Nerd Girl (27 page)

Authors: Sue Lee

Tags: #Contemporary

If there was ever someone that looked like their profession, Kelli was it. She looked and behaved exactly like I imagined a wedding coordinator would. She was petite, blonde, and completely in control; nothing was going to get past this lady. I checked with her to find out when the happy couple was expected to arrive. Since they were still taking solo wedding pictures at the park, they would be about thirty minutes delayed.

My mother caught up with me at the bar. “Julia, honey, what did you think of the ceremony?” She linked her arm into mine; she wasn’t going to let me escape this time. She tried cornering me at the ceremony, but I had used my maid of honor duties as an excuse, making it clear that it wasn’t the right time for my mom to grill me about Ryan.

“It went perfectly, didn’t it?” I said.

“I couldn’t stop crying. It was so beautiful!” she gushed. Her eyes started to water again remembering the events of the last hour.

I smiled back at her wistfully, letting her have her moment. After all, she was the mother of the bride.

After lightly dabbing her eyes with tissue, she turned to me and grabbed my chin with her hand. Her expression had transitioned from sentimental to concerned gravity. “So, are you okay, sweetie?” I could see her worry wrinkle between her eyes. I got the same thing when I was thinking too hard. “I haven’t had much of a chance to talk to you with all the craziness of the wedding this past week. You look a little tired.”

“Yes, I’m fine, Mom. I’ve just been really busy lately with the new job.” I heard Ella Fitzgerald singing
Dancing Cheek to Cheek
in the background. If I were ever to get married someday, that would be my wedding song. It always reminded me of old Hollywood.

“Does it have anything to do with the gentleman you’ve been seeing recently? Would your mood have anything to do with him?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.

I breathed out in exasperation. Last night at the rehearsal dinner, I sat through the usual questions from my relatives as to when I was going to find a nice young man and walk down the aisle and make my parents proud. Now that Anna was married, my parents only had me to worry them. They talked about it like it was my parents problem, not mine, and speculated why I was still single. In defense, my mom said that I had broken up with Andrew several months ago because he had cheated on me. By this explanation, I was absolved of any wrongdoing, and therefore, they shouldn’t lose hope; I was perfectly capable of finding another, better man.

Of course, that’s when Anna piped in and said that I wasn’t single. She brought up Ryan and explained how we had met and how wonderful both she and Ethan thought he was. I knew she was only offering up this information to my parents and the other guests at the table to distract them from the conversation of my single status. However, that only led to more questions about my newly
non-single
status.

I had given Anna a warning look, which she ignored, of course. Predictably, my mother was surprised and I also noticed her subtle expression of hurt. I looked at her guiltily. My mom, Anna, and I always prided ourselves in having an open and strong relationship. My love life was becoming multiple chapters and I hadn’t yet shared any of it with my mom.

So, of course, Mom was full of questions. I stayed quiet, but this went unnoticed because Anna chimed in with most of the superficial answers. Yes, he was handsome, he was some big wig at MS, and they had been dating for several weeks. My mother looked excited for me and I could tell she was relieved that I seemed to be moving on from Andrew. She wanted to know when I would feel comfortable bringing him home to meet her and my dad. That’s when I decided to finally speak up.

“We’re not that serious,” I mumbled. “I’m not that into him. I’m not sure why Anna even mentioned him.” I rolled my eyes and feigned boredom. I didn’t look at Anna because I knew she would see right through me.

“That’s so not true, Julia!” she insisted. “You’re totally into him.”

I realized she wasn’t on my side and groaned, one step away from banging my head on the table. I couldn’t blame her, though. She had no idea what had transpired over the course of this past week. I had hoped to wait until after the wedding to tell her. I didn’t want to steal her thunder and have her worry about me during one of the best days of her life.

In my attempt to change the subject, I said, “Tonight is about you and Ethan, not me.” I gave her another warning look.

“It’s not a big deal, Julia.” She rolled her eyes and looked over at my parents. “Ryan is great, you guys will love him.”

My eyes were downcast and my mouth grew tight. When I looked up, I saw that Anna was watching me. Anna was studying me now and appeared a little confused by my reaction. I noticed she had the Hayes wrinkle between her eyes, too. She was slowly catching on that something wasn’t right.

“So, did you ask him to the wedding?” my mom asked.

Everyone looked at me expectantly.

“Yes, but he had previous commitments,” I said quietly.

My mom noticed Anna and I looking at each other, trying to communicate with only our eyes. My mom could read each of her children like a hawk; she could always see through our secret twin communication. Maybe this was because raising twins must’ve been an interesting and unique experience. As kids and as teenagers, I swore she had some freakish clairvoyance of some sort because she always knew when we were lying, if something was up, or if we were working on some secret sisterly collaborative scheme. Anna and I learned early on that we were better off just telling her the truth. Or, maybe I was just a really bad liar. My mom and Anna both looked at me, waiting for further explanation. I didn’t provide any. Instead, I took a large gulp of my wine.

“Julia,” my mom said knowingly, “what are you not telling us?”

I sighed loudly. Hoping to shut them all up, I decided to confess. “We’re not together anymore, okay?” I blurted out. “It was short-lived and that’s why I never mentioned anything to you, Mom. Don’t worry about it, okay? Can we just focus on Anna and Ethan?”

My mom’s brows furrowed again. She looked disappointed. Anna looked confused. Ethan gave me an inquisitive but sad gaze. I could tell he really liked Ryan and I think he’d been looking forward to the idea of the two of them becoming better friends. Well, so did I!

The subject was closed, but I knew my mom wouldn’t let it rest until I answered her questions to her satisfaction. And she finally cornered me, albeit twenty-four hours later, desperate for answers. She linked her arm into mine as she walked with me to the reception bar.

“Mom, I’m fine,” I repeated.

She eyed me curiously and arched an eyebrow—she wasn’t buying it.

“Okay, yes, I was a little sad because things didn’t work out with Ryan and me. But I’m over it. I’m fine, really. Can we talk about this some other time? Maybe we can go out to lunch next week and can catch up,” I suggested, hoping this would temporarily get her off my back.

As usual, she saw right through me and chose to ignore everything I’d just said. “I have to ask Anna about what’s going on with you sometimes, because you close yourself off when things aren’t going well and you don’t tell me things.”

I heard a lecture coming and braced myself, but just before she could start on her tirade, I was rescued by the sound of static coming from the microphone. Kelli was about to announce the arrival of the happy couple.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s my great pleasure to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Ethan and Anna Kinnear!”

The room exploded in applause and in walked my sister and my new brother-in-law. I clapped along with everyone else, both for Ethan and Anna, and equally for having put off my mom for at least a few more hours, if not another day.

As the mother of the bride, Mom was a popular target for many of the guests, and when the applause died down, it took only seconds before guests were also congratulating my mom on a beautiful wedding and for inheriting a new son-in-law. With the distraction of Anna and Ethan’s entry into the ballroom, I took the opportunity to release myself from my mother’s arm and walked up to Anna.

Anna caught my eye and beelined over to me. We hugged and she gave me an extra squeeze before releasing me.

“The wedding was beautiful. I’m so happy for you!” I gushed and hugged her again.

“It was, wasn’t it?” She looked at me excitedly, her cheeks flushed and her smile bursting. “I still can’t believe I’m Mrs. Kinnear!”

I wanted to tell her how much I loved Ethan’s personalized vows. He got a little choked up while he recited them; I always found it more touching to hear the groom read his vows, so much more so than the bride. It was all about expectations. You always expected the bride to get emotional and sappy with her vows, but you rarely saw a man so sentimental, so when he did, the words were that much more touching and heartfelt. My observations would have to wait until later, though, because before we knew it, Ethan approached us, as did several members of his extended family, all waiting to congratulate the happy couple. I stepped back and let Anna continue greeting her wedding guests. I knew we would have plenty of time to talk later tonight when the older folks retired or tomorrow at the post-wedding brunch at my parents’ house.

I smiled to myself as I thought about our slumber party last night. We figured she shouldn’t sleep with Ethan the night before their wedding. Anna wanted to stick to tradition and not allow him to see her today until she walked down the aisle.

At our pre-wedding night sleepover, I had finally given Anna all the gory details about Ryan. I knew she was hurt that I had waited so long to tell her. Despite my insistence that she should get her beauty rest, we talked late into the evening. Anna was much too excited and anxious to sleep, and she reminded me that this was the last night that the two of us would share the same last name. After having shared most everything else in our lives, I was a little nervous to be the only Hayes girl left.

Even though it was the night before Anna’s wedding, it was also a night where I was trying to mend a broken heart. I loved Anna so much and despite the bittersweet nature of our conversation, we provided each other the comfort and support we knew only the other could give.

Ethan and Anna welcomed and thanked their guests and then the party went into full swing. The jazz band started playing. Waiters were serving hors d’oeuvres. It was a festive atmosphere and everyone was enjoying the open bar.

Before putting on my happy, social, sister-of-the-bride persona, I looked for the family table to drop off my bridesmaid bouquet. I found my name elegantly written in calligraphy on a cream-colored name card in front of a contemporary hotel china place setting. I then noticed, to the right of mine, the place setting for Ryan. I bowed my head and a little laugh escaped me, because I should’ve expected this of Anna. She was wishfully hoping he would modify his plans and still decide to come. My sister the optimist.

I took the name card and put it away in my purse. If I left it out there, it was a reminder of what I couldn’t have and it hurt me more deeply than I wanted to admit to myself. I felt my throat constrict as I swallowed and there was a physical tightening in my chest as the realization of my loss came over me. I did all I could to hold back my tears and headed to the ladies’ room to get some privacy.

The restroom was empty. I sat down on the plush, pink Victorian chair facing the vanity and hung my head. Maybe I would just sit here and wait it out until someone came in. A few moments of solitude were welcoming. After refreshing my makeup, I checked my phone for any messages. I had set the ringer to vibrate as I didn’t want it going off during the wedding, but I hadn’t looked at it since before the ceremony. I froze when I saw a text from Ryan. And then another. I scrolled down the screen—there was a whole series of text messages from him.

It was a confessional.