My Sweetest Escape (11 page)

I can’t breathe.” I sat down on my bed

and she came and sat next to me.

“I never thought that I would be this

worried about you.

You’re the good one. You made the rest

of us look like losers. It was hell when our

report cards would come out and you’d

always have A’s and the rest of us had to

compete with that. It sucked, by the way.”

She bumped my shoulder with hers.

“I’m sorry?”

“No, I just wish I had been the one who

could have set the good example. You

know, I’m supposed to be the oldest and all

that. I tried, but you were always better.”

Was. Past tense.

She touched my hair. “Are you ever

going to tell me what happened last year?”

I shook my head. “I just decided that life

was worth living, and I hadn’t been.”

“All of a sudden? Carpe diem?”

Sure.

“Something like that.”

I ran into Hannah in my bio 202 class the

next day. It was cruel, but the university

required that we have at least six credits in

science, and I only had three. Once again, I

figured bio would be the way to go since it

would be a huge class and I could probably

show up or not show up and no one would

know.

“Hey, stalker,” Hannah said as I sat next

to her. The classroom was one of the larger

on campus, with what looked like stadium

seating. Too bad we’d all be falling asleep

and learning about ribosomes instead of

watching an awesome movie, or a rock

concert.

“Maybe you’re stalking me.” There were

quite a few empty seats around her, and I

hoped they stayed that way.

“Told you, I’m a people repeller,”

Hannah said, leaning back in her seat.

“Skittles?” She had another fresh bag and

held it out to me.

“No, thanks. I can’t eat Skittles without

M&M’s.”

“You serious?” She tossed a handful into

her mouth and a few clattered to the floor.

“Yeah. It’s not crazy, if you think about

it.” I’d explained this quite a few times.

“Skittles are like fruit, right? And M&M’s

are chocolate. So it’s like chocolate-covered

fruit. You should try it. Could change your

life.”

Hannah gave me a dubious look and

munched her Skittles.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

The class filled up and the seats nearest

us were the last to be filled by stragglers.

Hannah and I spent most of the class

writing notes back and forth because,

honestly, it was boring as hell. I somehow

managed to stay awake, but that was

mostly due to Hannah. My second class of

the day, something called the Nature and

Language of Math, was equally boring and

sleep-inducing.

I went right back to the house after class

and found it pretty quiet. Since there were

so many people living in the house and

everyone had something going on, Darah

had made a chart on a whiteboard so

everyone could write where they were

when. I erased the words
at class
and wrote

home
next to my name.

Taylor and Mase were the only ones

home. I heard the washing machine going

and some loud music coming from the man

cave downstairs. Guess I couldn’t go to my

room.

Instead, I threw myself on the leather

sofa and sighed.

“That sounded like a heavy sigh.”

Taylor’s voice pierced the quiet. I sat up to

find her leaning against the stairs.

“It wasn’t, really.” She came and sat on

the recliner, leaving me the entire couch.

“So what do you think of UMaine? Is it

everything you expected?”

I shrugged.

“It’s college. Pretty much like any

other.”

“Still. Everything going okay?”

She was fishing and not doing a very

good job of it.

“Renee tell you to talk to me?” I grabbed

the remote and turned on the massive

television, flipping around until I found

something decent. And by decent I meant a

marathon of
Behind the Music
on VH1.

“If I say no, you’ll know that I’m lying, so

yes. She’s just worried about you.”

“Well, she’s got lots of company in that

department.”

“I know things are kind of crazy for you

right now, but I swear, they will get better.

And lashing out feels good when you do it,

but living with the consequences kind of

sucks. I should know. I punched Hunter

when I first met him. He’s got a hell of a

hard face.” Renee hadn’t told me that story.

“You did?”

She smiled as if it was a fond memory

and shook her head.

“Yeah. He kind of cornered me, and I

have a bit of a claustrophobia issue. To be

fair, he totally deserved it.” I could imagine

him provoking her. It seemed to be one of

his favorite things to do.

“I bet he did. How did you go from that

to…being disgustingly in love?”

She laughed.

“He’s persistent. And has a high

tolerance for me being mean and shoving

him away.”

“Huh.” Sounded familiar.

She kicked out the footrest on the

recliner and squinted at me, as if she was

deciding something.

“I was nearly raped, when I was

younger. It was my sister’s older boyfriend,

Travis, and he tried to rape her, too.

She got over it and I never did. Hunter

was the first guy that I let touch me. There

was something about him that made me

feel safe in a way I’d never felt safe before. I

trusted him, even when I told myself not to.

I let him in before I even knew that’s what I

was doing. Sometimes you meet people like

that. By the time you realize you’ve let

them into your life, it’s too late, and usually

by that point you can’t see life without

them.”

I knew exactly what she was talking

about, and I found myself twisting the

elephant charm on my bracelet. Yeah, I

knew what she was talking about. But

sometimes, those people get taken from

you, and there’s nothing you can do to get

them back.

Even if she and Hunter broke up—which

I couldn’t see happening—he was still alive.

She could wake up every morning and know

that, even if she didn’t see him, he existed

in the world somewhere.

“So yeah, that’s my story, the abridged

version, and now things are…really good.”

Yeah, I could see that. She stared down at

her ring and twisted it on her finger.

“Has anyone even stopped to think that

I wasn’t okay before, and I am now? Just

because I looked like I was keeping things

together and was this perfect person

doesn’t mean I was doing okay. Maybe that

was my master plan, to make everyone

think that.” Taylor thought about that for a

second.

“Like reverse psychology? Wow, you are

smart. I wish I would have thought of that

instead of just being a bitch to everyone.

That probably would have worked a lot

better than violence.” Footsteps sounded

on the stairs, and Mase emerged from the

basement, his face with a sheen of sweat on

it and his arms busting from the thin tank

top he was wearing.

“What are you doing down there? If I

didn’t know that Darah was at work, I’d

swear you guys were going at it,”

Taylor said.

Mase smiled and went to grab a bottle

of water from the fridge.

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither

were these arms.”

He flexed and his arms bulged. They

were, like, the size of my neck. “Gotta do

some maintenance to keep them nice for

Dare.”

“One of those crazy workout videos

again?” Taylor said, pretending to punch

him. He collapsed, pretending she’d

wounded him.

“You’re welcome to join anytime.”

“Yeah, I’d rather not. Kickboxing all the

way.” He gulped down some water and

wiped his face on her sleeve.

“Ugh! You are disgusting!” She

screamed and he chased her around the

living room as the door opened.

“Someone want to explain?” Hunter

said, setting his bag down and watching as

Mase growled at Taylor and she dived

behind the recliner. “Dude, you are my

family, but if you’re going after my girl, I will

have to pound your ass,” Hunter said, but

he wasn’t serious.

“Aren’t you coming to rescue me? Isn’t

that your job?”

Taylor squealed as Mase dragged her

out and tried to put her head under his

sweaty armpit.

“Oh, no, baby, you’re on your own. It’s

all you, Miss. I’m just enjoying the view.”

“Douche bag!” She managed to pinch

Mase’s side and wiggle out from under his

arm and rush toward Hunter.

“See if I do anything
nice
for you

anytime soon.” It didn’t take a genius to

figure out she was talking about sexual

favors. Disgusting.

“How was your day, Little Ne?” Mase

moved my feet and sat down next to me. I

hoped he wasn’t going to wipe his sweat on

me. Not that it would be any different than

being at home with my siblings who often

used my jeans and shirts as tissues.

“Same as yesterday. It will probably be

the same tomorrow.”

“Wow, don’t sound so depressed. Most

people your age would love to be living in

this house. I mean, what more could you

want?” He gestured to the beautifully

furnished house.

Freedom to do what I wanted. Freedom

from being watched and criticized. But

Mase wouldn’t understand that.

“Nothing, I guess. You can ignore my

bitching if you want,” I said.

“Please tell me you won’t sync your

period with the rest of the ladies in the

house. It’s bad enough, and now the guys

are outnumbered,” Mase said.

“I’ll give it a shot, but no promises.” He

held his fist out and I bumped it with mine

and then we exploded at the same time and

I couldn’t help but laugh. Hunter sat down

on the recliner and Taylor sat in his lap.

“So, I’ve got a performance this

weekend. You guys in?” he said.

Mase nodded. I was missing something.

“Performance?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m in this a cappella group, the

Steiners. God, that still sounds lame when I

say it out loud. I was sort of
forced
to join

after someone saw a poster for auditions,”

Hunter said, staring at Taylor.

“I’m someone,” Taylor said, raising her

hand. “And you should come. It’s actually

really cool. Dusty’s in it, too. He’s their beat

boxer.”

I wasn’t even surprised. Dusty Sharp was

destined to show up in my life. I might as

well accept it.

“We might even do a certain song that I

think you’d like.

I can put in a request,” Hunter said.

“Sure, why not? It’s not like I have

anything better to do.” I needed to get a job

soon, but I hadn’t talked to Renee about it

yet. The plan was to find something, get

myself hired and then tell her about it later

so she couldn’t say anything about it.

My first inclination, when I found out

that there was a Bull Moose close to

campus, was to try there, but now that I

knew Dusty was there, that was out. I just

wanted to do something that wouldn’t suck,

but the chances of that happening were

pretty slim. Still, I’d have to start looking.

Maybe Hannah would have some ideas.

“Awesome. You’ll like it, I swear,” Taylor

said, tracing Hunter’s number seven tattoo.

Paul was the only guy in the house without

any ink. I’d considered getting some myself,

especially now. I wanted something on my

body that reminded me of him. Something

that would make me think of him and what

little time he’d been in my life that would

influence me. That was what I missed the

most, second to him. It was his influence.

But I knew Renee would have a litter of

two-headed kittens if she found out I was

even considering getting inked.

I’d have to wait until she’d stopped