My Friend Leonard (29 page)

Authors: James Frey

W
e finish our movie it's not very good. We have a big premiere my parents come my brother comes Leonard comes there's a big crowd. At the after party people shake my hand pat me on the back give me their business cards tell me the movie was amazing, incredible, great. I smile say thank you but I know it wasn't very good. It hurts me to admit it, and it hurts me to accept it, my movie wasn't very good.

Allison hates her job more and more with every passing day and is more and more miserable with every passing day she comes home angry every night.

Leonard goes back to the East Coast to try to play the golf course. He says this time he's taking a briefcase full of cash with him. As I always do before his pilgrimage, I wish him luck, good luck Leonard good luck.

The script I sold goes into production, an actor from a popular television show about a group of friends in New York is the star. He hires his best friend to rewrite my script I read the new version and I hate it. I call a lawyer and I ask him if there's anything I can do about it, he reads my contract and says no and he tells me that when you take Hollywood's money you have to be prepared to eat Hollywood's shit. I don't like eating shit but I know I'm going to have to this time, so I go to my kitchen and I get a napkin.

I
'm asleep. I hear the phone ring I'm asleep I hear the phone ring. Allison is sleeping next to me it's early Saturday morning we were out late last night. I hear her pick up the phone say hello. I open my eyes turn over. She has the phone to her ear I see her lose color I see fear register on her face I see her lips start to quiver she passes the phone to me her hand is shaking. I put my hand over it, speak.

What's wrong?

She shakes her head.

What's wrong?

She points to the phone.

Take it.

I put the phone to my ear, speak.

Hello.

You never paid my fucking bill.

I've heard the voice it's early I'm not awake yet.

What?

You never paid my fucking bill.

I sit up. I know the voice it's my neighbor with the beagle, the blue car, the gun.

What are you talking about?

You never paid my fucking bill.

You never showed me the bill.

You knew how much the bill was, you know where I live, you should've fucking paid it.

I said if you showed it to me, we'd work something out. I'll still do that.

Too fucking late now.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means my cousin in the 68th Street Crips is on his way to your house right now to kill your fucking dogs and kick your ass.

What?

You heard me.

This is a huge fucking over-reaction.

Not the way I see it.

Just show me the bill and we'll work something out.

Too late for that.

He hangs up. I hang up. I look at Allison, who still looks terrified.

What'd he say to you?

He said put your boyfriend on the phone, bitch.

She takes a deep breath.

And I said what and he yelled put your fucking boyfriend on the phone you dumb fucking bitch.

You okay?

She shakes her head.

No.

Take a deep breath, calm down, everything is going to be fine.

What'd he say to you?

Doesn't matter.

I start dialing the phone.

Are you calling the police?

No.

Call the police.

No.

Phone starts ringing. Allison looks panicked.

Call the police, please.

Ringing. I take her hand.

No.

Ringing. She starts crying.

Please.

Leonard picks up.

Who dares to call me at this hour?

It's me. Did I wake you?

I've been riding my exercise bike for the last hour. What's going on?

I've got a problem, Leonard.

What's wrong?

I tell him about my conversation with my neighbor. When I'm finished he laughs. I speak.

This is not fucking funny, Leonard.

The guy's full of shit, my son. It's laughable how full of shit he is.

Sure didn't sound like he was full of shit.

He's definitely full of shit.

And how do you know that?

I've never heard of the 68th Street Crips. Now that doesn't mean they don't exist, but if they do, I can promise you that not one of them is going to risk serious fucking prison time to come up to nice, safe, leafy, lily-white, full of movie stars Laurel Canyon to break into your house, shoot your dogs, beat your ass and somehow have to deal with your girlfriend. Gangbangers are crazy and dangerous, but they're not fucking stupid. Your obvious move here would be to call the police, who would roar up there and be sitting in your living room waiting for said supposed dog assassin to show up, at which point he would be arrested. A gang member would know that, and no gangster would be willing to risk it.

So what do I do?

Well, this guy is obviously fucked-up. And he may very well try to hurt you or the dogs, and if Allison is around, he may try to hurt her. That's not acceptable to me. I want you and Allison and the dogs to get in that shit-box truck of yours and drive down to the Four Seasons. I think Four Seasons are dog-friendly, and if they're not, they will be for you. By the time you get there, I will have called and gotten you a room. I'll try to get a big room if possible. Stay there until Monday. Do not leave. Eat your meals there, and if you need anything, clothes or books or whatever, have the concierge get it for you and charge it to the room. Have a nice time. Think of this as a little vacation. Take baths and swim in the pool and get massages and eat room service. Don't think about your asshole neighbor. When you get home on Monday, I will have taken care of your problem with him.

Thank you, Leonard.

I need you to do something for me.

Okay.

Get his address.

Okay.

And call me when you get to the hotel, so I know you're safe.

Okay.

I hang up the phone. Allison has been watching me listening to me she's still terrified I turn to her speak.

We're leaving.

Where we going?

Four Seasons.

The hotel?

Yeah.

Why are we going there?

We're going to spend the weekend there.

Why?

Leonard says it will be safe for us there.

And what do we do when we leave?

The problem will be taken care of.

What's that mean?

I didn't ask, and I'm not going to ask.

This is fucking crazy, James.

Do you want to stay here, see what happens?

No.

Then let's go.

We get up we move quickly we brush our teeth get dressed. Allison keeps some clothes at my house she packs them into a small bag with a toothbrush, some toothpaste. I get the dogs on their leashes we get in the truck drive down the hill. The blue car is in the driveway of the house Allison won't look at it I get the address. We drive to the Four Seasons, pull into the drive. The valet comes to my truck. He smiles at me like most valets smile at me and my truck, I'm not sure if they think the truck is cool or feel sorry for me for driving it. I don't really care either way.

We walk into the lobby. The dogs are excited, Cassius tries to take a piss in a potted plant. I pull him away we walk up to the reception desk. An attractive woman in her early thirties smiles at us and speaks.

Mr. Frey.

Hi.

We have your room ready for you.

I laugh.

Thank you.

She hands me a small envelope with a keycard and mini-bar key.

If we can do anything to make your stay more pleasurable, please let us know.

Thank you.

We turn around walk to the elevators, take an elevator up, find our room, go inside. It's a small suite, with a bedroom and a sitting room with a couch and two chairs and a desk and a large bathroom with a marble tub and a shower and two sinks and soaps and lotions and big fat towels and thick robes. I let the dogs off their leashes they start running around smelling everything. I sit down on the couch, look at Allison, speak.

You okay?

She nods.

Yeah.

I look around the room.

Not bad.

She laughs.

Yeah, not bad.

I stand put my arms around her kiss her softly on the neck tell her I love her, she puts her arms around me tells me she loves me and we stand in the middle of the room silently holding each other.

We spend the rest of the weekend relaxing eating room service sitting by the pool watching pay-per-view movies taking baths lounging around in the robes. I get the dogs steaks cut them into little pieces, I take them for walks in the underground parking garage. They sleep in the bed with us we sleep well, easily, without worry.

Monday morning Allison and I have breakfast together, I drive her to work. I'm nervous as I go home start driving up the hill toward my house. I approach the man's house. I see a moving van parked on the curb. Men are moving furniture from the house to the truck. The blue convertible is filled with boxes. The man is standing in the door he is speaking into a cell phone. He looks nervous, scared. He sees my truck he immediately turns and walks into the house.

Two days later there is a For Sale sign in the front yard.

I
don't see Leonard for two months. He calls me twice he doesn't sound well I ask him if he's okay he says yes, just busy, got some shit going on. I ask him if I can help in any way he says no.

The movie I shot doesn't sell we lose all of the investors' money.

Allison and I start fighting. We fight over everything. There's no good reason for the fighting, and neither of us wants to fight, but we can't seem to stop, and every day my heart breaks a little more, with each fight my heart breaks a little more.

I take a job writing a script for a children's movie. It's an idiotic job and I only do it for the money. I don't give a shit about it and after I turn in my first draft, I get fired.

Cassius and Bella get in a fight and tear each other up. I have to take them both to the vet they both get stitched, they both get infections, they both end up on antibiotics, they both end up with scars. I have no idea why they started fighting, and five minutes after I break it up, they're licking each other's wounds. Aside from Leonard and Allison, they're the best friends I've got, and when they hurt I hurt, and I can't imagine living without them, and the entire incident scares the shit out of me.

There's a huge storm with huge winds a huge tree in my backyard falls it falls through my fucking roof. I'm sleeping when it happens, it sounds like a fucking bomb exploded in my living room. I jump out of bed run into the living room there are tree branches and sticks and leaves everywhere I look up and I can see a black, black sky. I stand there and I look up and it rains on me and I stare up at a black, black sky.

J
ust before noon. I'm sitting in my living room. It took two weeks to fix the roof I stayed at Allison's we fought the entire time. I'm sitting in front of the television. I'm smoking a cigarette I'm drinking a cola the dogs are on either side of me. We're watching a talk show. Two sisters who are both married to their cousin, the same cousin, are fighting each other. They're throwing punches, screaming, scratching, pulling each other's hair. It's sick, but I enjoy watching it. The phone rings I pick it up. Leonard speaks.

My son.

What's up, Leonard?

I need to see you.

Okay.

I need to see you right now.

Where are you?

At a diner in Hollywood.

What are you doing there?

Doesn't matter, I just need to see you.

Okay.

Can you come now?

Sure.

He gives me the name of the diner I know where it is, I get in the truck drive down, park on the street, which is in a dangerous, rundown neighborhood. I walk into the diner see Leonard sitting in a corner facing the door. He stands as I walk toward him. He looks nervous, anxious.

He speaks.

Thanks for coming.

Of course.

He steps around the table, gives me a hug. We separate. I speak.

What's wrong?

Let's sit.

We sit down. He speaks.

Do you want anything?

No.

Everything okay with you?

Yeah.

Allison?

She's fine.

The dogs?

They're fine.

Work?

It's fine, Leonard, everything's fine.

Good.

What's wrong?

What makes you think something is wrong?

You've been away, I haven't heard from you. We're sitting in this shithole diner in a shithole neighborhood. You look nervous and you seem anxious and I can see your hand is shaking, which is something I've never seen before.

He nods.

You're good, my son, real good.

I laugh.

What's wrong, Leonard? Are you doing coke?

Fuck no. Never. You should know I'm done with that.

Then what's wrong?

I'm going away for a while.

Where you going?

I can't tell you.

Why?

I just can't.

Is this why I haven't seen you, and why when I've spoken to you, you've seemed fucking weird?

Yes.

Where you going?

I can't tell you.

Is someone trying to kill you?

No.

Are you going to jail?

No.

What the fuck, Leonard.

I'm sorry.

I don't understand this.

At some point you will.

When?

When I can, and I don't know when that will be, I'll get in touch with you.

And that's it?

Trust that I have to do what I'm doing, and that when I can, I will be in touch with you.

I look away, shake my head, bite my lip. I'm confused and angry and hurt I don't understand what's happening. I'm scared because Leonard is scared, nervous because he's nervous. I've never seen him scared or nervous before something bad is happening, something bad is happening. He speaks.

Do you trust me?

Of course I do.

I've got to go.

I don't want you to get killed, Leonard. And if you're locked up I want to come see you.

You said you trusted me.

I do.

Then trust that's not what's happening, and trust that I'll be in touch.

I look at him, nod. He stands.

Give me a hug, my son.

I stand, give him a hug. I don't want to cry I force myself not to cry. We separate, he steps away, speaks.

Don't be a dumbfuck.

I laugh.