New Leaves, No Strings (41 page)

‘You’re not listening to me, I’m not
bloody pregnant and I’ve had enough of this shit. Now get the hell out of my
house. Get OUT,’ I shouted at him pointing at the door.

I jumped as it suddenly flew open
and Lexi marched in, pushed me back and stood between us, facing off against
him.

‘Back the fuck off her, RIGHT now,’
she barked at him and shoved him back into my dressing table, my perfume
bottles rattling as it wobbled.

‘Lexi, get out this has
nothing
to do with you,’ he growled as he steadied himself and glared at her.

‘It has everything to do with me
Gabe, because it’s not Mia who’s pregnant, it’s me. I’m the bloody pregnant one
ok? So
back
off.’

I heard him gasp as I felt tears
starting to pour down my face and I backed up against the wall to let it hold
me up.

‘But Kai, he told me … he confirmed
it Lexi,’ I heard Gabe whisper.

‘Kai’s a bloody arsehole Gabe. If
you showed up on his door making accusations, he obviously put two and two
together and decided to stick it to you both. He hated that Mia wouldn’t sleep
with him, so he lied to you to get back at her. Mia’s been completely honest
with you, she was a virgin, you were her first and you’re her only. She’s
fucking crazy about you. You really think she’d look at anyone else? Look what
you’ve done to her, she’s in bloody tears.’

‘O fuck Lexi, what have I done?’ he
groaned, as I sniffed and wiped my eyes on my sleeve.

‘You’ve fucked up big time Gabe that’s
what and you’d better apologise right now.’

‘O my god, I’m so sorry, I so
fucking sorry,’ I heard him moan.

‘Don’t bloody tell it to me, tell
her if she’ll listen and I wouldn’t blame her if she told you to fuck off,’
snapped Lexi.

I looked up as she came over and
put her arms around me.

‘Do you want me to give you two a
minute? You don’t have to talk to him you know, if you want him gone and I’ll
make sure he goes. It’s your choice.’

I glanced over her shoulder through
my tears and saw Gabe sitting at my dressing table, his head in his hands.

'I need a minute with him, is that
ok?’ I sniffed.

‘Sure, I’ll just be in my room ok,’
she kissed my head. ‘If I hear you fucking shout at her one more time, I’m
coming right back in and you’re outta here,’ she barked at Gabe as she left and
closed the door behind her. I wiped away my tears as I heard his voice, I could
hear it was breaking.

‘Have I lost you?’ he whispered.

‘You’ve really hurt me. You just …’
I didn’t know where to start. Accusing me of lying, being pregnant, virtually
calling me a slapper, visiting my family and Kai.

‘I know, I’m so sorry, I just
reacted. You’ve got to understand the thought of you with someone else, pregnant
by someone else … I died inside, I … ’ he choked up and couldn’t finish his
sentence.

I finally lifted my head and we
looked at each other. He looked in so much pain, but I was still so angry at him
I was finding it hard to empathise.

‘So you just run off? Without even talking
to me?’ I whispered.

‘I was so upset and angry, I’m so
sorry Mia,’ he got up and moved towards me and put his hand out to touch me.

‘Don’t, I can’t.’ I quickly moved
away to another section of wall, out of his reach.

‘Baby please,’ he implored and I
shook my head. He flopped down on the edge of the bed and I stood across from
him and worked my way down the wall until I was on the floor and hugged my knees
to my chest. I looked at him sitting on my bed, he looked young and vulnerable again
as he wiped tears from his eyes.

‘I can’t lose you Mia, not you too.’

I bit my lip, I felt sorry for him,
knowing he must be hurting, but his words still stung. I looked down at my
knees.

‘Gabe, what you said to me, that I
couldn’t be a virgin. You really think I’m a … a slapper?’ I whispered.

‘No never think that, never,’ he
uttered. ‘I just … god Mia sex with you is
so
good and after Kai told me
all about your sex life with him, it just seemed to make sense. How could
someone with no experience be like that? So good and so open to experimentation?
I just reacted badly after seeing the pregnancy test. It all stacked up Mia, the
test, the cramps, the moods and dizziness. I believed everything in front of me
and assumed that you’d lied.’

‘I was adventurous and eager
because I was with
you
Gabe. I tried so hard because I wanted to be
better than all your other girls, I wanted to please you,’ I whispered as I
wiped my face when more tears started rolling.

‘You do please me Mia, I’ve never
had it as good as it is with you, we’re perfect together. Christ … if you knew
how it felt to have Kai tell me to my face that he’d been with you first, to tell
me in graphic detail all the different ways you liked it … it was like my world
was coming apart at the seams. The thought of you and him together … him
kissing and touching you, having what we have …’ he broke off and looked at me
hurt. ‘You just can’t begin to understand how painful that was for me.’

‘I know exactly how that feels Gabe.
You’ve had hundreds of women before me. You think that doesn’t affect me? You’ve
probably slept with half of the girls at Uni, but I’ve never called you
anything derogatory, I’ve never put you down.’

‘God I’m so sorry,’ he groaned as
he put his head in his hands again. ‘They were nothing to me Mia, I didn’t know
you then. If we’d have met sooner there would never have been anyone else Mia. I
fell in love with you, I
love
you.’

‘Maybe you do love me Gabe, but it
still doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You ignored me all day. You turned up at
my families for christ’s sake.’ I put my fingers to my temples and sighed
heavily. ‘You’re so out of order. How did you even know where I lived? I’ve
never told you.’

‘I went to reception, told them
that there was a medical situation and I needed to drive you straight home. They
printed me off a route planner and wrote down the address for me.’

‘
Gabe
,’ I sighed and shook my
head in despair. There were just no boundaries with him, it was unacceptable.

‘As soon as I got your address I
left, I just had to go and confront him and find out if it was true.’

‘You couldn’t have just asked me?
Talked to me?’

‘After what happened with your
pains today, finding the pregnancy stick and looking back at things, it seemed
to make so much sense. I couldn’t ask you, I couldn’t bear the thought of
looking into your eyes to have
you
tell me it was true.’

‘Gabe for god’s sake.’ I ran my
hands through my hair, I was so angry and frustrated with him. ‘So you just
packed up and went? It’s over a three hour drive, each way.’

‘It took me just under, I was
feeling motivated to get an answer.’

‘O god, please tell me that you didn’t
tell my mother I was pregnant?’ I asked looking up at him with horror.

‘No of course not, I just told her
I was an old friend of yours and Kai’s, that we’d lost touch. I figured she
could direct me.’

I sighed again and rubbed my
forehead, it had been a heavy day and I had a pounding headache.

‘So she just handed out Kai’s
address? Just like that to a total stranger?’

‘I have a nice smile and a charming
manner,’ he smiled sheepishly at me, I didn’t respond back in kind. I flashed
him a
now is not the time
glare instead and he wilted under it. ‘He was
in when I got there,’ he sighed.

‘So what? You just show up on his
doorstep and say “
Hey are you the guy that knocked up Mia
?” Is that what
you did?’

‘No, not exactly.’

‘How exactly?’ I asked as he shifted
uncomfortably on the bed. ‘How?’

‘I accused him of getting you
pregnant and asked him what he was going to do about it. He talked about you
disrespectfully, so I punched him and we had a tussle.’

‘
Gabe
,’ I snapped. ‘Jesus christ.
No wonder he lied to you. I was with him for months and never slept with him. How
would you have felt if it’d been you? Finding out five minutes after leaving I’d
hooked up with another guy and had sex.’

‘Mia he was such an arsehole. He was
telling me all the ways you and he’d done it and how much you loved it and when
he called you a dirty bitch ... I just saw red.’

‘God is he still in one piece?’

‘Seriously you’re worried about
him
?’
he exclaimed.

‘I’m worried about what may happen
to you depending on the state you left him in. I see he got a punch in,’ I
nodded at his cheek.

‘It was just a retaliatory one,’ he
sighed as he rubbed his face. ‘I just had to get one punch in to make myself
feel better, he was so disrespectful about you.’

‘And do you feel better?’

‘I feel better for seeing you now
and knowing that you’re ok,’ he said quietly.

‘I’m so far from ok at the moment
Gabe, I’m fucking livid with you,’ I hissed.

We sat in silence for a few minutes
staring at each other, obviously both trying to process things.

‘You think I’m too childish and needy?
That I’m insecure and I don’t let you breathe?’ he whispered eventually.

‘I was angry Gabe, you said some
really mean things to me. I wanted to hurt you back.’ I barely heard him as he
dropped his head to his chest and whispered

‘Are you going to break up with me?’

I knew he couldn’t bear to look me
in the eyes when I answered, he was too scared of what he might see.

‘I don’t know Gabe. I don’t know
how I feel right now. You need to understand that this wasn’t ok. None of this
was ok, ignoring me, visiting my family, none of it.’

He lifted his head and looked at me
with such despair in his eyes, but that only made me close mine, I couldn’t
look at him like that, all broken again.

‘I know that Mia. Give me another
chance and I promise I’ll never do anything like this again. I’ll talk to you, I’ll
trust you, I promise you that. I love you so much, you’re everything to me Mia,
don’t shut me out please,’ he pleaded. ‘I
love
you baby.’

This wasn’t the Gabe I knew, he’d
turned into someone meek, needy and vulnerable, which made my chest hurt. I
knew that he meant it, but I was still raw from the metaphorical punches he’d
given me.

‘You shut me out, left me hurting
all day Gabe,’ I said looking at him and letting him see how wounded I was. ‘I
think you’d better go, I’m drained and we’re seeing the doctor about Lexi in
the morning so I have an early start.’

‘I need to be with you, to make
sure you’re ok.’

‘No Gabe,’ I bit. ‘I’m still angry,
I’m so fucking angry with you.’ I felt tears stinging my eyes again.

‘You have to know that no matter
how mad I was, or how pissed I was at you, I never once thought of leaving you
when I thought you were pregnant,’ he whispered. ‘I was furious, but I would’ve
stayed for you, with you, whatever you would’ve done with the baby. I love you
that much Mia.’

He stood up and came towards me
again and I quickly scrambled up onto my feet and slipped away out of my
bedroom door and he followed me into the hall.

‘Baby please, don’t do this, don’t
walk away,’ he begged. ‘We’re so good together.’

‘Good? You think
this
is
good Gabe?’ I exclaimed as I hugged myself. ‘I never wanted this, I never
wanted a bloody relationship and this is why. I’m hurting so badly because of
you. No,
this
is so far from good, I want you to leave, now.’

I shook my head as he tried to approach
me again and quickly opened the door to Lexi’s room and backed inside knowing
he’d never follow me in there. As I closed the door on him, his face looked as
if he’d just died a little. I leaned back on the wall and put my hands over my
eyes trying to erase the painful sight of the utter devastation his face as I’d
shut him out. I had to convince myself not to run out into his arms, to feel
his embrace and taste the softness of his lips and lose myself in him. I wanted
to punish him, to deliberately hurt him the way he’d hurt me.

‘Mia?’ came Lexi’s soft voice. ‘Are
you ok?’

I looked over at her, she was sat
up in bed, cross legged on top the duvet and I just knew that she’d been sat
there waiting, in case I needed her. I ran over to her bed and climbed up and
this time I put my head in her lap and cried as she comforted me.

‘Lex this is so awful. This was
supposed to be easy, casual sex with no strings. How did it turn into this
nightmare? How did I end up getting so hurt again?’ I sobbed.

Mia, Lexi and Gabe’s story
continues in the Austin Series follow up

Baggage and Buttons