Authors: Bethan Cooper
We pull off I-85 and I admire the view of Greensboro, NC. I have never visited even though I have always lived so close. I pull out my cell from my jean pocket and see it’s 8:15pm. It took us just over an hour to get here. I also have 3 missed calls from my mom. I decide to text her.
*Hi Mom, sorry I didn’t answer. I’m fine, I promise. Don’t wait up. *
I smile as I hit send. Luke moves his hand over and squeezes my knee. It’s welcoming and it causes a new, passionate feeling to uncurl in my stomach. I watch him drive, his hands look so masculine as he turns the steering wheel. Veins run through his arms and his hands
, what is it about hands?
He has a Cartier watch on.
Cartier!
His strong shoulders move and each individual muscle increases as it moves. He is so well-looked-after. I watch as he shakes his head to one side to move the hair from his face, as he indicates the car, as he changes gear. Everything is turning me on! What is wrong with me? I shake off the electricity and go back to city gazing. As I’m lost in a daydream, I notice that we are parking. I look dead ahead and see NEWBRIDGE BANK PARK on the side of what looks like a stadium.
Too late for a game, isn’t it?
As Luke parks, I watch his hands maneuver the car and I think I’m drooling. He looks at me puzzled, and then smiles. He turns off the ignition after he parks it beautifully, and leaves his hands opposite each other on the wheel. His head is bowed, his eyes shut.
“Ella.” He breathes. “I have never brought a girl here. It’s a baseball park if you were wondering.” He looks up and at me with the smile that always takes my breath away. “My family invested here so I can come and go as I please. I wanted to bring you here, maybe have a walk? Maybe a little game of baseball?” He laughs and I join him. Reaching under his seat, he hands me a black box with a grey bow attached to the top.
“Leave this in the car. Don’t open it until you get home.” He whispers. Why do I have a present? I shake it and it makes a satisfying rattling noise. He leans over to tilt and turn my head away from my mysterious present. He gently kisses me. I let go; my hands work their way to his hair, my teeth biting his lip. A seductive moan comes from him and I smile beneath the kiss.
“This feels too good, Luke, I am so attracted to you.” He smiles and goes instantly shy.
I didn't expect that.
“
Hard with compliments?” I ask.
“Something like that.” He replies and shrugs. He opens the driver's door to leave and I pull on my handle.
“Leave it.” He warns. I instantly remove my hands and hold them up in protest. I watch as he walks round to the passenger door, opens it, and holds his hand out for me to take.
Such a gentleman.
I take it, reluctantly, and he helps me out of the car. He grabs the bag with the desserts in it out of the back and pulls me into an embrace
, his face buried in my hair, and breathes me in.
“One second.” He says, lifting his index finger and pulling away from me. He does a little jog back round to the driver’s side and opens the door. He leans in and attaches something to the stereo. A familiar song fills my ears and he walks back round to me, his eyes never leaving mine as he holds out his hand.
“Dance with me.” He whispers.
“What, here?” I look around to see if anyone is watching.
“Yes here, now.” I take his hand and he pulls me into him. My hand finds his shoulder and his is at the base of my spine. Our spare hands linked together. My head is just above his shoulder and he leans down and again, buries his face in my hair.
“You smell beautiful.” He whispers as we slowly dance in the parking lot. I pull him closer. We are lost in a world of our own, dancing in the parking lot. I can’t think of anything else more romantic. He is so perfect. So, how come he wants me? We have come so far in five days. It’s crazy how quickly you can fall for someone. He dances so well. He is moving me and our feet are gently stepping around each other. The song finishes and he kisses me softly on the lips.
After our romantic charade, he leads me into the grounds. There are giant baseballs all around and they look so unique for a stadium. It makes me feel proud.
“What baseball team plays here?” I ask.
“Minor league, Greensboro Grasshoppers, they’re pretty good.”
He walks us into the center of the stadium and it’s so strange being on a field. I have seen hundreds of games, as my father is a huge fan, but I’ve never been on a real field.
“This feels weird.” I mutter as he walks out in front of me.
“Why?”
“I’m so used to being in the stands.” I laugh and he smiles at me.
“It’s cool right.” He gives me a welcoming grin, opens his arms wide, and does a full circle. I forget how young he is.
How young we both are. I feel so adult right now.
“So, you’ve never brought a girl out here, I have a present,
and
you forgot to tell me that your family owns the diner we ate at.” I fold my arms in front of me, tapping my right foot. I pout. He looks at me and giggles.
“You look cute.”
“No I don’t.” I look away and shrug.
“You do.” He laughs.
“No....I don’t!” I yell.
“YOU DO!” He shouts and runs toward me. I instantly start to retreat and run the opposite way. He chases me and catches me within seconds. He picks me up so I am higher than him, his hands just under my behind. He looks up at me and I lean down and kiss him. My hands are on either side of his face and I fall into him. He gently lowers me, our lips not leaving each other’s.
“You are adorable, Ella.” He breathes as he releases me.
“What’s happening, Luke?” I ask.
“I’m falling for you.” He whispers.
“Likewise.” I whisper back. He picks me up and tosses me over his shoulder.
“Luke, what the hell!” I scream but he takes no notice and we both laugh. He slaps my behind and I gasp. “Ow, bully.” I tease.
“Come on, you're putting me off where I want to take you, stop being distractive.” With that, he carries me across the field toward the back of the stadium, with me rubbing my now red ass.
When he puts me down, I’m in a tree-shaded area. Every tree is lit up; each individual branch has a stream of lights defining itself from the center of its life. I look around astounded at the beauty, mesmerized.
“You like it?” He asks, looking for some appreciation.
“Luke, it’s beautiful.” I look at him and he looks smug.
“Is it always like this here?”
“My dad and I went to New York about two years ago. We went at Christmas. One night we decided to go for a walk through Central Park. Now you know Central Park, right? It’s huge.” I nod in agreement. “Well every single tree at Christmas time has twinkling lights all up the branches and down the trunks. I thought it looked beautiful, unique. The amount of manpower that must have gone into that. So, when my dad helped out with this place, I noticed the back and decided to copy New York’s idea. I wanted a safe place, so I made one.” He smiles and looks at me.
We are walking down a path that leads to a small river at the bottom. I sit at the riverbank and he sits next to me. We open up our desserts and pick at them with white plastic forks. Right now, at this exact moment, I am lost. I look down at the water and the lights reflect beautifully on its surface.
“Wow.” I whisper. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Being here for me.”
“Ella, I don’t understand.”
“Don’t worry, Luke, you weren’t meant to.” His arm relaxed across my shoulder and we sit gazing, relaxed, and content.
“Tell me something about yourself, Ella. I want to know a secret.” He tenses up after he asks.
“Sure.” I reply and shrug. He immediately relaxes. “What do you want to know?”
“Why have you never tried at school?”
“What do you mean?”
“You never seemed to try, Ella, to fit in I mean.”
“Oh, Luke.” I sigh loudly and shake my head.
“School didn’t accept me, not ever. Jade, my best friend has known me for at least twelve years. She has always been in my life so she didn’t have a choice but to be my friend throughout everything. I have had such a rough couple of years. Problems with my family, with myself, and with other personal stuff.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Ella.”
“It’s not that, Luke; it’s not that at all. I’ve never openly spoken about my private life. You know more than anyone already, you have um, seen me, y’know.” He laughs.
“Yeah, yeah I have.” He pulls me closer.
“I had someone in my life that loved me more than anything or anyone in his life.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you have had boyfriends before me.”
“Um, not really, Jamie wasn’t my boyfriend.” He looks across at me, puzzled.
“Jamie was my best friend. We played together, we laughed together, and we loved each other. Jay had me in his life and that’s all he needed.” I can feel the tears building up, ready to explode at any given moment. “Um...”
“Ella, you don’t have to tell me.” He whispers and gently kisses my hair.
“Yeah, I do, otherwise you will never understand...Jay had Leukemia in its most violent and intrusive form.” I swallow, trying to find my words. “Um, we met when we were seven. His mom had chats and coffee with my mom and we would play silly games like Superman in the garden. I remember it was sunny the day my mom told me about his condition. I cried for him. I knew what cancer was when I was thirteen. He had it the whole time and I never knew.” I shudder and wipe the tears away from my face. Luke turns to face me and helps me wipe my eyes.
“He um, told me when we were fourteen that he loved me. I was his best friend for life. I was the only person who didn’t judge him for being bald, for being stick thin. We sat in his room for hours reading books to each other. His cough always frightened me because I knew he could go at any moment. I spent hours comforted by him and lying with him in his bed, talking about what we both wanted to do. Jay never kissed me. He’d just lay with me and hold my hand as we’d stare at his bedroom ceiling. His body denied all the chemo, all the medicine. The day the doctor came over and told all of us that he didn't have long, that was when I became distant. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to know. My depression started, literally just as he was leaving us. Every day I got angry. School was a nightmare; nobody even spoke to me or asked me what was wrong. Nobody. Luke, do you know how that feels?” His hands hold either side of my face and he desperately tries to kiss the tears away.
“You’re doing great, Ella, you’re talking to me.” His thumb traces my lower lip and I lean into his hand on my cheek.
“It was December 2004. The 14th. I saw Jay's mom in the street, she ran up to me and slapped me so hard I nearly fell to the ground.” I stroke my cheek at the memory. “She shouted at me and told me I was worthless, that Jay deserved a friend better than me, but she didn’t know, Luke, she didn’t know about the times we sat in his bedroom talking about books and listening to each other. I was speechless in front of her, listening to her wicked words, rubbing them into my mind so I never forgot. I followed her home, and even when she tried to stop me from going into the house, I pushed my way through, and found Jay in his room playing on his Xbox.
He turned and smiled at me and I sat beside him. I told him I was sorry. We sat for hours. I stayed the night on his bedroom floor and woke to a cold wintery December morning. The 15th. He wouldn’t wake up.” My words choke me.
“Ella, stop, I can’t take that.”
“It’s fine, don’t make me stop, I have never spoken about this before.” I whisper and he nods.
“He died that night and I left the house broken, I just ran. I ran for such a long time, Luke. His mom blamed me for everything and that just made it worse. I saw him the night he was going to breathe his last breath, I saw him love me again, and he let me read to him. I read him Dr. Seuss, can you believe that? We used to read Hemingway and Shakespeare, not Dr. Seuss! But he requested it. I ended up at school. I couldn’t mourn for him. I was too angry at myself, at my words. I loved him so much, Luke.” I stop and let myself sob. He holds me and rocks me close to his chest.
“I’m so sorry, Ella.” He whispers and kisses my face.
“It’s not your fault, Luke. It’s nobody's fault.” We sit and I lay with my head in Luke’s lap, him stroking my hair, and I just treasure this moment.