Authors: MJ Fields
“Hey Tessa.”
She looked u
p at him startled and glowered at him. She curled back up in a ball.
“I’
m going to text Tommy so he can tell your family where you are, alright?”
“I want to be alone; I don’t want to see anyone right now. I certainly don’t want you here,” Tessa choked out.
“Ok, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. They’re pretty worried about you right now.”
Tessa stood up and walked out to the
Jeep; he followed her and grabbed the keys out of her hand. He took a deep breath bracing himself for what was to come.
“I‘ll tell them I’m with you and you’re fine, but you aren’t driving anywhere.”
“I don’t want you here either!!!” she screamed at him as she tried to grab the keys out of his hands.
He held them
tightly as she screamed and slapped at his hands. He didn’t let go. She began crying harder and hitting him in the chest. He pulled her against him so that her hands were caught between their bodies.
“I hate you!” she screamed and managed to free herself from his grasp enough to turn her body away from him. He grabbed her and pulled her back against his chest holding her until she stopped fighting him.
“I get that Tessa but you can’t be alone,” Lucas said. “I’ll just sit and wait until you’re ready and then I’ll give you a ride home”
She
pulled away from him and walked inside and slammed the door in his face. He sent Tommy and Alex a text.
- I found her but she wants to be alone, s
he is safe, if it’s alright I’ll wait with her until she is ready…Lucas
Alex replied okay.
Lucas walked in and Tessa was lying in bed in a ball completely covered up. He could hear her soft cries. He wished he could help her but as she had said,
she hated him
. As much as it tore him apart Lucas knew he deserved it.
She slept for two hours before she woke up.
Lucas had grabbed a bottle of water out of his SUV and handed it to her. She drank it and lay back down and cried herself to sleep. Another two hours passed and she woke again, and he was still there. Tessa rolled her eyes at him and covered her head.
It was five at night
, twenty four hours after Tessa had learned about Toby’s death and she stood up. She went to the cupboard and grabbed baby wipes and washed her face. She blew her nose and drank more water.
“Thank you for the
water,” she looked down and played with her ring.
“You’re welcome
Tessa. Your ring is beautiful, was it from Toby?”
“Yes,” she snapped and
lie back down and fell asleep.
Two hours later Alex texted,
-Mom and Dad need her to come home. Toby’s parents want to see her, can you get her here?... Alex
-I will
… Lucas
“Tessa, wake up,”
Lucas whispered in her ear.
She didn’t move. He picked her up and she started to move and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Toby,” she whimpered.
Lucas
kissed her head and was overtaken by her scent. He had missed that smell, her hair. He noted that she felt lighter. He opened the door to the Lexus, and put her in and got into the driver’s side.
“What are you doing?” Tessa asked sounding defeated.
“Taking you home: Alex sent a message. Toby’s parents want to see you. They’re coming over to your house,” Lucas explained softly.
“What time is it?”
“Almost seven.”
He pulled into the driveway. John, Maggie, and Alex came out to the SUV.
Tessa looked at him, “Thank you.”
He simply
nodded his head and looked away. Seeing her broken crushed him. Knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it cut into his heart.
John and Maggie walked in with Tessa, Alex got in
Lucas’s vehicle. “Thanks Lucas, how did you know where to find her?”
“One of the
two places Tessa goes when she’s upset or angry,” Lucas said. “Alex what the hell happened?”
“Not sure, I just know it was an accident and his parents are going to be here any minute to see Tessa. I assu
me they’ll let us know. I’ll call you later and let you know, thanks again Lucas.” Alex said as he got out and went inside.
Tessa went and showered
, she got dressed. She brushed her teeth and took a deep breath as she heard Chewy bark announcing that guests were pulling in. Tessa walked in the kitchen and sat next to her mother.
Toby’s parents walked in and Tessa stood and walked to his mother and hugged her. They both cried and held each other for a long time. Toby’s father rubbed both their backs as he held back his tears. “Alright ladies let’s have a seat.” He said and kissed his wife’s cheek.
Mr. Green told them about the accident. During training he fell and hit his head. He was twenty feet up and although he had several injuries it was the fatal blow to the head that killed Toby
instantly. Everyone had tears falling down their faces, except for Toby’s father. He continued talking about the services that would be held in Syracuse; they didn’t want the large motorcade and had a lot of family from out of town that would be flying in. Toby’s grandparents were buried in a small Irish Catholic cemetery in East Syracuse and they wanted him to be with them. The services would be held a week from Wednesday with a family viewing on
Tuesday night
. They told Tessa that the Jeep was hers and although she objected they insisted that
’s what Toby would want. They knew Toby loved her and that they had future plans. They had known her and her family for years. And Toby was part of what the Ross’ considered their extended family, his loss was horrific.
Tessa spent the next week crying and grieving. She pushed everyone away except for her new friends in drama club. She went to practice and smiled. She almost felt like she was being untrue to her new friends but she was an actress there and was able to make herself smile and sing and not think about Toby or Ann.
~
The service was horrible. Tessa couldn’t un
derstand when people would say
It was a beautiful service
. There was absolutely nothing beautiful about seeing him in a box laying there lifeless and appearing waxy, there was nothing beautiful about people gathered inside a church crying, there was nothing beautiful about the black car that took him to the cemetery, there was absolutely nothing beautiful about the military men giving his mother a flag, and the sound of the trumpet in the distance playing Taps. The dirt thrown on the casket that held her friend, a man she knew could love her and she would have loved him always, well there was nothing beautiful about that either.
As Tessa looked down she heard the cars leaving the cemetery. She stood outside the vehicle as the last car pull away. Maggie got out of the car and put her arm around Tessa
.
“Are you ready Tessa?” she asked softly.
Tessa shook her head no and walked back over to the plot where they had thrown dirt on Toby. Maggie followed her. She watched as Tessa quickly wiped tears off her face.
“It
’s ugly Mom,” Tessa cried.
“I know honey,
did you see the flowers? They’re beautiful,” Maggie was trying to distract Tessa.
She read some of the cards, “Tessa did you see these honey
? I think they’re from friends of yours.”
“Jade and Tommy, sent these pretty ones” sh
e said and pointed to the roses. “Phoebe and Becca sent this arrangement, and this one is from Lucas.” Maggie pointed to the large basket of yellow roses and white Gerber daisies.
Tessa looked at the flowers and took a deep breath, “Could you g
ive me a minute Mom, and I’ll meet you in the car in a minute?”
Maggie walked back to the car and Tessa dropped onto the dirt on her knees and cried
even more tears. She tried to think of good things, like Toby, he was good… and that it must be a blessing that the ground had not been frozen so that they didn’t have to go through this again in the spring. She kissed the stone as she cried.
She noticed the men in Na
vy uniforms standing back a hundred yards. One of them started walking towards her. He knelt down and handed her a tissue and put his hand on her shoulder.
“He was a good man. I’
m sorry for your loss Miss,” he kept his hand on her shoulder for a few moments and then slowly walked away.
Tessa didn’t look at him and was thankful for the black large rimed hat she wore so he couldn’t see her face. It was bad enough that
people saw her as she sat in a dress on the ground which Toby was buried beneath. She took handfuls of loose gravel and allowed it to slip through her fingers as she cried. She stood wiped her knees off, and walked to the car and they drove home.
Tessa showered
and changed into her pajamas. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a pill from her field hockey injury, the one’s she took at camp the day Lucas moved out. She swallowed it down with a glass of water, walked past her family, and went upstairs to her room and cried herself to sleep. She slept the entire night.
~
The next day at play practice she made an excuse about missing practice due to illness. She didn’t talk about what happened, no one there knew a lot about her private life and she wanted to keep it that way.
“Hey Tessa,” Mark the pizza boy
, smiled.
“Hey yoursel
f, Mark.”
“A bunch of us are going back to my place, a very low key get together
, if you want to come feel free.”
“Sounds great.”
He looked stunned “Cool, you can follow me.”
Tessa laughed as she followed Mark to his house. It was big and the basement was like a recreation room. It held a pool table, a few pinball machines, a projector screen, and a bar. Many of the cast drank, Tessa politely declin
ed. She walked outside to escape the crowd for a moment and a bunch of girls where outside smoking pot.
“Want some?
” Cassidy, a girl in the play asked.
Tessa took a deep breath, “This will be a first for me but sure.”
Tessa hit the small bowl twice and walked inside with them. There was a Karaoke machine and a bunch of them were singing. Tessa was smiling and completely focused on the music, she wasn’t thinking about Toby, or Lucas, or her family, even though they were always there, the pain was always there, she was smiling and loved the disconnected feeling. Tessa and Cassidy sang together and laughed and smoked more. She had a great time.
Her phone chimed
-Hey girl where are you? We’re at your house, your Dad and Alex went on a delivery and we wanted to hang with you…Jade
-hanging with the cast, you guys should probably pick me up, lol.
..Tessa
She
texted Jade the address. Jade and Phoebe pulled in and saw Cassidy and Tessa laughing and talking. Cassidy waved to them and walked into the house.
Tessa was wasted. Her eyes bright red and she was laughing hysteri
cally. “Let’s go,” Jade snapped and dragged her to her truck.
Becca drove the Jeep
following Jade. Tessa was singing and laughing and Phoebe laughed with her.
Jade pulled in to the gas station
, Becca followed her and parked behind her. Tommy and Lucas were getting gas. Tessa laughed and hung out the window.
“Hey boys,
what’s up
?” she yelled and laughed. Phoebe pulled her back in.
“Tommy
-- what the hell is wrong with her?” Jade asked.
“I don’t know pretty girl.
Lucas go see what’s up with her,” Tommy kissed Jade.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,”
Lucas put the gas cap on and hung the nozzle on the pump.
“Come on
Lucas, she isn’t drunk, I don’t know what’s wrong with her,” Jade pleaded.
Lucas
walked over and tapped on the window, Tessa looked at him and smirked, turned away, and started laughing. He opened the door.
“Hello Tessa,”
Lucas said coolly. “Jade wants to know what you’ve been doing.”
Tessa turned and looked at him, and pulled her shades down, “Well first I went to rehearsal, then to
Pizza Boy’s house,” she tried not to laugh, “Then well I sang and had fun and danced and well I didn’t cry tonight.”
“That’s nice Tessa but what shit did you do? Did you drink, do pills, or smoke something?”
Lucas demanded.
“D. N
one of the above,” Tessa laughed. “I shot up,” she whispered and laughed harder.
“Get out,”
Lucas demanded.
“Not happening,” Tessa
laughed.
He grabbed her and dragged her to his SUV.
“Tommy ride with Jade,” he said and before she could get out he buckled her seat belt and pealed out of the driveway.
“Where does that little fuck live?”
Lucas asked.
“Seriously, I’m not telling you, and by the way I think it was awfully nice of them to share with me,” Tessa laughed, “Notice I said...
I think it was nice that they shared WITH me and not share me?”
Lucas
pulled over on a dirt road.
“Let me have your phone
, Tessa,” he demanded.
“Let
me out, buzz kill,” she laughed as she tried to open the locked door.
“I can call Alex and I will if you don’t give me
the address to that party Tessa!”
“Listen I didn’t sho
ot up silly boy,” she slapped him lightly on the face and then grabbed his chin, “I smoked, and I like it. And I can guarantee I’ll do it again,” she laughed.
“Don’t fucki
ng lie to me Tessa!”
“Lie? To you? Never
Lucas!” she started laughing.
He
was furious, “What’s so funny? I’ve never lied to you!”
“Please take me back to my pr
ison. Apparently I don’t deserve to let loose once in awhile, my friends suck,” she laughed.
He punched the steering wheel three times and she cranked up the music and sang. He looked at her and she was smirking.
“I don’t need you of all people to have a savior complex with me Lucas. Take me home, NOW!”
Tessa laughed when he let out an angry growl. He stared at her with his jaw clenched. Tessa crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue and laughed.
Lucas pulled in the driveway. Jade got out and went to his window.
“So wh
at’s wrong with her?”
He looked Tessa and
she glared at him.
“She drank, she’
ll be fine,” he said getting out.
“What are you doing?” Tessa asked him annoyed.
“I am going to hang out with you Tessa, for about an hour to make sure you’re okay,” Lucas said in exaggerated excitement and clapped his hands.
“I
don’t need you to,” she stomped her foot.
Lucas took a deep breath and walked in the house, Chewy was all over him.
“I’
m hungry,” Tessa whispered under her breath as she looked in the fridge. Lucas smirked and looked down.”What’s so funny?”
“Nothing Tessa,” he said and
he pet Chewy.
“Chewy get over here, you’
re my puppy,
yes you are
,” Chewy ran over to her.
“Chewy you suck,”
Lucas laughed.
“R
eally?” Tessa asked. “Well… you swallow,” she started laughing and everyone joined.
Tessa made popcorn and shared with everyone. She sat on the couch and snuggled up to Phoebe. Phoebe laughed and snuggled with her too.
Lucas stayed until she fell asleep.
~
The next day Tessa and her mother filled out Thank you notes with Toby’s mom. She sent personal ones to her friends and Lucas. She saw the book of people who attended the services and saw Lucas’s name. When they were finished she felt emotionally drained.
The week passed like the rest. She missed Toby, she hated
Lucas, and she slept and hung out with her friends at play practice.
On Saturday Tessa cleaned, took a nap, went to play practice and then she dropped off the Jeep. Tessa was goi
ng to hang out with Cassidy, Mark and a couple other friends.