My Steps Are Ordered (8 page)

Keith wanted to blurt out the truth then and there, but he knew he had to speak to Gina first to get confirmation. He considered the ramifications of his claiming his son but dismissed them. He did not care what anybody thought or felt. He was going to claim his son. The problem was, would Trey understand that his uncle was his daddy and that his daddy was his uncle? That gave him pause. Talk about confusing. Keith realized he needed time to think without Michael around.

“You would what?” Michael asked. “See? You cannot even say anything, because you know you would find a way to make her pay for her deceit. Keith, I love Gina enough to accept her son if she had told me the truth. Why didn't she come clean?”

Thinking on the fly, Keith gave a suitable response. “Maybe she doesn't know, Michael,” he stated with a calm that belied the agony churning on the inside. “Maybe Gina genuinely believes that Trey is your son.”

“But she knew that she'd been with someone else, and it's obvious she didn't use any protection,” Michael said. “She flipped about me and Karen, but all along she was laid up with some other guy.”

“Even if that was true—”

“What do you mean, even if that was true? Bro, the proof is on the paper. Trey didn't come from the stork!”

“Okay, so it's true, but you guys don't live in New York anymore, so she made a clean break.”

Michael shook his head. “You know what? I don't know if that's true. I love Gina, but she isn't always
there
with me, you know. It's weird. Hard to describe. I wouldn't be surprised if she had some other guy in her head.”

Recognizing the dire need for a change of subject, Keith said, “Michael, forget about this other guy. The focus is on Trey. He's your son in every way that counts. Are you going to turn your back on him now, when he could be on his deathbed?”

Hearing his own remarks ring in his ears, Keith knew that this would not be the right time for Trey to learn the truth. Keith's mind was in turmoil. He could be jumping the gun. For all intents and purposes, Trey could be someone else's child.

And that would be tenable if Trey did not have an uncanny resemblance . . . to him.

Keith looked at his brother. He knew it would not be long before Michael put two and two together, and when he did, the repercussions would be . . . He didn't want to think about it.

It was only a matter of time. Keith's days were numbered. If he were a man of a different constitution, Keith would be worried. But he was man enough to step forward and shoulder the blame. It was Gina who he was worried about. There was no way she would be able to cope with this now. Her emotions were too fragile.

No matter how hurt he was, Michael would not inflict any of his anger on his . . . on Trey. He was innocent.

“Take me to see him,” Michael commanded. “I need to see Trey.”

“I'm not taking you anywhere. You're drunk, and you need to sleep it off. You're of no use to anybody in this state. Tomorrow, when you're sober, I'll take you.”

“You don't have your car,” his brother pointed out.

It was a wonder Michael had noticed that, drunk as he was. Keith helped to get him situated in the guest room. “It's at your house. We'll stop by your house first, so I can get my car. Then I'll drive behind you to the hospital. For now, get some rest. You're going to have a vicious hangover in the morning.”

Gina threw herself into Michael's arms when he appeared in the doorway of Trey's hospital room the next day. “Thank God, you're here,” she cried.

Michael hated Gina's tears. They served to remind him of those he'd shed the night before.

He rubbed his temples, having awakened with a vicious headache, which he'd treated by popping two painkillers.

Michael was still furious at her deceit, but he would not be insensitive and voice his true feelings aloud. Seeing Gina's deceptively innocent face made it worse. He wanted to hurl insults at her, but Trey was in the room, so he curled his fists and kept his lips closed. Trey was ill. Trey was the one who mattered now. His heart could wait.

With every ounce of resilience he possessed, Michael patted Gina on the arm. He closed his eyes, trying not to visualize the letter and its contents. This was not the time or place. But he couldn't be the bigger person. She'd played him for a fool. He slid out of her arms and headed over to his sleeping son.

I can't pretend. I can't move on as if nothing has happened.
His life had been turned upside down by that DNA test result.

He reached over and patted the top of Trey's head. He recalled all the fun times they had together and all the firsts that Trey had already experienced.

Shock ran through his system like a thunderbolt.

Michael realized that deep down he didn't care about who was responsible for Trey's existence. He was here. He was his son. His son. His name was on the papers. He had a legal right to Trey. He had been there from his birth, had cut the umbilical cord, patched up his skinned knees . . . He was Trey's dad. Nothing would change that.

Unbeknownst to Gina, Michael studied her. He watched her every move with Trey and her display of genuine love and devotion. Michael was so glad that he had heeded Keith's advice. He would have regretted storming in here and shouting expletives, which would've unsettled Trey and gotten him kicked out.

If he were being reasonable, Michael could not fault her for finding solace in someone else's arms after the way in which he hurt her. He had cheated on her with Karen. He acknowledged taking advantage of Gina's goodness and naïveté, which had led to him almost losing her.

Michael recognized that a part of him had held Gina to a standard of perfection, which wasn't realistic or possible. He had to reconcile in his mind the fact that she was human and thus predisposed to err.

Who was he kidding?

It pained him to think of Gina with someone else. He tried not to picture her finding ecstasy with . . . Ugh. The image was too difficult to conjure.

Michael redirected his thoughts back to his son. Trey needed him. Michael did not know that it could be possible, considering the new revelation, but he loved Trey even more.

It was like God had given him something he could not have had on his own. He could not abandon Trey. He was, for all intents and purposes, a gift from God.

 

 

From his chair across the room, Keith watched the conflicting emotions cross Michael's face. He saw the pain caused by Gina's indiscretion mingled with the devotion to Trey. Michael didn't know it, but Keith knew love would win. Gina was a prize, a good woman. His brother wouldn't let her go. In time, Michael would jump over this hurdle.

He wasn't too sure about his own recovery. He was the “other” man and the true biological father. He couldn't help but stare at the solitary figure lying in the bed. His son.

Keith was also drawn even more to Gina now, and he had never fathomed that could be even remotely possible. They shared a bond. Their love had brought to fruition a little boy who lay sick and helpless on a bed not even three feet away from him.

A boy who needed his mom and dad. For Keith, it was torture to remain silent. He did not know how he was able to withhold the truth. He felt his heart tighten. Keith wanted to shout the news from the rooftops. He wanted to claim his son. But this was a terrible, twisted situation in which he had become entangled.

In vain, Keith tried to remain stoic, but his heart felt both sorrow and joy. Everything he wanted, everything that was so precious, was within his reach, and he could not declare it. He had to remain a silent observer.

This went against his nature. Keith did not know how to resolve this dilemma without someone important in his life getting hurt.

The truth shall set you free.

Keith knew he had to come clean if he was going to stay sane. He couldn't keep this lie to himself for the rest of his life. He couldn't pretend that he was not a father. However, Trey was young and impressionable. He would find it hard to understand how his uncle was now his dad, and his father was now his uncle.

But on the other hand, Trey was young enough to adapt. Keith couldn't imagine waiting until Trey was a teenager to break the news—news that could cause irrevocable damage.

How could he not step up and claim him? Every child deserved to know where he or she came from. Yet how could he destroy his brother's life? Keith looked at his brother and his son. The truth would hurt both of them in some way. How could he choose?

Torn apart, Keith traipsed out of the room. He found the chapel and headed to the front pew. His conscience battled him. Keith remembered the Bible that Gina had given to him. He considered getting it but waved the thought aside. He felt too sullied and too unworthy to even open the good book. However, he could talk to God. Terence and Colleen had assured him that he could, and Keith clung to that hope with every fiber of his being.

Releasing his tears, Keith could not even find the words to say to God. Thoughts rushed at him, but his quicksilver tongue was silenced by the harsh reality of his actions. He had slept with his brother's wife. A couple days before Gina had pledged her eternity to Michael, she'd given herself to him. They had created a child, who was now ill, without a donor.

The guilt weighed him down. His conscience attacked him, granting him no reprieve.

Keith felt as if God was punishing Trey because of his misdeeds. He was a terrible, ruthless reprobate, but Trey shouldn't pay for that. “Please, God. Hurt me instead. Take your wrath out on me, but spare my son.” Keith was too overcome to say anything else.

God loves you.

Keith turned his head and looked around the room. He was so distraught that he hadn't heard anyone enter. Feeling embarrassed, Keith looked around the vestibule. There was no one there. But he heard the persistent sound again.

God loves you.

The powerful sentiment was a ubiquitous presence, resonating through his heart and echoing in his ears. It felt like a loud crescendo lifting him out of the mire of sorrow he had spun. Then it became a smooth, calming thought that soothed his entire being.

Keith felt comforted. He felt awed. God's Holy Spirit had spoken to him. At that moment, though he did not know how, Keith knew everything would work itself out.

If Michael responded with “Just have a lot on my mind,” one more time, Gina was going to scream!

Something was wrong. She sensed it. But each time she'd asked him, he'd assured her that he was fine. Gina didn't know how to interpret Michael's sudden, aloof demeanor of the past two days.

At the breakfast table that morning, she'd voiced her concerns. “Michael, I can't pinpoint it, but your concern seems somewhat . . . forced. Our conversations—when you do talk to me—are stilted, and I can't help but feel as if you're keeping something from me. You're usually up-front with me, and it's not like you to keep anything from me.”

He looked like he'd been about to say something but he must have changed his mind. Instead, he'd said, “I'm going to the hospital. Are you coming?”

“I have a quick errand to run, but I'll meet you there.” Gina felt guilty for lying, but going alone to the hospital was ten times better than sitting in a car with Michael and enduring his silence.

As soon as she heard Michael's car pull out of the driveway, Gina dialed Colleen's cell phone.

Colleen answered mid-ring. “You're going to live a long time, because I was just thinking about you. I just picked up the phone to call you to find out if there was any update on Trey's condition.”

“No,” Gina sighed. “However, no news is good news.”

“So what's up?” Colleen inquired. “I can tell from your tone that something is bothering you. Talk to me.”

“It's Michael.” She needed to express her sentiments aloud to make sure that she was not being paranoid or supersensitive. This was an emotional time for everyone. Gina wanted to make sure that she was not overreacting.

“Okay,” Colleen replied. “Give me more, or this is going to be a long, drawn-out conversation. I'm looking at the clock, and we have about an hour before the twins wake up, so get to talking, girl.”

“I think something is bothering him, and I am not sure what.” Gina twisted in her chair. Her position was as awkward as the conversation.

“Well, his son is in a hospital with a deadly disease. I think that's a valid reason for him to be bothered.”

“Colleen, I know all that. I can't put my finger on it, but it is more than that. It's the feeling I get when he is around. He pulled a disappearing act the day before yesterday. At first I attributed it to all this stress, but he has been acting odd around me. He looks at me in a way that makes me uncomfortable, and it's freaking me out.”

“Have you asked him about it?” Colleen said.

Gina nodded, though Colleen could not see her, and replied in a dejected tone, “Yes and his reply is that he's got a lot on his mind. Then he changes the subject. I'm walking on eggshells. I can't sleep because I don't know what is going on. He's like a brick wall.” She leaned into the phone to hear Colleen's words.

“You should confront him. It could very well be nothing. You sometimes get too tuned in to people's moods. He feels helpless because there's nothing he can do for Trey. Men take that much harder than we do.”

“Colleen . . .” Gina lowered her voice, even though there was no one around to hear her conversation. “Do you think he's found out about Keith and me? That's the only thing I can think of.”

“I don't think so. Michael strikes me as the kind of man who would go ahead and have it out with you about it. It's your own guilt causing you to see things that aren't there.”

Gina couldn't let it go. “I think it's possible that he knows, but he's trying to play it cool for Trey.” Her stomach was in knots. She did not want to consider the magnitude of Michael's hurt and wrath toward her and his brother if he found out.

“I think you're paranoid and worried about nothing.”

“I just have this feeling. Call it instinct,” Gina insisted.

“What does Keith say?” Colleen asked.

“I haven't spoken to him. I did call him, but he has not returned my calls. He's pulled a disappearing act.”

“Now,
that
I find unusual. When it comes to you, Keith drops everything.”

Gina didn't even bother denying Colleen's words, because her friend spoke the truth. “That's another reason why I'm beside myself right now.” Gina fought to keep a sob out of her voice. “Neither one of them is acting right, and that has me rattled.”

“Stop worrying about those men.” Colleen's voice held an edge of frustration. “Focus on your child.”

“I've tried, but they're my family, Colleen. Other than you, they're all I have.”

Colleen tried to reassure her some more, but once they hung up the phone, Gina realized the conversation with Colleen had done nothing to pacify her doubts. Gina felt like kicking herself. She would not be going through this turmoil if she didn't have a guilty conscience.

Some would say that it was fair play, but she had to be honest with herself. Michael had cheated on her, but that was no validation for her sleeping with Michael's brother. Being with Keith had not been about getting even. Michael was the last person on her mind when she made love to Keith. It had been about Gina and Keith expressing their love for each other. Gina sat at her kitchen table and eyed the fruit bowl. She picked up a banana and peeled back its skin. She took a bite. Maybe Keith had been right. He'd pushed for them to tell Michael the truth. If they had done so back then, maybe Michael would have been able to get past it and move on in time. She and Keith would have married, and they would not be in their own private hell, sneaking kisses and touches like high school kids.

Her stomach turned. She couldn't finish the banana. She tossed the remaining portion into the garbage can, washed her hands, and wiped them on her jeans. Her mind wandered back to the elevator kiss. Gina was still ashamed at her brazenness that night, but a part of her was glad that she had done what she did. She craved Keith's touch and his lips. Even though five years had passed, her body had never forgotten him, because Gina was still in love with Keith.

She was at it again. Thinking about Keith. Gina cautioned herself to stop. There was no use pining for something that she could not have. There were times when she felt like blurting it all out and hightailing it back to New York and into Keith's arms. But there was Trey to consider. She could not do that to her son. He needed both his parents, and Gina was not going to mess with his childhood to satisfy her selfish desires. When Trey started school, Gina wanted to be able to check the box that said he lived at home with both parents. Her selfish desires no longer took center stage once she became a parent.

Trey was worth every sacrifice—even the pining of her heart.