“No.”
“That’s because sometimes there isn’t a satisfying explanation for everything. You want an answer? Shit happens. There’s your answer. People fall out of love, in love, fuck up. It’s part of life. You didn’t do anything wrong. Stop trying to figure out what you did wrong.”
Closing my eyes, I let his words resonate. To my surprise, my eyes were welling up. Not because he was yelling at me, but because it was the first time it really sank in that there was nothing I could have done to stop what happened. And that maybe it wasn’t all my fault.
I finally spoke again. “I wasn’t always so insecure. It’s just…the experience with him—with Elec—has really been a defining moment in my life because it’s made me question everything. I thought I did everything right to make that relationship work. I believed he loved me, and I felt safe with him, saw my entire future with him. I would have bet my life on it. I just feel like I won’t be able to ever trust anyone with my heart again. That scares me, because I don’t want to end up alone. I really thought he was the one.”
“Well, clearly, he wasn’t. You just have to accept that and move on. I know that’s easier said than done, but that’s what it comes down to. You have no choice but to accept it, so it’s up to you whether you want to waste more time living in the past, trying to solve an insoluble problem instead of moving on with your life.”
God, he was right.
I cracked a smile. “How did you get to be so smart?”
“This is all common sense.”
“No. Not just this. I mean…MIT?”
“How did you find out about that?”
“So, the rumor’s true?”
“Yes. I went there, but it’s not something I brag about.”
“You should be very proud of yourself. That’s amazing.”
“It’s not that amazing. People fighting for our country…kids battling cancer…those are amazing people. Sitting in a physics class with a bunch of other nerds is hardly amazing.”
“You’re hardly a nerd, Damien.”
“Not on the surface, no.”
“I would have never guessed based on…”
“Based on what?”
“How you look…that you went to MIT.”
“Why? Because I have ink and work out?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just you’re…”
Effing gorgeous. And no one as hot as you could possibly be equally as smart.
“Never mind,” I said.
I closed my eyes again, relishing the new clarity brought on by his straightforward advice.
After a long moment of silence, he said, “I’m headed out. Murray’s coming to patch the hole in the wall tomorrow afternoon. If you’re at work, he’ll let himself in.”
“Thank you.”
Oddly, I wasn’t sure I minded the hole anymore.
CHAPTER FIVE
BURNIN’ DOWN THE HOUSE
My landlord followed through with his promise. The very next day, Murray had plastered over the hole, thus killing any chance of future impromptu therapy sessions with Dr. Damien.
In fact, an entire week went by without a single altercation between D.H. Hennessey and me.
The dogs were still barking every morning, but I didn’t dare go near them long enough to complain. Now that I knew his ex dropped them off, if I happened to be up, I’d watch from the window to see if I could catch a glimpse of her.
One day, I managed to look out at just the right time, spotting a girl around my age with short brown hair racing into the apartment building with the two rottweilers. I then ran to my door, cracking it open a bit to spy as she passed down the hallway. She’d whizzed by so fast that I really didn’t get a very good look, except to see that she was curvier than me.
After five minutes, I could hear her footsteps as she left his apartment. Watching from the window as she ran through the courtyard, I wondered what type of a relationship they had now, whether it was amicable, whether they ever still had sex. I wondered who ended it. I also wondered why I was thinking about something that wasn’t any of my business—why as of late, I was constantly thinking about Damien. One thing was for certain: it was a hell of a lot better than constantly thinking about Elec.
That same afternoon on the walk to work, I noticed that Damien had added quite a bit to the mural since last check. There was now a section depicting a bunch of pyramids.
Chills ran through me as I marveled at his talent and all of the intricate details of his work, the way the colors all blended and faded into each other. I wondered if there was any significance to the scenic images. Damien Hennessey was one complex human being.
When I arrived at the youth center, Ariel was waiting in my office. She looked like she’d been crying.
Shit.
Even though I knew what had likely transpired, I asked, “What happened?”
“I was right about Kai. He
was
cheating on me.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that.”
After letting her vent for the better part of an hour, I finally said, “There’s a reason for the serenity prayer, Ariel. You ever hear of it?”
“The one about praying for the strength to accept the things we can’t change? Yeah, my mom taught it to me a long time ago.”
“Yes. That’s the one. I’m still working on that myself, but really, we have no choice but to accept certain things. All we can do is try our best to move on.”
I smiled to myself, realizing that I was basically giving Ariel the same advice that Damien had given me. It was so much easier dishing out that advice than adhering to it.
On the walk home that night, for some unknown reason, I felt more at peace than I had in a long time. I decided to pick up one of my favorite frozen individual lasagnas from the organic section of the market. I’d bake it and have it with some wine, maybe watch something on Netflix. I was getting excited about it.
Boy, my life was pretty pathetic.
After I arrived at the apartment, I placed the lasagna into the preheated toaster oven. It would take forty minutes to bake all the way through. That would leave me just enough time to take a bath, shave my legs and maybe read a little in the tub.
It was probably the most relaxing bath I’d ever taken. Surrounded by candles, I immersed myself in an addicting book Jade had gifted me. It was actually a ménage romance. I didn’t normally read such kinky stuff, but she was adamant that I would love it, especially since it was about two men and a woman instead of the other way around. I ended up getting really into it—so much so, that I somehow fell asleep after pleasuring myself to one of the hottest scenes.
The sound of the smoke alarm, and the smell of burning cheese caused me to jolt up from the tub. Grabbing a towel, I ran to the kitchen to find flames shooting from my toaster oven. It was on fire!
Panicking, I grabbed a bowl and began to fill it with water. Before I had a chance to dump the water onto anything, my door burst open. The next thing I knew, Damien was charging toward me with an extinguisher and yelling at me to get back.
Everything happened so fast. I just stood there numb, clutching the towel around me as he doused the flames.
When the fire was fully out, Damien and I both stood there in silence looking at the charred remains of my beloved toaster oven. The damage was mostly contained to the oven itself, but the countertop looked like it might have been charred a bit, too.
I coughed from the smoke.
“What the fuck,” he muttered, still staring at the scene of the disaster.
“I’m so sorry. I’ll pay for whatever damage was done to the counter. I—”
“How did this happen?”
“Frozen lasagna…it burned.”
“No. I mean…
how
did it happen?”
“I was reading a book in the bathtub and—”
“You were reading in the tub,” he interrupted, gritting his teeth. “You were READING in the tub while you were also cooking something that almost burned my goddamn building down?”
“No. You don’t understand. I—”
Damien started to charge toward the bathroom.
“Where are you going?”
“I want to see what book is so important that it nearly cost you your life.”
Fuck.
No.
Fuck!
It was too late. He’d already picked up my Kindle off the floor. My heart was beating faster than it probably ever had.
After he took a look at the title and swiped through a few pages, he turned to me and laughed incredulously. “Nice. Real nice. The apartment was about to burn down while you were in here reading about two guys drilling a girl in every orifice,” he huffed before tossing the Kindle aside. He was half-smiling when he said, “You little perv.”
Mortified could not even begin to describe how I was feeling. I wanted to cry, but I was too frozen in shock to form tears.
“I fell asleep. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“What would’ve happened if I wasn’t home?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to even think about it.” The shock must have worn off a bit, because the first teardrop fell from my eyes.
Damien let out a deep breath when he noticed me crying. “Fuck. Don’t cry.”
“I’m really sorry about this.”
Damien left the bathroom and began going around and opening all of the windows. Still dressed in only a towel, I followed him around like an idiot.
“The apartment needs to air out. It’s not good to breathe this shit in,” he said.
“Okay.”
“Do you eat pizza?” he asked.
That was a random question. He was so unpredictable.
“Yes.”
“Get dressed then come next door. Give the smoke a chance to dissipate.”
Damien grabbed the extinguisher and left the apartment just as fast as he’d barreled through it.
Did he just invite me over for dinner after I almost burned his building down?
Coughing, I ran to my room and changed, choosing a tiny black sundress. I felt stupid for even attempting to get dolled up when Damien was just offering me shelter and food after my near-disaster. But for some reason, I wanted to look good.
Could this night have been any stranger?
***
My palms were sweaty as I stood outside his door.
Get it together, Chelsea.
Knocking lightly, I took a deep breath in.
The door opened sooner than I was ready for.
“Well, if it isn’t Firestarter,” he drawled. “Come on in.”
“
Firestarter
and
The Omen
…between the two of us, we make a couple of terrifying old movies. Did you invite me over here to mock me, by the way?”
Damien lifted his brow. “Did you expect anything less? Yet…you still came.”
He’d changed into a fitted gray sweater and dark jeans and smelled like he’d just sprayed on a fresh coating of cologne.
“You changed,” I stupidly said.
“Well, I smelled like a chimney. So, I kind of had to.”
“Right.”
He wasn’t wearing the beanie anymore, and for the first time, I noticed that his dark hair had a slight curl to it. He also had some sort of white powder on his cheek.
“What is that all over your face?”
Wiping his cheek, he said, “It’s flour.”
“I thought you were ordering pizza.” I looked over at his kitchen counter and saw some chopped up vegetables and jarred sauce. “Wait…you’re…making it?”
“Yeah. Homemade is better and healthier. I use whole grain dough and low fat cheese.”
“So, are you like a health nut or something? You do work out a lot. I know that much.”
“I try to take good care of myself, yes.”
“Me, too. I try. I don’t always succeed, but I try.”
“Right. Frozen lasagna and all.” He winked. “I’d say that was an epic fail all around.”
“I’d probably have to agree with you.”
We smiled at each other. I was relieved that he was making light of everything. When his eyes lingered on mine for a few moments, I felt flush. It actually became uncomfortable because I worried that my attraction to him was somehow transparent.
Needing to distract myself from his gaze, I looked around and said, “It’s so quiet here without the dogs.”
“I know. I don’t like it.” Damien walked to the other side of the counter and began pouring sauce over the rolled-out dough.
“You miss them when they’re gone at night?” I asked, taking a seat on one of the stools.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve seen her dropping them off. What’s her name?”
He hesitated then said, “Jenna.”
“Hmm.”
He stopped what he was doing for a moment. “What, Chelsea?”
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you want to ask me something else.”
“Nothing…it’s just…what happened between the two of you?”
“For the record, she
isn’t
my stepsister.”
Jerk.
“Well, thank God for that.”
“She’s my cousin.” He laughed.
I reached over, took a little of his flour and flicked it at him. “Clearly, you don’t know how to be serious.”
“I
was
being serious when I told you how much I miss my dogs when they’re not around.”
“You know what? It’s none of my business.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Did you break up with her?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“She wanted things I couldn’t give her.”
“Like what?”
“She wanted to get married and have kids.”
“You don’t want those things?” When he didn’t answer, I asked, “Or you didn’t want them with
her
?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Okay. Like I said, it’s none of my business.”
“The bottom line is…when I first met her, she told me she didn’t want those things. Then, over time, she changed her mind. I didn’t want to keep her from living the kind of life she envisioned for herself.”
“So, you broke up with her.”
“Yes.”
“Did you love her?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
I stared off into space a bit. “Okay. If you have to think about it, you probably didn’t.”
“I know what you’re trying to do, Chelsea.”
“What?”
“You’re trying to analyze my situation to somehow find answers to your own shit. Not all guys are the same. We’re fucked-up for different reasons. I hope you stopped seeing Dr. Fuckwad, by the way.”