My Sister’s Secret (30 page)

‘Not too fast,’ Niall had said. She’d ignored him, pressing her foot on the accelerator, adrenaline rushing through her.

‘Practise makes perfect, remember,’ she said. ‘And now you have this car, we can do
lots
of practising.’ Then she’d turned to him, searching out his lips. It had just been the briefest of moments, mere seconds, but it was enough.

The car swerved as they reached the bend, and Charity felt a soft bump on the car. Niall grabbed the steering wheel, shouting at Charity to put her foot on the brake.

‘What was that?’ she’d asked, voice trembling as they came to a stop.

‘A deer or something. We better check.’

They’d both got out, Charity pulling her coat around herself, terrified at the thought she’d hurt an animal.

Would it still be alive? Could they take it to the vet’s?

Would she get into trouble?

They’d scoured the road but found nothing. When they’d got back into the car, Niall took over the driving. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘It was probably nothing.’

And the thing was, she hadn’t worried. The incident evaporated from her mind as she’d put her hand on Niall’s knee, sad another night with him was drawing to an end. Then they’d driven away.

Was that when Dan had seen them? If he’d turned up a few moments before, or if Niall hadn’t insisted on taking the blame, how different would things have been?

‘We’re not so different, are we, Charity?’ Dan said now, bringing Charity sharply back to the wet deck and tumultuous waves below. ‘Lives filled to the brim with terrible secrets and lies.’

There was a sound of footsteps on the deck. Charity looked up to see one of the deckhands running towards them, a terrified look on his face.

‘The captain needs you, sir,’ he said.

Dan frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘There’s a wave coming, it—’

The ship jolted violently. Charity stumbled, falling against a set of sun loungers as Dan slid across the deck, grabbing on to a pillar to steady himself.

Screams rang out from inside.

Charity looked out at the sea to see a huge wave curling up into the air. There was a loud creaking sound and the ship jerked again. Dan tried to grab for her, their fingers grazing.

‘Willow,’ she whispered.

Then the wave engulfed the ship.

Willow

Near Busby-on-Sea

October 2016

I hear the creak of a floorboard and look up to see Aunt Hope watching me from the door. Her eyes drop to the photo I’m holding and she sighs.

‘Dad knew Faith?’ I ask, holding the photo up.

‘So it appears.’

‘And you knew?’

‘Not until after your parents passed away when I found that same photo. That’s when I put two and two together.’

I don’t even bother asking her why she didn’t tell me. That doesn’t matter now. All that matters is this photo I’m holding. ‘Didn’t Mum feel odd dating someone who’d gone out with her dead sister?’

Aunt Hope’s eyes lift to meet mine. ‘I don’t think she knew. Faith never told us and I don’t think your father told your mother. She would have told me if he had.’

I stare at the photo of Dad. ‘Jesus,’ I whisper. ‘Why would Dad keep such a thing from Mum? And why would Aunt Faith keep such a thing from her sisters?’

My aunt sits on the bed, gliding her hand along the duvet cover, dust puffing into the air. ‘He was married.’

‘Oh.’

She sighed, grey eyes emotional. ‘As for why Dan kept it a secret from your mum, I’ve asked myself the same thing all these years. I often wonder if he sought your mother out because she was the closest he could get to Faith.’

I digest what she’s just told me. ‘Poor Mum. If she ever did find out, that would have been so painful.’

The doorbell goes. We both look at each other. No one visits Aunt Hope here, they always track her down at the café if they need to. She gets up and, for the first time, I notice what an effort it is for her. Maybe working at the café is too much for her now.

‘I’ll come with you,’ I say.

We both walk downstairs and before Aunt Hope even opens the door, I know who it is: Niall Lane. I can tell from the height, the dark hair. My aunt knows it’s him too because she pauses in the hallway, hand going to her chest. It must be difficult, seeing the man who caused her sister’s death.

She opens the door and there he is, dressed in dark jeans and a leather jacket.

‘Hope,’ he says. ‘It’s been a long time.’

My aunt doesn’t say anything at first, just stares at him. Then she crosses her arms, looking him up and down. ‘Yes?’

He peers over her shoulder towards me. ‘I wanted to talk to Willow.’

‘Why?’ my aunt asks, all bravado.

‘It’s alright, Aunt Hope,’ I say, taking my jacket from the coat stand. ‘Shall we go for a walk?’ I ask Niall.

He nods. ‘Okay.’

I walk past Aunt Hope and impulsively give her arm a quick squeeze to reassure her. The gesture shocks both of us. We rarely touch.

‘Don’t be long,’ she calls out like I’m a teenager again as I step outside with Niall.

I smile to myself.

Aunt Hope watches us as we stroll down the lane together then she closes the door, a pensive look on her face. I imagine her going to her window seat, craning to see where we are. I thrust my hands into my pockets. It’s really cold today, the sea sending up a fine mist which hovers over the pebbles.

‘Your aunt hasn’t changed,’ Niall says.

‘And she never will.’

He smiles. ‘No, she won’t, will she? She’s been good to you, taking you in. I was worried for you when I found out your mother died.’

‘How did you find out?’

He looks around him, face pained. ‘I was in Busby-on-Sea actually. I’d just gone for a dive and saw people gathered at the café. I didn’t even know the cruise ship had gone down the day before. I overheard some tourist saying the sister of the café’s owner had died on the ship. When I saw the news, I realised it was Charity.’ He takes in a deep breath. ‘I felt like I’d died too. I wanted to be angry, at Dan, at the
world
for taking Charity from me. But there was just gut-wrenching pain.
Physical
pain. I actually doubled over with it.’ He looks at me as though just realising I’m there. ‘Sorry. She was your mother. I can’t possibly know what you must have felt. The last time I saw her she was with you. It was the day before she died.’

‘I remember. It was by the café, right?’

He nods. ‘She’d have liked the idea of Hope taking you in.’

‘And what about you possibly being my father?’ I ask. ‘How would she have felt about that?’

‘That’s why I came actually. Turns out I can’t possibly be your father.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m infertile. I’ve suspected it for years. One girlfriend a few years back couldn’t get pregnant. I got some tests done last week. They confirmed it. There’s no chance I could ever have conceived a child.’

‘But what about Luki?’ I ask.

‘Judy was sleeping with others when I was staying at the commune. I think Luki just likes the idea his father is a British photographer.’

I feel a heady mixture of disappointment and relief. Disappointment because part of me wanted to have a father who was alive…and who hadn’t lied to my mum.

But there’s relief too. The fact is my father was there for me for seven years, held me when I cried.

‘Are you surprised?’ Niall asks.

‘I think so. You can’t help but see the similarities between you and me, can you? There’s the diving. I like travelling, I’m a bit of a nomad, I’m blunt as hell, not charming like my dad.’

Niall smiles slightly. ‘You’re a spiky little thing, that’s for sure. But you probably got that from your aunt Hope.’

I shake my head. ‘I’m nothing like her.’

He laughs. ‘You’re just like her, it’s as clear as day. Even the way you hold yourself,’ he says, gesturing towards my crossed arms. ‘And that look in your eye.’

‘What look?’ I say, uncrossing my arms.

‘Like you’re looking right into my soul. Your aunt may have always hated me but I’ve always admired her. She spoke the truth when others didn’t.’

I laugh. ‘The truth? You wouldn’t believe the stuff she’s kept from me.’

‘Maybe it’s been for your own good.’

‘No, I have a right to know about my parents. The things I’ve discovered today…’ I shake my head.

He frowns. ‘What have you discovered?’

I contemplate his face a few moments. The fact is, he loved my mum and he went out of his way to get his fertility tested for me. He deserves to know the truth. ‘Well, turns out my dad was seeing Faith.’

Niall’s face goes white. ‘
Seeing
her?’

‘Yes.’

I hand him the photo of my aunt with my dad. He blinks, clearly shocked. ‘This must’ve been taken the year she died, I remember her hair was really long then.’

‘Yep.’

He stares out at the sea, a look of deep concentration on his face, like he’s trying to figure something out. Then he shakes his head. ‘Jesus. Revenge, that was what it was all about.’

‘Woah, wait, slow down!’ I say. ‘What are you talking about?’

He’s quiet for a few moments then nods to himself. ‘Dan was the main witness against me during the trial for Faith’s death. Different name, different hair colour. But I found out later that it was him who testified to seeing my car drive away from the scene.’ His blue eyes spark with anger. ‘And yet he never let on all the time your mother and I knew him…all the time your mother
was
with
him.’

I think of the dad I knew, the handsome, charismatic man everybody loved. He didn’t seem the type to tell such a huge lie.

‘Why would he do that?’ I ask.

‘Revenge?’

I think of my dad’s kind face, his all-encompassing smile. Was he really that bitter about Faith’s death that he was willing to lie to Mum?

‘Niall?’ a croaky voice asks from behind us.

Niall looks over my shoulder, a confused expression on his face. I follow his gaze to see Mad Shoe Lady watching us with narrowed eyes. Her wild white-grey hair is static around her head, her face grubby, a long man’s coat swathed around her thin body, the bottom trailing the ground.

‘Do I know you?’ he asks her.

She smiles, revealing gaps in her brown teeth. ‘You know who I am.’

‘I really don’t,’ he says.

‘We slept together, you and I.’ She smacks her lips together at him, laughing.

I look between them both, incredulous.

Niall peers closer then realisation dawns over his face. ‘Lana?’

‘Bingo!’ she says, clapping her hands.

Niall clutches on to her trolley, looking her in the eye. ‘It’s really you, isn’t it?’

She pulls the trolley away from him, wheels rattling along the path. ‘Maybe. Maybe not.’

‘Who’s Lana?’ I ask.

‘Willow, this is your dad’s ex-wife.’

Mad Shoe Lady – or Lana, as I know her now – frowns, the dirt in the wrinkles of her forehead crackling. ‘Dan was your dad?’ she asks me.

‘Yes,’ I say, finally being able to mean it, too.

Pain registers in her eyes for a moment. Then she looks at Niall. ‘She’s
Charity’s
daughter?’

‘She is,’ Niall says sadly.

She turns to me, scrutinising my face. ‘Yes, I can see it. Same hair and you have Dan’s nose too.’ Her eyes harden. ‘Are you evil like them two as well?’

‘That’s not very nice, Lana.’

‘You know I’m right,’ Lana says. ‘Are you going to tell this girl what her mother did?’

Panic floods Niall’s face.

‘What’s she talking about?’ I ask.

‘It’s nothing, let’s head back.’ Niall softly grasps my arm and tries to steer me away.

I pull away from him and look at Lana. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘That second time – you remember, Niall – after Charity found out about the first time.’ Lana turns to me. ‘While Niall was sleeping, I did a bit of rifling around in his rucksack. I’ve always been a bit nosy. I found some rather enlightening letters your mother had written to him.’

She opens her mouth but Niall grabs her arm. ‘Don’t, Lana. Let me tell her.’

Lana shrugs. ‘I don’t care what you do.’ She turns her back to us and shuffles her trolley along the path, her long matted hair swinging behind her.

I turn to Niall. ‘Tell me what?’

Niall takes a deep shuddery breath and I feel sick to my stomach. What’s so bad that it makes him react like this? He looks me in the eye, his own eyes filled with sadness. I brace myself.

‘You need to know that your mother loved Faith very, very much,’ Niall says.

‘For God’s sake, just tell me!’

‘Charity was driving the car the night Faith died, not me. I covered for her.’

There’s a sound of a bump behind us. I turn just in time to see my aunt collapsing to the ground.

Willow

Busby-on-Sea, UK

October 2016

The heart monitor beeps are driving me crazy. I pace Aunt Hope’s hospital room, looking back at her every now and again. She seems so tiny and fragile hooked up to those monitors. I can’t bear to look. Sure, she’s always been small. But she’s always struck me as being as strong as an ox too.

Ajay’s face appears between the curtains. I called him when I arrived at the hospital. I guess I needed a friend.

‘Come in,’ I say.

He steps into the small cubicle and gives me a big hug before looking at my aunt. ‘How is she?’

‘Not great.’ I try to hold the tears at bay. ‘They say she had a heart attack. She’s only fifty-seven!’

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘There’s a history of heart disease in my family. It could be a combination of that, the shock of hearing what Lana said…and exhaustion.’ I shake my head. ‘She does run that café on her own. Sure, she gets help but still.’ I chew at my lip. ‘I haven’t paid enough attention. If only I’d just—’

‘Oh stop whinging,’ a small voice says from the bed. Ajay and I turn to see Aunt Hope struggling to sit up, her greying red hair spilling over the white covers.

‘I’ll leave you two alone,’ Ajay says, stepping outside.

I rush to my aunt’s side, helping her sit up. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘How do you think? Like I’ve been run over by a tank.’

My eyes fill with tears. ‘You had a heart attack, Aunt Hope.’

Fear flickers in her eyes, then she composes herself and shrugs. ‘Well, at least I’m still here.’

‘You’re exhausted, Aunt Hope,’ I say. ‘And there’s the shock at hearing what Lana said,’ I add carefully.

‘Shock can’t cause heart attacks. They’ve got it wrong, I’ve just not been sleeping much lately.’

‘It is possible, actually, Aunt Hope. I read somewhere that stress hormones can narrow the main arteries supplying blood to the heart.’

‘Oh for God’s sake, do you—’ She stops talking then laughs. ‘Only we could argue about the cause of a heart attack.’

I can’t help but smile too. ‘Yeah, only us.’

She grows serious. ‘I did get quite a shock though,’ she says quietly. ‘I heard Niall right, didn’t I?’

‘Let’s not talk about that,’ I say, scared the shock will trigger another heart attack.

She looks me in the eye. ‘I think we’ve had enough of not talking about things, haven’t we, Willow?’

I sigh. ‘We have. We really have.’

Her face softens. ‘I’ve only kept things from you to protect you.’

‘I know that.’

‘But this – this I had no clue about.’ She shakes her head. ‘
Charity
was driving the car? My God. How could she have not told me?’

‘Same reason you haven’t told me things. To protect you.’

‘Maybe. But to let Niall take the blame all these years…to go to prison.’ She grabs my hand. ‘I don’t want to speak badly of your mother, Willow. But it’s so out of character, to do something so cold. Charity was always so compassionate, so caring.’

I look at my aunt Hope, really look at her. I’ve made myself think she’s distant, uncaring. But the truth is, she’s the opposite. Everything she’s ever done was for her family, including me, never for
her
.
She’s probably the most selfless person I know. How could I have not seen it all these years? How could I not have cared more for her?

‘You can never really know people,’ I say. ‘All we see is the persona they present to people, not what’s really inside. Maybe the truth is Mum was selfish and Dad was vindictive.’

‘Vindictive?’

I explain what Niall told me. ‘I think he was trying to get revenge on Niall all those years for Faith’s death. Maybe Mum and Dad deserved each other.’

I try to absorb that fact, two selfish damaged people finding each other and conceiving me. I was born of lies and self-interest, guilt and revenge. We inherit our parents’ traits, don’t we? I suppose I’ve been selfish all these years, not truly recognising what Aunt Hope has done for me, putting my parents on a pedestal they didn’t deserve to be on.

Maybe, now I know they weren’t as perfect, I can stop imagining the life I never had with them? Maybe, in the end, all these secrets and lies would have seeped out and hurt me more than they have done now. At least I have the buffer of Aunt Hope to protect me from them.

I feel a strange unburdening. No more living in limbo in the shadow of a ‘what if?’ life. Time to start living
my
life, my
real
life where I accept my aunt as my real family, not a made-up one.

I look at her. How must
she
feel to know all this now? ‘Do you hate my mum now?’ I ask her.

She shakes her head. ‘Of course not. She must have felt horribly guilty. That’s why she probably became a counsellor, to atone somehow.’

‘It must be hard, learning all this though?’

She shrugs. ‘Such is life. And anyway, something good came from all this, didn’t it?’

I frown. ‘What?’

She surprises me by taking my hand. ‘You, Willow! If Dan hadn’t been so intent on getting revenge, he’d have never met your mum, and they would never have had you. I’m not sure what I would have done without you over the years.’

I feel tears well up in my eyes. ‘But I’ve never really been here for you.’

‘You’ve kept in touch, sent me letters and photos, haven’t you? And when you lived with me, you were my little companion. My favourite memories are of staying up late into the night playing patience with you. Or watching you swim, you’ve always been such a strong swimmer. Or how about that time at Christmas when the bird got into the living room and we ran around trying to get it? I’ve never laughed so much.’

I think of those moments too. She’s right, they
are
good memories. I just grew so bitter and twisted from our arguments, those memories were tainted. At least I had a chance of a family with my aunt, a chance I’ve squandered.

Not any longer.

The curtains open then and the doctor walks in with Ajay. Ajay hovers behind him as the doctor explains very gently to Aunt Hope that her ECG test confirmed she’d had a heart attack but that there was only minor damage to the muscles of her heart. ‘You will need to slow down a bit and improve your diet,’ he says. ‘Your BMI is extremely low and it’s clear to me you’re not eating enough.’

Aunt Hope rolls her eyes.

‘Listen to him,’ I say to her. ‘You
are
too thin.’

‘Just because I don’t have three sugars in my tea,’ she says with a raised eyebrow.

‘Maybe that’s exactly what you need,’ I say sternly.

‘I wouldn’t recommend sugar,’ the doctor says with a small smile. His buzzer starts going off. He frowns as he looks at it. ‘I need to attend to someone but I’ll be back to explain the next steps.’ He leans forward, squeezing her shoulder. ‘You’re very lucky you had your daughter with you when it happened. The CPR she performed more than likely saved your life.’

For once, I don’t correct someone for saying I’m Aunt Hope’s daughter because in a way, I’m exactly that, aren’t I? It’s like Luki said, someone doesn’t have to give birth to you to be your mother.

As he leaves the cubicle, Aunt Hope narrows her eyes at me. ‘You didn’t tell me you knew CPR.’

‘All divers get first aid training on their courses.’

‘So you don’t just swim around looking for pretty fish?’ Aunt Hope asks, winking at Ajay.

‘Ignore her,’ I tell him. ‘She knows we do more than that.’

My aunt looks towards Niall’s outline through the curtain. ‘Niall Lane, I can see you out there, you might as well come in!’

He walks in, looking uncomfortable.

‘So, I presume you came to tell Willow you’re not her father?’ she says.

He nods. ‘Yes.’

‘Thought so. Doesn’t mean you can’t keep in touch though, does it?’

I look at Niall and he smiles.

‘I’ve seen your photos too,’ my aunt continues. ‘Very impressive. Any chance I could have a couple for the café?’

Niall and I exchange a look. This is the closest he’ll get to an apology from my aunt for blaming him for Faith’s death all these years.

‘Of course,’ he says ‘Charity would have liked that.’

‘She would,’ Aunt Hope says. ‘She loved your photos…and she loved you. You were always the one, weren’t you? I tried to tell myself she was more in love with the past than with you. But it was more than that.’

His face flushes, his eyes watering. He turns away, trying to compose himself and my heart goes out to him.

‘And you,’ she says, looking at Ajay. ‘Where are you going to drag my niece to next?’

‘Maybe not so far this time,’ Ajay says, looking out of the window. ‘Niall was telling me about the abandoned building next to your café?’

‘What about it?’ I say.

He looks at me, smiling. ‘I think I might have found that dive centre I’ve always dreamt of opening.’

I laugh. ‘Are you kidding?
Here
, in Busby-on-Sea?’

‘I don’t know why you’re so down about this town, Willow,’ he says. ‘There were a bunch of divers on the beach earlier, looks pretty up and coming to me.’

‘He’s right,’ Niall says. ‘The council’s ploughed loads of money into the place over the past year after the submerged forest started getting more attention.’

‘Have you even
looked
at the place properly since you got here?’ Aunt Hope asks me.

I realise I haven’t.

‘There’s even a Starbucks here now,’ she continues. ‘And that building Ajay’s referring to is like the TARDIS inside.’

‘Maybe you can help me run the place?’ Ajay asks me. ‘Doesn’t mean you have to stop travelling. You can base yourself here then go off when you want, maybe even finish that tour of all the submerged forests your Aunt Faith wanted to visit?’

Aunt Hope smiles sadly then squeezes my hand. ‘I used to talk about that building a lot with your mum and Faith, you know. They wanted to buy it and turn it into a gift shop. I think they’d like the idea of you being involved with something like that. You could live in the cottage, it’s only ten minutes’ drive away.’ She looks into my eyes. ‘It’d be nice for you to come home, Willow.’

Home.

I follow her gaze out to sea, imagining the submerged trees beneath the waves, their soft mossy branches reaching up to the surface. I close my eyes, see Mum and my aunt Faith swimming through the forest, limbs graceful, fingers interlaced.

I smile down at my aunt. ‘Yes, it would, wouldn’t it?’

THE END