He was close behind me. His long groan was followed by humming. He lifted me off the table and I wrapped my legs around him, as he sat back on the couch.

“You’re my favorite thing
,” he whispered though his heavy breathing.

He leaned me back to take off the butterflies one by one
.  I squeezed my eyes savoring the bites of pain.

“I can feel you gripping me inside
. Shit, Katie, you’re making me hard again.”

I giggled at that, even though I knew he wasn’t joking. He stood up and lifted me o
ff of him, and he was hard again. I flashed him a sexy smile, but he smirked.

“I have time if you want to go again.” I was feeling generous.

He chuckled and raised his eyebrows, and it made me laugh. He smacked my butt playfully and I took off running for the stairs.  We brushed our teeth together and flossed.  He even took time to clean up his mess looking at me smiling the entire time.  I winked and he disappeared back to the bedroom. I quickly went pee before following him and when I stood up from the toilet I saw blood. I reached in my bag under the sink for a tampon. When I crawled back in bed, the lights were still on.

“I started my period.”

He looked at me in pure disbelief. “Are you sure?”

I thought that was an odd response.
“Yes, I have had it before, and I know the signs.”

“Maybe you’re spotting.”

I looked at him, willing myself to read his thoughts. “Jason, did you come in me?”

He looked
nervous, taking long blinks with his eyes. He swallowed slowly before he spoke. “Yes, and I thought for sure you were pregnant.”

My eyes went blurry for a moment, my mind repeating his words, like I heard him wrong.
Than it dawned on me that he wanted me to be pregnant. My hands shot up instantly to smack his face. I knew it hurt, his eye squeezed shut again and I saw the shadow of my hand in red across his cheek.

“Risky game
, Riggs. That could have backfired.” My anger swept through me like wild fire, my eyes confirming how pissed off I really was. “When?” I spat.

He
licked his lips and swallowed, calculating his words before he spoke. “The day of the hike after you gave me the gift, we were in the shower. It happened fast, I was just going to feel you, I wanted to know if you were as soft on the inside.  Once I was in you,” he swallowed again closing his eyes, remembering. “I should have felt guilty, but instead, everything was clear. Katarina you belong with me. This whole time I pictured my seed in your belly, and it was intoxicating knowing a piece of me was in you.” I took a second thinking about the day he was talking about. 
How could I have not known?
  I was unusually sticky and wet, but he had me so aroused all the time. My sex was always wet. I took a deep, frustrating breath.

“You would want me pregnant that bad. You would trick me?”  I
couldn’t believe his new level of control. I trusted him and he did
this
.

“Honestly, I am a little confused right now
. Talking about this makes me hard and I really want to have sex with you again. I know it shouldn’t, but it does.”

“Are you trying to chase me away? Maybe without knowing?”
My voice filled with serious edge.  I was not joking, I was livid, more at myself for trusting.

“I don’t know
. I don’t want to use a condom with you, and I have never said that before, with anyone. Fuck Katarina, with or without a condom, I have never came in anyone.”

It was quiet
and my mind was racing.  His arms wrapped around me pulling me close to his hard body before he started talking again. “I don’t regret it. I want this with you, all of it.” My brain started to ache it was so overwhelming.  I squeezed my eyes shut.  Then it came to me, he knew who I really was. He wanted a piece of the pie, a big pay out.  I struggled to push him away, to get away. All this time I pretended to be a lonely dental hygienist who lived in an apartment with her best friend and he knew who I really was.

“Don’t think…not right now.  I know the way you think, Kat
arina, stop.”  I tried to, I really tried.

“Jason,” I paused processing my thoughts into words. “I can handle rough sex, the passion you have for me makes me feel…alive. That’s how I feel when I am with you, everything seems new. I spent most of my life numb, just existing, but it’s not like that when I’m with you.”  I took a long breath. “I can’t handle the dishonesty.” He squeezed me so tight I lost the ability to breathe.  I willed myself to relax. I thought about the first time he held me like this and how comforted I felt wrapped up in his strong arms. He started whispering, but I was done listening.

“Sh.” I interrupted. “We will talk later.” His body relaxed, his arms loosened. And I knew two things, for sure: I was not going to talk about this later and I needed to enjoy this last night in his arms because I was already planning my escape.

In the morning it was like nothing
had happened.  Jason joined me in the shower. He was happy, it was nice. He still didn’t believe me about my period, so he cleaned me until he saw proof. I thought it was disgusting, but it didn’t bother him at all. In fact, all the poking he was doing turned him on, but he didn’t pressure me, and I was not feeling horny at all. I moved to get out of the shower, and as I glanced back, Jason caught my eyes and then gave me an erotic performance. He closed his eyes, tilting his head back, as he slid the palm of his large hand down the length of his hard cock. I stepped back into the spraying water gliding my hand over the top of his arm, down to the hand that held his penis. His eyes opened and I watched the sexual drug fill his body when my hand replaced his on his penis. I loved the silky feel of shaft as he moved it in and out of my grip. I heard his breathing increase, and I tilted my head up to kiss him. He cradled my face with one hand and passionately kissed me.  The hot shower spilled all over our faces, but I could only taste him. His other hand covered mine on his cock, and his kissing became more aggressive. I heard his final grunt, and his mouth fell open. I sucked on his bottom lip biting it slightly before turning away. There was something so intimate about what he had let me join in on, I was beaming when I got out of the shower.

My grin
fell slightly when my brain began to work again reminding me of how temporary this was. I still knew what I had to do, my feeling from last night unchanged. We got ready and went to work. He walked me to my car and kissed me good-bye, and then I watched him get into his Jeep and drive off.

* * * *

Anxiety built as I parked my car. I went about my morning routine in a haze. When my boss got there, I followed him back to his office, dreading my upcoming conversation.

“Good morning
, Doctor.” I felt my sweaty hands smooth my scrub top down.

He looked up at me
after setting his stuff down.

“I am going home after this week
. I know some great hygienists and could help you hire someone really good, but I can’t stay any longer.”

He looked at me
, his eyes blank.

“Did something happen?” His eyebrows drew up at his question.

I couldn’t talk at all, just shook my head no.

“O
K, I appreciate the referral, and I am sorry to see you go.”

I turned to walk away
, but he stopped me.

“We are all taking Wednesday through Friday off this week because of the
dental convention. Were you planning on going with us?”

I turned to him
, stunned. I had been missing all week at lunch time and had completely forgotten. They had been talking about this trip since I started. It was Disneyland and the convention; they were planning both.

“No
, I won’t be going.”

He looked at me
with disappointment all over his face. “I guess tomorrow’s your last day.”

I
turned left after that. My boss was such a kind and gentle man, and I had just told him I was leaving with one day’s notice. I hated myself.  The feeling made my heart hurt, my stomach turn.

I finished my day
, the same way I started, in a blur. I didn’t even remember lunch. I sat in my car, not sure where to go. I headed for Jason’s house, but when I got there, he was nowhere to be found. I was overwhelmed with sadness, and I felt the need to curl into a ball and cry, but I didn’t. I focused on the wall, the wall of my bubble. I checked my cell, which I should have checked before leaving work, and I read the text from Jason.

Jason: Basketball after work then going to check on a pregnant horse.Call me. I miss
u


I stared at the message for a long while, then drove to my apartment. Heather was there excited to see me. She talked about her trip and about Jared and about sex. I just listened and nodded like I always did. We watched television together and ate dinner, and I enjoyed it. Heather was such a great distraction.  She was so animated and talkative, she never let me have time to think or dwell.

I left the room when I heard a knock on the door
and went to my room.  Heather mentioned our neighbor had been coming over lately and hanging out. She said that the girl was locked out the night I went to Jason’s so they stayed up together talking, drinking wine. I should have been jealous, but I was relieved that Heather had a replacement for me. She could be Heather's new BFF, but I was in no mood to paint a smile on and pretend she was mine. I heard my phone go off a couple times, but made no move to get it. Heather knocked on my door, walking in simultaneously. She saw me cleaning and picked up my phone, handing it to me. It stopped ringing and I shrugged. Then I jumped when it started ringing again.

“Hello,” I said in my plainest voice.

“Hey, princess, what are you doing?” His voice was soft and sexy. I sat on the edge of my bed not wanting to feel what I felt for this man.

“Nothing, what are you doing?”

“Well, the horse looks good, but it’s late, and I’ve been invited to dinner.”

I looked at the time
. It was 7:30 p.m. “I think you should stay and visit. Jenny looks like a fun person.” I tried not to sound jealous, and I think I would have pulled it off if I hadn’t said her name. It was awkward, and he drew quiet.

“Are you sure
? I hate that you’re alone.” I could hear guilt in his voice.

“No
, I am not alone. I am at my apartment. Heather’s with me. I am looking at her right now. She handed me the phone, actually.” I smiled at Heather. She was watching me closely.

“So you’re
OK?”

“Yes
, I am fine. Don’t hurry. Take your time. I am going to stay here, tonight.”

He was silent after that
, and I waited for him to talk first.

“Do you want me to come there when I am done here?”

“No, I will see you tomorrow for sure.” I was cold and aloof. He was quiet again.

“Tomorrow then
.”

I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything after that
. I just hung up.

Heather sat on my bed watching me. She didn’t ask me anything
, just sat there.

“You’re leaving again
, aren’t you?” She looked away. “I thought he would make you stop running. He told me he really cared about you. I believed him.” She started to sob, and I put my head on her shoulder.

“You could come with me
.” I hated to hear her cry.

“Not this time
. I have a job I love. I am just sad. I never thought I would have to say good-bye to you…ever.” She leaned her head on mine, but didn’t ask me any questions, didn’t beg me to stay. She got up to leave.

“I am going to tell Chelsea to go home.  We can do girls night another time.” She wiped her eyes
and took a deep breath before leaving.  Chelsea must have been the name of our neighbor.  I didn’t ask.

Heather
slept with me that night and held my hand. The gesture made me cry myself to sleep.

In the morning I tiptoed out of the apartment. I wanted to sneak out
before Heather came out of her bedroom. I didn’t want any more tears.

I went to the
coffeehouse and had a muffin and a coffee. It was hot and bitter, but I needed energy. I was struggling. I fired up my laptop and sent an e-mail to Blake with all of Jason’s family’s addresses. I might have been a deserter, but I was a girl of my word. I sent another e-mail to Lorrie, a friend in hygiene school, to tell her about this wonderful job in California that started next week.

I arrived at work and mentally went over my schedule
wanting today to go smoothly. When my work friends got there, they were all excited about the trip to Disneyland the following day. I pulled them away individually and told them I was leaving. Shannon was the most upset. While everyone else looked angry, Shannon asked what was wrong. She was so sweet it made me want to cry, but I didn’t. I told her there were things I had avoided at home that I needed to confront. She wrote down every number she had before she left for the day. Of all the days working there, today was by far the fastest. Everyone gave me hugs and wished me well, and I did the same.

I sat in my car debating on where to go
. I felt lost and then pulled my phone out. There were no calls or texts, so I went to Jason’s house. He wasn’t there.  I went inside and packed my things. I didn’t need them, but I doubted he wanted them. I took everything to my car, then because I was sick of nervously waiting, I made some cookies. I learned a week ago that control goes to the leaving person.  The one who walks away or breaks up, they have all the control.  The thing was, I didn’t want it.  I didn’t want to picture him on the stairs curled in a ball crying. I didn’t want to be the cause of any pain. I sat down and tried to write a note, but I couldn’t think of anything to write. All I could come up with was “thank you.” I wrote it and laughed at those two words—the same words he’d said to me after our first time together, words that had made me so angry. I completely understood those words now. It’s amazing how much gratitude you can have for something and the only words that can express it are used so often for everything.  I wanted him to know how much I have changed because of him, how much I can see and feel. I hoped those two words would help him understand how much I valued our time together.

I hung the note on the fridge.

To my favorite distraction,

Thank you