My Heart Can't Tell You No (11 page)

“Nothing,” she murmured.

“We almost lost her last autumn, that’s what’s wrong with her.” Bob again answered for her, his controlling behavior starting to wear on Maddie’s nerves. “She was running a hundred-and-four-degree temperature for over a week. They couldn’t bring it down until after she was in the hospital for three days.”

“When did all this happen?” Joe was shocked.

“Why do you think she didn’t make it to your wedding?” Lew asked.

“Lena just said she wasn’t coming. That’s all.”

“Lena,” Maddie snorted under her breath.

“She was starting to get sick then. By the next week, she was delirious. She didn’t know most of us when we talked to her, just kept calling out for Mom and Jack. Sometimes she would even talk to Jackie as if he were in the room,” Bob told him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t see ya.” Bob’s tone told everyone that even if he had seen Joe, he wouldn’t have had a conversation about Maddie.

When Joe looked at John and Tom they merely shrugged their shoulders and went back to their fishing, evidently not feeling the subject was worth discussing.

“Ya gotta admit, Irish, you’ve been kinda hard to get a hold of since ya got married,” Lew told him. “Maybe if you would have had a reception, we would have had time to talk.”

“What are ya talking about?” Joe seemed astounded. “There was a reception. Lena said you guys couldn’t come.”

Tom and John glanced at each other in disbelief, then looked back to the creek as Lew responded to Joe.

“Musta got lost in the mail. Those things happen. Better watch your pole there, Irish. I think ya got a bite.”

Maddie got up and moved downstream a good distance to take off her shoes and wade in the cool, clear water. She didn’t want to hear about Joe’s wedding and the way he’d stayed isolated from her family since then. And she didn’t want to hear about how sick she had been. She was there, or almost there, when she wasn’t off in
Never-Never
Land
. She didn’t like thinking about those days. She was mad at Joe McNier, so mad she could sit down in the soothing water and bawl. She kept her eyes pointed away from him. She didn’t know he would be here today. If she had, it probably would have made her want to come more, even if the sight of him did cut her like a knife. She was in love with Joe. She had known for over a year now, just as she was sure that all he saw was a fat teenager the last time she had seen him. After he had come back from Vietnam, she would go to his house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but he was always asleep because he worked the night shift. Now, he didn’t even live close anymore. He had moved into town with Lena when they got married.

Married! She had never been so heartbroken in her young life. And what made it worse was that he had married Lena Johnson. Lena Johnson! God, how could Madelyn Baker ever compete with Lena Johnson? Even their names proved who the victor was. What was a Madelyn next to a Lena?

She glanced back up at Lew where he sat laughing with her brothers, Bob and Joe. Lew was always laughing—when he wasn’t yelling at his kids. But she knew his kids needed it. She had never seen a wilder pack of boys. But they were likeable—just as Lew was a big old lovable teddy bear. He’d gone bald long ago; she didn’t remember him having a full head of hair, although she had seen pictures of it. She figured he must run around two-hundred-seventy-five pounds, and couldn’t love him more if he were a muscular one-hundred-eighty. She was sure everyone had an Uncle Lew, because she couldn’t picture her life without him.

“What are you doing?” Bob asked softly from the bank behind her.

“Nothing really. I thought you came to fish.” She smiled at him. She liked Bob. He had come straight to her hospital room from work last year, staying until the nurses would chase him out. Then he’d go home and get a few hours sleep before starting all over again the next day. He treated her well. He was like a brother.

“I did. But how can I fish when you’re down here scaring them all away,” he teased.

“Am I? I’m sorry, I’ll get out.”

“No, I was only kidding,” Bob started, but she was almost to him.

In her rush to get back to the creek’s bank, her feet slipped on a rock and sent her to the bottom of the stream. Bob grabbed for her but her fall was complete, and it pulled him into the water with her. Their laughter burst from them as they tried again and again to get up, but the slippery rocks gave their bare feet no traction. Finally, they gave up as he lay on his back and she moved from lying on top of him until she sat on his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” Maddie laughed.

“You sound it.”

“You’re all wet—except for your hair,” Maddie said mischievously. She cupped the water in her hands and splashed toward his head.

“You little . . . .” He laughed and pulled her toward him to immobilize her arms.

“You can’t stop me that easily, Bob Green.” She pushed down against his chest and shoulders until his head was only inches from the stream. “Dare me?”

“Maddie! Knock it the hell off!!” Joe roared from above them, startling both she and Bob. He grasped her around the waist, and yanked her off Bob. “Get up!”

Maddie had never witnessed an anger like the anger that seethed through Bob as he glared at Joe. He got to his feet instantly with fists clenched. She feared he would’ve floored Joe if she hadn’t been watching.

“Leave her alone.” Joe glanced back toward the other men upstream. Maddie could see he was trying to remain quiet so they wouldn’t hear them.

“You told me that once before, old buddy. I didn’t listen to you then, either. If you remember, Mom said she was a present for
both
of
us
. You gave up the right to your share last year when you got married.”

“She’s only a kid.” Joe’s voice shook with his anger.

“I know what she is, even if you don’t! Maybe you should be the one told to keep his hands off. You forget, I’ve known you a long time, McNier. I can see what you’ve got on your mind.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Well, neither do I,” Maddie broke in nervously, staring at them with wide eyes. She had never seen either of them this angry before. She looked up at Bob, wondering what he was talking about “a present for both of us.” She had heard long ago that her mother had said that, but it was a family joke, something she had said to get them to accept her as a baby. There was no way anyone in her family took such a thing seriously. “So how about letting me in on it.”

Both men looked at her as if they had forgotten she was there, then dropped their gazes at the sight of the white T-shirt plastered against her braless breasts. Joe took off his dry shirt and draped it around her shoulders.

“Nothing. Just forget it. Get back upstream with Lew and your brothers,” Joe told her.

“Lew’s right there, behind you,” Maddie said, still not understanding the argument as Lew stepped to the edge of the creek next to Bob.

“Come on, Bob. They’re starting to bite. All that splashing must have scared the fish up to us. Maddie, you left your soda up there. Better go get it or it’ll be warm.”

Maddie walked next to Lew, her appreciation for him overflowing. He was there when he was needed. He always would be. She didn’t doubt it.

Maddie stayed with the men for nearly half an hour before the mugginess of the afternoon began to settle in. Seeking a fresh breeze, she went off in the distance and sat in the sun and removed Joe’s shirt, letting the warm rays dry the thin material of her T-shirt. The warmth was making her drowsy, prodding her to lie full length in the grass and absorb the rays of sunlight. It felt wonderful against the previous coolness of her skin, and within seconds she was drifting on the welcome clouds of semi-sleep. She didn’t know how much time had passed before she felt someone watching her and she opened her eyes to see a tall silhouette above her. She put her hand to her brow to block out the sun, but she still couldn’t see the face.

“You shouldn’t sleep out here. You never know when a snake will slide up next to you,” said Joe as he knelt next to her waist.

“It felt good. I couldn’t resist it.” Maddie sat up, feeling a little strange at the look he had in his eyes; a strangeness that was making her stomach twist madly.

“I know what ya mean.”

“I-I have your shirt. I wanted to dry mine, so I took yours off.”

“I can see that.”

“Where is everyone?”

“Home. Or almost. They were leaving when they sent me to look for you.”

“But Tom and Bob brought me.” She started to rise, but his hand caught her arm, stopping her without using any force, its contact brushing against the side of her breast and making her heart jump. “I should go home with them.”

“Bob had to go to work early. There was a robbery at one of the stores in town. And Tom got a ride with John. I told them I’d bring you home.”

All the years of confusion seemed to suddenly fall into place for Maddie. She knew what was going on and could have died of delight. His wife didn’t matter—she never did. Lena didn’t have any right to Joe. She had stolen him from Maddie. He was Maddie’s first. Maddie remained motionless as he reached for her hair, pulling it forward and letting it slide between his fingers.

“Your hair’s getting long,” Joe whispered as his glance moved down her body again.

Maddie had never seen anyone look at her the way Joe was watching her. He was stealing her breath away with his dark, piercing eyes. She began to self-consciously cover herself, but then, with courage greater than she thought she was capable of, she tilted her head toward his hand. She watched his momentary hesitation before he began, ever so gently, to caress her cheek. His finger moved to lightly trace her lips. Suddenly her throat felt dry. Her tongue instinctively moved to moisten her parched lips, inadvertently coming in contact with his finger. His quick intake of breath at its contact made her eyes drop. Slowly his gaze moved down over the front of her again.

“Look at you, Maddie.” His hand moved down along her jaw line, then dropped away, but his eyes stayed on her. “Do you still think you’re fat?”

She stiffened beneath his hands and immediately got to her feet. “Leave me alone! Is that why you offered to take me home? So you could make fun of me? We can’t all be slim cheerleaders like your
wife
!”

Grabbing her by the elbow, he pulled her toward the stream where he held her motionless before him and looked down at their reflection. “Look at yourself, Maddie. Take off those damn blinders you wear and take a good look at yourself.”

She turned her head away from the sight before her, sensing the change in him again. She could feel him looking at her no longer as a man looks at a woman, but as a protective big brother would reassuringly look at his little sister.

“Maddie, my God, just look! You’re not fat! You’ve got a beautiful body. Why can’t you see that?” His hands moved to her waist to emphasize its slimness. “Your waist is slim, but not sickly thin. Your legs are long. You’re getting curves, very attractive curves—not fat!”

Maddie reluctantly looked at the water, seeing the long legs he had mentioned, but when her gaze moved to her waist, all she could see beneath the oversized T-shirt was a bulging belly.

“No,” she almost whimpered as she looked away.

“Yes.”

His hands quickly pulled the T-shirt up above her waist, bringing a gasp from her as she was about to rip it back down, but the sight in the stream made her stop. She stared at it for a long time, not sure if she could believe the reflection that the stream showed her. He moved her hand onto her stomach to stroke her soft flesh. His slow movements caused her flesh to tingle; a new experience that made her lean back against him when she started to feel weak. But he pushed her gently away. He looked down at her with as much confusion in his eyes as she felt in her heart. He put her hand to his stomach and repeated the procedure, making her look up at him through startled eyes as her fingertips touched him.

“They feel practically the same, don’t they?” he asked softly.

“But yours is flatter.”

“That’s because I don’t have a compartment inside of me for babies to grow,” he said, then pulled away abruptly as a mask covered his expression and he was once again the surrogate big brother. “Don’t tell me you don’t know about such things yet.”

“Of course I know. I’m not a baby anymore. I’m fifteen years old.” She tried to put her hand back on the warmth of his flesh, to feel the coarse hair that ran from his naval to the top of his jeans but he stepped away from her.

“There you guys are,” Lew said as he walked toward them from where he had parked his car along the road. “I almost went home, but I remembered I wanted to see Sarah about something, so I figured I could take Maddie home. You can go back in town now without having to make the extra trip, Joe.”

Joe hesitated a moment before picking his shirt off the ground. As his gaze moved from Maddie to Lew, indecision crossed his face, then was replaced with resignation as he silently went to his car and drove away.

As Maddie rode back to her house with Lew, she knew her childhood was lost, never to be found again.