My Sister’s Secret (26 page)

She matched his smile. ‘I agree.’

He peered at his watch. ‘Fancy a snack before we set off?’

‘You have snacks?’

He walked over to the horse and pulled two large triangle-shaped pastries from one of the bags. ‘This is a
baursaki
,
I got some at the airport.’

‘That’s so sweet of you to share, Niall. Thank you.’

They both perched on a large rock near the horse and ate the rich doughy treats. After they’d finished their snacks, Niall handed her a warm beer and they leant back, soaking up the evening sun.

Charity realised she’d been right to accept Niall’s invitation to go diving. Yes, she couldn’t help but feel slightly overwhelmed by his proximity. But if she could accept that she’d always feel this way, but not act on it, then that was progress. She liked the idea of a world where she could still have Niall in her life, without the drama of a relationship.

Was she hoping for too much?

As she said that, a rumble of thunder sounded in the distance.

‘Uh-oh,’ Niall said, sitting up. She followed his gaze towards a patch of dark clouds. ‘Maybe we should head back.’

‘Can the old boy over there outrun the rain?’

Niall shrugged. ‘We need to try.’

‘Okay, I’ll just get changed and—’

‘No time for that,’ Niall said as they heard another rumble of thunder. ‘Wind’s blowing in our direction, the clouds will be here soon. Let’s go now.’

Charity gathered up everything then jumped on to the back of the horse with Niall. The horse seemed tetchy, stamping from hoof to hoof as though it could sense the oncoming storm. Charity peered up at the amassing clouds, remembering the storm in Norfolk. Niall pressed his heel into the horse’s flank and it cantered off, heading into the trees and travelling alongside the edge of the lake.

Charity felt pinpricks of rain on her head and held on tighter just as the heavens opened, rain pounding down on to them.

‘Nightmare,’ Niall shouted above the sound. ‘We need to find cover somewhere. I saw a hut when we were standing on the canyon, we can try there?’

Charity nodded. The horse reared and they changed direction as the rain drenched Charity’s hair and face. Eventually they came to a clearing and a small wooden hut that had been long abandoned, rotting wood hanging off the sides. But the metal roof seemed intact.

The horse slowed down and Niall carefully dismounted, helping Charity to do the same. They then led the horse inside. At the back of the hut was a pile of sacks, the rest of the floor was clear. Niall tied the horse to the handle of what remained of the door and then placed their bags down.

‘I guess we just wait it out,’ he said, sitting on the sacks and reaching into his bag for another beer. ‘Want to share this? It’s my last one.’

‘Why not?’ Charity said, joining him.

As the rain clattered down on to the metal roof, thunder and lightning exploding outside, Charity felt her head shimmer from the effect of the beer and the strangeness of the situation, being stuck in a hut in the middle of Kazakhstan with Niall.

‘This is odd, isn’t it?’ Niall said. ‘Us two stuck in a hut in the middle of Kazakhstan as a storm rages outside.’ She laughed and he frowned. ‘What?’

‘I was just thinking the same.’

His face grew serious. ‘That’s always been the way with us, hasn’t it? Like we’re one person split into two people.’

‘I guess that’s what comes from being childhood sweethearts.’

Niall took a swig of beer, the tendons in his neck pulsing. ‘I remember another time we sheltered from the rain.’

‘Oh God, yes, in that cave.’

He nodded, eyes very intense. ‘We were far from sweet then,’ he murmured. She felt her body react and tried to normalise it, telling herself again it was just the way it would always be with Niall, this primal reaction. ‘It was the first time I really saw you let go, just give in to what you were feeling. The way you looked, your eyes closed as you moved on top of me…’

‘Niall, don’t.’ Charity looked away, not wanting him to see how flustered she was getting.

‘What? We’re just old friends sharing memories.’

‘Friends don’t share those kinds of memories.’

‘You came for the first time that night, didn’t you?’

‘Jesus, Niall! You’re going too far.’

‘Am I? It’s only too far if you don’t want me to continue.’

Charity tried to push the memories away, tried to stop her body reacting. Niall moved even closer, his warm breath on her neck.

‘I want to see that look on your face again,’ he whispered into her ear. ‘I miss that look.’

There was a sweet burning inside her, an uncoiling, a quickening of her heart and her pulse. She closed her eyes and felt his lips on her neck, his fingers dancing up her bare arms. She knew she ought to stop him, but she couldn’t.

She let him push her back against the sacks, let him unzip her wetsuit and pull it off, let his lips travel down her to the place where the sweet ache was, let him make her come as he had all those years before. And then, as he moved on top of her, she opened her eyes, saw his blue ones blinking down at her as the storm raged outside.

‘Please,’ she whispered, her hips moving towards him.

He thrust himself into her and she felt that familiar frantic wave of feeling well up inside her as she rocked against him. When she saw Dan’s face in her mind, his soft green eyes, she didn’t push the thought away. Instead she closed her eyes, letting the memories of their gentle love-making clash against Niall’s passionate urgency.

When they finished, she sobbed. Niall let her, understanding.

They stayed there all night, coiled up against each other, making love again. The next morning, as they emerged from the hut to a calm beautiful morning, the guilt overwhelmed Charity. Just a few days after Dan had walked out she was back in Niall’s arms. Was the habit so ingrained she was destined to repeat it over and over?

As though sensing her mood, Niall grew quiet as the horse cantered gently up the hills and away from the glimmering lake that held their initials beneath its surface. Charity leant her cheek against Niall’s back, the resignation of what she’d done, and was sure to do again, exhausting her.

‘We did nothing wrong,’ Niall said after a while, his eyes still ahead of him. ‘You and Dan are separated, I’m single.’

‘It’s not about that.’

‘Then what? It was inevitable, you can’t deny that.’

She sighed. ‘That’s the problem, how inescapable it always is.’

He glanced around at her. ‘There’s a reason for that. We’re meant to be together, you understand that, don’t you? Every other relationship we have is doomed.’

She suddenly felt angry. ‘And we’re not doomed?’

‘For God’s sake, Charity,’ Niall said, pulling the horse to a stop. He twisted around, looking intently into her eyes. ‘We’re meant to be. You know it, I know it, Dan knows it, your sister knows it.’

Maybe he was right? Maybe she was a fool for denying it?

When they returned to the hotel, they went straight to the room Niall had booked, Charity worried her sister would turn up at her own room. She felt as though she were drugged, the only certainty was the sweet mounting ache at the centre of her as Niall explored her body again with his lips and fingers.

But soon thoughts of Dan intruded. She couldn’t help wondering where he was, if he really thought it was over…and if she was wrong to be here, with Niall.

‘What’s wrong?’ Niall asked, tracing his fingers down the curve of her body.

‘I can’t help feeling guilty.’

Niall sighed. ‘So you’re thinking of Dan?’

‘I can’t help it.’

‘You’re here with me, Charity. That should be enough to tell you how you really feel.’

‘It’s not as clear cut as that.’

Niall sat up, staring at the ceiling in frustration. ‘He lied to you. Then he disappeared to Germany without saying a word. That’s
wrong
.’

‘I’m worried I didn’t try hard enough; that I’ve been too hasty. What if—’

‘Jesus, Charity,’ Niall said, shoving the covers off. ‘He can’t be that hard to get hold of. I’m going to have a shower. Call him, talk to him. And then if you still feel so torn, go back to him.’ His face softened. ‘I only want you to be with me if you’re sure.’ Then he walked into the bathroom.

Charity stayed where she was for a few minutes then she left Niall’s room and headed back to her own. Once inside, she picked up the phone, dialling Dan’s work number. Dan’s PA Maxine answered. ‘Hi, it’s Charity.’

‘Oh thank God you’ve called, Charity. Mr North is back and he’s been desperately trying to track you down today after not finding you at the cottage. In fact, he’s at your offices right now trying to discover where you’ve gone’

Charity’s heart clamoured inside her chest. ‘I’m in Kazakhstan with my sister. Can I give you the number to my hotel?’ she said quickly. ‘I’ll wait by the phone until he calls.’

After Charity gave her the number, she lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. If Dan was so desperately trying to find her then did that mean he regretted walking out like that? Had she ever really given him a chance to explain? And here she was, sleeping with Niall.

The phone rang. She instantly snatched it up.

‘Charity?’ It was Dan. He took a deep shuddery breath. ‘Come home. I made a mistake walking out. I love you. Just come home.’

She closed her eyes, tears squeezing out between her lashes. ‘Oh Dan, it’s all such a mess.’

‘I don’t care,’ he said passionately. ‘All I care about is getting you home right now. I refuse to let you slip between my fingers. I’ve been a fool. I need to see you.’

Charity glanced at the door. Niall was waiting for her in his room right now. ‘Why did you just leave like that?’

‘My jealousy overwhelmed me.’

She swallowed. ‘Of Niall?’

‘Look, I don’t want to talk about him, about my jealousy, it means nothing now. I can’t be away from you, I’ve realised that the past few days. It’s been torture.’

Then there was a knock on the door.

‘I don’t know what to do. I need time.’

‘You’ve had time! Don’t tell me the past couple of weeks haven’t been torture for you too?’

‘They have.’

Another knock.

‘I’m due to fly back next week. We can meet then.’

He sighed. ‘I’d rather not wait. I can hire a private jet.’

‘No, Dan. Please, just a few more days. I’ll see you at the cottage.’

‘Fine. If that’s what it takes. I’m not going to let you go this time, Charity.’

‘I have to go.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ Charity whispered.

She put down the phone and took in a few deep breaths. Then she walked to the door and opened it to find Hope stood in the hallway.

‘I got back early!’ her sister declared. When she saw the look on Charity’s face, her smile drifted away. ‘What’s wrong with you?’

‘I’m so confused,’ Charity said, moaning as she put her head in her hands.

Her sister put her arms around her. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Niall’s here, I slept with him.’

Hope darted away from her like she was infectious. ‘Please tell me you’re joking?’

‘I’m not.’

Hope flung her hands to the ceiling and let out a cry of frustration. ‘What is
wrong
with you?’

Charity’s stomach squirmed with guilt. ‘I don’t know. I was hurt. It was a mistake.’

Hope slumped down into a chair in the corner of the room. ‘What about Dan?’

‘That’s the problem.’ Charity explained the conversation she’d just had with him.

Hope shook her head. ‘What a tangled web you weave. So you do love Dan?’

‘Yes.’

‘And Niall, you said it was a mistake?’

‘It was but – but I love him too. Those old feelings just won’t go away.’

‘
Old
feelings. That’s the problem, it’s all steeped in the past, I keep telling you this.’

‘And Dan? He lied to me.’

‘Have you even tried to find out why?’

‘He didn’t give me the chance.’

‘And what chance did you give him, flying out here as soon as you got the chance?’

Charity moaned. ‘You’re right.’

‘You need to talk to Dan, really talk to him.’

‘Yeah, maybe you should,’ a voice hissed. She saw Niall walking down the hallway, his hair still wet, his angry eyes on Charity. ‘I was about to come and apologise for being harsh. But turns out it’s true, you really can’t make up your mind.’

‘Don’t you think that speaks volumes?’ Hope said, crossing her arms and looking Niall up and down. ‘She can’t drag herself away from the past, from
you
.’

Niall sighed. ‘Hope, I—’

‘I’m here, you know,’ Charity shouted out in frustration. ‘I don’t need either of you telling me what to do.’

Hope and Niall grew silent, watching her.

‘I need some time to figure things out,’ she said, her voice softer.

‘Fine,’ Niall said. ‘Take your fucking time. You can’t keep messing with my feelings like this.’

Charity

Near Busby-on-Sea, UK

July 1988

Charity returned to the UK the next week to find Dan waiting for her at the cottage. They both contemplated each other for a few moments, then Dan strode over, pulling her into his arms.

‘I’ve missed you,’ he whispered. ‘I’m sorry I let my jealousy overwhelm me.’

She looked up into his eyes. ‘Of Niall?’

He nodded. ‘It’s hard seeing you two together. There’s this spark between you that I just feel I can’t compete with. I thought it just best I leave you to it. But I see that was a mistake now, I need to fight for you.’

She pulled away from him, turning away, worried he’d see what she’d done with Niall written all over her face. Niall had said she had to stop messing with his feelings. Wasn’t she doing the same with Dan?

In the last few days of their holiday together, Hope had offered a solution: to stay with her in Busby-on-Sea for a couple of weeks, even more if she wanted, to get some space from both men. She could still commute to her job.

‘I need some space to figure things out,’ she said. Dan’s face dropped. She quickly took his hand. ‘I love you, that’s one thing I’m sure of. But I need stability. I need everything to be sure and true. Will you give me more time?’

He took in a deep breath. ‘If that’s what you need.’

‘I do.’

He gently kissed her lips. ‘I’ll be here waiting,’ he said.

Charity returned to Busby-on-Sea that afternoon. Strange how the very place she wanted to escape from was now offering her shelter from the mess her love life was in. She took the time to reflect when she wasn’t at work, sitting on the very rocks she once did with Faith and Hope, watching the sea and trying to find answers in it.

She loved Dan, there was no doubt about it. And she would always love Niall. But was it all too close for comfort? Would Dan always be jealous of Niall and would Niall always, somehow, crop up in her life and tempt her into his arms?

A month after arriving back from Kazakhstan, as she was tidying through Hope’s messy bathroom cabinet one Saturday, she noticed sanitary towels on the bottom shelf. She ran through the dates in her mind and realised her period was late. It was never late, but then she did have a tumultuous few days in the lead up to going to Kazakhstan. Maybe she forgot?

The full horror of the situation dawned on her. If she were pregnant, how would she know who the father was? She and Dan had made love before they went out for dinner with Miles, the owner of the cruise liner. And then the night in the hut with Niall only happened a couple of days later.

She had to find out for sure whether she was pregnant or not so she drove a few towns away and went into a chemist’s to find a home pregnancy test. When she got back home, she read and re-read the instructions. After taking the test, she waited anxiously for the result to appear. After a few moments, the tip turned to blue.

That evening over dinner, Charity played with her food as she stared out of the window. She’d been in shock all afternoon, grateful Hope was at the café so she could try to digest the news. Hope had arrived home full of stories about the customers, and Charity had let her talk, fingers grazing her stomach as she thought of the tiny mass of cells growing inside. She knew she wanted to be a mother one day but now? Is this how Faith had felt when she’d found out she was pregnant?

And then there was the fact Charity had no idea who the father was.

Hope frowned as she looked at Charity. ‘Are you okay?’

Charity peered up. ‘Fine.’

‘No you’re not. What is it?’

Charity bit her lip, tears flooding her eyes.

‘Oh Christ, what now,’ Hope said.

‘I’m pregnant,’ Charity blurted out.

Hope put her hand to her mouth. ‘Charity! That’s wonderful.’ She frowned. ‘Or is it?’ She closed her eyes. ‘You slept with Niall in Kazakhstan.’

‘And Dan just a couple of days before. I don’t know what to do.’

Hope slid her hand across to Charity’s. ‘Well, think about it logically. There’s no question you’re keeping it, is there? So you need to decide: do you really want an ex-con as your child’s father? Every time you look at him, you’ll know that he killed our sister? Plus he always said he never wanted kids, didn’t he?’

Charity gnawed at her lip. Hope was right. Niall had always been so vehement about not wanting children. There was also the fact he didn’t like being tied to one place. Her child would need security.

Her child.
It felt so strange to think that.

‘Then there’s Dan,’ Hope said softly. ‘A good man, someone who can provide a stable loving environment for you and your child. And that beautiful cottage of yours, can you imagine bringing a family up there?’

She put her hand on her belly and imagined her child playing outside the cottage, kicking their little legs into the sea below, just as she had when she was a child. She could see a life there as a family. Deep down, hadn’t she imagined that from the moment she saw the house? It had been early days with Dan but something inside had told her they’d have that one day, a beautiful house filled with a beautiful family.

Hope was right, Dan could be a good dad. She just couldn’t see that in Niall. Niall loved her, deeply, but it was a turbulent kind of love. Not this soft, gentle kind – the kind of love a child needed.

She stood up. ‘I’m going to call Dan.’