My Hero Bear (9 page)

Rory got to her feet and approached Dylan where he knelt on the ground. Even on his knees, his head came up to her chest. She cradled his face in her hands and looked down into his eyes, shining silver in the moonlight.

“Whatever happened between you and Hunter, it wasn’t your fault. Hunter was a grown-up. He made his own choices. And we made ours. I don’t regret falling in love with you. It makes me sad to know my brother had a problem with it, but that was his problem. Not ours.”

“He had a right to be upset,” Dylan said.

“Yeah, he did. Hunter was entitled to his feelings. But so are we. I’m allowed to love you, and you’re allowed to love me.”

Dylan looked up at her, his eyes a stormy sea of trouble. “But he didn’t approve. And he died before we had a chance to make things right.”

“I love my brother, and I still mourn his death to this day. But he was wrong about us. He was wrong about you.”

“What are you saying?” Dylan asked.

“I’m saying I refuse to let the past dictate our future. I’m saying that whatever problem my brother had with our relationship was
his
problem, not ours. I’m saying that I love you.”

She cradled his head against her breasts. Her fingers stroked through his sweaty hair, hoping she could bring some peace to the war inside the man she loved.

He leaned against her and wrapped his massive arms around her waist. Dylan was heavy but she was more than willing to carry his weight for as long as she had to.

“You don’t have to be alone anymore,” Rory said. “I’m here with you now. For as long as you want me to be.”

***

Dylan loved the way it felt to lean on Aurora. Her body was soft and comforting, like the perfect complement to him.

Her words struck a chord in him, playing heartstrings he didn’t know were there. Dylan had never felt lonely. Solitude suited him, or so he thought.

But when she said she would be here with him, he realized for the first time that something had been missing from his life. Like he’d lost a part of his soul a long time ago, and now that Aurora was here, he felt like he could be whole again.

It was so strange to think he’d been broken and he never even realized it. He knew he’d been damaged by everything he’d been through, but it took Aurora’s presence to get him to understand just how much.

And something else lingered in the air between them. She’s made it clear that she loved him. The idea seemed absurd to Dylan. He didn’t think he was worthy of love. Not anymore. Not after all the things he’d done.

He wanted to believe her, but he was sure she was just trying to comfort him in the moment. Given time to think about the things he’d told her tonight, she would realize what kind of monster he really was.

And even if she could forgive him, Dylan found it impossible to forgive himself.

He looked up at her, her face dark with worry. He was the one who’d caused her to feel this way. It was his fate to cause pain and suffering wherever he went. That’s why he was a good soldier. That’s why he would make a terrible mate.

He forced himself to his feet and he grabbed Aurora’s tiny hands in his own massive fists. “Let’s get back.”

Dylan released her hands, but to his surprise, Aurora continued to clutch his hand with hers. She refused to let him go.

They walked back to the house, picking their way through the dead trees. Aurora looked around at the devastation surrounding Dylan’s home.

“So you did all this? You destroyed all of these trees?”

Dylan felt ashamed. Every fallen tree was a symbol of his weakness. He had never intended for anyone else to see this. The worst thing in the world a man could be was weak.

“I can’t help it. Sometimes I lose control. It usually starts as a bad dream. And somehow the nightmare doesn’t end, even when I wake up. I’ll find myself snapping back to reality with hours of time having gone by. A whirlwind of destruction surrounding me. My body bleeding and broken and covered in blood.”

“There has to be some way to control it. Maybe we can figure out what it is that sets you off.”

Dylan shook his head. “I’ve never been able to control it. Whatever demons are screaming inside me, it’s like they need to get out. And this is the only way they can do it. Once it starts, it doesn’t stop until I’m too exhausted to move.”

“You stopped tonight,” Aurora said.

Dylan stopped walking and turned to look at her. She looked back, smiling at him gently even in the middle of all this destruction.

“That’s true. This is the first time one of these episodes has ever been cut short.”

“You see? You need me.”

Dylan couldn’t argue with her. The woman had a soothing presence. It was something his life had been missing for a very long time. Maybe they belonged together after all.

It was something Dylan had never questioned about her. He firmly believed that shifters only had one mate that was perfect for them in this world, and he had no doubt that for him, Aurora was that perfect mate.

The problem was Dylan didn’t believe he was the perfect mate for her. He had believed it once, but her brother’s disapproval and the darkness inside Dylan had convinced him he was no good for her.

“And what happens when you try to stop me and you fail? What happens when I hurt you?”

Aurora placed her hands on his arms gripping them tightly. “I don’t believe you would ever hurt me. I don’t care how dangerous you think you are, I know I’m safe around you.”

“And what if you’re not? Look around you. You’ve seen what I’ve done. You’ve seen what I’m capable of. And you know that I lose control. What if it happens again? If I hurt you, I could never forgive myself.”

“And I could never forgive myself if I abandoned you. If I get hurt, I get hurt. That’s what love is anyway. There’s always a chance you might get hurt. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“All I’m sure about is that I want to be with you. Nothing else is sure. But that’s enough for me. So what you’ve got to ask yourself is this. What do you want?”

Dylan said nothing in response.

He wanted so many different things, and he couldn’t figure out how to reconcile all of them. Aurora’s happiness meant everything to Dylan. Seeing her smile was one of the best things in the world. At the same time, he wanted her to be safe. She could never truly be safe if she was around him.

He also wanted her. Just looking at her made him ache with desire. It was a literal, physical pain like hot coals in his chest. Every fiber of his being demanded that he be with her.

But he couldn’t allow himself to be with her. Not if it meant putting her in danger. And Dylan was dangerous, through and through.

He could let her stay with him for a while and he could protect her. But once he took care of the man who killed her father, they would have to part ways.

No matter what, somebody was going to get hurt. If he sent her away, Dylan would suffer. If he gave into his feelings and took her as his mate, she would get hurt. Given those two options, there was no choice, really.

Dylan would take the hit for both of them. If his strength was good for anything, it was good for absorbing the pain. He’d lived with pain for so long, one more stab to the heart probably wouldn’t kill him.

Only he didn’t believe that. He felt a grim certainty that without Aurora in his life, he would surely die. All of the pain and the guilt had been slowly killing him for the last four years. If something didn’t change soon, it would finally finish the job.

Then again, he thought it might be worth it. He’d always told himself that he would go to any length to protect Aurora. If that meant he had to die so that she could live, he would gladly trade his life for hers.

Of course, he would never tell her that. She didn’t need to know what kind of sacrifice Dylan was willing to make for her. He could protect her from that terrible knowledge, too.

“What I want,” he said finally. “What I want right now is to be alone for a while.”

“You’ve been alone long enough. And if you keep pushing everyone who loves you away, you’re going to die alone.”

Dylan said nothing and walked away, leaving Aurora standing alone and uncertain beneath the uncaring sky.

Chapter 7

Dylan stripped down in the bathroom, discarding his torn up jeans and boxers in a heap on the tiled floor.

Trickles of drying blood adorned his skin like war paint, evidence of the violence committed by him this night. His wounds had already healed, but the blood remained. His skin was still tender where it was knitting itself back together. By morning, even that pain would be gone.

If only the rest of his pain could heal as quickly and as completely. There was no magic healing factor for a broken psyche.

Post-traumatic stress disorder, survivor’s guilt, or just plain regret over everything he had done. Dylan wasn’t sure which one of these things he suffered from. Maybe none of them. Maybe all of them.

Regardless, whatever demons plagued his brain, he had no idea how to exorcise them. There was no purifying himself. No way to absolve himself of all the sins he’d committed.

He was doomed and he wished that Aurora would just let him suffer alone in purgatory like he deserved.

He soaked a washcloth in warm water and began to wash the blood and dirt from his skin. At least he could cleanse himself physically, if not spiritually. It would have to do for now.

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted his dark thoughts.

“Go away,” he shouted.

Aurora’s voice thundered back at him through the thick mahogany door. “Don’t you tell me what to do. You know damn well what happens when you order me around. Let me in.”

He did know, actually. Aurora was the kind of woman who dug her heels in the ground like a stubborn mule anytime somebody commanded her to do something. It was one of the things he loved about her. Although at that particular moment, it wasn’t her most endearing trait.

He sighed, and opened the door for her. “What?”

Her sharp intake of breath reminded him that he wasn’t wearing any clothes. He was also covered in blood. He wasn’t sure what was more surprising to her, but any shock or offense she was feeling was her own damn fault. She was the one who insisted he let her in.

“You poor man,” she said softly.

Aurora gazed along the contours of his body, taking in every part of him it seemed.

She ran her hands over his stained skin, gently caressing him with her fingertips. Her touch was like heaven on his sore skin. He couldn’t help but be impressed by the fact that she wasn’t afraid of a little blood. She was a tough one alright. Dylan had never doubted that.

But something about the tone of her voice bothered him. He didn’t want her to see him this way.

“Don’t pity me,” he said. “Anything but that.”

She gazed up into his eyes, unashamed and unafraid. “It isn’t pity that I feel right now.”

“Then what are you feeling?”

“Anger,” she said.

The answer surprised him. “But why?”

“All these years we’ve spent apart, I was so mad at you for pushing me away. But now I’m mad at myself for letting you go. I kept blaming you for abandoning me, but the truth is I abandoned you, too. When you needed me, I wasn’t there. It pisses me off so much I can’t stand it.”

“Don’t be silly. It was me. It was all me.”

Aurora frowned at him, but she didn’t respond. “Here, give me that washcloth.”

Dylan did as she said, handing over the damp rag. She dipped it under the steaming water from the sink and wrung it out. Then she dabbed at Dylan’s shoulders, washing away the evidence of his pain.

She used a delicate touch. A warm shiver ran through Dylan’s body at the feel of her cleaning his wounds. It was such a strange sensation. Dylan had suffered countless injuries, but no one had ever tended to his injuries like this.

He thought about pushing her away. This wasn’t the way he wanted her to see him. He never wanted anyone to think of him as the wounded warrior. All he ever wanted them to see was his strength.

But he couldn’t bring himself to stop her.