Never Say Genius (28 page)

Authors: Dan Gutman

“This occasion is a celebration,” the minister continued. “A celebration of the love and commitment with which this man and this woman begin the rest of their lives together. We are here today to witness their joining in marriage, one of the holiest bonds.”

Coke looked around. The stupid tie was choking his neck. Some of the men weren’t wearing ties. Why did he have to? One guy even had shorts on.

He noticed that the Washington Monument was directly behind them, about a mile in the distance. He thought about what might have happened if things had gone differently there the day before. He wondered which was worse, being dropped from a helicopter onto the tip of the Washington Monument, or having to sit through a wedding ceremony.

“What greater thing is there,” the minister continued, “than for two souls to be joined together in love, loyalty, trust, and honesty? In marriage, two people promise each other to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives, because with mutual understanding, openness, sensitivity, care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge comes the appreciation of one’s own happiness, growth, and freedom.”

Coke had barely heard anything the guy said after “Dearly beloved.” The words just washed over him. He checked his cell phone for the time, looked around some more, and wondered when it was going to be over.

The minister continued.

“If any person can show just cause why this man and this woman may not be joined together in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Coke looked around again. In the movies, this was the part where some old boyfriend would always jump up, tell the bride he still loved her, and the two of them would go run off together, leaving the groom and everybody else staring with their mouths open. No such luck this time. Everyone looked around at one another for an awkward moment or two, and then the minister turned to face the bride and continued.

“Do you, Judy McAllister, take this man to be your husband in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, as long as you both shall live?”

“I will,” Aunt Judy said.

The minister smiled and turned to face the groom, sitting in his wheelchair.

“And do you, Herman Warsaw—”

EPILOGUE

What?! Are you kidding me? Dr. Warsaw is
alive?
He wasn’t supposed to have survived the fall from The Infinity Room! His obituary was in the newspaper! How could he possibly still be alive?

What happened to Mrs. Higgins? Where did the bowler dudes fly off to? And what would it be like to have your mother’s sister married to a psychotic mass murderer who was trying to kill you?

To find out the answers to these and other questions, well, you’ll just have to read
The Genius Files #3
.

I’ll tell you one thing right now, though.

It’s going to be a long ride back to California.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks to Jim Beard, Esther Goldenberg, Karen and

Katie Jergensen, Anne Kalkowski, Mary Kittrell,

Jennifer and Jabin Mallory, Sue Marchbanks, Shelley

Riskin, Kelly Salgado, Fred Valentini, and Nina

Wallace. And a special thank-you to Google Maps

and Roadside America.com, without which this book

could not have been written.

ABOUT THE PHOTOS

In The Genius Files, Coke and Pepsi McDonald take a cross-country trip, and I thought it would be cool to use photos of road signs to mark their progress. I was not in a position to go cross-country myself or to pay professional photographers to shoot the signs for me, but I have many loyal readers on my Facebook fan page, and they’re scattered all over the country. So I put out the word that I needed photos of some specific road signs, and instantly people came through for me. They shot all the photos I needed.

Thank you to these fans, and to the Hoover Historical Center, for providing me with these photos:

Page 21
, Amanda LeBrun

Page 23
, Kelly Salgado

Page 81
, Katie Jergensen

Page 91
, Liat Shapiro

Page 94
, Mary Kittrell

Page 121
, Tony Packo’s Inc.

Page 186
, Hoover Historical Center / Walsh University, North Canton, Ohio

Page 194
, Jabin Mallory

Page 207
, Ellie Goldenberg

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dan Gutman is the author of such immensely popular books as
Honus & Me
,
The Homework Machine
,
The Kid Who Ran for President
,
The Million Dollar Shot
, and the My Weird School series. If you’d like to find out about Dan and how he got started as a writer, you can visit him online at www.dangutman.com.

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NOTE TO THE READER

All the places mentioned in this book are real. You can visit them. You
should
visit them!

CREDITS

Cover design by Erin Fitzsimmons

COPYRIGHT

THE GENIUS FILES #2: NEVER SAY GENIUS

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

www.harpercollinschildrens.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Gutman, Dan.

Never say genius / Dan Gutman.—1st ed.

p. cm.—(The Genius Files; #2)

Summary: As their cross-country journey with their parents continues through the midwest, twins Coke and Pepsi, now thirteen, again face strange assassins at such places as the first McDonald’s restaurant and Cedar Point amusement park.

ISBN 978-0-06-182767-9 (trade bdg.)

ISBN 978-0-06-182768-6 (lib. bdg.)

EPub Edition © JANUARY 2012 ISBN: 9780062099273

[1. Adventure and adventurers—Fiction. 2. Genius—Fiction. 3. Brothers and sisters—Fiction. 4. Twins--Fiction. 5. Assassins—Fiction. 6. Recreational vehicles—Fiction. 7. Family life--Fiction.] I. Title.

PZ7.G9846Nev 2012

2011019363

[Fic]—dc23

12 13 14 15 16 CG/RRDH 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1