That’s what hurt the most. The fact he was able to keep a relationship with the majority of our friends but didn’t have the decency to end things properly with the girl he supposedly loved.
It was ridiculous to be holding on, but it didn’t stop me from doing so. Why should I let him off the hook just because he apologized?
“Fine, I guess, but I’m not talking to him.”
“No one is asking you to. Besides, Joe is here, so you two can find a corner and make out the whole time. But just for the record, if that’s what you plan on doing, you’re not sitting with me.”
“Duly noted.”
“Anyways, you look hot. So if you ask me, you won,” Sadie said, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. She always looked like she had just walked off the red carpet of a Bollywood premiere, especially when she had to dress up in her sari. I don’t think she’d had a zit in her entire life either, unlike me, who constantly battled those irritating red spots.
“Won what?” I asked, unaware I was taking part in a game.
“The breakup.”
“I didn’t know it was a competition.”
“Of course it is. And just FYI, if you want Zach to keep away from you, you might want to stop looking so good.” She reached over and flipped my hair with the back of her hand.
“I’m not trying to look good for Zach.”
“If you say so,” she said with a roll of her perfectly outlined eyes. As if I knew Zach was going to be here. Trust me, if I knew, I never would’ve showed in the first place.
“I’m going to get a bucket. Do you want anything?” I might have been the one who’d started the conversation, but I needed to get away from it. And even though beer was not my drink of choice, it was cheap and did the trick.
“No, I’m good. I have to drive. Are you?”
“Joe can drive my car home.”
“When have you ever known Joe to stay sober?” she asked, arching a perfectly shaped eyebrow.
“He drinks all the time. It’s my turn.”
“If you say so.” She waved to Ruthie, who was making her way towards us.
I walked up to the bar and squeezed between the crowds of people. Why were there so many people here anyway? Didn’t they realize who was playing tonight? Purge wasn’t exactly . . . good.
The bartender leaned in, but I still had to shout my order. After some back and forth he figured out what I wanted and handed over a bucket filled with ice and six bottles of beer. I paid and just as I was about to push through the crowd, Zach stood in front of me with that stupid grin of his. When his hand reached out, I couldn’t stop from sucking in a nervous breath. His fingers skimmed the skin of my hand and reached in for a bottle. “Since when did you start drinking beer?” he asked as he twisted the cap off and took a swig.
Did I offer him one?
I don’t think so!
And like I was going to stand there and fill him in on everything since he left.
“Maybe if you called, you’d know.” I stared him down with an intensity I’d never felt before. I remembered the endless nights of staying home with my phone, waiting for it to ring. Waiting to hear his voice. Scared to accept the fact it was over. A year of buildup rose inside of me. But just as the anger was about to boil over and turn to pathetic tears I pushed past him.
His hand gripped my wrist and pulled me back, the bucket the only thing keeping me from being pushed against his chest. A chest I spent so many nights snuggled up to. I hated how I still knew exactly what it felt like to be there. How happy it once made me.
“Don’t touch me,” I yelled and his hand dropped my wrist like it scorched his skin. Shock swept across his features and for a single second I felt guilty for being so harsh. But then guilt was lost to the hole that still pierced my heart.
He rubbed the back of his neck, and his dark eyes softened. Warm breath shot chills up my spine as he leaned in close to my ear. “I told you I was sorry.”
I stepped back, knocking into a guy behind me. My balance wavered, but before I could fall, Zach’s hand reached out and caught me. I glanced down at his hand, and just as I felt the heat radiating from his touch, he let go.
“Sorry won’t give me back the time I wasted crying over you. It won’t take back the fact my crying overtook my schoolwork. And it definitely won’t change the fact that it cost me the only thing I ever really wanted. My ticket out of here.”
Shock-widened eyes stared back at me. For once, Zach was speechless. Good. I didn’t care what he had to say. I pulled out a bottle, popped the top and walked away, guzzling until nothing was left.
And crap! He totally abandoned my sweet-ass table. Figures. I couldn’t count on him. I leaned against a graffitied wall, the bucket hanging like a wristlet as I popped open another beer.
An hour later, Scott and the band were finally ready to start and I’d had enough. I’d drunk all the beer, minus the bottle Zach stole.
Joe was helping with the last-minute setup and I stumbled over to him. “I’m ready.”
“What? Babe, the guys are just getting ready to go on.” He stuck his lip out in his sad puppy-dog way.
“I’m tired.” I pouted my lip back and waited for him to give in to my cuteness.
“Go back to the booth and take a nap. We’ll leave as soon as they’re done. Promise.”
I rolled my eyes and staggered away, reached into my bag and pulled out my keys. I was usually the DD, but tonight . . . oops.
“I don’t think so.” My keys vanished, and I jumped to grab the hand that took them.
Zach! Ugh! I should’ve known. “Give me my keys!” He was always taller, and while I used to love how he towered over me, at times like these it was seriously inconvenient.
“No way in hell I’m letting you drive.”
I planted my hands on my hips and did my best not to sway. “Why not?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
“You’re not my keeper.”
“No, I’m not. But since your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care, someone has to. And besides, your brother would kick my ass if he knew I’d let you drive like this.”
“Of course, because you two still talk. Well la-de-freakin-da. Give me my damn keys.” I jumped again and tried to grab them, but regardless of my drunken coordination, Zach was quick. In one swift motion, he shoved the keys in his pocket and tossed me over his shoulder.
Face-to-face with his butt, I couldn’t help remembering the time we went skinny-dipping at Front Beach. Even swimming naked side by side, he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to. As always, he was the perfect gentleman. Never letting his hands wander too far south.
Stupid memories.
“Put me down,” I demanded, but he didn’t listen.
“Say goodbye to Sadie and our friends,” Zach said, turning me to where she stood in the corner with Matt and Ruthie.
“They are not
our
friends. They are
my
friends,” I said, but the band started and I didn’t think my words were heard over Scott’s screeching.
Sadie exchanged a few words with Zach and then waved goodbye. Traitor. I’d remember that when she wanted to get out of one of her parents’ many attempts at finding her a husband.
Outside I gave up the fight and welcomed the cool air. At my car, Zach opened the passenger door and gently placed me in the seat. He reached across, warm chest pressed against mine, and buckled my seat belt.
I tried to hold my head up and give him a dirty look, but it felt like it weighed nine hundred pounds and I wasn’t strong enough.
Zach’s hand cupped my face, holding it up so I looked into those dark, beautiful eyes of his. Warmth spread across my cheeks, seeping into the rest of my body. He pushed my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ears. I wanted to be mad, but I didn’t have the energy to care.
“You’re a mess.” His lips turned into the smirk I dreamed about for months after he stopped calling. “What happened to my Lizzie?”
“You left her,” I managed to get out before my eyelids became too heavy and I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 5
The next morning I woke to what felt like an elephant on my head, my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and no recollection of how I got in bed. I opened my eyes and instantly regretted it. The morning sunshine streamed through my window like a curtain of bright torture.
A low growl rose in my throat and I threw my blanket back over my head. I didn’t have class till late and my committee meeting wasn’t for another few hours.
“Rise and shine!” Sadie yelled, flinging my curtains open, turning the stream of light into an all-consuming inferno.
“I hate you.”
“I’m not the one who told you to drink an entire bucket of beer.”
Did I? If my memory served me correctly, and granted it was a little foggy, Zach took one. Zach. A rush of moments from the previous night flooded my mind.
My head nuzzling against Zach’s chest as he carried me into my apartment. The smell of spice cookies and how I grabbed his neck and pulled him closer to get a better whiff. Oh God. If only there was mouthwash for the brain. Brain wash. They could make a fortune on that stuff.
“There’s Advil, water and a bottle of Gatorade on your nightstand. I suggest you get chugging.” Sadie sat on the edge of my bed, looking like a freaking model.
“I hate you, but love you too.”
“I didn’t do it. Honestly I’d almost prefer to let you suffer. Did you really think you were going to get behind the wheel? Seriously! You know better than that.”
“I know.” It was just seeing Zach after all that time, and having him act like seeing me didn’t bother him, made something inside of me snap.
I rubbed at the headache that was growing by the minute. It was like one of those dinosaurs you dropped in water and it expanded to quadruple its size. I reached for the Advil and downed the bottle of water.
“And you can thank Zach later tonight when we go bowling with everyone.”
“No! I am not going bowling with him. He can’t just come back to town and act like nothing changed.” He couldn’t just carry me to bed, leave me with the ultimate hangover kit and call it even.
Not even close.
“If I remember correctly, you’ve moved on. At least that’s what you said. I was ready for a battle, but you told me you didn’t need closure. You were good.”
“I did. And I am.”
“Then what’s the big deal?” Sadie said, tossing her black hair over her shoulders before walking out.
I dragged myself out of bed and showered the night off of me. If only I could shower the thoughts of snuggling Zach’s neck away. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t. So much time had passed, yet I still fell under his spell.
Besides, it wasn’t my fault he smelled so damn good. I swore the boy bathed in a pool of spice cookie batter.
I slipped into my skinny jeans, a black sweater and my riding boots then headed back to campus. It was going to be a long day.
* * *
Professor Mulligan and I came up with the idea for the beach clean-up committee when she helped me with a paper outlining the effects of plastic pollution on our local beaches. In a few short months we had removed 2,136 cigarette butts, 86 plastic bags, a tire, 3 flip-flops, 52 plastic bottles, 11 latex balloons and what felt like several tons of fishing wire, from the local beaches.
You’d think the shock factor would wear off. It hadn’t. How hard was it to pick up your trash? I for one wasn’t going to be responsible for killing an innocent sea turtle.
The annoying thing was that if it wasn’t for Zach, I never would’ve cared so much about our beaches and how we could ruin an entire ecosystem simply by not using a trash can. Every time we went to the beach he packed an extra bag for garbage and made sure not to leave a single piece behind.
For six months I hadn’t thought about him and now I couldn’t get him out of my head. As if he were a disease and I a hypochondriac—he was constantly on my mind.
Maybe it was because I’d just seen him for the first time in over a year and it was still fresh. But it was more than that. As much as Zach was the same, he was different. He wasn’t a boy anymore. The baby face was gone, replaced with a more chiseled one. His strong jaw was sprinkled with dark stubble. I’d always thought he was hot. But now. Damn.
Hot or not , he was the asshole who broke my heart. And I’d moved on. What I was feeling was a completely normal reaction to an old love. All I had to do was avoid him as much as possible. I couldn’t in my Monday-Wednesday writing class, but the rest of the time I was Zach-free.
When I got to the classroom I sat next to Professor Mulligan’s desk. Vicky and Tanya strolled in and took their usual seats in the corner.
Professor Mulligan’s laugh flowed into the classroom. I looked up, ready to greet her, when every ounce of patience I had left shattered.
Walking in with her, as if they were old friends, was Zach. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wanted to scream and throw the eraser that sat on the desk beside me at his head.
“Liz, you’re here. Good. This is Zach. He’s in my Marine Science class. He’s very passionate about the ocean and our beaches.” She patted Zach on the shoulder, a little too excited, even for her.
I hoped she was kidding. Didn’t she know me well enough to notice the disapproval shining in my eyes? By the way Zach flinched away, it was obvious he could.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t kidding.
“With his passion and knowledge I think he’ll be a wonderful asset to our group. I talked him into joining. Isn’t that great?” You would think she’d just talked the president into speaking to us with the way she kept rising up and down on her toes.
“We have enough people. We don’t need any more,” I said as I shuffled through some papers, refusing to look up. One glance at him and the ache in my heart that took so long to go away came back. I didn’t want it back. I wanted him to disappear, return to where he came from and just leave me alone.