Never Tied Down (The Never Duet #2) (19 page)

   “It’s not your fault, and there’s really nothing to be sorry for.  I should be able to talk about him.  I
want
to talk about him, at least, I think I do.  But then, if I’m caught off guard, I guess it backfires on me.”

   We were both quiet for a moment, his hand still running up and down my arm, his lips still resting against my skin.

   “He’s part of the reason I fell in love with you.”  Never before had words affected me the way those words had.  “I knew I wanted to get to know you, more so after hearing your story and meeting your brother, the way you took care of him, the way you protected him, but I was a goner after that first time I came to your house and had pizza.  You think you were so blessed to have him in your life, and you were, but he had someone smiling down on him when he got you as a sister.”

   I rolled fully into him, burying my face in his chest, trying hard not to break down and sob.  I didn’t want to cry anymore.  I wanted to smile more than I cried.  I wanted to laugh more than I frowned.  So, with tears in my eyes, I lifted my face and looked up at Riot, saying, “There’s not one person on this planet I need more than you.  I can get through anything if I know you’re beside me.”

   “Lucky for you I don’t ever plan on going anywhere.”

   Days passed and we fell into a beautifully comfortable routine.  Riot stayed at my house at night and in the mornings we drove to work together.  We’d meet at the coffee shop during our lunch break and then our evenings were either spent apart for work reasons, or exploring LA together.

   Riot texted his sister daily and she stuck to her “just fine” story, but couldn’t give him a date for when she was going back to work, which only fueled his fire.  She told him she was staying with their parents for the time being.  This worried him, but I tried to calm him by reasoning with him that it was better she was with family if she were actually pregnant.  He would usually grumble inaudibly and remain grumpy for a little while until I found a way to pull him out of his funk.

   Riot was at work late Saturday night shooting a night scene, which left me all alone at my apartment for an evening.  Like I believed most girls did when their boyfriends were away, I was pampering myself.  I had a masque on my face and I was soaking in my tub, enjoying the relaxing music playing from my phone.

   My calm was harshly interrupted by my phone vibrating against the porcelain of my bathtub.  I saw Ella’s name and quickly answered and turned on the speaker.

   “Fella!” I said with a smile.

   “Hey, Kal.  Haven’t heard from you in a while, so I thought I’d give you a call.  You sound happy, and also like you’re standing at the end of a tunnel.”

   I laughed.  “I’m in the tub and you’re on speaker because I’ve got goop all over my face.”

   “Sounds awesome,” she said wistfully, and then I heard stupidly cute baby noises coming from her end of the phone.  “I’m lucky if I can take more than five minutes in the shower before Mattie starts crying.  And then she cries, and then I leak, and it’s just counterproductive.”

   I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, but I tried to be sympathetic.  “I’m sorry.”

   “No, it’s okay, just a tiny mom complaint.  But it’s true, you sound happy.”

   Suddenly it occurred to me that I’d spent the better part of two weeks with Riot and hadn’t told her yet.

   “Yeah, about that…”

   “Spill, woman,” she demanded.

   “Riot and I are together.”

   She was silent for a moment and I wasn’t sure if it was good silence or bad.

   “Okay… and?”

   “And things are good.” I offered.  I knew between her and Megan, Ella was definitely the more even-keeled sister, but she was literally giving me nothing.

   “Good, like, you talked and made nice, or good, like, you get to be horizontal with him?”

   I laughed, feeling the pinch of the drying masque on my face.  “Oh, we’ve been horizontal.  Every chance we get,” I said, trying to waggle my eyebrows but getting nowhere.  I heard clapping and whooping, and then I heard Ella’s mom voice and I knew she was talking to Mattie when she said, “That’s right, Auntie Kalli is gonna give you an Uncle Riot, and then Mommy and Aunt Megan get to look at him forever.”

   Distantly I heard a distinct and strikingly male voice call out, “I heard that.” 

   “You better watch yourself,” I warned through laughter.

   “Pshh.  Porter’s an alpha.  I’ll pay for that later, but I’ll enjoy it.”  Then after a few seconds she said, more seriously, “Is it good, Kal?  I mean, I know it’s good, but I mean, are the two of you good?”

   “It’s wonderful,” I said, sounding just as sappy as I felt.  “He was really great in the beginning, took it really slow, let me make all the decisions, and then we just kind of stopped being apart.”

   “That’s the best,” she said, her voice knowing.  “So, will he be coming with you for Thanksgiving?”

   Oh crap.  Thanksgiving.  In two weeks.

   “We haven’t talked about Thanksgiving.  His parents live in San Francisco.  I don’t know if he was planning to go up there or not.  I’ll have to talk to him.”

   “Okay, well, you’ve got a room here at the beach if you want it.  We’d really like to see you.  And Riot is more than welcome to come along.  But I totally understand if you go to San Francisco with him.”  She paused, then added, “But I have to say, Mattie told me yesterday that she’s starting to forget what you look like.”

   Ah, the baby guilt trip.  I didn’t really need one; hearing Mattie’s gurgles and baby talk through the phone was enough to make my heart hurt.

   “That was low, Ella,” I laughed.  “How are you doing?” I asked after a moment.

   “Good.  Great, actually.  I mean, besides not having slept more than four hours in a row in six months, everything’s great.  Porter’s work is slowing down a little now that winter’s just around the corner, but both the shops are picking up so it’s kind of perfect.”

   “And how’s Megan?”  Even as I asked the question I knew I should call her soon.

   “She’s good too.  Still in the honeymoon phase.  Patrick just got a promotion.  They’re thinking of selling their condo and buying a house.  Just, ya know, life.”

   “Yeah, life.”  I sighed as I said the words, thrilled on the inside that for the first time in months, life was just life, and it was good.

   “How’s your fancy job?”

   “It’s not as fancy as you’d imagine, but it’s good.  Riot is on the soundstage right next to mine and we’ve been able to spend lunches together, so that’s been nice.”

   There was a moment of quiet between us, then she said, “I know you’re a strong woman, Kal.  And I know you could have gone to LA and done just fine on your own.  But I’m really glad you and Riot worked it out.  You deserve to be happy.”

   “Thanks,” I said, my face seriously cracking from my smile.

   “Okay, well, I’m gonna go put this little one to bed, then take my punishment from Porter.”

   “Sounds terrible,” I said sarcastically.

   “Being with him is such a hardship.”  We both laughed at that.  “Let me know about Thanksgiving, okay?”

   “Will do, and thanks for calling.”

   “Anytime.”

   I heard her end of the call disconnect and let out a sigh.  I knew I was lucky to have met Ella and Megan, knew all along we were all brought into each other’s lives for a reason.  And in that moment, I was so happy knowing I’d always have their friendship.

   After my bath and nightly face ritual, I’d gone to bed a little earlier than normal, realizing I was bored without Riot there.  One week of his presence and I was already at a loss without him.  So I’d curled up in bed with a book I’d been trying to read for months, but fallen asleep after only a few pages.

   When I woke, it was because Riot’s strong arm, which was draped around me at the waist, was pulling me closer to him and his nose was nuzzling the back of my neck.  I smiled, then rolled toward him, pressing my front as close to his as I could get, letting my face find that perfect spot between his jaw and his shoulder that seemed to have been made exactly for me to lay my head to rest in.

   “I missed you,” I whispered sleepily against his skin, and felt his arms wrap tighter around me.

   “Sleep, baby,” he whispered back, kissing my hair.

   “Mmmkay.”

   The next time I woke up, it was to the sound of Riot’s deep breaths, the rhythmic movement of his chest under my cheek, and the bright sunlight filtering through the blinds in my bedroom.  I was warm, still wrapped up in his arms, and more comfortable than should be possible.  Besides the one time I’d woken earlier that night, I’d slept deeply and long.  I was well rested and wide awake.

   I slowly lifted my head and took a moment to stare at his face.  There was no denying, by anyone, that Riot was attractive.  You didn’t get lead parts on network cop dramas if you weren’t.  He was becoming somewhat of a household name and heartthrob, and only a few episodes had aired.  He was tall, dark, and stupidly handsome.  But lying in my bed, holding me close, he looked adorable.  His face was almost childlike when he slept.  With his dangerously sexy eyes closed, his face took on a wholly different, peaceful quality, which was quite nearly innocent looking.

   I knew he’d worked late the night before, or even early that morning, and I didn’t want to wake him, so I tried to sneak out of his grasp slowly.  I’d made it almost out of the circle of his arms before his voice startled me.

   “If you leave, I won’t be able to sleep,” he said with his adorably cute, sleepy voice.  My body went lax where I’d been stopped and I leaned over, resting my head against his stomach.

   “That seems a little extreme.”

   “Are you calling me a liar?”

   “No, I’m only saying, we’ve spent just as many nights together in the last week as we had in our whole relationship almost.  It’s brand-new.  You can’t be that reliant upon my presence for sleep yet.”

   Riot knifed up in the bed, grabbed me, and then, suddenly, I was on my back and he was above me.

   “I spent so many nights without you because it’s what I thought you wanted, what I thought you
needed
.  If it had been up to me I never would have left your side, I would have been there every moment to help you through your mourning.  But you told me to go.  And that’s okay.  I understand.  But I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it was easy for me.  It wasn’t.  Every night I lay in my bed wishing I could hold you, hoping for just a faint waft of your shampoo from the one pillow you used, which I slept with every night.  I hoped you were okay.  Prayed you were eating enough, that you weren’t alone all the time, that someone was there to make you laugh every once in a while just to remind you that it wasn’t all darkness everywhere.

   “So, yes, the last few nights I’ve not only gotten used to you sleeping next to me, it’s given something back to me that I thought I might have lost forever, and I’m not ready to take it for granted yet.  So, unless you’ve got somewhere pressing to be, please, just lie with me.”

   “Okay,” I said, nodding slightly.  He let out a large sigh, rolled off me, then pulled me to his side again.  I found my special place made just for me and tentatively snuggled in.  A few moments passed, thick with silent tension.  I slowly reached up and placed my hand on his chest and when his hand came up to cover mine, I let out my own thankful breath.

   “You know it wasn’t
you
, right?”  He didn’t answer my question, but I felt his chest stop moving, so I knew he’d heard me. I continued anyway.  “I didn’t push
you
away, I was hiding myself from you.  From everyone.  Everything.  It’s true that seeing you was difficult, but only because it ate at me that I was with a man when Marcus had his accident.  Or, more to the point, that I wasn’t with him.  Right after his death there was an enormous part of me that was eclipsed by guilt.  As the guilt waned, rationality came back, and I understood, mostly, that it wasn’t my fault, but I still struggle with that sometimes.

   “But aside from that,” I continued, “the whole experience sort of fit into what I’d pretty much built my entire adult life around.  I’d told myself that I wasn’t ever going to be in a committed relationship with a man, that I wasn’t meant to have that as a part of my life.”

   “And now?” he asked, still not looking at me, breaths shallow, hand still clasped around mine.

   “Now I know that I was standing still before you, tethered to a good life with Marcus, but never reaching for greatness, never looking for anything
more
.”  I leaned up on an elbow to look at him, my hand pulling away from his but smoothing over his chest and trailing down his rib cage.  “You set me free, Riot.  I’m never tied down with you, never stifled or smothered.  The only thing I want to be tied to, is you.”

   “You know I’m bound to you too, right?  Being away from you was unbearable, but I knew it was something you needed.  I knew that if I forced myself into your life, if I didn’t let you figure it out on your own, we’d never stand a chance.  But I was never whole without you.”  His hand came up and cupped my face, his eyes never wavering from mine.  “That all being said, it’s Sunday morning and I want you in bed with me.”

   I smiled at that.  “Okay.”  I leaned down and gave him a small kiss, then snuggled back into my place.  A few minutes later, when I knew Riot hadn’t gone back to sleep, I asked, “Do you want to go to Ella and Porter’s beach house for Thanksgiving?”

   “Sure,” he said immediately.

   My brow furrowed.  “You don’t need to spend Thanksgiving with your family?”

   “Can we do Christmas there?”

   “Sure…”

   “Then it sounds like it’s settled.”

Chapter Fourteen

Park Place

Kalli

   Thanksgiving at the Oregon Coast was, by far, the best way to spend the holiday.  Ella and Porter’s house was full, but not packed.  Megan and Patrick were there, along with Tilly, and Ella’s parents.  All the parental units were only there for the day, and it was nice to have mom hugs from Tilly and Susan, but it was also great to spend time with Megan, Ella, Patrick, and Porter and not feel like the fifth wheel.