Night Shifts Black (21 page)

“I can’t, man. You
know that. I just…” He stops and draws in a deep breath. “You’ve got my support
on this.”

Casey deflates, and my
heart breaks at his disappointment. “Yeah, no, of course,” he says with a weak
smile. “It would have been…no, yeah.” He lets out a dry laugh, but there’s no
humor in it.

“Good luck, though. I
think you have something,” Luke offers as consolation. He clasps his friend’s
shoulder as he passes, and I watch Casey try to put himself back together.

I’m not sure what to
say when we’re alone. I don’t want to embarrass him, but it also kills me to
watch the previous joy siphoned out of him. Hope can be a devastating thing,
and when it comes to Luke, it often proves to be even more treacherous.

“I should go call TJ
and see if he can set something up.,” Casey mutters. I’m not even sure he’s
talking to me.

“Casey…”

He pushes up from the
table and waves me off. “It’s fine. Not a big deal.” But he’s lying, and we
both know it. “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he says, pulling out his phone.

Alone again, I sigh
and study the empty lunch dishes in frustration.

∞∞∞

When it rains it pours. TJ isn’t able to get
Casey into the studio until Friday, which is four days later than he wanted.
The setback also gives me the opportunity to watch Casey sulk for the first
time. Luke’s rejection, coupled with his frustrated creativity, is apparently
more than he can handle at once, and after two hours of watching them pout
alone in silence, I finally get sick of both of them.

Casey doesn’t seem as
upset as I would have hoped when I tell him I’m going back to my place for a
bit. I need to check in on my own life, as well as collect some more supplies.
Maybe even do laundry. He does little more than shrug and tell me he’ll let me
know if anything comes up. I’m hurt, but I get it, and give him the space he
seems to so desperately want.

It would have been
funny, if it hadn’t been so depressing, that it’s literally pouring when I
emerge from the hotel and flag a cab to return home. I’d gotten lost in that
little bubble of Suite 403, and if it hadn’t been for Casey sending me home to get
my laptop, I realize I wouldn’t have experienced fresh air in days. I cringe
when I consider that’s Luke’s life now. At least when he had Jemma’s, he had
some interaction with the world. I decide my next goal has to be getting him
out of his room.

It’s almost strange
being back in my apartment. So much has changed in the last few days, I’ve
changed, and it almost doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not that Luke’s place
does either. Maybe it’s that I’ve realized I don’t really have a home, just
places I live. Is that how Luke and Casey feel? Always moving, never belonging.
What’s changed is that the thought doesn’t totally make me sad anymore. It’s
hard to feel lonely when I’ve just spent days filling myself to the brink with
two incredible people. I’m almost exhausted from it, and yet, I find myself
missing them already. It’s absurd, I know. I’d been so eager for air and space,
and now I keep checking my phone in hopes of closing the gap again.

I set to work, mostly
to distract myself, and begin tidying up a bit, collecting my dirty clothes,
and shoving a fresh supply of travel necessities into a bag for when I return
to the suite. There were several items I’d wished I’d had over the last couple
days, and I run a mental checklist as I survey my apartment. When I get to my
bed, I stop with a sigh, realizing I should probably stay here for the night. I
can’t actually live in Suite 403, right? Crashing there on occasion is fine,
but…

Yeah, I’m staying
here. It’s settled. I’ll give Casey his space, Luke his privacy. Maybe even
give them time alone to repair and explore what they can’t when I’m there. And
goodness knows there’s plenty for them to repair and explore.

My phone buzzes and I
glance down in anticipation, instinctively grinning at Casey’s name. I read his
message, a quick apology followed by a silly grin, and know he couldn’t have
said anything more perfect. It’s him in all his glory, and I write back that
I’m not upset, just taking care of some stuff here before I go back. I’ll see
him tomorrow.

My phone rings a
second later, and I shake my head with a smile.

“Tomorrow?” he asks,
clearly not happy.

“Yeah, I thought you
guys should have some time alone. Like I said, I have a lot to take care of
here,” I lie. He’s still quiet, and I glance at the clock. “Besides, it’s
already three. You guys have been great, but I’m not going to take advantage of
your hospitality.”

I can feel his scoff
through the phone. “Yeah, because that’s what this is. Us being nice,” he
mutters.

“That’s not what I
mean. I miss you already, it’s just… I don’t know. It would be weird for me to
be there all the time. Remember how freaked out you were when you thought I had
moved in?”

He’s quiet again, and
I wish I could see his face to read his silence. “No, I get it. If that’s what
you want. Ok, well, I should get going. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Casey…” I don’t want
to part with him upset.

“What? I said I get
it.”

“I don’t think you
do.”

“I’m not going to beg
you to come back,” he snaps, and my stomach drops. He hasn’t spoken to me like that
since we’d become friends. It’s my first reminder that he’s human, too. Maybe
even slightly more entitled than I want him to be.

Even the perfect ones
can’t be perfect all the time.

“Come on, I would
never expect you to. You know that. I’m amazed you even talk to me at all.”

He’s quiet again. I
can hear his sigh through the phone. “Callie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said
that. It’s been…I don’t know…it’s been a weird day. I know I was acting like an
idiot when you left. I know why you did, but I regretted it as soon as you were
gone. It’s better when you’re here. I don’t know why, it just is.”

I take a deep breath, feeling
better for a dozen reasons.

“Thanks, Casey. That
means a lot. I miss you, too. I’ll be back first thing tomorrow, ok? I really
need to do laundry and pay some bills and stuff.” I pause. “Just do me a favor
and take advantage of this time alone. Try to talk to Luke, ok? You both love
each other and are so important to each other.”

“I can’t do it on my
own, Callie. I told you how hard I tried. It’s not up to me.”

“No, but Luke isn’t
the same person he was the last time you tried.”

More silence. I’ve
given him a lot to think about and am starting to feel good about my decision
to separate again. Maybe he’s becoming too important to me, too. A little space
will do us both some good.

“Good night, Casey.”

“Good night, Callie.
Bring breakfast with you tomorrow.”

I’m not sure if he’s
joking or not, but at least the smile is back in his voice.

∞∞∞

I purchase four new albums after I hang up and
download them to my phone. I pop in my headphones and, thirty seconds into the
first song, abandon all plans of being productive.

I don’t know what I
expected. Maybe it’s because they’ve always been just Luke and Casey to me. My
friends whom I miss and can’t wait to get back to after our spontaneous recess.
In the bubble world of Luke’s suite, their music was that hesitant strumming on
an old beat-up guitar. That was Night Shifts Black. But I was so wrong.

I’d forgotten they are
also Luke Craven and Casey Barrett, rock superstars with the awards to prove it,
and I actually feel stupid as the saturated music invades my ears. I’m
particularly horrified that I let them see my own “art” and even thought for a
second I could be in their league. I don’t know why Casey is pretending to work
with my verses, but the thought that I had even offered to “help” him write
music would make me laugh if not for the fact that it’s so humiliating.

I’d heard of Night
Shifts Black, of course I had, but I hadn’t even realized half these songs were
theirs. Luke’s celebrity appeal probably made them more popular in the mainstream
than their style of music otherwise would have invited, but it definitely
resonates with me, and I love every second of it. Luke’s voice is powerful,
beautiful and haunting at the same time. I listen closely to the percussion,
blown away by Casey’s skill. To think they constructed these songs, created
this mastery from nothing. To think that my silly mirror poem might sound like
this in their heads.

I can’t help myself. I
pick up my phone again and find Casey’s number. I begin typing.

“Listening to your
stuff now.”

“Yeah? What do you
think?”

“That I can’t
believe you even spent two seconds on my stupid poems.”

“Haha i love your
poems”

“Why didn’t you
tell me you guys were so good?”

“I tried. You
wouldn’t listen.”

I actually do laugh
out loud at that one. He has a point, and I’m so filled with awe, honored that
someone who could create masterpieces like this would have the patience for my
own bumbling attempts at expression. After our previous spat, I can’t possibly
return to him right now, but I want to. So badly.

“It’s
incredible, Casey. Really. I wish I had listened sooner. You guys are legit.”

“Thanks.
Wait until you hear what I’m thinking for your song.”

“I
don’t know if I can wait after hearing this. Is it Friday yet?”

“I
wish. Hey, it’s weird here. Hurry back.”

“Not
going well with Luke?”

“Does
Watching TV together in awkward silence count?”

“Are
you fighting?”

“No.”

“Then
sure.”

“haha”

“You
and I spent hours watching TV in awkward silence. Were you texting someone to
rescue you then?”

“It
was only awkward because I was trying to figure out the best way to get a kiss.
Not the same with Luke.”

My heart pounds and I
have to force air into my lungs.

“Really? You didn’t
try very hard.”

“You seemed really
into Dead Head. I can’t compete with zombies.”

I grin.
I know he is.

“You know, I’m
really enjoying all the pictures of you on the internet. Do they not let you
wear clothes in the photo shoots? Is that a contract thing or something?”

“Funny. You’re the
first to complain.”

“Not complaining.
Just wondering why drummers and lead singers can’t afford anything but undershirts.”

A photo pops up, and I
laugh. It’s Casey at some formal event with a tux, tie, and signature goofy
smile. His tie is loose of course, top button open, hair messy, but he looks
amazing.

“Hmm…not sure if I
like you better with or without clothing.”

“Come back over and
we can figure it out.”

My
blood pounds.

“Tempted. But nope.
We’re still on break. Hey, did you know there’s an actual movement called ‘Team
Casey’?”

“hahaha You should
see the t-shirts and hats. They’re not bad actually. I give Jessica M. props.”

“Jessica M?”

“The founder of
‘Team Casey.’ Cool girl actually.”

“You’ve met her?”

“Of course. A few
times. Thanks to Jessica M there was actually a Team Casey before a Team Luke.”

“Your ego never
ceases to amaze me.”

“Ego! These are
just facts, babe. Get used to it. Wait…are you jealous?”

I realize then that
I’m still smiling. I’ve been grinning like an idiot this entire conversation,
and my jaw is starting to hurt. I try to straighten it, but can’t. Oh well.

“Maybe. Do you
think Luke would be jealous if I joined? Am I allowed to join more than one
team?”

“Kinda defeats the
purpose of picking a team don’t you think?”

“Oh? And what
exactly is the purpose of picking a ‘team’?”

“Hmm you know I’ve
never thought about it. …pre and post-show rioting?”

“haha. Casey fans
vs. Luke fans?”

“Something like
that.”

“Are there Team Eli
and Team Sweeny fans too?”

“Yeah, but not as
many. They’d get clobbered in a riot.”

“OMG I love this
song. I didn’t even know this was yours!”

“Which one?”

“All Hands. Don’t
hate me but I actually thought this was a Cartwright song.”

“Cartwright??????
Ok, I’m putting the phone down now. We’re done.”

“I’m sorry!!! But
you have to admit, you guys sound a little bit like Cartwright.”

“No!!
Cartwright sounds a little bit like us. Even though they don’t. Like, at all. god
Kevin Ramerson is such a douche too.”