Valder slashed a hand through the air. “It was the only thing I could think to do after I found her again.”
“Raemay, you mean?”
“Yes.”
“So you were looking for her?”
“Looking? I searched for her for years.” His anger on the rise again, he made a point of not looking at Raemay. “We were in love, or so I thought. But she left me without a single word, and I did not know if she lived or if she had died. For such a long time, I suffered suffocating grief.”
Raemay wrapped her arms around herself.
“Time faded the pain,” Valder confessed. “But no other woman appealed to me.” His laugh was rough, suggestive. “No one can claim I have been a saint, but I’ve never formed a union.”
Kayli found it very telling that he had never committed himself to a woman.
“Raemay?” Michael prompted. “You got anything to add to that?”
Her face tear-streaked and her eyes red, Raemay lifted her shoulders helplessly. “I can only apologize for things that were out of my control.”
“Out of your control?” Valder’s piercing stare said he didn’t care about her circumstances. His gaze burned with resentment and lingering rage. “You kept my child from me. That is unforgivable.”
Kayli’s heart clenched with so many painful repercussions. Valder—
her father
—was truly devastated that he’d missed time with her.
She felt devastated, too, knowing her life to be a lie. Her mother had done much damage to so many.
Seeking comfort, she took Michael’s hand and said a prayer of gratitude that she had him with her. As soon as possible, she would let him know that she returned his love in all ways.
MALLET felt the chill in Kayli’s hand, the way she shook, and wanted only to protect her. But he knew the easiest way to get beyond a hurt was to face it, expose it, and then deal with it.
She’d fought with valor and courage, only to find out that the man she’d faced was a father she’d never known. Kayli hadn’t needed his help, but once Valder realized she was his daughter, he stopped resisting her rather than chance hurting her.
Mallet had to respect that.
There were so many wounded feelings at play. As the one least emotionally involved, Mallet hoped to help them all sort it out.
“Did the guy you were in a union with know that Kayli wasn’t his?”
Raemay nodded. “Oh yes, he knew.” A faint, dark memory flickered in her gaze, there and gone. “I owed him that much. You see . . . he saved me.”
“From
me
?” Valder sneered with renewed fury.
“No.” More tears glistened in her eyes. “From my father.”
When Kayli stiffened beside Mallet, he put his arm around her and tucked her in close to his side.
Valder’s face went blank with horror.
Putting a hand to her stomach, Raemay nervously glanced at them all, and then moved closer to Valder. “Danta Raine was my father’s closest confidant. He . . . he did not love me, but when my father rejected all other suitors, Danta wondered why. You see, my father . . . he was Arbiter before me, hero to many.”
Expecting the worst, Mallet glanced at Kayli, and saw the same dread in her eyes.
“Those of the colony loved my father for his fair leadership. But at home he was a harsh dictator.” As if shamed by the truth, Raemay turned her gaze away from everyone. “Because the bruises on my back and legs were always hidden, not many knew of Father’s true nature, of his hot temper.”
“He
beat
you?” Valder asked.
She nodded. “But then Danta witnessed the tail end of one of the beatings, and within the week, he told my father of his intent to join me in union. He was the one man my father could not reject without raising suspicions within the colony.”
Valder stared at her, tormented, Mallet knew, by the fact that she’d been hurt, and more so that he couldn’t demand retribution on her behalf.
Her father was long gone, well out of his reach.
“Valder still loves her,” Mallet whispered to Kayli.
“I think you are right,” she whispered back, and she put her head on his chest, surprising Mallet.
Eyes clouded with regret, Valder said, “God, Raemay, I did not know.”
As if she didn’t hear him, Raemay continued. “Danta was kind. He protected me and my father never touched me again after that. But . . .” She glanced again at Kayli, her eyes filled with apology. “Because he felt no passion for me, because he’d accepted me through pity, he often sought his pleasure with other women.”
“Bastard,” Valder raged.
Mallet had to agree.
“He kept me in material comfort, and on occasion, when he thought of having a son, he came to me in the dark. But otherwise, we lived as dear friends.”
Valder charged two steps closer to her. “You should have left him.”
“Perhaps.” She shrugged her shoulders in defeat. “But he had sacrificed much for me, and though it broke my heart to know I was in a loveless union, it battered my pride more so that he showed little discretion. Many knew he was unfaithful, that I could not . . . keep him happy.”
“You felt indebted to him,” Mallet said, stating the obvious.
“Yes.” She gave another flickering glance toward Kayli. “And had I left him, my father would have taken it as a personal slight. Such was not done, not by the daughter of an Arbiter.” She twisted her hands together, and her voice trembled. “As my father aged, his health failed him, and that only made his temper more volatile.”
Valder thumped a fist to his chest. “I would have protected you. I would have taken you in union.”
Raemay bit her lip and struggled with her emotions. “You were wonderful, Valder. You were there when I needed you most and I will always love you for that.”
For such a sturdy man, Valder almost staggered at the mention of love.
“But,” Raemay continued, “you are a dictator in your own right. No woman in your colony can serve in a position of power. For you, women are there to be protected and pampered, unable to make their own decisions, limited in the destinies they can fulfill.” Tears spilled over. “For you, they are still second-class citizens.”
Seeing Valder ready to explode, Mallet stepped between them. “If what she says is true, then she has a point, Valder. Get with the times, man. Women are equals.”
He didn’t agree. “They are smaller, more delicate. They are not physically or emotionally equipped to endure the hardships of—”
“I’d stop right there if I were you,” Mallet warned. He didn’t bother looking at Kayli or Raemay; he already knew how those independent women would feel about Valder’s sexist attitude.
“It is our way to protect, to treasure our women!” he avowed. And then he demanded, “What would you have me do? Put women at risk as Raemay has done?”
So much now made sense to Mallet—Raemay’s determination that women could be the aggressor,
should
be capable of defending themselves. And the strict moral code she’d instituted . . . it had come straight from her own shattered nobility. “If I were you, I’d try a little compromise.”
“Compromise?” To a leader like Valder, the idea appeared foreign.
“Come on, man.” If at all possible, Mallet hoped to save Valder from himself. “You do know what it means, don’t you? You give a little, Raemay gives a little.”
Valder eyed Mallet head to toe—and made note when Kayli came forward to stand at his side, silently agreeing with him, backing him up. “You would do this?”
“What the hell do you think I’ve been doing?” He put his arm around Kayli and landed a quick kiss to her temple. “You think I liked seeing Kayli in battle with you? Fuck no. It took everything I had to keep from taking over, which would have included killing you.”
“I did not hurt her.”
Mallet grinned. “No, as I recall, she worked you over pretty damned good—and that was before you realized she was your daughter, so don’t tell me you ‘let’ her do it.”
Valder’s mouth tipped into a crooked smile. “She took me off guard more than once.” He touched his swollen nose, now discolored with bruises and dried blood. “She is faster and stronger than expected.”
“Pride, Valder?” Maybe there was hope for him after all. “For a female warrior?”
“Pride for my
daughter
,” Valder charged, not yet willing to admit to anything more. Then his eyes closed with renewed pain. “God in heaven, when I think of what might have happened to her . . .”
“It was
your
men I saw bloodied and limping, not the defense team—which until very recently was all female,” Mallet pointed out. “Don’t get me wrong, the new male recruits are coming along, but they’re not up to snuff yet. Without the women, the defense team wouldn’t be nearly so effective.”
“But how do you bear it?” Valder asked Mallet with feeling. “If you care for her—”
“Care for her? Hell man, I’d lose the use of my legs again to keep her baby toe safe. But her independence and the defense of her colony are important to her, and that makes them important to me.” He gave Valder a long look. “And let me tell you, it’s a hell of a lot easier than going two decades without her.”
Valder slowly nodded. “Point taken.”
Kayli pushed back from Mallet to stare at him. “So you really do love me?”
He rolled his eyes. “Why do you look so surprised, baby? I’ve told you so a dozen times.”
“No,” she accused, frowning at him as her hands fisted in his shirt. “You have only said that you love things about me.”
“
Everything
about you,” he corrected. Catching her by the waist, he lifted her up so he could plant a thorough kiss on her mouth. Regardless of what happened between Raemay and Valder, he wanted them to know that Kayli was his and he wouldn’t be giving her up. “I even love your take-charge personality. The only problem is that it clashes with my take-charge personality. I guess we need to work on that, huh?”
She hung limp in his arms, her expression still dazed, bewildered. And happy. Slowly, she smiled. “Truly, you love me?”
Mallet laughed. “Woman, you’re the one who has a problem with that word, not me. What the hell did you think? That I support your life as Claviger because I enjoy seeing you charge off into conflicts?”
“I know that you do not.”
Mallet laughed at the dry way she said that. “It kills me a little to even think about it. But for you, it’s worth it.” He kissed her again, lingering just long enough to tease, but not so long that he embarrassed her. Too much. “For you, I’d do anything—and that includes protecting you when I think it’s necessary, even when it pisses you off.”
Astounded, Raemay lifted a hand toward Mallet. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, you understand.”
“Understands what?” Valder asked.
But it was Mallet who answered. “The overwhelming need to protect those I cherish most, regardless of the consequences.”
Raemay nodded. “As Arbiter, I could ensure that my daughters had every opportunity. I could help other women in so many ways.” She stared regretfully at Valder. “But none of that would have been possible if you knew Kayli was your daughter.”
“Because I would have claimed her,” Valder said. He tangled a hand in his hair, caught between anger over what he’d lost and a struggle to understand Raemay’s reasoning. “I assume that’s why she could not inherit.”
Keeping her head down, her shoulders heavy with guilt, Raemay said, “Even after Danta died, I had to ensure Kayli was not heir. As such, she would have gone to the Cosmos Confederation.”
“She has very unique coloring. My coloring.”
Raemay acknowledged that with a small smile at her daughter. “From the time she was a young girl, she looked so much like you, Valder. Others would have noticed the resemblance. It would have only been a matter of time before word reached you. It scared me so much, not knowing what you would do.”
With no hesitation at all, Valder said, “I would have come for both of you.”
“But it was not just Kayli and me. I had two other daughters by then, and a duty to my colony. Many people would have been shocked and shamed by my less than respectable behavior with you.”
“No.” Kayli smiled at her mother. “I believe you are more critical of yourself than others would be if they knew the whole truth.”
Her generosity and understanding pleased Mallet, and it nearly crumbled the last of Raemay’s defenses. She covered her face with her hands, but only for a second. Then she squared her shoulders and faced the repercussions to her actions. “I made many mistakes and I know it, but I’ve tried to correct them.”
Agonized, Valder went to her. “What happened that brought you to me that first night?”
Showing less tension now, her voice soft, Raemay wiped away the last of her tears. “For many days, I had noticed you. You were so attentive, always flirting with me, flattering me.”
Valder took her hands. “I fell for you the very first time I saw you.”
In Kayli’s ear, Mallet whispered, “I know the feeling.”
She smiled at him.
“Earlier that day one of my meetings was canceled. I returned to my quarters and found Danta with one of his lovers. I reacted out of anger, hurt. I knew it was wrong, knew I had no future with you. But I needed to feel . . . wanted. I needed to know that I was still a woman.”
Valder swallowed hard. “You spent two months with me.”
“Because you were so tempting, and being with you was the happiest I’d ever been. I thought of breaking union. I thought of a life with you. Danta did not come after me, and I assumed he would not mind. My father was so very sick, I knew he could not hurt me again. But then . . . I got news that Father had passed and I was heir and . . . grand plans formed.”
He dropped her hands. “Plans to leave me.”
“Plans to protect the women of my colony. Plans to protect all women from the hurt I’d suffered, both physical and emotional. Danta had his own obligations to the colony, and other than the occasional attempt at siring a son, he left me to do as I pleased. I had dishonored myself enough, so if Danta had not been killed in that terrible accident, I would be with him still.”