New World Ashes (23 page)

I looked directly at Fiona when I spoke this time. “Rule three, The Minister taught you how to fight for loyalty. Now you need to learn how to fight for your survival.”

Leaving Fiona on the floor, I walked toward the outskirts of the circle. Several cries broke loose as a knife imbedded itself into the weapons stand less than a foot from my head. I traced its trajectory and found Fiona was no longer clutching her nose like a scorned child. She was standing proud, chest heaving with the effort to maintain her stance.

I nodded curtly at her in approval. “Better. But next time, don't miss.”

A flicker of a smile graced Fiona’s face as she nodded back.

“Who has next match?” I called.

To my surprise, over half of the room eagerly raised their hands.

People slowly trickled out of the room as another hour passed. It was late and those of us left were growing weary. Despite her best efforts, Mouse had fallen asleep in the corner. Her tiny hands were clinging to a training baton as her head lolled against the bowed wall. Her lips murmured something unintelligible, her hands tightening on the baton. The sight tore at me.

While nearly every rebel did their best to catch my eye as they left, I resolutely avoided them. I had already stupidly let too many people into my heart—my parents, Mouse, Triven, Archer, Arden, Inessa, Ryker… even Maddox. So many were dead and many more would follow. I didn’t want to feel the loss anymore. I was already too full of it.

No.
These
people—these rebels—were allies, not friends and it needed to stay that way. The Minister didn’t need any more ammunition against me. And I certainly didn’t need the responsibility of their lives. I could help them learn to fight, but I was not the one asking them to fight. We were all safer if I kept them at arm’s length. It didn’t register until we were walking back to our room, with Mouse cradled safely in Triven’s arms, that even he was keeping these people at a distance. The charismatic boy I had fallen in love with was quieter here. More reserved. This place had changed both of us.

“A lot of them are going to die, aren’t they?” I asked, secretly pleading with him to disagree.

His honesty, however, was staunch as ever. “Yes. They are.”

His arms tightened around Mouse as we unconsciously hurried our steps, furthering ourselves from those we knew were damned.

THIS GOODBYE WAS
different.

There were no heartfelt farewells. No wishes of good fortune.

When we left Tartarus to come here, it was supposed to be a reconnaissance mission. Now, however, the time for recon had passed. We were going home not to start a war but to be pawns in one that had already begun, making these goodbyes feel much more final. It was harder to feign optimism when both sides were aware of what lay ahead. Our mission was probably a death sentence and if we failed, theirs would mostly likely follow suit. If by some miracle we did succeed, half of these people could already be dead by the time we were reunited. Merely saying goodbye seemed inadequate when it could mean forever.

While sleep was imperative, none of us slept very much. I could hear Mouse tossing restlessly in her bed, which we had moved back in. And while Triven never moved, his breathing never grew deep enough for sleep. I had clung to my father’s journal all night, my thumb sliding rhythmically over the worn surface as my mind raced. By the time a soft rapping came at our door, the three of us had already been up for the better part of an hour. Triven strode across the room and opened the door. Mae was standing in the hallway with a pile of clothing draped over her arms. She too looked like she had barely slept. Her round face was wan, the purple marks under her eyes deepening her already depthless eyes. Even her curly hair seemed extra unruly this morning.

Triven stepped aside so she could enter. Mouse instantly moved to the woman, throwing her arms around Mae’s substantial hips. She smiled down at the child while speaking. “These are for you to wear. They are lightweight, but bullet-resistant at long distance. You three should eat before you leave. There is a very long day ahead of you…” She faltered. “Um… Ryker also informed me that he was not sure how easy it would be to procure food on your side of The Wall, so I added some extra nonperishables to your packs. Ryker will bring them in a bit.”

Triven relieved her of the clothing. Mae blushed when he bent to kiss her cheek tenderly. “Thank you, Mae. You are too kind.”

She pressed her palm to his cheek patting it sadly, as her other arm hugged Mouse.

It was the least I could do since you’re probably going to die out there.

She didn’t say those words, but she didn’t have to. We could all see it on her face. Despite Ryker’s bravado and many of the rebels’ confidence, Mae proved not everyone was so optimistic about the impending war. Like us, she could admit that people were going to die. Blinking away the tears in her eyes, she turned her attention back to the uniforms in Triven’s hands.

“Get dressed. Then come upstairs for a bite to eat. Ryker should be meeting us soon and we will leave.” Her curly head bobbed once at the three of us and she swept from the room. An escaped tear had slid down her cheek as she left and her thick hands had fiercely wiped it away. Realization struck me, I actually liked the tough old broad.

Ever the gentleman, Triven left to change in the bathroom, giving Mouse and I some privacy. I neglected my own suit to help Mouse with hers, carefully tucking my father’s pocket watch back around her neck. Unlike the flowy civilian uniforms we had become strangely accustomed to, these were practically skintight, fitting similarly to the soldiers’ uniforms. A long zipper sealed the back, stopping at the nape of the neck. The silvery-black fabric reminded me of the bulletproof undershirts we had worn when first coming here. This time at least, all three of us would be wearing one.

Once Mouse was fitted in hers, I began to pull on my suit. I paused with the zipper halfway up. Mouse was sitting on her cot frowning at her new boots, her skinny legs swinging, knocking the soft rubber soles together.

She noticed my staring.
Too big.
Ugly.
She signed sticking out her tongue in distaste. I smiled at her and knelt to examine her boots. Her toes fell just a tad shy of fitting perfectly, but not much.

“They’re fine. You will be too big for them before you know it.” My heart skipped as I said the words. I would do everything in my power to see that happen. “I like to wear mine a little big, anyway. More comfortable.”

Mouse now beamed at her boots, proud to be like me. As always, it disconcerted me that she looked up to me so much. As if reflecting my thoughts, her hand shot out palm up asking for something. When I did not respond fast enough, she retracted her hand. Sliding her pointed index finger across the other, she then pointed at her boot. I understood.

“You want a knife for your boot,” I said.

She nodded, very serious now. I reached behind my cot and grabbed two small, white handled knives. “Then I guess it is a good thing I stole these from the training room last night.”

I watched as she took the weapons and carefully placed them in her own boots. She seemed so much older than just a few months ago. I took her hands once she was done. “You are to stay by my side, unless I say otherwise. If I tell you to run, you run this time. Got it?”

We both knew I was speaking of her defiance the night we first came to The Sanctuary. Shame swam in Mouse’s eyes as she nodded. Her fingers moved shyly.
I promise.

At that moment, a small rumbling sound emitted from Mouse’s mid-section. She flushed red and pressed her hands to her stomach in an attempt to staunch the sound. It merely grumbled again, causing us both to laugh.

I kissed her swiftly on the forehead. “Go on up and get some food. I will be there in a minute.”

Mouse threw her arms around my neck in a swift hug, and then ran out of the room. Her long brown hair whipped around the corner after her. Once she was out of sight, I pressed my face into her cot. I wasn’t sure what to feel. Joy? Panic? Fear? All of those things and more? I was almost certain I had a better chance at protecting Mouse out there. Here we were like trapped rats, but out there… that was my territory. In less than twenty-four hours we could be back in Tartarus. Or if things went not according to plan, I could be back in The Minister’s clutches. Either way, I would put a bullet in anyone’s head before I let them lay a finger on Mouse—friend or foe. I had made promises to the people here, but as my parents had proven, people break promises all the time. I knew Triven wanted to help the cause, but when it came down to it, I would choose him and Mouse over all of these people. I could only hope it wouldn’t come to that. Pushing away from the cot, I pulled on my own boots.

There was a soft brushing noise of skin on metal as Triven’s hand grazed against the doorframe when he entered. My back was still turned as I gathered the last of our few belongings—my father’s things, pictures Mouse had drawn, a book Triven had become attached to. Chills ran up my spine as his fingers grazed the exposed skin on my back.

“May I?” He asked.

I drew my hair to the side, allowing him to zip up my suit the rest of the way. I leaned back against his chest listening to his heartbeat. It was steady as ever. His arms wound around my waist pulling me closer. Feather light, his lips pressed to my ear. Spinning in his arms, my lips sought his. For this one moment, I allowed myself to forget about everything else.

Our mouths moved in feverish unison, never feeling satisfied. In that moment I knew no amount of time with Triven would ever be enough. Even if we had an entire lifetime to grow old together, I would still want more. And the sad truth was, we were not likely to get that time.

Once we were both gasping for breath, I pulled away letting my head fall forward onto his chest as I clung to him. Triven pulled me tighter, feeling the same sense of impending loss. For now, this one moment was about us and nothing else. Because the second we left this room, everything in our lives would be overshadowed by war.

THE MANUFACTURED SUN
was barely up when we arrived in the kitchen. Mae was busying herself with food while Mouse pushed around her breakfast. It looked like she was painting with grey mush more than she was eating it. In an attempt to set a good example, I took my bowl from Mae and shoveled in a bite. I had to choke down the chalky flavor.

“High in protein today?” I asked Mae.

She gave me one of her finest reproachful looks. “You’ll need it.”

“Mmm, thanks.” I muttered around another mouthful. I tried not to snicker as Triven’s mouth puckered with his first bite. We were still grimacing our way through the remainder of breakfast when there was the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. Ryker emerged from the blockhouse carrying three small black bags. He looked exhausted, but that didn’t stop me from being critical.

“Those don’t look like they are exactly filled with weapons.” I suspiciously eyed the three small packs dangling in his hand. My father’s journal would barely fit inside one, much less the food and weapons we had agreed upon.

Ryker dropped the bags by the doorway. “These are just your day packs. There is some food and a few devices that may prove useful. The packs I have arranged for your escape are waiting for you at the final drop location.” He yawned, reaching for the cup Mae was offering him. “It didn’t make sense to have you drag them all over the city. They would only slow you down.”

Triven and I exchanged glances.

He had better not be lying.

Ryker didn’t miss the silent exchange.

“Please, haven’t we gotten past our trust issues yet?” He rolled his eyes, leaning against the counter across from me.

Triven muttered something I couldn’t quite make out. Gathering my empty bowl, he moved to the sink to assist Mae with the dishes. Ryker watched him with appraising eyes. I tapped the rim of Mouse’s bowl, reminding her to eat more.

“When do we leave?” I asked.

Ryker refocused on me. “Your next host is expecting you in less than an hour. We are—”

The dim lights in the house suddenly went red. Ryker shot bolt upright and Mae dropped a dish into the sink. Instinctively, I grabbed for Mouse who was already reaching for my arms.

“What the hell—” I shouted but Ryker waved me off. He was darting across the kitchen. His fingers flew over a keypad making a screen on the wall glow to life. The entire room froze. Three military vehicles were parked outside of a house and soldiers were spilling out like silver ants into the street. From the center car stepped a young man with rich brown hair and white suit embellished with silver emblems. I hissed through my teeth as a string of profanities flew from Ryker’s mouth.

Gage.

It took less than a heartbeat to know they were not outside some random home, but the one we now took refuge in. Ryker’s fingers grazed the keys once more. The screen vanished and the lights turned back to a yellow-white hue.

“Move!” Ryker barked in a hushed tone. He was already running to the hidden doorway. I bolted after him, Mouse’s head bobbing on my shoulder as I ran. Her fingers were painful as she clung to me. Triven and Mae were on our heels. Ryker unceremoniously threw the bags down the stairs and ushered us inside. Triven pushed Mae in first, then began to pull Mouse and I in with him. As my foot hit the first step, the doorbell rang. For one second we froze. Everyone’s eyes were on the front door. Triven put out his hand to me, but I didn’t go further down. Instead I turned to Ryker.

He stood with his hand hovering above the panel, ready to shut us in. I took in his resolve. 

“You’re not coming.”

“No,” he said. “I have to answer the door. I have to keep up appearances. This could just be a routine visit.”

We both knew he was lying.

Mouse was beginning to shake in my arms. I clutched her tighter as Triven and Mae came up closer behind me. Mae’s hand reached past us as the doorbell rang again. Ryker grabbed his aunt’s hand, kissing her knuckles. They nodded at each other, the simple inclination of their heads carrying a multitude of emotions.

Ryker then grabbed my shoulders, giving me a firm shake. “When The Wall comes down I
will
see you standing on the other side.”

“You had better pray you’re right, because if you’re wrong Tartarus is going to swallow you whole.” I said in a rush of words.

He ignored me, turning his attention on Triven. “Keep them both alive.”

“Try to keep
yourself
alive.” Triven retorted.

Ryker reached out, stroking Mouse’s terrified face with his hand. “The cameras will go live in seven seconds. Don’t do anything stupid! Whatever happens,
stay hidden
.”