My Name Is River Blue (26 page)

Carlee was
unusually quiet as we walked hand in hand, and I didn't have to guess what was
wrong with her. She was still struggling with my popularity and the fear that
other girls might take me away from her. I stopped walking, placed my arms snugly
around her, and held her eyes with mine. I wanted badly to convince her that I
was telling her the truth about my feelings. Her insecurity was driving me nuts,
and I was beginning to wonder if she was worth the stress. Everything in my
life was going so well that the only real damper was my time with Carlee when
she was in one of her jealous moods that made both of us uncomfortable.

From discussions
with Ant, I knew that Tina was nothing like Carlee. Ant and Tina had fun
together without all the drama of one of Carlee's moods in which I had to guess
what she wanted me to say, and then say it enough that she believed me. The
problem was that she was so paranoid that I could never convince her, and it
really pissed me off to tell her my honest feelings, and then have her question
my sincerity. Had it not been for Ant's advice, which came from Tina, I would
have lost my temper and told her to do something tricky with her anatomy.

According to
Ant, Carlee needed me to reassure her, not because she didn't trust
me
,
but because she didn't trust other girls. Ant gave me an example of how paranoid
Carlee was. Tina and Carlee had been friends for years, but really became
best
friends about the time Carlee met me, and the main reason for that was that
Tina was an African-American girl, who preferred African-American boys. Tina
liked me, but she could never like me the way she did Ant and that was exactly
what Carlee wanted in a girlfriend and confidant.

"Carlee,
listen to me." I held her head in both my hands and brought my face close
to hers. "You're the only girl I care about, and it upsets me that you
doubt me. What do I have to do?"

"I'm
sorry," said Carlee. Her eyes were wet. "You know, we've never said
what we are to each other."

"What we
are to each other? Sometimes I think I need a girls' dictionary."

"Well,
you've never asked me," she said. Her eyes dropped to the ground as if she
couldn't bear to look at me.

I contemplated
her words and wondered if there was an obvious answer, or if it was encrypted code
used by junior high girls. My head began to throb, but I thought about her
words and took a shot. "You mean I never asked you to be my
girlfriend?"

Carlee remained
quiet and continued to stare at the ground between us.

Her silence answered
me.

I got it right.

I felt like a
game show winner.

"I thought
we both understood, but I guess I was wrong. Carlee, you're the only girl I want.
Will you be my girlfriend?"

Carlee leaned up
and softly kissed my lips. I squeezed her tightly in my arms and kissed her
long and hard until I had to fight myself to pull away. There were times when I
feared our private moments on the farm because I worried that one day, kissing
would no longer be enough. When I was away from her, I thought even more of the
consequences of us making the same mistake that I believed my parents might
have made.

"River Blue
is my boyfriend," said Carlee as if testing the sound of it. "There
are other girls who want you because they think you will be rich and famous one
day, but I'm the one who really loves you."

"Now that
it's official, you still can't tell everyone and risk your parents knowing. If
he knew the truth, your father wouldn't worry about being politically correct
for the sake of his businesses. He would forbid you to see me."

"As long as
I know the truth, I think I can stand it. One day I'll be old enough that it
won't matter what my father thinks. He'll still be mad, but one day after we're
married, he'll come around when I tell him he's going to be a
grandfather."

I didn't say it,
but I thought Carlee's plans were silly. "I’ve heard grandkids can make a
difference, but it would probably depend on whether they looked like you or
me.”

"I'm not
worrying about him. He's not as bad as he sounds and anyway, when I'm eighteen,
I can do as I please. What's he going to do? Kill me?"

"Of course,
not,” I said. “He would never kill his baby girl. He would kill
me
."

CHAPTER
THIRTEEN

Manuel
"Manny" Mendoza Flores, who was "Manny" to us, was the
manager of Deer Lake Farm where he supervised the six full-time and five part-time
workers in every aspect of the horse farm business. Manny lived on the farm in
an upstairs apartment over the first barn, and there were two other full-time
workers, Mexican-American brothers, living in a mobile home about two hundred
yards away.

Manny's father
and mother were Mexicans, who were working for Papa's parents and living on the
farm when Manny was born. Although Papa was a little older, the two boys became
playmates and best friends. When Manny was six years old, his little brother
was born. I heard from Louis, one of the full-timers, that Manny's brother was
only twenty years old when he died, and although Manny stayed on the farm, his
parents moved back to Mexico not long after their youngest son's death.

Ant and I were
part-timers and when it came to our jobs, Manny supervised us the same as he
did the others. There was work that Manny did not assign to us because of the
stringent safety rules for kids our age, but that still left us plenty of
chores that farm kids in our state could legally do. Manny was good to us, but we
understood that we were not privileged characters because of our relationships
with Papa. Papa assured us that Manny's word was law, and if Manny decided to
fire us, his decision was final.

Since it was
almost impossible for kids our age to find work, Ant and I were ecstatic for
the opportunity to earn money to buy some of the things that other kids
received from their parents. There was nothing glamorous about our first jobs
on the farm because we did every nasty chore there was while the older workers
performed tasks that required more skill and experience. At first, because of
school and football, we only worked weekends and school holidays with Papa's
promise that we could work more hours during the summers.

We were polite
and courteous to the other workers who were all senior to us, and we
volunteered to help anyone who needed it, in addition to completing the chores
Manny gave us. We soon earned the respect of the other workers and our
self-esteem soared. As state kids, we were not used to feeling such pride in
ourselves, and I honestly believe that we would have continued working without
pay.

Papa bred and
trained American Saddlebred horses. He sold some of the horses, kept lesson
horses for teaching novice riders, and used gentle horses for customers who
liked to trail ride through his land. Another big part of his farm business was
boarding and training horses that belonged to other people. Some of those
horses were owned by experienced riders, who competed in shows. Papa had a trainer
for the show horses and for the riders.

With so many
horses, the work of caring for them never ended. Ant and I gave the horses
feed, hay, and water, and we performed the less desirable chore of mucking out
the feces and urine soaked sawdust from their stalls. Cleaning stalls was the
nastiest, smelliest work that Ant and I could imagine doing, and at first, it
was difficult for us to cope with the odor. Manny gave us menthol salve to
place under our noses and that little tip made a huge difference. We worked
hard to leave the stalls fresh and supplied with what the horses needed, and
the horses worked hard to make sure that we still had a job cleaning their
stalls the next day.

Before we began
our shifts, we changed into overalls and rubber boots that Papa provided us and
the other workers. The first barn had a full bathroom with a communal shower
for men and another full bathroom for women. After work, Ant and I scrubbed our
bodies with a brush and soap to remove the filth and odor before we changed
back into our own clothes. Two of our fellow workers lived near Tolley House,
and one of them or Papa gave us rides to and from the farm. After work, it was
a sure bet that no one would have allowed us in his vehicle before we had
showered and dressed in clean clothes.

One Saturday,
during that first autumn that Ant and I worked at the farm, I noticed what I
thought was odd behavior from Manny. At first, I thought I had done something
wrong, but after that day, he took more interest in me, and we grew much closer.

After our shift
ended that Saturday, Ant and I took our showers as we always did after work. We
were standing under two of the three showerheads, allowing the hot spray to
wash the soap from us and at the same time, enjoying the soothing heat on our
sore muscles.

I heard someone
come in the door, but I was too lazy to look. It wasn't unusual for one of the
other guys to come in when we showered because the bathroom was one big room
with showers, sinks, toilets, lockers, and supply shelves. When I heard Ant
speak to Manny, I turned my head to greet him and saw that he brought fresh
towels to fill the shelves on the opposite wall from where we stood. I was glad
because I hadn't noticed that the shelves were empty.

Manny was always
thoughtful of his workers, and we all appreciated him. As usual, his voice
sounded like he was smiling. "Boys, I brought you some towels. The dryer
was on the fritz, so we were behind with the laundry."

"Thanks,
Manny," I said. "We didn't even look."

Ant tried to
sound serious. "Since I work harder than RB, I had too much sweat in my
eyes to see that we needed towels."

I looked at Ant.
"I think you're full of what we were cleaning from the stalls."

"Now, is
that a nice thing to say to the guy who makes you look good every time he
catches one of your lousy passes?"

Ant and I cut
off our showerheads and grabbed two of the clean towels Manny brought us. As
usual, we continued to joke around with each other. Manny, who was checking the
bathroom supply shelf, laughed along with us. After I dried, I tossed my towel
in the laundry basket and turned to walk past Manny to my locker. As he stepped
out of my way, he glanced at me, and his smile faded. For a few seconds, he
appeared to be in a trance with his eyes focused on me.

I was suddenly
afraid that I had said something wrong when we were joking. I had to ask
because I knew that it would bother me all night. "Manny, are you okay?
Did I say something wrong?"

He blinked his
eyes as if waking up. "Oh yeah, I'm good, and you didn't do anything. I guess
I spaced out." He made a weak attempt to be jovial Manny again. "Don't
tell Papa that my mind is going before his. We have a bet."

Papa and Manny
were always ribbing each other just as Ant and I did, and it was always good chuckles
to hang out with them. Manny wished us a good evening and as soon as he left, I
had to know if Ant noticed what I did.

"Ant, did
you see the way Manny stared at me?"

"Yo, I
think he saw your birthmark. It
is
unusual, you know. He probably didn't
want to say anything in case you were touchy about it."

"Oh, yeah. That's
probably it. I don't remember him seeing me with my shirt off before today. So
yeah, I guess you're right. That was the first time he saw it."

Ant had to tease
me. "If it really bothers you, I'll tell Manny that you think he's rude as
hell to stare."

I pulled on my
jeans and cut my eyes at Ant. "Make sure you lose your virginity first because
if you get me fired, you're gonna wake up the next morning with parts missing."

"Dang, don't
be joking like that, RB."

"Who's joking?"

***

Manny had been
married briefly to a Mexican woman who was unhappy living on the farm, and she
gave him an ultimatum that with or without him, she was moving back to Mexico
to be near her mother. She moved without him and from that point on, Manny
remained single but had a long string of girlfriends.

There was
usually a woman sleeping with him in his apartment on the weekends, and he even
called a few of them his girlfriend, but how long he kept a woman would usually
depend on how long it took her to discover Manny's lack of interest in anything
long term. He often kept relationships going with two women, and I think he
only felt bad about his behavior when they caught him. I was there one time
when one of his girlfriends discovered that she was not the only woman sleeping
in his bed, and there were some loud, ugly noises coming from his apartment
that day.

The longer I
knew Manny, the more I grew to like him, but his disrespect for women bothered
me. I had a difficult time understanding how a man I liked so much could show
such disregard for the feelings of the women he dated. After I had known him for
a while, I told him what I thought about it. I'm not sure what I expected.
Maybe I thought he would defend his actions or at least apologize for what I
saw was as a weakness in his character, but he only listened to me, shrugged
his shoulders, and said, "Nobody's perfect." That was the end of the
discussion.

Manny would have
rather cleaned horse stalls than his apartment, and he would have one of his
current female friends clean for him until she understood that he was using her.
Since cleaning his apartment was not farm work assigned to employees, if Manny
was between girlfriends, he had no one to clean but him. During one of Manny's
dry spells with women, he asked if Ant and I were interested in earning a few
bucks for cleaning his apartment after our regular shift was over. We were glad
to earn extra money doing light work and readily agreed. From then on, whenever
Manny needed us, he paid us to clean his apartment and do his laundry.

Manny's
apartment was full of framed photos of his family, and most of them had tags
with the names of the people, the location, and the date. Some of them were taken
in Mexico, but most of them were shot on Deer Lake Farm. There were pictures of
Manny and Gabe, his younger brother, when they were kids living on the farm,
and other pictures of their parents. A few shots of Manny and Papa together
showed the boys as teenagers, and in one of them, they stood with their arms
around Gabe, all three of them displaying wide grins for the camera.

Other photos of
nature scenes were good enough to be the work of a professional photographer.
There were beautiful shots of the areas around Deer Lake, the Blue Bergeron
River, and the farm's riding trails. There was another photo of Manny's brother
at the lake with his arm around Missy, a beautiful girl with blue eyes and dark
hair. I thought that they both looked to be about nineteen or twenty years old.

The first time
Ant and I cleaned Manny's apartment, I was staring at the photos when Manny
walked up behind me. He was proud to share his memories with Ant and me, and
told us stories to go along with some of the pictures. As I listened to him
talk, I could tell how much he loved and missed his parents. He saw them only
once a year when he took a two-week vacation in Mexico.

Manny told us
how Papa and he used to run together as teens and get into a little mischief. I
asked him to be specific, but he just winked and said that Papa would have to
give permission to discuss classified information.

"Yeah,
Manny, I bet you have good blackmail material on Papa, don't you?" I thought
it would be nice to have something on Papa from when he was a kid.

Manny shook his
finger at me and grinned. "Only the kind that would incriminate me. So
forget it, little one."

"Why do you
call me 'little one,' when I'm as tall as you?" I joked. Manny was at least
two inches taller than I was, but I stood on my toes when I challenged him.

Ant teased me
with a common jab for boys our age. "Manny calls you 'little one' cause you
only got six hairs that ain't on yo head."

I turned on Ant,
and he immediately regretted his remark. "That's six more than you
got."

"Okay, RB,
I give."

Manny laughed
and touched a picture of his brother and him." You boys remind me of how I
used to joke with Gabe, and how he would come back with something that only he
knew about me."

"What was
he like?" I asked.

"His real
name was Gabriel. He had always been a good boy, and he was growing into a fine
man when he passed. He was adventurous, full of energy, and always smiling. He
loved the outdoors and liked to explore the property. One time when he was a
little younger than you boys, we missed him and thought he was lost in the
woods. Everyone went looking for him, and we found out that he was not lost, he
was just exploring and didn't want to come home."

Ant pointed to
Gabe in the picture that showed him with Papa and Manny. "He looks tall
and built. Did he play sports?"

Manny nodded. "Yes,
he played high school football for Harper Springs. He started playing wide
receiver and ended up as quarterback. He played for the last state championship
team the school had when he was a senior in 1984."

"Did he
play in college?" I asked.

"No, he had
surgery on his knee after the title game, and his doctor said it might not hold
up to play college ball. Gabe was ready to quit anyway. He liked playing for
the Hawks, but he hated the idea of college football being a full-time job."

"Didn't
Papa's team win the state championship his senior season too?"