My Friend Leonard (27 page)

 

I
call Allison my hands are shaking I can see my heart beating I can hardly speak I call her she answers the phone. We talk for a few minutes. I wonder if she can tell I'm nervous scared I wonder if she can tell I'm shaking I hope not. I tell her that I love her. I tell her that I want her to move to Los Angeles. I tell her that I don't want to live without her. I tell her that I love her, I love her, I love her.

 

I
fly to Virginia. I'm going to spend a week with Allison's family, help her pack, drive across the country with her. She picks me up at the airport I see her grab her hold her kiss her tell her I've missed her I'm so happy to see her I love her.

Her parents live in Virginia Beach. They live in a big, beautiful Southern house with white columns and a wide porch, on one side is a golf course on the other side is a quiet inlet of the Atlantic Ocean. They're conservative Southerners, people who believe in God, family, tradition. I like them, they seem to like me. I don't swear around them, never let them see my tattoos, avoid discussions about my past. I stay in a room on the side of the house opposite Allison's room. Every chance I get I drag her into closets into bathrooms into the attic, we sneak out of our rooms at night meet in the kitchen in the living room outside in the grass. I play golf with her father, go shopping with her and her mother, we go to their country club for dinner, Allison and I ride bikes take walks along the beach. It's a nice week, a mellow week, it feels like what our life could be like in a few years if we get married and live somewhere other than Los Angeles. It's an image I like it feels happy, comfortable. It feels right as right as any life I've ever imagined.

At the end of the week we pack the car, have a last breakfast with her parents, they cry and wave as we pull away. We've mapped out our trip in an atlas we're going a zig-zaggy route that takes us through the Southern United States. We're going to take our time at least a week, maybe two. Our first stop is Richmond. We stay with Allison's brother, who is a lawyer for a large tobacco company. I met him in Paris several years ago we had drinks together a few times when I left Paris I ended up in rehab and jail when he left he went to law school. He's tall, blond, handsome, he wears pressed pants, starched shirts, lives in a pristine apartment, I imagine
that he keeps an accurate checkbook and pays his taxes on time. He takes us out for dinner says he's tired of Richmond is tired of living in such a conservative environment is thinking of moving. I ask him where he wants to go he's says he's not sure maybe Los Angeles. I offer to throw his shit in Allison's trailer he can come with us. He declines.

From Richmond we go to Washington DC. We walk around Georgetown go to the National Gallery. Allison takes me to a bathing suit store she wants to buy me a leopard print Speedo, I ask her why she says because it's funny. I try one on walk around the store ask the other customers what they think of it. Most ignore me, two gay men tell me I look great, an elderly woman tells me to get away from her before she calls the police. I wear the Speedo as we drive out of town.

We decide to go to Memphis. Halfway there we stop at a cheap motel. We get a big room with a big bed it's the first time we've been truly alone since my arrival we take advantage of it. We arrive in Memphis tour Graceland eat barbeque listen to the blues on Beale Street. I feel bad for Elvis dying on the toilet in his big, silly, lonely house. I eat barbeque until I can hardly walk. I dig the blues and at times have known the blues but not right now, not right now.

We drive south through Tennessee and Mississippi. I walk into a backwater truckstop wearing the Speedo, truckers want to kick my ass, the clerk laughs and asks me if I am going to the beach. Further south to New Orleans we see my friend Miles Davis, not the trumpet player Miles Davis, my friend from rehab the Honorable Miles Davis, Federal Judge. Miles was my roommate at rehab. We spent a lot of sleepless nights talking, listening to music, he plays the clarinet he would play when he couldn't sleep. He helped me deal with my legal problems, talked to people for me, made calls for me and helped me avoid a stretch in prison. Aside from Leonard he's the only person I knew there who is still clean, the rest of our friends are either locked-up or dead. We stay in New Orleans for three days. I meet Miles' wife she's a Doctor we have a huge cajun dinner with her and Miles. We go to a bar in the French Quarter where the waitresses look like beautiful women but are all men. We drink strong coffee eat beignets watch ragged magicians perform and drunk guitarists play and fortune tellers speculate and lie. We listen to jazz at night in dark smoky bars where the best musicians in the world play out their
lives in obscurity. We walk through the gardens of former plantations the owners are still white the help is still black doesn't seem like much has changed. We eat Sno-Kones in the ghetto we wander through the zoo, what's up orangutan, I like that crazy hair. I'm sad to leave, sad to say goodbye to Miles. I could live in New Orleans, I don't mind the heat and noise and dirt, it's a beautiful decrepit debauched disintegrating paradise.

We drive north cross into Texas decide to try and make it across in one shot. Allison buys some books we turn off the radio she starts reading to me. Fourteen hours later we're through two books both Paul Bowles a gallon of coffee three packs of cigarettes and I can't see straight. Four more hours and we're in Santa Fe we see Allison's friends walk through the mountains spend a day at a spa get massages swim in a hot springs Allison gets treatments I have no idea what I just sit and read a book.

We go to Vegas. We're both tired we don't leave the room.

We drive from Vegas to Los Angeles. We pull up to the house. Cassius and Bella have been staying with a friend he dropped them at the house earlier in the day. As I walk to the door I can hear them barking I don't know if they smell me or hear me but they know I'm home. I open the door they jump up and down run in circles, Cassius pees himself they give us kisses. I tell them Daddy's home now he isn't going away again. I tell them Daddy has Mommy with him she isn't going away again. Allison smiles I look at her put my arms around her, kiss her neck, speak.

I love you and I'm happy you're here and I don't want you going away again.

 

A
llison's parents don't want her living with me until we're engaged we're not ready to get engaged she moves in with Conner. Their apartment is at the bottom of the hill about five minutes from my house. Danny and I start trying to raise money for a movie. We call every wealthy person we know we tell them we have a great investment opportunity for them, some of them actually write us checks.

Allison starts working as an assistant for a producer at a studio. The producer is the son of the head of the studio, and has never actually produced anything, but has a big office and a large expense account.

I keep trying to write a book I spend most of my time smoking and drinking coffee and playing with the dogs and swearing.

Allison and I walk into a coffee shop. We see an ex-girlfriend of mine sitting at a table, the ex-girlfriend sees us. We all went to school together, the ex-girlfriend and Allison know each other. I have not seen the ex for three years, we split on terrible terms. The last time we saw each other I was bleeding, beaten, in handcuffs, on my way to jail. I look at her she looks the same, arctic blue eyes long thick blond hair. I say hello she says hello, Allison says hello she says hello to Allison. I have wondered what happened to her, where she was, what it would be like to see her. I feel nothing. I could give two shits about her. Allison and I order our coffees and we sit outside and smoke and laugh and look at each other and when the ex leaves none of us bother to say goodbye.

A yappy little beagle bites Cassius on the ass while I'm walking him and Bella down our street. The beagle snarls and barks jumps at Cassius, looks like he's going to bite him again. Cassius tries to ignore the beagle but the beagle keeps coming until Cassius lunges at him, puts his entire head in his mouth, shakes him a couple of times and tosses him a few feet away. The beagle shakes it off, appears to be fine, and runs away.

Allison and I are together every night. Most of the time we're at my house, once in a while we're at her apartment. She is the first person I have completely loved. I love her physically, emotionally, I love everything about her I love her more every day, more every day. Sometimes I wonder if this is it what my life would have been like if Lilly had lived. Sometimes I feel guilty because I'm happy. Sometimes I hate myself because when I'm with Allison, I stop thinking about Lilly, and I stop missing her.

 

L
eonard wants to meet Allison. I invite him over for dinner, tell him we'll cook for him. He laughs, calls me a domesticated motherfucker, asks me what I know how to cook, I tell him absolutely nothing, Allison's in charge. He laughs again says he'd love to come I ask him if tomorrow is cool he says yeah.

Allison and I go to the fancy gourmet grocery store. She has a list she tells me what to get she checks to make sure I've picked up the right items she double checks as we wait in line.

She starts preparing the food in the afternoon. She makes a salad, mashed potatoes, an apple pie. While she's in the kitchen, I clean the house. I sweep the floors mop the floors, scrub every surface in the bathroom, wash the sheets wash the futon cover, pick up all the dogshit in the backyard and throw it in the woods. The smells coming from the kitchen make me hungry make me want to eat I take regular breaks to go into the kitchen and try to snack. Allison kicks me out I try again she kicks me out again. We take showers put on nice clothes survey the house to make sure everything is in order survey the kitchen to make sure everything is on schedule. Allison knows about Leonard knows what he does and who he is knows about my relationship with him knows how much he means to me. We both want tonight to go well she's nervous. I know Leonard will like her, I know she'll like him though she may be slightly intimidated by him. We hear a car pull up the dogs start barking car door opens knock knock knock. I open the door, Leonard is standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers, two bottles of wine one white one red. He speaks.

My son.

Come on in, Leonard.

Leonard steps into the house. Allison is in my bedroom. Leonard looks around, speaks loudly so that Allison can hear him.

I knew it, I knew it. This beautiful perfect woman was all a delusion, an invention, she doesn't exist.

I laugh.

I was always suspicious. This Allison sounded too good to be true. No one can be everything you said she is, gorgeous, smart, well-read, knowledgeable in the history of art, and willing to tolerate you. It's impossible, impossible.

Allison walks out of the bedroom. Leonard sees her.

Oh my.

Allison smiles.

Hi, Leonard. I'm Allison. I've heard a lot about you, it's nice to meet you.

Leonard drops to one knee.

My Lady, you're a vision. May I offer you flowers, and may I offer you wine, red if you please, white if you please.

Allison laughs, takes the flowers and wine.

Thank you.

May I stand?

She laughs again.

Of course.

Leonard stands, Allison walks into the kitchen puts the flowers in a vase. I follow her ask her what kind of wine she wants she says red I open the bottle ask Leonard if he wants a cola he says no, I stopped drinking cola, just water for me. I pour Allison a glass of wine, Leonard a glass of water, a glass of cola for me. Allison puts dinner in the oven, Leonard sits down on the couch. He looks at Allison, speaks.

Pretty Lady. Come sit with me.

Allison smiles, looks at me.

Can you handle yourself in here?

Yeah.

Allison sits with Leonard. I set the table, warm up the potatoes, put dressing on the salad. I hear bits of their conversation I hear them talking about Allison's hometown about women's clothing, which Leonard seems to know about for some reason. I hear them talking about art about wine I hear them laughing I hear them talking about me I try not to listen. I finish in the kitchen put the salads on the table tell them dinner is ready.

They walk over, Leonard pulls out Allison's chair, we all sit down. Leonard raises a glass, speaks.

To my son, and to the beautiful, charming, intelligent young woman he has somehow convinced to spend time with him.

Allison and I laugh we all clink glasses we each take a sip. We eat the salad, eat dinner Allison makes beef tenderloin, eat dessert. Leonard asks Allison what I was like before rehab, she laughs and says she doesn't really know because she tried to avoid me as much as possible. Allison asks Leonard what rehab was like, he laughs and says it was great and awful at the same time. She asks how it was great, he says as ridiculous as it may sound, it was fun being institutionalized with a bunch of crazy drug addicts and alcoholics, we laughed a lot and told each other all kinds of crazy stories and became great friends. She asks why it was awful he says because nobody ends up there because they're healthy or sane or stable, nobody ends up there because they have a good life, and it's pretty miserable dealing with all the shit we've done to ourselves and other people and it's pretty miserable trying to figure out how not to do it again. She asks about our friends there Leonard tells her about Ed and Ted, Ed died in a fight and Ted is in prison for the rest of his life, about Matty the boxer shot dead outside a crackhouse, about Michael he blew his brains out with a shotgun, about John also now in prison for the rest of his life. Allison asks if Leonard knows Miles, Leonard says of course I do, he's a fine, fine man, I wish I could be friends with him. Allison asks why he can't, Leonard says our positions on opposite ends of the legal spectrum prevent any such friendship. Allison asks about his job, Leonard laughs, says if you're asking, you know, and that's all I'm going to tell you. As I am clearing the table, Allison gets up goes to the bathroom. Leonard stands, starts helping me, speaks.

If she was my type I'd try to steal her from you.

That'd be a problem.

Thankfully she's not my type.

Do I have your approval?

Buy the ring tomorrow.

I guess that means yes.

That means yes yes yes yes yes, you're fucking crazy if you let her go.

I don't want to, but who knows.

What would stop you?

I don't know.

Lilly?

No.

Does she know about her?

Sort of.

What's that mean?

She knows of her, but she doesn't know details.

Why not?

I don't like talking about Lilly, and I don't with anyone but you, and I don't want Allison to feel like she has to live up to my memories of my dead girlfriend.

That might be a burden.

It would suck for her.

Yes, it would.

I love her and want her to feel comfortable.

I think you're being smart.

Thank you.

Allison returns, Leonard turns around.

Ah, pretty lady, we were just talking about you.

Allison smiles.

What were you saying?

James was telling me how much he loves you.

She smiles again.

I love him.

And I was telling him that if you were my type, I would try to steal you from him.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

You're charming, Leonard, but you wouldn't get me.

I'm handsome too. Don't forget handsome.

Allison laughs.

Yeah, you're handsome too, Leonard, but I love him.

Leonard looks at me.

You're lucky man, my son, lucky motherfucky.

I laugh.

A motherfucky?

Leonard nods.

Yeah.

What's a motherfucky?

That's you. You're a lucky motherfucky.

You ever use that one before?

Nope, just invented it, just for you, lucky motherfucky.

I laugh again, look at beautiful Allison, look at my friend Leonard, look at my doggies asleep on the floor, they're all in my house in Laurel Canyon in the hills above Los Angeles. I just had a great meal. I'm in love. I know I'm going to wake up tomorrow. I'm a lucky man. A lucky man.

Lucky motherfucky.