Naked Choke (A Stepbrother MMA Romance) (10 page)

Chapter Seventeen

I run my fingers around the edges of the colorful packet I
picked up from the University of Denver. I didn't want to throw it away at the house,
where my mom might spy it in the trash can, so I waited until I came to work to
throw it away in the parking lot's public bin.

I push the lid open and slide the pamphlet in with a sigh.
It's just not practical. I don't know how to picture my life if I went through
with it, and that scares me.

"Whatcha doing?" I hear behind me, and groan as I
recognize Logan's voice. I don't want him to get on my case right now about
tossing the pamphlet.

"You are way too light on your feet," I tell him
as I turn around.

"Thank you. That's a good thing for a fighter."

"Yeah, I didn't mean it as a compliment."

"I know." I smile, glad we can rib each other
again. His phone rings from his sweatshirt pocket, but he doesn't look down at
it.

"You going to get that?" I ask quizzically.

"No," he replies quickly, then clears his throat
awkwardly. "It's Sara," he adds, as though that explains anything.

"Uh-huh."

"It's—forget it."

"No, I mean, you can tell me," I say, unsure of
how to negotiate this terrain with him. It's been almost a month since she came
to dinner, and as far as I knew their relationship was still going strong.

"It's just, I know what she's going to say. She wants
me to spend less time at the gym, more time with her."

"Well, you do arrive before everyone else and leave
after. Plus you have your, you know,
extra
sessions up in Denver."

"Right…" he responds obliviously.

"So I'm saying, maybe she has a point."

"Really," he replies, sounding skeptical.

"Yes," I go on, surprising myself. I can't believe
I would ever encourage Logan to spend more time with his girlfriend, but…
"Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing for you to find a little balance in
your life. You can be pretty single-minded."

"But I—"

"I know. You have to get your ten thousand hours in. I
remember. But maybe finding some times to relax every now and then would help,
in the long run. So you don't get burned out."

"Maybe," he hedges, though I can tell by the way
he's frowning that he's actually considering what I'm saying.

"You guys look serious," Austen says, walking up
behind Logan. I glance at Logan, wondering whether or not he'd want his brother
to know what we were talking about.

"Oh?" Logan replies, without expanding. Austen
walks next to me and I'm surprised to feel him kiss me on the cheek. I freeze
immediately, but Austen doesn't seem to realize what he's done. Until he sees
the shocked expression on my face.

"Oh, fuck. I, um," Austen falters. "I forgot
where I was for a second," he says under his breath to me. I glance up at
Logan, who has his eyes on the pavement.

"It's OK. He already knows," I tell Austen.
"I let it slip a while ago."

"You know?" Austen asks his brother.

Logan looks up and shrugs. "Don't worry. I'm not going
to tell anyone."

"Alright," Austen frowns, running his hand through
his hair as he processes this information.

"He's kept it a secret for a month already," I
point out. "It's fine."

"Yeah," Austen finally pronounces. "It's
fine."

I rub Austen's back as the three of us head toward the gym
door, dropping my arm as we walk inside. He seems a little distant, and I'm not
sure why. Is he really that upset about Logan knowing about us? Maybe he's just
thrown for a loop and needs some time.

I slip behind the desk and begin my morning duties. By the
time I circle back, the team is in full-on training mode behind me. I know from
Duke's nightly reports that the team's work is focused more and more on
Austen's preparation for the tournament, everyone else's training revolving
around how best to prepare him. I can tell by Logan's silence around the dinner
table how frustrating it's been for him.

I glance over at the training area as much as I can without
being too obvious. About half the fighters stand around a mat, watching Austen
grapple with another man. Logan stalks around the side of the mat until his
father finally gives him the nod to switch in. My mom walks in just before the
lunch rush, getting in her workout before she heads over to the salon for the
afternoon. It doesn't matter so much that the gym is out of her normal route now.

"Hey, hon," she greets me. Unlike the other
gym-goers, she doesn't swipe her card. Duke comped her membership early on in
their relationship.

"Hey, mom," I reply, sliding a fresh towel across
the counter to her as a loud thud echoes from the training area. I glance back
to see that Logan has just tossed someone over his hip and onto the mat.

"Oof. Sounds rough over there."

"Definitely. I hope there's a tournament for Logan
soon, too," I add offhandedly, voicing the thoughts I've been mulling
over.

"Maybe," my mom replies. "But Duke says he
doesn't have Austen's natural talent."

"Maybe it's not all about natural talent," I snap
back, unable to bite my tongue.

"Whoa," my mom breathes, eyes wide.

I take a deep breath. "I just mean, Logan works really
hard, and maybe Duke doesn't treat them both as equally as he could."

"Of course he does. Duke is the most honest man I've
ever met."

"Really? Have you ever seen a picture of Fiona?"

"What's she got to do with anything?"

"She looks just like Logan. That's why Austen is his
favorite. Logan reminds him of her."

My mom blinks her green eyes rapidly as tears form in them.
"Why are you talking to me like this?"

"Like what, Mom? I'm just being honest," I reply,
though I can hear the frustration in my voice. I'm so tired of her turning on
the tear factory whenever I say something she doesn't like. She's crying me
into silence.

"Well, it's very hurtful. I don't even know if I can
work out after this."

"I'm not sure how it's hurtful, and I'm still glad I
said it," I reply, squaring my shoulders even as my heart beats in my
ears. She eyes me, mouth slightly open in surprise. We're well past the point
in the conversation where I'd normally back down, and I don't think she knows
what to do. Neither do I, really.

I wait to see her response. She looks at me for another
moment, then opens her mouth as if she's going to say something, then closes
her mouth before huffily walking out. My shoulders drop, and suddenly I'm
exhausted.

I almost want to laugh. That's the biggest argument I've
ever had with my mother, and it was nothing. And it wasn't even about either of
us. I finally stood up to her about something, and it was over Logan, not me.

Chapter Eighteen

"Yeah, but
why
is she acting weird around
you?" Austen asks as I perch my chin on his bare chest. We're lying in
bed, and he's trying to understand why I think my mom is mad at me, and I'm
trying to give him as few details as possible. Somehow I don't think he'd like
the actual details.

"She's not used to me having my own opinions about
stuff," I reply vaguely. "After my dad left, she never even really
dated before your dad, and that was a long time. We were each other's whole
world, and she'd always get upset if we disagreed about anything, so I stopped
disagreeing."

I nuzzle my nose into his chest hair, hoping this
explanation will be enough. "Uh-huh," he replies, rubbing his hand
along the bottom of my bra strap. It's a rare time in the middle of the day
when we've been able to see each other, with Duke out running errands and my
mom at the salon. Or so I thought.

"Austen?" I jump up at the sound of my mom's voice
just outside the basement door. "Have you seen Cat? She said she was with
Maya, but then Maya just came to the salon looking for her."

"Um, have you tried her cell phone?" Austen calls
back as I jump up and begin frantically pulling my clothes on. I point
upstairs, trying to indicate that I left it on my bed.

"Yeah, she's not answering." There's a short pause
and I find one of my shoes, then begin circling the bed, looking for the other
one. "Is it OK if I come down? I'm worried."

"Yeah, one sec! Just putting on a shirt," Austen
replies. Well, at least that part's true. He straightens the comforter,
revealing my other sandal. I slip it on and head for the door.

"Austen?" my mom calls again. I open the back door
and race up the steps. I run around the side of the house and then open the
front door as quietly as possible. Thank god it's not locked, because I don't
have my keys on me. I tiptoe up the stairs, wishing I were wearing different
shoes, and can just hear my mom and Austen's voices echoing from the basement.

As I enter my room, I kick my shoes off and grab my phone
off the bed. I try to steady my breathing as I call my mom.

"There you are!" she answers.

"Sorry, I just saw your calls. I wasn't feeling well
and fell asleep in my room," I explain as I pull off my jeans and slip
under the covers, just in case she heads upstairs.

"Oh, well you should make sure you call Maya. She came
to the salon because she thought you were there."

"Shoot, yeah, I will. I didn't mean to sleep so
long."

"But you're feeling alright now?" she asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine now," I reply.
Except for the
guilt
. "I better call her so she doesn't worry."

As I hang up and then press Maya's number, I shake my head
at myself. Even if my mom's mad at me, she still gets worried enough to leave
work to come find me.

"Sorry!" Maya exclaims as soon as she answers.
"I just thought, 'oh, I'm in the neighborhood, I might as well swing by
the salon to see if Cat's there,' and then your mom—"

"Don't worry about it. I'm the one who should be
apologizing. I'm the one who's been asking you to lie for this long to cover up
for me," I reply regretfully.

"You were able to cover?"

"I think so, but I don't know if I can keep going on
like this. At first it was kind of fun, you know? I liked having something that
was just mine. But now it feels wrong in a bad kind of way. And it's not just
me lying, I've roped you into it, too."

"Well, how do you think your mom would react if she
found out about you and Austen?"

"Mm, I don't know. I kind of think her idea of me is a
little white-washed. She might be completely shocked."

"Maybe this is just adding more lying on top of it all,
but what if you told her it was new? Like that you guys just started dating.
That way she wouldn't think that you'd been sneaking around behind her back for
a few months. It might be easier to swallow."

"No, that's probably a good idea."

"And what about Austen?"

"He's the one who took me on that little dream
neighborhood tour. I wouldn't be surprised if he's way ahead of me. Especially
after what just happened with my mom."

"Yeah, it does sound like he's got it pretty bad. Text
me after, k?"

"K."

I hang up and head for the bathroom. The door is closed, so
I lean against the hallway wall opposite and wait for Logan to finish. I hear
the water in the sink run, and smile up at him as the door opens. But it's not
Logan.

"Oh! Hi, Sara," I say. "Wasn't expecting
you."

"We were just hanging out for the afternoon," she
explains, and then glances toward Logan's slightly open bedroom door. She takes
a step toward me and lowers her voice. "Actually, I wanted to thank you.
Logan told me you gave him some advice, and he's been so much better about
making plans with me since then. So, thank you. Seriously."

"Sure. No problem at all."

She leans in conspiratorially. "You know, I have to
confess, when I first met you I was actually jealous of you. I mean you're so
gorgeous and sweet…but you're practically his stepsister! Now I feel so crazy
for ever even thinking about that!"

I laugh quietly. "Yeah, that
is
crazy!" I
reply. "Well, I guess I'll see you around here more then," I add,
stepping around her to the bathroom door.

"Yes, definitely! Oh, and if you're seeing someone, we
could double date!"

"Great idea!" I smile as I shut the door. I want
to bash my head in on the other side of it. That was probably the most
uncomfortable conversation I've ever had in my life. A double date with Austen
and Logan? Not in a million years. Not ever.

* * *

That night I wait longer than usual after my mom and Duke go
to bed. I'm not taking any chances after this afternoon's scare. A solid
forty-five minutes after the house has quieted, I slip out of my room and down
the steps, and then knock softly at the basement door before letting myself
down.

"That was close," Austen says from the couch
where's he's watching TV.

"Too close," I reply with a shake of my head as he
makes room for me to sit next to him. He wraps his arm around me and kisses my
temple.

"Yeah. You gotta remember to tell Maya when you're
using her as an alibi."

"That's one solution. I was thinking of a different
one."

"Oh?" he replies absently, one eye on the sports
scores.

"We've been dating for a few months now, and I think
maybe it's time we come clean to our parents."

"Oh," he says again, turning to face me. It's not
quite the happy response I expected. I wait for him to say more, but it looks
like that was it.

"I don't want to lie anymore," I continue. "I
feel too guilty. And I want to just be able to date normally, you know? Be a
regular couple."

"Yeah, but the tournament is only a month away. I can't
have any big changes like that right now."

"Well, it's not really a big change, is it? I mean, our
parents would know about us, but in terms of what we're actually doing it
wouldn’t be very different," I counter, surprised to feel like I'm having
to talk him into this.

"Of course it'll be different!" he exclaims,
pulling his arm back from its place around my shoulders.

"Not really, it'll—" I begin to argue, and then
stop, taking in the way he's now staring down at his lap. "Is that what
this is really about? You're worried it would affect the tournament?"

He stands up and begins to pace in front of the TV. "It
just feels like a lot right now. We haven't even been dating that long."

"OK…"

"It just feels really
serious
," he finally
says, turning toward me and splaying out his hands as though he's laying the
real answer at my feet.

"It feels serious," I repeat, my head spinning. I
take a deep breath, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. "I'm
confused. You're the one who said you were trying to turn over a new leaf.
You're the one who took me on a tour of that neighborhood," I point out. I
feel hot tears begin to form behind my eyes and blink quickly to hold them
back. I already feel embarrassed, and crying will only exacerbate that feeling.

He throws his hands up with an exasperated sigh. "I
just—OK, yes, I mean, down the road, maybe, but I just feel like you're putting
a lot of pressure on me right now, and I already have enough of that."

"I didn't mean to put—"

"I told you how much pressure my dad's putting on me
right now, but I never expected to get it from you, too."

"Hang on, that's not what I'm trying to do. I just, I
guess I thought that maybe this was different, or, I don't know, maybe it's
just that I'm feeling guilty," I blurt out, struggling to find my footing.

"So I have to feel guilty just because you are?!"

"Wait, no!" I say, standing up. This conversation
feels like a runaway train. "But, I mean, don't you feel a little guilty,
too? Lying to our parents? I've never really lied to my mom like this—"

"I knew you were too young. I knew we never should have
started," he says almost under his breath.

"What does that mean?" I shoot back, anger
beginning to form around the edges of my panic. "I just came down here to
have a simple discussion, and now you're questioning if we even should have
started dating?! All that talk about wanting to change and saying I was
'different' and 'good', was that just bullshit? Were you just trying to fuck
me, like those ring girls said?"

"Wow, I can't even believe you would think that of
me," he hisses.

"Well, what am I supposed to think? Tell me!"

He shakes his head at me like a disappointed father. "I
need some air." He stalks toward the back door.

"Are you seriously leaving right now?!"

"We can talk about this when you've calmed down,"
he says flatly as he opens the door.

"Oh, can we? Great, looking forward to that," I
shoot back as he shuts the door behind him.

I stand in the middle of the room, fists balled in anger,
wondering how in the world we got so off track.