New Leaves, No Strings (40 page)

‘No,’ I laughed shaking my head. ‘I’ll
imagine it’s you. You know more about me than anyone, I can be honest with you.’

She smiled at me as she popped in
some gum and a lady with long blond hair came out and called Lexi’s name.

‘Good luck, meet you back here
after?’ I asked. She nodded and grabbed her bag and walked off. I sat for a
couple of minutes and checked my phone again, nothing. I sighed and looked up
as I heard my name being called. The lady had short black hair and a pair of
black rimmed glasses. She looked to be in her mid-forties.

‘Hi Mia. I’m Tracy, nice to meet
you, do you want to follow me?’

We headed into a corridor behind
the reception desk, off which ran a number of doors. She slid the sign on one
door to engaged and opened it and indicated for me to go in. The room was a
stark contrast to the Uni halls and corridors which were all painted white with
gleaming vinyl floors. It was small and cosy in cream and red, with a two
seater leather sofa with some red knitted scatter cushions and a leather tub
chair at a right angle next to it. There was table in the middle with a pot
plant and a box of tissues.

‘Please take a seat,’ she smiled.

‘Which one?’

‘Which ever makes you feel more
comfortable.’

I sat upright, awkwardly perched on
the end of the sofa, as if I were at a job interview.

‘Do you normally sit like that at
home?’ she laughed.

‘No.’

‘Then please, imagine you’re in
your own living room, feet up, lying down even, whatever makes you comfortable.’

I smiled, slipped off my boots and
wriggled my way back into the corner, tucking up my legs and clutched one of
the red cushions to my stomach.

‘Now that’s better,’ she smiled as
she took a seat in the tub chair. She explained about the type of counselling
she was going to offer, her ethics and how the sessions would work. ‘So tell me
what brought you here to me today?’

‘I don’t know where to start.’

‘Wherever feels right for you.’

I bit my lip as I thought about the
question, while Gabe was on my mind I knew the crux of my issues was my dad. The
next forty odd minutes flew by and she gently interrupted to say that it was
time to finish. As I blew my nose and wiped the tears from my eyes, I realised
that she’d not said much at all. I’d babbled on for ages, it seemed a good sign
that I felt comfortable enough to do that already.

‘So, will you come back and see me
next week?’

‘Yes please.’

‘I’ll book you in for the same day
and time each week then. I’d suggest we start off with eight weeks and see how
we go, you may want more or less. It’s up to you as to when you feel ready to
stop coming.’

She showed me to the door and I
thanked her and made my way back out. Lexi was sitting on one of the reception
chairs waiting for me, with her head down.

 ‘Lex?’ She looked up and I could
see that she’d been crying too. ‘You ok?’ I asked. She nodded and took a deep
breath.

‘I need some food and no healthy bloody
crap, can we have a Chinese?’

‘Sounds good to me,’ I said as I
linked arms with her and we headed out to catch the bus home. When we were on
it, I called and placed our order, sad to see there was still no message from
him.

‘So you doing ok?’ Lexi asked me.

‘Gabe or the session?’

‘Both.’

‘Gabe no, best we say no more about
that. Session yes, I really liked her, she was easy to talk to and I pretty
much blubbed the whole way through. You?’

‘Yeah she seems cool. I liked the
room, it felt cosy. We sat in silence for about ten minutes looking at each
other.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Yeah, so I just came out with it
and said I’m fucking pregnant and don’t want to be.’

‘O Lex.’

‘She asked me lots of questions and
made me talk about it and I ended up crying.’

‘Do you feel better?’

‘No!’ she said shooting me a look.

‘Mine said sometimes you can feel
worse before you get to feel better as you’re digging up stuff that’s sometimes
been buried for years.’

‘Maybe it should stay buried.’

‘I used to think so, but I’ve not
exactly made a success of my relationships with men by avoiding dealing with
the lack of the one I have with my dad have I? Or avoiding dealing with Alex
dumping me. I need to get over this, especially now. I know I said it was going
to be all about sex Lexi, but I want more. I like having him as a boyfriend, I like
hanging out with him, even without the sex. I actually want this to work, which
has made today even harder.’

‘There’s no way he’s walking away
from you, he adores you. There’s obviously something pretty damn important
going on though that’s got him all fucked up.’

‘I just wish I knew what it was,’ I
sighed. ‘I just don’t know what I did wrong.’

We hopped off at our stop and
wandered up the road to pick up our takeaway and headed back home. I grabbed
some plates and Lexi dished up and we sat in the lounge in silence as we ate.

‘Do I need to clear out?’ asked
Lexi startling me from my thoughts.

‘What?’

‘When Gabe shows up.’

‘If Gabe shows up and no, it’s your
house too Lex.’

‘Well if you need me to be gone for
a while just say.’

‘Thanks, but no. What time is it
now?’

‘Seven.’

‘I’m going to check my phone and
get changed into something a bit more comfortable, I’ve eaten too much. I may
have a lie down if you don’t mind?’

‘Ok, I’m going to watch some TV
then I may hit the sack early again. I hope he’s left you a message.’

‘Me too.’

I dropped our plates in the kitchen,
cleaned up and headed to the bedroom removing my jeans and jumper and hung them
on the back of the chair. I put on my grey cut off shorts and my black ballet
jersey top, grabbed my phone and curled up on the bed as I checked it, nothing.
I grabbed a pillow and pulled it to me and closed my eyes willing myself not to
cry as I replayed this morning’s conversations. I couldn’t think of anything
I’d said or done that would upset him this much. I must’ve fallen asleep, as
the next thing I knew I was hearing raised voices.

‘I warned you what’d happen if you
hurt her Gabe.’

‘Lexi this is between Mia and I, please
step aside I need to see her,
now.
’

‘I’m not letting you take another
step inside until you tell me what the hell’s going on.’

I rubbed my eyes and sat up as they
bit at each other.

‘Then ask her to come out here, as I’m
not going to have this discussion with
you
Lexi and I’m not moving an
inch until I’ve spoken to her.’

‘Great, so
now
it suits you
to talk? After
you’ve
ignored her all day? You show up here at half ten
expecting her to drop everything now
you
want to talk? You’re just a
typical bloody arrogant male who doesn’t deserve her Gabe.’

This was getting too heated, I
jumped out of bed and made my way to my bedroom door.

‘Lexi it’s ok, let him in,’ I said
gently as I watched them glaring at each other.

She turned and looked at me with a
WTF
expression and I nodded. She shook her head and walked back to her bedroom,
slamming the door. I quickly looked at him, standing red faced in the doorway
and turned and walked back into my room. I sat on the bed feeling nervous, if
he was going to end it with me, for whatever reason, I needed it over and done
with and fast. I heard my bedroom door being closed and looked up, he was
leaning back against the wall, his hands rubbing his face. When he lowered them
I winced as I saw he’d a large purple bruise on his cheekbone.

‘Gabe, what’s going on? What’s happened
to you face?’ I ignored every instinct to remain standoffish after his despicable
behaviour today and got off the bed and walked to him to inspect his cheek.

‘Don’t,’ he whispered as he quickly
sidestepped me.

‘Gabe what the hell’s going on?’ I demanded.

‘You told me you’d never lie to me Mia
and I believed you.’ He sounded so distraught and when he looked at me I could
see pain in his eyes.

‘I haven’t lied to you about
anything.’

‘You told me you were a virgin,
that I was your first,’ he snapped as he shot me another hurt look.

‘I was a virgin, you were my first
and I’m not sure I like your tone Gabe.’

‘Don’t lie to me Mia, I know it’s
not true,’ he said looking at me, running his hand through his hair in
frustration.

‘Gabe it
is
the truth, you
were my first and I don’t like being accused of lying so you’d better spit out
whatever’s on your bloody mind before I kick you out. I don’t need this extra shit
at the moment.’ I folded my arms across my chest and I could feel my blood
boiling. How dare he accuse me of lying, he hadn’t even apologised for ignoring
me all day.

‘I can’t believe you can just stand
there and lie to my face. I know Mia, ok? I bloody know,’ he hissed.

‘Know what Gabe?’ I hissed back
with a glare, I was getting pissed off with this.

‘That you’re fucking pregnant with
Kai’s kid,’ he snapped at me. I was so taken a back, I just stood with my mouth
ajar, looking at him in shock. He started pacing the room as his hands tore
through his hair. ‘See you’re not even denying it,’ he sighed as finally stood
still and shook his head looking defeated.

‘Of course I’m denying it. You’ve
just dropped a bloody bombshell on me, give me a second to process it. You
think I’m pregnant? Where did you get this information?’ I asked astounded.

‘I saw the pregnancy test in the
bathroom bin when I took a leak this morning Mia.’

‘You
what
?’ I exclaimed
angrily. ‘You were rummaging in my bin? That’s taking your stalker tendencies
to another level Gabe. You’re so out of order.’

‘I’m out of order? You’re standing
there lying to me Mia, that’s fucking out of order,’ he shouted. I’d never seen
his eyes so dark before, he was as furious with me as I was with him. I took a
step back, scared by him raising his voice to me like that.

‘Unacceptable invasion of personal
privacy aside Gabe, I’m not pregnant,’ I snapped.

‘Mia, stop. I found out where you
lived alright. I drove to your parents’ house, got Kai’s address and went to
confront him. He’s already told me it’s true, so don’t stand there lying to my
face.’ I looked at him in disbelief as he just stood with his shoulders slumped
looking at me sadly. ‘I
love you
Mia and you’ve just broken my fucking
heart,’ he whispered.

I staggered backwards and leaned on
the bedroom wall. I didn’t know where to start to respond. The fact that he hadn’t
talked to me about finding the kit, let alone how he’d found it, that he’d somehow
found out my parents address and driven all the way there or that he’d then
gone on to see Kai, who’d blatantly lied to him. I ran my hands over my eyes,
this was too many emotions to handle at once.

‘I should’ve known after our first
few times, the way you fuck, you couldn’t have been a virgin,’ he finally spat,
angrily.

I gasped as I looked at him in
horror, his words and anger cutting me to the bone. How could he believe Kai
over me? How could he say something like that to me?

‘So you’ve nothing to say to me
Mia? Was I really just another fuck to you? Was that all this was? I was just
another notch on your bedpost after all?’

‘I’m not lying Gabe, Kai is. I was
a virgin, I’m not pregnant and I really don’t appreciate your accusatory tone
or derogatory insults.’ I stood up straight, facing him and crossed my arms. I was
shaking I was so angry with him, so much for trusting each other.

‘I’m not stupid Mia, the dizzy spells,
the fainting, the moodiness. Your cramps today and this positive test. You
obviously figured I have some money and you thought you’d try and pass it off
as mine did you?’ He stepped towards me glaring.

‘I’m not pregnant Gabe, you were my
first,’ I yelled.

‘Right sure, you’ve probably been fucking
Milo too while you’ve been doing me,’ he yelled back and put his hands on his
hips as his face went scarlet.

I reacted instantly and slapped him
hard across the cheek, right on his existing bruise.

‘How
dare
you Gabe. Like I’d
even have the fucking time. You’re so bloody emotionally childish, needy and
insecure that you won’t even leave my side long enough for me to breathe, let
alone for me to try and find the time to fuck anyone else.’

We stood glaring at each other as
he rubbed his face and winced. I was furious, but I shouldn’t have said that, that
was crossing a line. Why did I say that?

‘I thought we were good Mia, what
we had … I really thought we had something special. How could you do this to
me? Was it really all just about sex, about you using me?
Were
you going
to try and pretend it was mine?’ he asked quietly. This time I could hear the
hurt in his voice but I didn’t care, I was still fuming.