Upon entering, our
hands were stamped to mark that we were given free tickets that would
cover a meal, but for anything more, we’d have to ante up our
own money. Paul and Darla went straight to the BBQ booth while Tish
bolted towards a group of people she called out to. I could feel Nick
pulling back, slowing our speed to quietly lose our company, then
turned us in another direction. We wandered through the thick of
things, surprised at how many of the residents actually showed up for
this event.
When we made our way
to the table for firefly catching, I picked up one of the mason jars
to study it. Holes in the lid, leaves on the bottom. “You know,
I’ve never caught a lighting bug before.”
“Oh, sure you
have.”
“No, seriously.
L.A. isn’t actually known for its lightning bug population.”
Nick grabbed the jar I
had just returned to the table, saying, “Well then, let’s
go get you one.”
I tried digging in my
feet, but he playfully jerked me along. “This is a kid’s
game. We shouldn’t take one of their jars.”
“Oh, please.
We’ll bring it right back. Strictly catch and release.”
Thinking
what the
hell
, he led me to the edge of the tree line and let me go. Tons
of kids were running around in circles and playfully yelling and
giggling. It seemed there were far more kids out than lightning bugs,
and very few had even one bug in their jar.
Crouching down beside
a tree, he sifted through the ground debris, and shortly after
several round glows took flight. Passing me the jar, he sweetly said,
“Catch away. They’re not that fast, it’s just a
matter of being able to follow them once their butts turn off. And
keep moving the jar in a wavelike motion. It’ll help keep them
from escaping.”
Laughing lightly and
feeling a little silly doing it, I unscrewed the mason jar and swept
the air around me. After a few passes, I saw something blinking
within the glass. My level of excitement rivaling the kids’, I
bounced in my shoes and merrily chased after the others flying around
me. Within a few minutes, I had six fluttering around in my jar.
“This one’s
not blinking,” I noted out loud.
“Then you’ve
got a female too. Only the males blink.”
He grabbed my hand and
pulled me farther down the tree line. “How do you know so much
about lightning bugs?”
Chuckling, he replied,
“I grew up in Washington. They’re everywhere.”
I pulled him to a stop
and held up the jar between us. “Alright then, Mr. Expert. What
do you think of my first attempt at catching little bugs that light
up their booty?”
When he didn’t
answer right away, my eyes shifted from the glowing jar to Nick’s
eyes. His hand reached out to caress my face, and he softly said, “I
think the fireflies are doing wonders to light up your face. Sexier
than candlelight, I bet.”
Funny, I was just
thinking the same thing about him. A sense of calm flooded my senses
before he leaned down to bring his lips to mine. This kiss was the
complete opposite of our first, this one being slow, controlled and
gentle. But still just as magnetic, as I yearned to lean in and merge
our bodies into one, but was held back by the jar that filled the
space between our stomachs.
The pounding of the
ground and the crunching of leaves got us to pull away, reminding us
of where we were. A little girl around eight had her sights set on
the cluster of lights blinking around us.
Out of breath, she
cried, “Wow!” when she spotted my jar, her eyes wide with
amazement, as dazed as a doe in headlights. “I caught one,
too!” She held up a jar that had a single blink occasionally
making itself known. “I had more, but I keep losing them when I
try to catch more.”
“Wow!”
Nick cried with enthusiasm, leaning down to poke her jar. “But
it’s so big! Much bigger than any of Megan’s
little
bugs.”
It was really no
different than mine, but she still got all excited about it.
“Yeah, but they
choose the winner by how many, not by how big. My brother’s
caught three! He’ll probably win. He always beats me.”
That last remark got
her a little down, and she looked to her bug with sadness. I leaned
down and quickly traded out our jars, lifting my finger to my lips in
a shushing manner. She got all bug-eyed with excitement again and
cried, “Wow!” really loudly, then skipped off to where
her mom was waiting, watching, and who offered us a quick wave in
acknowledgement.
I held up the jar
between us, jesting, “So how’s my face look against the
light of just one little buggar’?”
His face was still as
he looked my way, like he was seeing me clearly for the first time,
but there was a smile nonetheless. “Even better. Because now,
when I drag you just inside the tree line, no one’s going to be
able to see us.” He playfully tugged me about twenty feet
through the trees, then spent the next ten minutes supplying my lips
with some much needed affection.
How had I ever
survived without these warm lips? Why did I ever think I would be
better off without them? And the way his arms wrapped tightly around
me, made me feel safe for once, even out here in the open, in the
darkness I’d come to hate.
After releasing our
single lightning bug back into the wild, we snuck back out and
returned to the festival. Picking up dinner at the BBQ booth, we took
our plate to an empty table, but soon noticed Paul and Darla heading
our way.
“Just to let you
know. Paul’s been giving me the look all night.”
“The look?”
I asked curiously.
“Yep. The look
that says
we need to talk
. He doesn’t have a policy
about not dating your co-worker, does he?”
“Please. Paul
doesn’t have policies, period.”
“Oh, goodie.
Then it’s probably just the
don’t have sex in my
restaurant
talk.”
I chuckled, but
couldn’t say anything more, as they sat down across from us at
the picnic table. We chit-chatted over some nonessential topics, then
boring shop talk about work. When Nick and I were done eating our
sandwiches, Paul ever so subtly asked Nick to come grab a beer with
him. Darla and I gathered the trash at the table and threw it away.
The wind picked up and
chilled me to the bone. As much as I loved living in Oregon, people
who were always on the chilly side pretty much needed some type of
jacket year round during the night time. And since I wasn’t
expecting to come to the festival tonight, I hadn’t grabbed one
on my way to work. Crossing my arms to huddle for warmth, I spotted
an unoccupied fire barrel. “Oh, yes! You coming, Darla?”
I didn’t wait
for her to answer, but she hoofed it to catch up to me.
Unfortunately, the damn fire wasn’t exactly roaring, its embers
pathetically glowing at the bottom. Still, it was better than
nothing, and I dipped my hands inside until I felt the heat permeate
my palms. It was something I knew I’d never be able to do if
the fire had been
really
burning.
“Girl, you know
if you’d put a few more pounds on, you’d have natural
warmth like me.” She playfully swung her hip into mine and I
shook my head in amusement. I wasn’t going to respond to that,
and luckily, I didn’t have to since Tish was catcalling us as
she made her way over.
“You-hoo!
Girlies!” she sang, embarrassingly loud, drawing the attention
of several spectators. I could already tell she had a good buzz
going.
“This fire
sucks,” I muttered, rubbing my hands to build up some friction.
Yeah, ironic for me to say, but I was pretty freaking chilly.
“Yeah, it does,”
Tish blabbered. She splashed some of the clear liquid from her cup
into the barrel without warning. The embers kicked to life and its
fiery tendrils whipped their way up the barrel. I felt the heat
against my hand intensify, and I yelped as I pulled my hands out.
Fire licked across
my skin, the red inflammation growing darker and darker in color as
the pain attacked my nerves.
“Damn it,
Tish!” Darla yelled, snatching the cup from Tish’s hand.
“What the hell is in there? I thought they were only selling
beer here.”
“So someone
brought a little vodka to the party. So not a big deal.”
Surprisingly quick, Tish stole her cup back from Darla.
I checked my hands, my
skin still tingling from the heat, my heart feeling the strain.
“Thanks, Tish,” I snarked. “I think I just wet
myself.” Well, not really, but I was lucky that burst of fire
didn’t make me literally crap my pants. My comment got Tish’s
drunk ass laughing, her drink sloshing haphazardly around the edge of
her cup. “I’m going to go stand in line to finish
peeing,” I jested, pointing to the set of port-a-potties.
“Oh, honey. No,”
Darla stated with a hint of disgust. “Just go use the one at
the diner.”
“Good idea.”
I turned and scanned the area, but didn’t see Nick and Paul
anywhere.
Oh, well.
“I’ll be back in a few.”
When I turned off the
side road and headed down Main Street, I came to an abrupt halt. It
was eerily deserted. Cars still filled most of the parallel spots and
occasionally one would drive by, but I only saw two people walking
hand-in-hand way out in front of me.
I didn’t like
walking alone in the dark, even on a night when everyone in town was
just a block away, the music and voices still replacing the silence
around me.
This isn’t
safe.
I turned to look back.
How could so many people be in one direction and not the other? My
heartbeat increasing with each passing second, I stood there under
the yellowish glow of the street lamp. Which was completely stupid.
Not only was the light inhibiting my eyes’ ability to scan the
darkness efficiently for shadows, I let everyone out there know I was
standing here all alone.
Suddenly those
port-a-potties were looking a lot better.
Damn it, Megan.
Just move. It’s not that far.
I sidestepped three
times, holding still while my eyes adjusted. I needed to get it
through my thick, paranoid head that I was safe here. Myrtle Creek
was safe, way off the radar of
everyone
.
I could see the diner
down the way. We had forgotten to turn off the exterior sign, so it
still glowed red and yellow in the night sky, acting like a beacon to
guide me on my journey. Alright,
journey
might have been an
overstatement for the short expanse of road. But the distance between
here and there was so daunting, I considered it to be an epic
journey, because the terror clenching the muscles in my heart made me
fear I may never return.
I sucked in a deep
breath. I needed to do this. I needed to not be afraid. To prove to
myself that I could walk alone in the dark for a quarter of a mile
and have nothing bad happen in the process. I needed to take that
step and move forward in my life.
One small step to
reduce the fear that crippled me at times. One small step closer to
being the kind of girl that could date someone like Nick. Someone who
wouldn’t unleash a shit load of baggage onto him. I really
didn’t want to be this version of Megan anymore. Scared.
Paranoid.
Haunted.
Exhaling slowly, I
took that first step. Then a second and third, until my feet finally
gave into rhythm and advanced my trembling body down the path. My
eyes continued to worry, shooting left and right and behind at the
slightest movement or noise in the vast darkness. Unlike the normal
person, I found myself maneuvering around the light, finding safety
in the blackest of blacks. As brave of a front as I had put on, I was
still terrified to be out by myself, and my feet quickened their
pace, yet were light as air against the pavement.
Unfortunately, I had
to brave the light to get through the front door. My key already
leaving its imprint inside my fisted hand, I quickly turned the lock,
ignoring the sounds that seemed to use these precious few seconds to
amplify around me, closing in faster and faster. My heart pounded
against my ribs, yelling at my shaking hand for taking three attempts
to get the key into its matching groove. I shoved myself through the
door and locked it quickly behind me, not caring if I looked the fool
to anyone outside. Stepping backwards, I allowed myself to blend into
the shadows of the dining room, escaping the reaching tendrils of the
outside light.
I began to register
the familiar sounds in the kitchen behind me: the hums of the coolers
and freezers, the buzz of the light by the back door that we always
kept on at night, and the gentle whirring of the fan that kept Paul’s
hard-drive cool.
I puffed a burst of
air past my lips. My heart coming down from its high, the beating
began to slow, and I shuffled off towards the bathroom, weaving
through the maze of tables with ease. Hell, I knew the room so well I
could’ve shut my eyes and danced my way through and never
bumped a single thing.
Shaking my head at
myself in the mirror, I silently berated my flushed cheeks. It wasn’t
the cool night air that gave me that rosy complexion. My reflection
also reminded me of the last time I was in here. My fingertips
caressed my lips and when I closed my eyes, I could almost feel the
pressure of Nick’s mouth on mine, rough yet gentle all at the
same time. Hard to believe that was just two hours ago. After that
heart-stopping kiss, my crazy grin was so wide I could’ve
played back-up for the Joker in
Batman
.
Bringing myself out of
that beautiful La-La Land where Nick’s lips and arms never
pulled away, I was half tempted to grab the flashlight under the
counter, but again decided I’d rather be stealth in the
darkness than draw attention to myself. Even if it meant putting my
heart through another marathon and baring flushed cheeks. I gulped
down half a glass of water and made my way around the counter, the
thought of seeing Nick giving me the courage to face my demons yet
again.