“I resorted to lying, claiming I was having nightmares and needed to walk at night to help me fall back to sleep. Our masters bought the lie as it was the only time I ever lied to them. And so I would walk at night, ostentatiously to clear my head, but in reality playing a life-size cat-and-mouse game with the most clever little mouse.”
“I could track him a little. I got used to sensing the absence, the black hole he left on the ground he touched. It wasn't perfect, and I would lose him for different lengths of time, but the island wasn’t so big and I felt like I had a good track on him most nights. Honestly, I was worried for him. We were a very open community. For someone to be sneaking around felt wrong.”
“I caught him one night after almost a full moon of this game. I had pretended to lose him, but in reality I had been sensing him well that night. I knew almost exactly where he was, and I felt confident enough to give him some extra space to see where he would go if he thought he was free. He went to the women's dorms, and the minute he managed to sneak in, it focused my sense like nothing before had done, and I knew, without a doubt in my mind, he was standing over Yuki, watching her.”
“Everything clicked for me then. I was furious, but held off confronting him until the next day. After a day of training we got some time alone, and I let him know I had caught him. I was furious at him and threatened to go to the Masters of the island if he ever tried it again. Punishment was severe on the island. At the least he would have lost some fingers. At the worst he would have lost his life.”
“Orochi seemed crestfallen, but it wasn't because he had threatened our friendship with his actions, it was because he had gotten caught. I sensed it. I knew that in the way he looked at me, in the way he glared after his disappointment had passed. I knew he was going to try again, but I loved him, and he was like a younger brother to me. I wanted to give him one more chance, a chance to prove he could redeem himself.”
“For a while it looked like it worked. He started sleeping through the night. Slowly, very slowly, I began to trust him again. I thought I had saved him. Before long, both he and I were sleeping through the night. But as you can guess, it was all a ruse.”
“Two moons later I caught him sneaking out of our dormitory again. It had been a complete coincidence. I had woken up, and he had just been leaving. I know I should have spoken up, but I cared for him. I didn’t want to see him suffer the punishment that would have been his. Once again our games began. This time I had the advantage. I knew what his ultimate goal was. He would find Yuki again. I resumed my nightly patrol, always staying within sense range of the girl's dormitory. I thought I could stop him before he came close.”
“I will always remember that night. It was a clear late winter’s night, crisp and cool with the breeze coming off the sea. On any other night it would have been perfect for staring at the stars because they were all watching us that night. I was bundled in some heavier robes because of how cool it was. I knew Orochi had been tormenting me a little. He was sneaking into warm parts of the island, hiding in huts or near guardhouses where fires kept the cold at bay.”
“I don't know how he did it, but I didn't sense him at all, and I wasn't able to notice his sense-absence either. I had thought he was near a guardhouse warming himself by the fire, but he managed to sneak past me entirely. To this day I question myself. Was I day-dreaming, had I somehow failed in my duty to protect Yuki? I don't know. I thought I had been attentive, but I also had been only sleeping a couple of hours a night.”
“Anyway, he got past me into the dorm, and all of a sudden he let himself go. He would always hide himself even in day-to-day activities. He claimed it made him stronger, more used to hiding. But he opened himself up to the world, and I sensed him so strongly in that room. It was his claim to victory. He had snuck past me and gotten to the target I had sworn I would protect.”
“In that moment I snapped. I was tired and Orochi’s sheer insolence had gotten to me. In retrospect, I don’t know if he meant any harm. I can’t believe Orochi was a bad person. He was just obsessed with her and obsessed with beating me. It was too much for me to take. I broke and charged into the dorms, my sword drawn.”
“He was waiting for me. I don’t know what he was thinking. Maybe he just wanted to prove himself the best to everyone. But we matched swords for real that night.”
“The battle was quick, although from my perspective, it seemed to last a long time. I've told you before we were evenly matched. Not that night. I was too angry, too focused. I had a rage he didn’t have and didn’t understand. It had been a game to him. He just wanted to win, but I wanted his life. In that moment I wanted to see the warm blood coming straight from his heart. He didn't take that into consideration as we fought, and in just a few passes I had knocked him back, opening his defenses wide open.”
“That moment, Ryuu, is etched permanently in my heart. Sometimes, in my nightmares, it replays itself over and over and I can’t stop it from happening. I saw the opening, and I thrust beautifully, a stab right for his heart, meant to kill. But I was so focused, so enraged, I lost all my training, and in a moment, Yuki jumped in front of my strike. I know she woke up and saw us fighting and tried to stop us, but I was too out of control. I should have known she was coming.”
“When I first felt my blade penetrate flesh, my heart leapt for joy. I had never taken a life before, but I never thought it would be so rewarding. I had defeated my first monster.”
“Although my eyes were wide open, it took me a few moments to realize Yuki was impaled on my blade. I saw my sword, slicing cleanly through one of the breasts I had dreamed so much about. But the part that gets me, that haunts me, is that she was smiling. It’s the smile that gets me. Why was she smiling?”
“I went down to my knees. Yuki raised her bloody hand to my face and gently stroked it, once, before she lost control and it dropped. As she fell to the floor, I was all over her, trying to figure out how to heal her. I had been trained to heal, but not like this. I was not a dayblade. I knew how to destroy. Yuki tried to whisper something, but I couldn't hear it. Her lips moved, and her eyes were focused on me, but I couldn't tell if she said anything. I like to believe she forgave me or that she loved me. But I’ll never know.”
“I was so focused on Yuki I didn't even feel Orochi leave the room. I held Yuki tight until her breath stopped moving, and even then I held her some more. I had never wanted to let her go in life, and I was certain I was never going to let her go in death. I was in shock, but I didn't know it at the time. I only knew I had killed the woman I loved.”
“The masters came for me. Our battle had woken the entire island. One problem growing up on an island where everyone was sense-gifted was that nothing was hidden. I was bound and put under guard within moments.”
“When the next day came there was a terrible commotion on the island. In over a thousand cycles no one had been murdered on the island. There had been duels, but no murder. I didn't come out of shock. I wanted to kill myself, but I was too cowardly to do it. Yuki's body was burned in that evening. The whole island, including Orochi, came out to pay their final respects, but I was not allowed. I didn't even get to see the last rites of my beloved.”
“They didn't feed me or give me water. There was little concern for humane treatment. It was a small and tight-knit community, but one that required adherence. The day and night were miserable, but I didn't complain. I kept replaying Yuki’s final few moments, a bit of blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth. I felt I deserved whatever I got and forgot Orochi was the root of all these problems.”
“When the sun rose the next morning there was a tribunal of masters who met to decide my fate. There was a fair hearing, and I was given a chance to defend myself, but I did not. I had killed Yuki, there was no denying it. My guilt outweighed the anger I felt towards Orochi. I said nothing, but accepted my sentence without question or complaint. I was given the death sentence, which was carried out immediately.”
“It was not a warrior's death, but instead the death of a criminal. I was tied to a cross overlooking the sea. It was death by exposure. I was naked with no way of heating myself. It was a windy day, and the sea lashed against my skin and at night I froze. I was given no food and occasional sips of water to prolong my agony.”
“I held on for two nights, but when the sun rose on the third day, I knew I was going to die the next night. My throat was raw, my skin radiated pure anger at the sun and sea and cold. Coughing wracked my body, which only served to heighten the pain. I said my prayers and set myself to surviving the day, ready to give up my spirit to the Great Cycle that night.”
“Guilt was my companion. There was Yuki's face, my sword piercing her bare breast, the first time I had seen her naked. And there was her smile which still haunts my dreams. Why did she smile at me? Did she see the next step in the Great Cycle? Did she love me? Did she love Orochi? I don't know, even today.”
“The sun set on the final day and I was positive it would be the last sunset I ever saw. It was beautiful, a deep blood red which reflected my mood. I cried when I looked at it. I didn't want to die, but I wasn't ready to live either.”
“The sun set, and with it, my wish to live. A strange thing happened, but as my desire to live faded away, as my attachment to life and breath faded, so did my pain. I wasn’t happy or content, but I was at peace. I was ready, and my vision started to fade to black.”
“Then the pain returned. Suddenly I was on the ground, gasping for air. Everything that had faded came rushing back. The pain in my neck, my throat, my wrists, my hunger and thirst all returned in an instant. It took me a couple of breaths to regain my senses but when it did his voice came to me.”
"’You won't die here, not now. You will die at my hands, at a time of my choosing. This island's justice is not sufficient. I want you to live knowing what you did, who you killed. The one person you cared for. The one person I cared for.’"
“I didn't have the words to speak. My mind was slow, like a drowning person finding they had survived the ocean only to find themselves sinking in the mud. I couldn't stand, couldn't get any of my senses underneath me.”
“Orochi left me there. I never saw him. But he walked away, and I was left on the ground trying to figure out what had just happened. The guards had regular patrol routes, and I had sensed them earlier in my captivity. I searched for them as my sense began to return. Of course, they weren’t around. Orochi never would have chanced it with them near. Not that he would be afraid of sneaking past them, but if he wanted me to live then he would have had to give me a chance to escape.”
“Like all inhabitants of the island I knew the paths that criss-crossed the rock like the back of my hand. The guards knew about them too, but they expected me to be tied to a cross. There was a path that would take me to the hidden cove and it would avoid most people as night settled. There would be a boat there and I could take it to the mainland.”
“I had one task left to complete, and it wasn't a wise one. I went to the shrine where the possessions of the deceased were kept before being given back to the community. I was looking for one item, driven by an irrational need to possess something of hers. I took her sword and brought it with me to the mainland. It is the same one you carry, made by the finest sword smiths of the island.”
“I won't bore you with the rest of the story, although you can imagine how it went. My trip back to the shrine to pick up the sword attracted attention, and although I was weakened, I had enough of a head start I was able to get to the hidden cove faster than my pursuers. The island only had three boats, and I managed to put holes in two before taking off with a third. I have been on the run ever since. I thought I had a new home when I built that cabin, but then on one of my journeys I ran into you.”
“There is more to the sense than what I can teach you. Skills that can make you stronger and faster. But I don’t know them. I’ve given you all I can. I had hoped for more for you than the life of a fugitive. I’m sorry I’ve failed.”
Shigeru finished his tale and there was silence in the room. Takako was confused. She hadn't known Shigeru for long, and the story sounded fantastic. She doubted much of it was true. Ryuu was lost in thought. It was so much new information, and some of it he struggled to process. He did not want to believe Shigeru had killed the girl he loved. He looked at Takako and tried to imagine putting a sword through her. His stomach dropped like a rock and he almost threw up. He couldn't imagine it. Trying to do so made him feel sick. For just a moment he saw Takako broken and bloody, almost so real he believed it.
Shigeru observed both of them from a detached standpoint. The telling of the story had drained him. His own ghosts held him back. He realized he wanted Ryuu to be proud of him.
Shigeru, even though he felt it was foolish, almost dared to hope. Takako was a beautiful girl, kind despite all she had been through, and reminded him more of Yuki than he was willing to admit. Perhaps, just maybe they could make it work. If there was some way for Shigeru to sacrifice himself or defeat Orochi, perhaps it could happen. But Shigeru didn't know how.
Perhaps it was possible to outrun and outfight the sins of a father. If anybody had a chance it would be Ryuu. Maybe he could fight for and attain the life his master never had. He knew it wouldn’t be easy. Shigeru had murdered the woman he loved and the cost would follow him further than his own life. It was a disappointing, gut-wrenching sorrow and Shigeru struggled to accept it. He had worked hard to prevent this outcome, but fate and the Great Cycle would not be denied their justice. He was thankful that despite his crime he had enjoyed many cycles of happiness with Ryuu. He just wished it could have lasted.