New Beginnings (125 page)

“My old man never did a damn thing for us. He didn’t care if we had clothes on our backs or not.”

I hugged him, wishing I could take all of his pain away. “I know, but there has to be a balance between giving them what they want and making them work for it.”

He took a deep breath. “Fine, we’ll do this your way.”

I smiled. “If it’ll make you feel better, give them a seventy-five percent discount.”

“Hell, that kid I had working for me last summer, Jake, I let him take his pick of what he wanted before he headed off to college, and you’re asking me to charge my own kids?” He squeezed my waist. “It just doesn’t feel right, baby.”

“I had a job when I was their age, and if I wanted new clothes, I bought them with my own money. That’s reality for most teens, Ryker.”

“Fine,” he said, pulling me closer so he could tease my neck with his lips. “I’ll let you have your own way on this one.” He pushed my robe over my shoulders, letting his mouth wander.

I curled my hands into his shoulders, sighing before I finally found the strength to push him away. “Behave. They’re going to be back down here any minute.”

“You’re no fun,” he grumbled, trying to grab the tie of my terry robe when I walked away.

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” I whispered, winking at him.

“Stop,” he said, groaning as he shifted in his seat. “I have to walk out that door in a few minutes with our kids.”

I giggled as I stood across from him, licking my lips suggestively.

“Tease,” he mouthed.

“You wanna come by for dinner tonight?”

“I’d love to, but I have other plans.”

“Oh.” My smile slipped as I turned away from him.

“It’s a business dinner, Mac. I’d get out of it if I could, but it’s kind of a big deal.”

I didn’t know why I felt a tightening in my stomach when I learned he had other plans. He told me he wasn’t interested in seeing anyone else, and I believed him, but the way that bartender had been ogling him all night last night reminded me there were plenty of women who’d love to warm Ryker’s lonely bed.

Maybe I was crazy for trying to keep him at arm’s length, suggesting he maintain his own house while we sort things out. If he were back home, sleeping with me every night, I wouldn’t have to worry about all those women who still believed he was single and available, thanks to all those media reports about our split.

Completely unaware of my train of thought, he asked, “What do you have planned for today?”

“I was thinking about what we talked about last night,” I lied. “Maybe I should start going through the old family recipes, figure out what I might like to offer, you know, if I do decide to move ahead with this baking thing.”

“I really think you should,” he said, glancing at his cell phone when it buzzed. “Ugh, forty-five new emails already and it’s not even eight o’clock. Looks like it’s gonna be one of those days.”

“You should probably get going then. I have to hit the gym soon anyhow.”

He dropped his phone on the counter. “Uh, I thought we decided we were going to hit the gym together from now on.”

“Sure, when we can,” I said, returning the orange juice to the fridge. “But like you said, you’re busy today. Maybe tomorrow?”

“But Mike will be there, won’t he?”

I smiled. “I assume so. He does own the place.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, seeming hesitant. “Mac, I know I can’t tell you want to do, but this doesn’t sit well with me. That guy’s made no secret of the fact he wants you. He’s pissed that we’re getting back together and he—”

“Stop,” I said, holding my finger against his lips. “I’m not interested in him. Never have been, never will be. I’m going there to work out. That’s all.”

“But we have a full gym downstairs,” he argued. “Why not use that?”

“But we don’t have a track.” I knew it was pointless, trying to be rational when his jealousy was fuelling his behavior.

“It’s a beautiful day,” he said, gesturing to the wraparound windows. “Go for a run outside. The fresh air will do you good.”

“Ryker, I paid for the gym membership, and I’m going to use it.”

“It’s not just Mike,” he said, scowling. “Nex said there are always guys there checking you out.”

I was flattered that my brother-in-law had even noticed me with all the beautiful young girls trying to get his attention. “Please,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You know what those places are like, Ryk. Meat markets.”

He clenched his jaw, practically spitting the words out. “Maybe that’s why I don’t want my wife hanging out there.”

I grabbed his hand. “Look at me.” Pointing at my mouth, I said, “Read my lips.” I enunciated slowly to make my point. “I want you. I don’t want anyone else. Understood?”

His eyes travelled to my hand. “You’ll wear those when you work out?”

I shook my head, unable to suppress my amusement at his insecurity. Ryker was the most confident, secure guy I knew, and the fact he was acting this way seemed ridiculous to me. “I can’t.” I held up my hand. “The weight bar will bend the band.”

“Wear gloves,” he muttered.

“I do, but I’m not going to risk it.” I leaned over the breakfast bar, pursing my lips for a kiss. “I. Love. You.”

He captured my face in his hands, kissing me thoroughly. “You’re going to be the death of me, woman. You do know that, don’t you?”

I giggled. “Just trying to keep you on your toes, sexy.” At least he wasn’t taking me for granted anymore.

Ryker

I sneaked out on my lunch hour to visit my mother-in-law. I hadn’t seen Mary since before the split, but I had something important to discuss with her and it couldn’t wait.

Mary met me at the door of the tidy Tudor-style home where she and her husband had raised their two daughters. Mac’s sister had moved to Oklahoma when her husband got a teaching positon at a college out there. I knew Mary and Mac missed her, but they all kept in touch through regular calls and emails.

“I was so happy when you called,” Mary said, pulling me into a hug. “It’s been too long. I’ve missed you, Ryker.”

“I’ve missed you too, Mary.”

Ever since my mama died, Mary had been there for me, anything I needed, which was why I felt guilty for not reaching out to her after Mac and I split. She deserved better than that.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

She linked her arm through mine as she led me into the kitchen. “I understand, honey. These things are never easy. Tell me, how’ve you been holding up?”

“I feel like things are finally getting back on track.”

She pulled out a chair, a smile brightening her softly lined face. That was Mary. Always a ready smile for a friend or a stranger, it didn’t matter. “I’m glad to hear it. Sit down and tell me all about it while I make the coffee. When you called to tell me you’d be stopping by, I thought I’d make us some sandwiches. Hope that’s okay?”

“That’d be great. Thanks.”

Of course sandwiches in Mary’s house didn’t consist of the cold meat variety. Like her daughter, she loved to cook and bake, so these sandwiches consisted of homemade bread, grilled meat and vegetables, and two kinds of cheese with homemade condiments. I was salivating just looking at them.

“God, that looks good.” I kissed her hand when she set it down in front of me. “You’re an angel. Bachin’ it consists of way too much takeout. I hate it.”

“Is that the only thing you hate about it?” she asked, taking her steel-framed glasses off and letting them hang from the chain around her neck.

“I hate everything about it.”

She set paper napkins and two bottles of water on the table, bringing her own plate to the table while the coffee brewed. “Then why haven’t you done something about it? The Ryker I know doesn’t sit back and wait for things to happen. He makes them happen.”

“I was trying to give her time and space, Mar. I thought that’s what she wanted.”

She shook her head so vehemently it made her soft gray curls bounce. “You should know better than that. A woman wants to feel wanted, needed. You give her too much time and space, and she’ll think you don’t need her anymore.”

“Trust me, that couldn’t be further from the truth.” I took a bite of my sandwich, thinking about Mary’s advice. She was right. I shouldn’t have waited so long to let Mac know how much I wanted her back.

“But you said things are back on track? Does that mean you and my daughter have finally come to your senses?”

I knew Mac talked to her mother every day. If she hadn’t told her we’d been seeing each other, maybe it wasn’t my place to tell her. “Uh, Mac hasn’t said anything to you about us?”

She laughed before winking at me. “Of course she has. I just wanted to hear what you had to say about it.”

I smiled, thinking I shouldn’t be surprised she was baiting me. Mary had spent half her life working in the public school system, where she had to be one step ahead of teenagers who thought they knew it all. “I love Mac, more now than ever.”

Mary smiled, her satisfaction evident. “And I trust you’ve told her this?”

“Yeah, I tell her all the time how much I love her.”

She took a small bite before wiping her mouth with a paper napkin. “Then maybe the more important question is what have you done to show her? A woman needs to feel it as much as she needs to hear it, Ryker. People may not have pegged my Bill for a romantic, but they’d have been wrong. He was the kind of man who bought me flowers for no reason and didn’t wait for an anniversary to give me a beautiful card telling me how much he loved me.”

She’s right. I never would have guessed that about Bill. He was gruff cop, who seemed jaded at times. “Really? That doesn’t sound like Bill.”

“He was a softie with me and the kids. Everyone else saw a different side of him.” She patted my hand. “Kind of like you, honey. I know you’re different with your boys and Mac than you are with the rest of the world, right?”

“Well yeah, but…” I thought about the things I’d never done: flowers or cards for no reason, hand-picked gifts for birthdays, handwritten letters, sweet or sexy texts to brighten her day. God, I had a lot to learn about being an attentive husband. Too bad Bill wasn’t around anymore to teach me what I clearly needed to know.

“But what?” Mary asked, between bites.

“The things you said about Bill…” It was difficult to admit I’d failed Mac, but I clearly had. “You think that’s why Mac was dissatisfied with our marriage, because I wasn’t giving her all the little things she needed?”

Mary seemed to ponder that question before she said, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

I needed more than that. I needed someone to tell me what the hell to do so I didn’t screw this up again. Losing her once had been hard. Losing her again, after I finally got her back, would kill me.

“But remember, Mackenzie loves you for you, honey. She doesn’t need you to be someone else.”

“Yeah, but I clearly wasn’t enough, Mar.” As delicious as the sandwich was, it didn’t go down easily on the heels of that admission. “She needed more from me, and by the time I realized that, it was too late to fix it.”

“Mac has always been clear about the fact she didn’t blame you for anything. She said she was just as responsible as you were for allowing your marriage to fall apart. She told me you still cared for and respected each other, but you just didn’t connect anymore. You’d drifted apart.”

Drifted apart.
God, I hated that term. “The thing is, I didn’t even realize it was happening.” I chewed slowly, fearful the food would stick in my throat, given the regret I was trying to contain. “Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and before I knew it…”
We hadn’t made love in months.
Of course, I couldn’t say
that
to my mother-in-law. “She was asking me to move out.”

“You understand why she asked you to leave though, right?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t want a roommate. She wanted a husband, a lover, a best friend again. “I get it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes, honey. The important thing is that you learn from them and don’t make the same mistake twice.”

“You’re right.” I polished off my sandwich and wiped my mouth with the paper napkin. “And I don’t intend to. I’ll do whatever it takes to get my family back. That’s the only thing that matters to me right now.”

She smiled. “And with an attitude like that, I have no doubt you will.”

I gave her a one-armed hug before kissing her cheek. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. You know how much I love you, right? And not just because you’re my wife’s mother, but because you guys were there for me when my mama died. The grief damn near did me in, but you were there to remind me that my mama wanted me to be happy and wouldn’t want me to go on being miserable forever.”

She patted my cheek, the affection obvious in her blue eyes. “I love you too.” She kissed my cheek. “Damn near broke my heart when my daughter told me she’d asked you to move out. I knew it was a mistake, but what could I say? I had to respect her decision.” She sighed. “But I couldn’t help but think how disappointed Bill would have been. He loved you like a son.”

I chuckled as I thought about how rocky our start had been. If someone had told me then he would become the father I always wanted, I would have thought they were high, but that’s exactly what happened. “I still miss him.”

“We all do,” Mary said with a sad smile. “I run into people in the grocery store or at church, colleagues of Bill’s or their wives, and they always have a Bill story to make me smile or laugh. That’s what life is about, isn’t it? Touching people’s lives. Being the kind of person people want to remember long after you’re gone.”

“Yeah.” We were both silent for a few moments, no doubt lost in our own favorite memories of Bill. “I don’t know what kind of father I would have been without his influence. He showed me what it means to be a real man, a real father.” Too bad I hadn’t been paying better attention to the kind of husband he was.

Mary smiled. “Once he got to know you better and his opinion of you started to soften, he’d tell me you were just like all those misguided kids who drifted in and out of the police station because nobody cared about them, or the person who did care didn’t know how to help them, how to be the example they needed. Bill decided he wanted to be that for you, an example of how to do things differently, better maybe.”