Nerd Girl (26 page)

Joey’s was a restaurant in the building next door to Lincoln Square. The food wasn’t bad, but the lunch scene was different from the evening scene. In the evening, there was definitely more of a meat market singles vibe going on. I had always found this place somewhat comical, because every hostess and server was female, sexy, bright-eyed and under the age of twenty-five. They must have had a uniform code requiring their female employees to wear black cocktail dresses of their own choice. Unofficially, the dress apparently needed to be tight, showcase gratuitous cleavage, and have the hem located far above their knees.

When Kyle and I arrived, we headed immediately to the bar area and seated ourselves near a group of tables already occupied by a handful of folks from his team. I recognized some of them and Kyle informally introduced me to a few sitting near us. A very cute cocktail waitress arrived in her tight, black, cleavage-spilling dress. We both ordered beers from the menu.

“So are you going to be checking out Bumbershoot next weekend?” I asked Kyle in my attempt to make conversation.

Bumbershoot was the annual three-day weekend music festival at the Seattle Center, home of the infamous Space Needle. With his love of music and watching live bands perform, I figured Kyle would be a regular Bumbershoot attendee.

“Yeah, I think so. I’ll probably just go on Saturday since Jane’s Addiction is the only real band I want to see there.”

I asked him sarcastically, “Aren’t you going to see Gotye?” I rolled my eyes.

“I like him,” he deadpanned.

Oops!
I just looked at him blankly, trying to pretend I hadn’t made fun of his favorite singer. I guess there was a reason why Gotye was so popular. Just because I thought the music was awful and a sorry excuse for talent didn’t mean others agreed with me.

“I’m just kidding,” he said quickly, chuckling at my expression.

Ten points right there.
God, why didn’t I feel something for this hot sweet man sitting next to me with great musical taste? Over the course of drinking my beer and discussing Bumbershoot, I noticed more people had arrived. Within the hour, there was a good group of twenty or so people from the US Sub milling around, plus a handful of others I knew from other teams. Seeing these others outside of Kyle’s org made me feel a bit less out of place.

“What about you? Are you going to check out any shows?”

As Kyle waited for me to answer his question, in the corner of my eye, I noticed Ryan enter the bar. He spotted me immediately. We made quick eye contact, but then both looked away. Kyle looked over his shoulder to follow my gaze and noticed Ryan. He nodded to him in acknowledgement. Much to my surprise, Ryan walked over to our table, but didn’t sit down, thank goodness.

“Hey, Kyle, how’s it going?” Ryan asked casually, glancing briefly over at me.

“Good, good,” Kyle said.

“Great job on the FY13 agency negotiations. I heard you did well on the training sessions too,” said Ryan with genuine appreciation. He was totally in VP mode right now.

Kyle was beaming. That was really nice of Ryan to say. I smiled for Kyle, too, for a job well done.

“Yeah, thanks for saying that, but I didn’t do it all alone. I had a lot of help from the rest of my team,” Kyle said modestly. He actually looked a little embarrassed.

Wow, he was humble, too. Really, what’s wrong with me that I wasn’t attracted to someone as great as Kyle? Ryan looked expectantly at me and Kyle introduced us without hesitation.

“Ryan, this is Julia Hayes. She’s the new Digital Relationship Marketing Manager working for Catherine Galer. Julia, this is Ryan McGraw, our fearless leader.” Kyle grinned. He was clearly in a good mood from the recent compliment from his VP and started on his second beer.

I couldn’t help realizing that this was our second awkward meeting in which we pretended not to know one another. It killed me that we were putting on such a charade. The moment our hands touched, shivers ran up my spine. I ached to touch him more. I just wanted him to hold me and kiss me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. Instead, I politely said, “Nice to meet you.”

He studied me as if he was trying to read something more in my cautious expression. I did the same and thought I saw something brighten briefly in his eyes. I saw a yearning for more, the same emotion that ran through my veins, but I also saw the underlying shadow of regret and unease lingering behind those beautiful blue eyes of his.
What are you thinking about, Ryan?

Kyle didn’t seem to notice the silent exchange between Ryan and me. He asked if l’d like another beer and I nodded. I wouldn’t have said yes if I’d known Kyle was going to step away to ask the bartender directly for our drinks. For a moment, I panicked, not wanting to be left alone with Ryan. How can we have a conversation of any normality surrounded by his employees? I didn’t have to worry, because as soon as Kyle started to step towards the bar, someone had already approached Ryan, wanting his attention.

While Ryan was momentarily distracted, I followed Kyle to the bar to get away from the rest of the group. If I hung out within the vicinity of Ryan for any length of time, it was going to unnerve me and I was petrified of what my emotions would show. I needed to get away from him and leave or at least put some physical distance between us.

I sat on a stool at the bar and because I didn’t look like I was going anywhere, Kyle sat down in the stool next to me. I could see Ryan clearly from my seat and I noticed him watching me from the corner of his eye, so I shamelessly leaned over to touch Kyle’s shoulder and flirtatiously congratulated him for the work that Ryan had just complimented him on. Kyle seemed neither surprised nor bothered by my touch and if anything, he seemed to welcome it.

Our stools faced each other, which meant that sometimes our knees inadvertently touched. We sipped our drinks and he told me a story about how one of the agency training attendees actually had his ass crack on display for all to see. He figured the guy was one of the more technical engineers at the company, since people in marketing were usually too vain or self-aware to leave their ass out. We laughed about the guy’s cluelessness and how no one from his company would tell the poor guy that his backside was showing.

Of course, I played up our conversation for Ryan’s viewing benefit. I wanted him to see me in my cute skinny jeans, touching knees with an attractive, intelligent, great guy like Kyle. I wanted him to see me enjoying myself and being the object of someone else’s affections. I wanted him to see what he was missing. Damn him right now for not choosing me. And if he still didn’t know what he wanted, well then, maybe this was a good reminder.

When I finally looked over at Ryan, he was watching us like a hawk and didn’t seem to be making much of an attempt to hide his dissatisfaction. His mouth was in a hard line.

I felt guilty about Kyle. I hoped Ryan didn’t hold this against him somehow; he looked downright pissed.
Well, this is what you’re missing, Ryan. Suck it up.

Barely having started on my second beer, I told Kyle I had to leave and thanked him for inviting me. I didn’t expect him to, but he offered to walk out with me, and as we headed towards the exit, he put his arm around my shoulder. It felt more like a gesture in the spirit of happy hour camaraderie, rather than anything romantic (I really hoped it was the former), but I faked looking happy. From appearances, Ryan couldn’t tell the difference. I took one last look at him before I flounced out. Ryan gave me a cold, expressionless stare. I gave him a small smug smile and turned to leave.

When we stepped outside, Kyle removed his arm. With some relief, I headed towards the Lincoln Square garage elevators. Kyle followed me.

“What do you say about going to Bumbershoot with me on Saturday night?” he asked while we waited for the elevator.

I actually would’ve loved to go see some bands with him, but I didn’t want Kyle to get the wrong idea. After my behavior these last thirty minutes, I was ashamed and was feeling pretty guilty. Kyle was such a great person and I totally used him, treating him like a pawn in my personal chess game. I decided to tell him the painful truth, or at least part of it.

“Kyle, I have a confession to make,” I said with a guilty grimace on my face.

“Oh no, is my ass crack showing?” he asked with a serious expression.

I shoved him with my shoulder. “No!” I said emphatically, but couldn’t help laughing. “I would really like to go with you, but first I wanted to apologize for my behavior at the restaurant just now.” I cringed at my own admission.

Kyle fell silent with a confused expression on his face, but he waited for me to continue. “There was someone attending your team happy hour that I’ve sort of been dating. I’m not in a position right now to reveal who he is. We both agreed to keep it confidential and I intend to continue to honor that agreement. Anyways, things haven’t been going so smoothly. It wasn’t pre-meditated at all, but the opportunity came up to make him jealous, so I did. I’m sorry.” I shamefully looked down at my feet.

“Ah, got it.” Kyle nodded in realization. Then he said with some hopefulness, “So, did it work? Was he jealous?”

“Yeah, I think so. But for some reason, I don’t feel good about it,” I said sadly. “It was dishonest and manipulative of me, and it was unfair to you.”

Kyle was quiet and looked at me contemplatively for a moment. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but thanks for being honest with me. I’d still love it if you wanted to hang out next weekend and go to a show with me. What do you say?”

I hesitated, not wanting to lead him on again.

“As friends,” he said, reading my mind and smiling down at me in reassurance.

“Okay, I’d love to.” I nodded and smiled back, grateful he wasn’t upset. He really was such a great guy. I needed to go through an inventory of my single girlfriends and see if I could find someone to set him up with.

Unexpectedly, Kyle hugged me and then looked down at me with a caring smile. “Whoever this guy is, Julia, if he can’t figure it out soon, he’s an idiot and you should move on. You’re smart, funny, intelligent, and not to mention, you’re hot.” He looked at me sheepishly and I felt color creeping up my neck. “If he doesn’t realize this, then it’s totally his loss and you need to see it this way, too. I mean it!” he said emphatically. “Don’t let this get you down, because I can see it has.”

“Thanks, Kyle.” I gave him a sad smile. Maybe he was right and I
should
move on. Last time it took finding a new job to do so. Maybe I just needed to do that again. Come to think of it, this time I might not have much of a choice.

At least my sister was happy—the wedding went off without a hitch. Anna looked beautiful and it was a lovely ceremony. I always thought that some weddings were more emotionally moving than others. I’d been to too many weddings to count but I’d only been to a few whereby the couple’s love was palpable in the air and every guest could feel the emotion and beauty of their special relationship. Sometimes, these were the simplest affairs, but it was always the most sentimental weddings that I remembered most.

Anna and Ethan’s wedding fortunately was one of those. It was a touching and heartfelt ceremony. It might’ve only been because I was her sister and maid of honor, but I cried with them as they declared their vows. I think everyone did; I was hard-pressed to find a dry eye in the garden.

As much as I was happy for my sister, there was nothing worse than going to a wedding when your own love life was in turmoil. A wedding, by nature, is a happy occasion. Love was celebrated, people were drunk and/or sappy with memories, and most adults came with a date. Being one of the very few, if only, unattached women between twenty and forty, I was reminded just how far I was from ever experiencing a wedding day of my own. The only silver lining I could find was witnessing the public proclamation of Anna and Ethan’s love for one another. As corny as it sounded, it gave me hope that love like theirs was real and possible for me. As much as my heart had been repeatedly broken in the past, I still held on to the belief that there was such a thing as finding that special someone. I really needed to believe that right now. It was the only thing keeping me from going insane and jumping into Elliott Bay.

Yesterday, before the wedding rehearsal, I kept telling myself that I needed to put my own personal issues aside and be there for Anna. This was her weekend. I loved my sister and I was truly happy for her. I told myself that I would enjoy this weekend and have a positive attitude come hell or high water.

“I will,” I said out loud again. I nodded firmly to myself before getting out of my car and heading into the Edgewater Hotel for the reception.

I took the elevator up to meet Kelli, Anna’s wedding coordinator, in the main reception hall. I couldn’t get over how beautiful it was. The crescent-shaped ballroom had glass along most of the west wall and looked out onto the bay. The chandeliers hanging from the ceiling reflected the sunlight and the room appeared to float over the water. Fortunately, the weather held today and to everyone’s relief, it didn’t rain. With partly cloudy skies, there would be a colorful sunset for the guests. I said a little silent prayer of thanks for this good fortune.