Necessary Evil of Nathan Miller (7 page)

"How often have you…hugged me?" I asked
carefully.

If I’d dragged the answer out of him
with pliers, it wouldn’t have come any easier. "Whenever you had
nightmares, until you stopped screaming."

I held his gaze, trying to be sure he
was telling the truth. He’d been here for every nightmare, every
scream. My first thought was to wonder why he’d bothered, but I
wasn’t ready to ask him that yet.

He started to elaborate without a word
from me. "I did it because I couldn’t wake you up. I promised…I
promised I wouldn’t let them hurt you and they were hurting you in
your dreams. I couldn’t just sit by and do nothing." He looked
scared.

Somehow, I decided that he was telling
the truth. It had been his voice I'd heard, telling me to keep
fighting, through all the bad dreams and hellish nightmares.

He kept going, his voice climbing
higher in his desperation to make me believe him, but I wasn’t
paying attention to his words any more in his rising panic.

I cut in as he paused for breath. "That
explains…some things," I finished, not willing to tell him how many
times his voice had broken into my nightmares, nor that I felt
comfortable in his arms. I couldn’t afford to be comfortable in
anyone’s arms, not yet. For my own safety, I had to do this.
"Nathan, could you do me a favour?"

"Sure," he replied without
hesitation.

I breathed a sigh of relief, careful
not to let it show. "Next time I have a bad dream, can you please
wake me up first?" My eyes held his to demand his answer.

His smile looked relieved. "Sure, with
pleasure." His eyes held a glint that I didn’t trust.

I pulled away from him even further. I
didn’t care if he’d just made an innocent comment. I couldn’t give
in to anyone, not yet. So I tried to clarify it, to make sure he
understood. "But please don’t touch me."

The light in his eyes died. I’d guessed
correctly – the innuendo was in there for a reason. He didn’t look
at me or say anything else as he wandered back to his bed.

I relaxed in mine, wishing this whole
mess could be over. That I could consider giving in to Mr Sleazy
Roommate, if only for a moment. But that was out of the question
now.

I heard Nathan sigh as if he agreed
with me. Of course he did.

Part 21

"Bye, Dad," I said softly and batted
the button to end the call. I heard a few seconds of dial tone
before I managed to silence it.

I lay back and sighed. Part of me
wished to have a hero for a father, who'd have come charging in the
day those bastards took me, before they could do any damage. But my
dad wasn't like that. He had too many of his own fears to face up
to.

He and I both knew he couldn't stand to
see me hurt. It'd remind him of losing my mother. I wasn't
surprised that he'd been away the whole time I'd been gone and he
was planning a longer stint – even the faint possibility of losing
me would've turned him into a bigger workaholic than before. One
day I'd have to sit him down properly and get him to tell me what
had really happened to her. But not before he'd worked off his
present panic at nearly losing me.

I breathed a sigh of relief that he
wouldn't be back soon – that'd give me the time and space to finish
this without placing him in danger, too. I wouldn't be out of
danger until they were gone.

I'm sorry, Dad, if it costs me my
life to end this, but I can't move on unless I know they can never
hurt me again.
And for that, I'll need to see them safely to
hell. Even if it means escorting those bastards there
personally.

"Evening meds!" Carol sang out,
rattling the pill cup.

I smiled and opened my eyes. "Can I
have some milk with that today? I'd like to sleep early."

"Hot or cold?" she asked.

"Cold," I replied instantly.

She returned perhaps a minute later
with a mug I recognised from the handover room. She helped me tip
the cup of pills into my mouth and held the mug while I sipped the
milk.

"Are you okay? Do you need more pain
medication?" she asked, looking concerned.

I smiled. "No, I'm sure you're giving
me too many already. I can't feel any pain right now."

She hesitated. "It's just that you've
been crying. Did your roommate say something he shouldn't have? Or
is he too professional, pretending he doesn't care about you? You
know he's barely left your side since you arrived. I even caught
him cuddling up to you in bed a couple of times." She looked at me
in alarm. "Nothing sleazy. He wrapped you in your bed linen and
then did the same for himself, like he didn't want to scare you. I
swear that boy would do anything for you. He absolutely adores you,
you know." She tipped the cup up so I could finish off the
milk.

There's more to it than you
realise
. I smiled and licked the milk off my lips before
replying, "I know. No, I just miss my father, is all. He called and
he works away so much. I don't want him to see me like this – he'd
treat me like a child and it wouldn't help me recover any
faster."

Carol lifted her shoulders in a
checked-shirt shrug. "Sounds like my dad. They can't deal with
their daughters growing up. Let me know if there's anything else
you need."

The phone rang.

She looked at me for a moment.

I held up my useless hands. "Could you
hit the speakerphone button, please?"

"Oh! Sure," she replied, doing so.

"Hello?" I said uncertainly.

"I'm after Miss Caitlin Lockyer. This
is Detective Neil McGuinness."

Carol's eyes widened and she hurried
out, mug in hand. I heard the door close quietly as I directed my
voice at the phone. "That's me, Detective."

His tone turned warmer. "I'm happy to
hear you're awake. You must have been through a lot. I bet there
are a few people who hoped you wouldn't wake up."

"Not here, Detective," I replied
softly. "Here in the hospital, everyone's been really helpful."

He coughed. "Good. Look, I've been
working on your case ever since you disappeared and I'd like
nothing better than to catch the people who hurt you so I can put
them in prison for a long time. Can I come visit you in hospital so
we can have a little chat about anything you can remember that
might help me find them?"

Prison? But they might leave there
still alive…if there's enough evidence to convict them at all. What
if a court finds them not guilty?

"Miss Lockyer?"

I stared at the empty pill cup Carol
had left behind in her haste. "Yes."

"Can I come to the hospital tomorrow
and…"

"I said yes, Detective. See you
tomorrow."

This time, I managed to get the button
on the second bat with my bandaged hand.

Do I tell the police everything
tomorrow and trust them to take care of the men who hurt me, or do
I find another way – one that will make sure they can never hurt me
again?

Do I trust the police?

I knew the answer to that one, if I had
to ask myself such a question. Before all this, perhaps, but now?
No. They shot me.

Do I trust Nathan?

I pressed my head into the pillow,
closing my eyes.

I heard the man himself enter the room,
but I didn't move nor open my eyes. I didn't want to look at him,
for fear I'd say something I shouldn't.

That boy would do anything for you.

Would you kill for me, Nathan?

Part 22

Dark – Mike – Chris – Kiss – No –
Beautiful – Bastard

He caught me around the waist before I
could move away. My terror rose, not knowing what he was going to
do. I couldn't move my arms – they tingled painfully from whatever
hold Mike had locked them in.

"You could start with a kiss. Even I
did," Mike derided.

Chris pulled me closer, holding me
tighter, and I couldn’t struggle.

His hands were gentler than Mike's,
nervous and uncertain. Aloud, he whispered, again, "I’m not going
to hurt you." Begging me to believe him.

One arm a steel band around my waist,
with his other hand he gently cupped my face. The heel of his hand
under my chin, his fingers curved up around my cheek. "Forgive me,"
he breathed, his face so close to mine I could feel the heat of his
breath on my lips.

Then he kissed me, too. A world of
difference. Careful and hesitant, more like a real kiss. I drew in
a breath of surprise and closed my eyes. I almost forgot who he was
and where we were. Almost.

I turned my head away. "Don't do that
again."

His lips almost touched my ear. "Thank
you. A priceless kiss stolen from a beautiful woman."

You smooth, sleazy bastard! I felt my
cheeks heat up against my will. For the first time, I was happy it
was dark.

He released me and I stumbled back. Two
steps and I tripped over the edge of the mattress, which sent me
sprawling.

"You did want her lying down," Mike
said with a laugh. "What are you waiting for?"

Realising my danger, I raised my voice
as I struggled to get up. "Touch me and I'll kick your fucking face
in!" I screamed at Chris. Mike. Both of them.

Chris's weight landed on top of me,
crushing me into the mattress. I raised my hands to claw his eyes
out, but he was ready for me, catching my hands in his as Mike had.
He wasn't as cruel – he pinned my hands to the mattress above my
head instead. I tried to bend my knees up so I could kick him
across the room, but he forced his knees between mine, leaving me
more vulnerable than before.

"No…" I whispered again, my voice
stolen by fear.

Mike's voice seemed thunderous in
comparison. "How are you going to do that with him holding you
down? Just lie back and take it, bitch. I've got better waiting for
you right here." He grabbed his crotch to demonstrate. "Give her an
extra five minutes for me, Chris." He left, laughing.

Chris shifted between my legs.

"No, please," I whimpered.

Part 23

I couldn't sleep. I heard Nathan settle
into his own bed and turn the lights off. I listened to his
breathing gradually become even as he drifted off to sleep, but
such things eluded me.

I turned on one side and then the
other, pressing my face into the pillow or staring at the darkened
ceiling. Nothing helped.

Tomorrow I could tell the police
everything or nothing. I could be completely honest and describe my
living hell in graphic detail, or I could plead my weakened state
as an excuse to delay. After all, it would be normal for someone in
my situation not to want to discuss the violence and abuse to which
I'd fallen victim. Not everyone had my memory, nor would they have
spent their captivity repeating all the facts I knew so I wouldn't
forget anything.

And Nathan? What about Nathan?

I turned to look at him. He appeared to
be having as restless a night as I was, moving around in bed a bit
like a fish on a hook.
It looks like he's having nightmares,
I thought.
Hopefully not about me.

I rolled onto my back and stared at the
ceiling again, then turned toward the bathroom so I couldn’t see
Nathan any more.

What about Nathan?

I wondered what he'd do if he heard me
tell my memories. If he wasn't having nightmares now, he would once
he'd heard the substance of mine. I couldn't do that to him. He
didn't deserve to carry the weight in my head. Knowing those
bastards had hurt me was enough for him – he leaped to my defence
already.

I heard voices and feet on the floor,
so I looked around to see who'd entered the room. A shadow loomed
over my bed and I screamed.

Closer, closer, reaching for me…

No.

The light over my bed clicked on and I
blinked in the suddenly bright light. Nathan squinted back at
me.

Not a shadow. Nathan. No need to worry.
Shouldn't have screamed. Silly. "What is it, Nathan?"

He smiled at me as I tried to slow my
racing heart. I'd been imagining the menace in the shadow as he
leaned over me, surely. He'd never hurt me.

"I'm safe in hospital with you. Right?"
I tested.

His expression didn't change as he
replied, "Yeah." I couldn't tell if his yawn was real or fake.

I stared at him, trying to decide.

"Who gave you your afternoon meds?" he
asked, looking worried.

You scared the shit out of me just
to ask me stupid questions?
"Judith…no, Carol. Carol was on
last night. I said I was having trouble sleeping so she found me
some milk in the handover room fridge. I was out like a light." I
didn't want to tell him that I'd been ignoring him when he came in.
Better if he thought I'd been asleep.

"I won’t keep you up. You need your
rest to heal." His smile was so filled with sympathy I didn't know
how to respond. And he looked so sad, somehow. He headed back to
bed before I could work out what to say.

It's not like I'm going to get much
more sleep. Maybe we could both use the company. And he could help
me decide what to do tomorrow. Time to find out if he'd really do
anything for me, like Carol said.

I swallowed. "Would you please sit by
me for a little bit, ‘til I calm down properly? I just want to get
some of the horrible pictures out of my head. The police come to
take my statement tomorrow and I can’t stop thinking about all the
things I have to say…"

I held my breath as he returned to my
side. I exhaled slowly, hoping he didn't notice.

"Can you tell me about them? Maybe
that’ll help them go away faster."

I stared at him. He meant it. He
seriously wanted to hear about the horrible things I'd been
through. Didn't he realise how graphic my memories were? They'd
give him nightmares.

"Nathan, I don’t even want to think
about them. Talking about my nightmares will only bring them back,"
I told him gently.
This is a horror movie you don't want to
see.