Nanny Behaving Badly (9 page)

‘Can I come back again soon, Mummy?’ Lewis pleaded.

Oh yeah.
Not in this lifetime if Maddie could help it. Then Maddie felt guilty for feeling so harshly about Lewis. It wasn’t the boy’s fault that his mother couldn’t be trusted.

‘Thanks again, Mr Sutherland,’ Nadia concluded, and headed for the door. Did she feel vulnerable? Good, she deserved to.

The stinging sensation behind Maddie’s eyes was the last thing she needed. A swirl of inner anger slapped down hard on the desire to cry. She’d moved on. No more tears. Embarrassment, surprise and anger weren’t emotions she should find herself drowning in here. She had no reason for remorse. She’d done nothing wrong. Except swallow Tim’s charm and lies.

But seeing Nadia depart, head bent and regretful, hit home too. She was just a single mum getting by, struggling like Lyle, with nobody to share the strain. Only she’d fallen for the smooth-talking boss.

The sound of goodbyes and the thud of the door closing provided blessed relief. Yet things unsaid still hung prominent.

‘Friend of yours, or ex-colleague?’ Lyle asked.

Maddie kept her tone light on purpose. ‘Hardly. She’s the other woman. Clandestine affair culprit and the reason I left my last job.’

Lyle turned and opened his mouth to speak. Then simply said, ‘I don’t know what to say, Maddie.’

‘It’s okay, it’s best to say nothing,’ she answered. ‘This is unfinished business.’

Maddie pushed past him, seeing the confusion and shock on his face, but not stopping to explain. ‘Sorry, Lyle. I’ll be professional but I need to have my say.’

Nadia looked over her shoulder and saw Maddie approaching the car where she was securing her son in his safety seat.

‘I just wanted to say,’ Maddie told her, ‘you can do so much better than Tim.’

Nadia barely engaged – kept focused on the task in hand. For a couple of seconds her hands stalled as she moved things inside the car, then rechecked her son and closed the door.

‘This isn’t a good time for debating the past.’

Maddie looked at her – the pristine stocking-clad legs, the expensive leather handbag with its bag charms and brand labels. The same one she’d dumped a potted plant in on her rampage exit through the Play Space Station admin office. She thought of the rash, uncharacteristic vengeance afterwards as ‘handbag rage’. The red mist had been up and she’d gone crazy. Just like the hair. Now it felt futile, a sad empty gesture because Nadia clearly loved the bag and couldn’t afford a replacement.

Even more reason why Maddie didn’t want to fight now. Revenge wouldn’t undo the wrongs.

‘I know you must be angry, you’re entitled to be. ’

‘Not in front of your son. It’s not fair on Lewis. Tim won’t alter his habits. Don’t trust him, that’s all I wanted to say. It’s for your own good.’

Nadia pulled her handbag further onto her shoulder. ‘Tim said you’d both drifted.’

Maddie shook her head to stall the explanations. ‘Maybe, it’s history now. Sorry about your bag.’

Nadia’s green gaze met hers straight on. ‘Thank you. I’m sorry too.’

She turned her back and climbed into the car, closed the door, turned over the ignition. Suddenly Maddie regretted the insights more. Anger had been easier than pity or empathy. At least Nadia had her son. Maddie had solo existence, a cheating ex, an estranged father in the States, a lonely apartment that meant the world to her. A temp job that was messing with all her plans and ethical aspirations. Letters appearing through the letterbox that uncomfortably dredged up the worst time from a part of her past that still hurt deeply.

Maddie watched Nadia’s tail lights shrink on Lyle’s expansive drive. There were no winners and nothing to be gained from petty grudges or stereotypes. Handbag rage didn’t feel so good when the only accessory was loneliness.

‘You okay?’ Maddie heard Lyle ask behind her. She kept staring down the drive watching where Nadia’s car had disappeared.

He’d slipped a fleece jacket onto her shoulders. She was shivering but she wouldn’t cry. Scary Halloween mascara from a tears wrestling match would not be helpful here.

‘You’re shaking,’ Lyle said, and gently rubbed her shoulder. ‘Come inside?’

‘I’m not in a fit state for company.’

‘Want to talk?’ His tone did things to her whirling insides. That deep burr of Scots accent. She really didn’t want him seeing her this way, him thinking her a crazy loose cannon mess.

Maddie breathed. ‘No thanks.’

Lyle wasn’t so easily deterred. ‘Then do you want me to chase after her, bring her back and tie her to a tree?’

Maddie sniffed. ‘Witch burning’s too good for her.’ Then she reconsidered her hasty words. She was hurt. Not vindictive. ‘I’m kidding. I’m just confused and hurt. Anyway, Nadia was only one side of the equation. It’s Tim who needs his bits cutting off.’

Lyle threw her a loaded stare. ‘Two to tango … ’

Maddie nodded. ‘Naked Argentinean tango. Frankly, I don’t know whether to be outraged by the regularity or impressed at the stamina.’

Lyle kicked gravel. ‘If you saw things like that, maybe louse guy did you a favour in the long run?’

Maddie stayed silent, taking that observation in, then turned to look at him. ‘Enough about them. I should be watching Josh.’

She was trying her best to summon clarity, focus. Things were getting personal now. When she was hurt and people were nice to her, it was usually the one time she sobbed like a knees-skinned girl.

Lyle stopped her. ‘He’s just fine.’ His hand stayed on her wrist and didn’t budge. ‘Question is – are you? Your working day’s over and tomorrow’s your day off. My sister Heather is playing games with Josh right now and she’s promised to bath him next. Are you letting this spook you out?’

Maddie looked around her baffled. ‘Says the guy who wanted to fire me when we met.’

‘We’ve both learned lessons – now I trust you.’

Irritation boiled because she resented that Tim had made her screw up. She’d been the one to pay the price. She’d walked away; estrangement by choice. A mistake she’d made before.

Soon the tears won the fight and just streamed down her face. Maddie stemmed them with shaky fingers.

Lyle tugged her close and hugged her. ‘C’mon. He’s not worth it.’

The musk and lime scent of his body sent her senses skidding and a sob escaped. Without realising she’d badly needed this emotional venting. Since the discovery and her walkout at work she hadn’t vented the anger that had taken up residence inside her. Somehow her family issues and Tim’s let-downs mingled together with Molotov cocktail repercussions.

She’d stored it up – just like she’d done in her teens – and instead she’d vented in crazy actions like the new blue hairstyle, the handbag attack, but to what end?

‘I feel an idiot.’ She sighed as her shoulders wobbled.

Lyle pulled her more firmly in towards the heat of his body. Wow, that raw sexy Lyle smell just exploded through her senses and his warm chest through his shirt was like pyrotechnics in her system. She held herself slightly apart, not wanting to sag into him. Or to rub against him like an abandoned animal desperately seeking comfort.

‘You’re just a woman who’s needed a good cry for a long time. Though I am surprised. It’s the British that are renowned for the icy reserve. You Americans are supposed to be in touch with yourselves and let it out.’

Maddie shoved her hands deep into her pockets. ‘Because I’m still kicking myself. I risked everything including buying my apartment and now I wish I’d buttoned it. Freaking out wasn’t a good move.’

The courtyard lamplight was low. He brushed away her tears, then dried her cheek with his thumb. Though the perfunctory nature of the gesture made her feel like an upset schoolgirl before a busy headmaster, when Lyle drew back his fingers he looked as if he didn’t know what to do next.

He stared down at her, grey eyes searching hers. As he watched her Maddie gulped. They gazed at each other absorbing the implications of that brief touch, observing the hesitation. One loaded touch that had flickered with live promise. Lyle finally shoved a hand through his hair and drew a long breath.

‘I think you’re wonderful,’ he told her. ‘Damn. I’m no good at this. I want to hug you.’

Maddie smiled in spite of the tears. ‘Hugs make me cry and your shirt front’s soaked already.’

Lyle sighed. ‘I’ve never found blue hair this challenging before. Or this attractive. Do you always push people away?’

She scrutinised his face. Serious eyes, drownable depths. Thump thump beats of adrenaline raced at the impact of the words and their new shared intimacy.

‘I guess you could say it’s not a good time for getting close. I’m still nursing a wounded ego and frankly, I don’t know which way is up.’

‘Your boyfriend’s transgressions do nothing to alter the fact you’re great as you are. I admire you, more than you realise. It’s okay to be hurt and angry because we all hit tough spots. I’ve been there too.’

Maddie looked up at him. ‘Sounds like the voice of experience?’

‘My ex-wife married me, then realised a baby and a husband weren’t her idea of fun. Her social life was her top priority and I spent so long trying to put it right I lost sight of the fact I’d never solve it. Sometimes the only way is acceptance. I was kept out of Josh’s life for a long time so I have lots of things to prove for him. For ages I assumed I was responsible. Now I know better.’

‘Lyle, I’m sorry. As for Josh, he just wants you.’

Lyle’s expression softened. ‘Having had a boyfriend cheat on you only means he couldn’t be trusted. Come on,’ he said, and surprised her by taking her hand. ‘It’s time for the uptight American to learn a few things. I have a punchbag in my office. I think you need to use it.’

Lyle smiled and pulled the laces tight on the large red boxing gloves he’d slipped over Maddie’s hands. To her own eyes she looked like a cartoon character Joey kangaroo. The goofy gloves were a crazy suggestion. Even by her standards.

Lyle smiled as her brows bunched in confusion.

‘The boxing will help loosen you up. By the way, don’t use those things on my face. I like my nose unbroken.’ Lyle gave her a warning stare. ‘I’m not suggesting you take your grudges out on me. Use the punchbag, please.’

‘I don’t need to take grudges out on anyone or anything. You want me to punch out my turmoil?’

‘Roll with the concept.’

Maddie felt irked at Lyle treating her like an unruly adolescent who needed a lecture and some venting to make everything alright. But a tiny part of her liked that he played down the scene. He made it fun. Perhaps this was how rally pros got over losing races? They strapped on gloves for payback?

Lyle quirked a dark brow. ‘I know you’re annoyed at Lewis’s mother but it’s clearly the man involved who’s hurt you most.’

Maddie blew out a long, throat-deep sigh. ‘Tim Henderson. Renowned gymnast turned sports and play centre boss. Turns out his gymnastics moves were focused on his king-sized divan. The crazy thing was I really believed he was out at night coaching. Well, I guess he was. Coaching Nadia, privately and X-rated.’

‘Sounds like a jerk,’ Lyle answered. ‘They both knew what they were doing and paid the price.’

Maddie took a deep breath. ‘Nadia had been sleeping with Tim for months. Everyone at work knew – I found out when the water cooler gossips got careless. So I took unplanned revenge: dumped a potted cactus plant in Nadia’s handbag. In my teens I weathered some hard knocks and nobody took my feelings into account. I guess the duplicity of the affair made me flip.'

Lyle had already smiled ever so slightly. He wasn’t taking her regrets about her actions seriously. ‘Were the workers cheering you on?’

‘Throwing cold coffee over Tim was my parting shot.’ Maddie gulped, shocked at what she’d revealed. ‘Their affair caused me to risk everything, including buying my apartment. I was almost there too.’

The office gossip she had overheard that Tim and Nadia were regularly indulging in late night trysts on site – a kids’ play centre turned into a seduction lair – still fired inside her. Not because she was crazily in love with Tim, but because he’d treated her with so little respect. The talk in hushed voices had turned her blood to a strange unearthly amalgam of lava and ice. Numbing shock mixed with swirling outrage.

‘You fought back, it’s no crime. The home purchase was important to you, huh?’ Lyle’s voice was soft, caring. His words helped clarify the dark recesses of her regrets about the day she’d walked out.

‘It’s part of who I am. Marco’s had developers keen to buy the upper storeys of the building – they see pound signs in period features and Marco’s building has stacks. I need to repay him for his support. When I came to Edinburgh he gave me somewhere to stay and helped me through college.’

And now she was very far from achieving repaying him.

Maddie rubbed the aching spot between her temples and closed her eyes. A tiny gasp escaped her throat. ‘I’ve had a necessary wake up call that I was kidding myself. Tim was substandard. So I’ve moved on. Now I’m your son’s nanny, I’ve tried to put it all behind me. But it still hurts that I was the one who paid the price.’

Lyle pointed to the gloves, pulled the punchbag nearer. ‘Pretend it’s Tim. Get it out of your system. Unresolved rage is destructive. Trust one who knows.’

‘Spoken like a true psychoanalyst.’

They were in the large outbuilding to the right of the main house. In a vast sized office.

‘My den,’ he’d explained. ‘Where the Ice Café planning first started.’

Lyle had a large wooden desk in the far corner by the window, with a framed photo of Josh grinning in the centre. She’d noted the mounds of paperwork, the detailed model of the Ice Café in miniature on a far table, rows of rally trophies lined shelves. A huge, shiny, polished chrome and electric blue motorbike sat resplendent by the window.

Maddie enjoyed the glimpse of his hidden self – she liked what she was discovering. Lyle’s hidden rebel streak.

Wanting to take the focus off her problems and boxing therapy routine, which made her feel a bit foolish, she pointed to the bike.