My Soul Laid Bare: Book 4 (The Soul Keeper Series) (12 page)

A ball of paper rolls into the stall just under my feet. I un-crumple it and recognize Elijah's artful handwriting right away. I blow my nose into a wad of the cheap scratchy toilet paper and begin to read the note.

My Dearest Brennen,

I know Malphas put you up to this. I know where your heart lies.  I can feel it still beating for me. Our souls have completed the bond. We will forever share it. I know exactly what you’re feeling at all times because I feel it too. Remember the inscription on the watch you gave Sam, your mother wrote it
for your father. It read, “Two will forever be one.” That is what happens with our kind. We are forever one now.

I know that it makes it harder to do whatever he has put you up to, but just know that I understand. I do forgive you, and as soon as Malphas is captured, I will come back to you. Until
then, do what you feel is right. We've been through so much, and one day, this will have been just a long forgotten memory. I love you now. I'll love you always.

Forever yours,

Elijah Morgan

Elijah always knows the words that will mend my heart. I pray right then and there that Malphas doesn't catch on that Elijah knows this is all a ruse. I pray for Lexi and everyone that is on Malphas' radar.

We are bonded souls. I can feel him too. He's holding me right now– I know he is. I splash some cold water on my face to soothe the red splotches that make me look like a polka-dot printed Rudolf. I take a deep breath and clear my head before heading back out to Sam. I can do this.

I've made the choice to proceed with this plan, and I'm going to follow through. I keep chanting this in my head hoping if I say it enough I'll actually believe it. Sam will have to sacrifice his new relationship for the sake of a greater good. There is no measure to how much I loathe myself right now. I hate myself for manipulating him into loving me again and for lying to him about it. I hate myself for breaking Elijah's heart by not allowing myself to see him. I slide back into the booth and rest my head on Sam's shoulder.  He slides his arm behind me around my waist and kisses the top of my head. My thoughts keep wandering to Cat, and I wonder how we should handle that. I didn't plant those doubts in his head, so maybe it's something that's been weighing on his mind.

On the way home, I decide to see what he's willing to tell me about her. The coast line bobs in and out of view as we drive, and I remember that Lexi will be back in the morning. She and Asher left for the Outer Banks for a couple of days to give Elijah and me some time alone. Yet another issue I have to resolve. When they return, I'll have a new boyfriend by my side. I glance up at the moon and wish it had the power to suck me up and never leave a trace behind.

“Sam thank you for being here for me. It means a lot. All this time, I thought you hated me.”

I catch a glimpse of concern on his brow as we pass under a street lamp.
“I could never hate you. I won’t lie though. I'm still really hurt. I just came to realize that you and Elijah must have had something going on long before that night. In fact, I think I figured out that you and he go back as far as prom when he bought you that dress. Right now, I just want some real answers from you. I think I deserve that much.”

I hadn't picked up on that little tidbit of information when I raided his brain earlier, and now I'm left speechless as I'm hung out to dry.

“I'll tell you everything if you really want to know.”

“
Did you cheat on me with Elijah before you asked if we could see other people?”

I try to unscramble my two realities and answer his question truthfully. In the reality that he's in, no. I only had an idea, a few memories of what Elijah and I shared before.
At the time, he was a fallen angel, and my body wasn't as convinced as my memory that I was head over heels for him. It wasn't until after I told Sam I wanted to see other people in college that Elijah and I finally kissed. That was the night I managed to evade both Elena and Inara with Lexi’s help.  I met him under the live oak tree.

“
No, he wanted me back then, but I was so in love with you. I never cheated on you.”

“
But when you asked to see other people, was it so you could see him?”

“
No, I meant what I said. I didn't want us to go to college so far away from each other as a couple. I didn't think it was a good idea.”

“
So then, when did it start?” he asks sounding like he's just trying to put the puzzle pieces together, not angered. I wish we were face to face, so I could get inside his head.

How can I tell him the full truth without telling him about all of the supernatural details? I lean my head against the window and let the road vibrations dull my aching brain.

“I'd have to start from the beginning for you to understand. Do you want to come inside?”

He nods, and we finish the rest of the drive in silence while I wrap my head around what the hell I'm going to say. I have to steer clear of letting him in on the real truth, but I want him in on at least some of the bits and pieces. I mean the guy just got an exorcism a few months ago. He knows there are evil forces in this world. I know I can't even begin to tell him about Malphas and the league of demons that have tormented me my entire life. I can't tell him that I fell in love with the Keeper of my soul. I can't tell him that he's really my soul mate, and sorry Sam, but you'll always be second in my book. My reflection in the window is slated in shades of pewter and lilac, and I feel like the corpse staring back at me is my true identity. 

Sam eases the car in my long drive way, and I remember the day he backed his truck up after ending things with me for being with Elijah on my eighteenth birthday. He accused me of sleeping with Elijah, and I slapped him. Then Elijah preceded to tell me I was going to have to marry Sam one day. He told me this knowing even then that he loved me. Hell! He even helped me win Sam back for the greater good of humanity. Now I know he was ordered to do so by Nehemiah who has since been demoted to a Greeter in heaven.

Why do other people always have to wreak havoc with our love lives? I cling to my mother's promise that one day this will all be a distant memory. Once inside, I grab us each a bottle of water, and Sam follows me to the back porch. I need to hear the ocean waves rolling in while I bare my soul to this man. The sea is part of who I am, and I'm more myself when I'm close to it. I try and stay out of Sam's head for now as I begin my story.

“Elijah knew my dad. He's sort of a friend of the family. I've known him my whole life growing up, but I had forgotten about him because I hadn't seen him since I was a little kid. When he started coming back around, it reminded me of my dad and the times we used to share. Elijah was at almost all of my important life events. He's a couple of years older than me, and I guess he always seemed like a big brother who watched over me.”

Wow, I made it through so far without lying, but not without a sadness washing over me and Elijah as well.

“When I started my freshman year at Harvard, Elijah showed up there and got an apartment. I tried to stay away from him at first because I was still so in love with you. I knew you were waiting for me, so we stayed just friends. Then you decided to change schools and go to Yale. I was so happy that we could finally see each other more. But during the semester, I really got to know Elijah again. Then he showed up at Christmas. He knew we were together, but he still showed a romantic interest. I think he was waiting for you to slip up, so he could be there to catch me.”

I sink down in my chair feeling Elijah aching inside.
I’m so sorry
. Tears begin to fill my eyes, and I look up trying to stave them off.

“
I never should have lied to you and said he was my cousin. Emily, God rest her soul, told you about someone buying a dress for me because she thought it was a surprise from you. Elijah bought me the dress, and I knew I would have a hard time explaining him to you. I took the easy road and lied to you when you asked about him. I didn't want you to worry that some old friend was sort of flirting with me because you had my heart completely. You've always had my heart.”

“
I believe you,” he admits. Part of me feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Part of me knows the story I just told is layered with omissions and more lies. I feel physically drained. Malphas has syphoned the last of my tears into his vat, and now there are none left to cry. There is only going forward.

“
This whole time I had been thinking you had cheated on me. I understand why you lied. I wish you hadn't, but I know you were just scared of losing me.”

“
What about you? Have you found someone else?”

“
When I came home this summer, Dad had a new stable manager. We went on our first date on my birthday a couple of weeks ago.” He weighs the significance in his mind of whether he should confess he's falling for her or dismiss it as a rebound. Even now he's comparing the magnetism they share, and he wonders why he doesn't feel that draw to me. The feelings that he's thinking about sound exactly like the ones Elijah and I share. The first time our fingers grazed, I needed to touch him again and never let go. I always crave his touch. I always want to be near him.

I blink back as I search Sam's amber eyes for more clues. I also find Cat to be wildly amusing, and I think if the circumstances were different we'd be great friends. But then I hear her take on the way she feels when Sam touches her, and it might as well be me talking about Elijah. Holy of holies! Cat and Sam are soul mates. I had prayed the night we broke up that Sam would find someone to love him the way Elijah loves me, and God came through. He plopped Cat right in Sam's lap, and now here I am screwing it all up again.

Right then, I pray a hundred times that God bring Emily back. Let it have all been a case of mistaken identity since
He
seems to be inclined to answering my prayers lately.

“
You like her a lot don't you?”

“
She's not you Bren.” This guy's good. I'll give him that. “In fact, she left me a couple of days ago, said she was going home after all these years. I thought we had something real going on, but I was wrong. I seem to be wrong about a lot lately.”

I find the memory of the scene in his mind. He’s with her in the small house, and she’s packing her bag. He’s pleading with her not to leave. His eyes are turned up in agony, and he doesn’t understand why she’s leaving. His phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s me calling to tell him the terrible news about Emily, but he ignores it. The fact that it was me at that exact moment only worsens his angst.

Cat’s not crying. She doesn’t even look upset. At the door, she reaches for his face but drops her hand down before she touches him. She hurries past him, and he watches with a heavy heart as she backs out of her driveway. He closes his eyes, and the tears roll down his face as he stands alone on the porch, nothing but the sickly yellow glow of the bug light illuminating his silhouette.

How did I not see that curve ball? This is sort of good news for the plan, if anything can be called
good news
I feel bad that Sam's hurting right now, but I'm glad there's one less complication thrown into this bowl of Fruit Loops.

I cut my losses and decide he needs a good night’s sleep to think about what he wants to do. I could use ten years of sleep myself. Wake me when I'm president. I stretch my body up toward the sky and sink down into Sam's arms. The familiar rise and fall of his chest lulls me. The ocean laps softly in the distance, worshipping the sand with its constant bow. The moon hovers low in the sky as if it were tempted to take a dip in the sea. I picture it sinking below the water. Its light growing weaker as it sinks. Finally it sputters out like the filament of a bulb taking its last breath.

The cry of a gull startles me awake. The morning is here already. I must have fallen asleep on Sam's chest out here on the porch swing. “See I told you, you always sleep well in my arms,” Sam says rubbing my back.

Lexi and Asher are due back this morning. I need to get their minds ready to accept my new reality, or there will be hell to pay later at the funeral. I wish Elena would get here already; I have no idea if I'm on the right track with all of this.

“Thank you for staying with me last night.”

“
It was my pleasure. I've got to go to the hotel and change clothes before the service.”

I nod and see Sam to the door. He lightly brushes a kiss across my cheek, and I manage a small smile. My body still feels so weak, and I don't know why. I glare up at the stairs like they were a torture device put in place just to be the root of my agony. Elena pops in behind me, and I jump three feet in the air.
“Good God!” I shriek out.

“
Yes
He
is, and good morning you little havoc wreaker, you.” She points her finger on my nose and in dramatic fashion, sweeps it away again.

“
Hey Elena. Good to see you too. Wish it were under better circumstances.”

“
Honey, so do I. I'm so sorry that evil monster caused Emily's accident, and I'm sorry he's threatening you.”