He walked toward her, then, backing her against the wall. He put his hands on the wall on either side of her head. She wasn't scared. She was excited. But still she forced herself to stay strong. "Do you really not feel this, Arden? It's so real for me. Every moment of every day since we got back I've only wanted to be near you. How come you don't feel anything for me? How can this just be me?" His voice was husky, his expression desperate.
"I'm sorry, Travis. I have to go."
He grabbed her by the shoulders, not roughly, but firmly. "I can make you happy, Arden. I swear it. Just give me a chance."
"I'm already happy." Her voice wavered and she realized she had to leave or risk falling apart.
"Arden, please. I realize I'm begging, here, and it's gotta be the most pathetic thing you've ever seen. But I love you. I want you...so much. And sometimes I think I see something in your eyes, some indication that maybe you want me too. Just give me a chance, sweetheart. I'll do anything...anything to be with you."
Arden swallowed and felt tears stinging her eyes. She fought for control. "Anything?" she asked.
"Oh, God, Arden, anything."
She looked at him, so big and strong. She'd brought this powerful man to his knees without even trying. What could possibly be so wonderful about her that he would lower himself like this. She took in a breath and mentally cursed when it shuttered. "I want Tonya gone."
"What?"
"And you have to promise that Duane is out of your life, too."
Travis stared at her, confused. "You want me to put a pregnant woman out on the street?"
"Would you do it for me?"
Travis stared at her, looking hurt and desperate.
"And let's say things work out for us," Arden said. "If we get married, my father will want you to work for him at one of the banks. Would you do that for me? Would you give up the garage and put on that nice suit of yours every day and manage a bank?"
"Arden, I..."
"Because if you say yes to those things, I'm yours." She reached in her pocket for her cell phone and held it up. "I'll call Nick right now and break up with him. Then I'll spend the night here with you. Is it a deal?"
He dropped his hands from her shoulders and stepped back, shaking his head and looking sick to his stomach. "You're a bitch, you know that?" he said, his voice shaky.
She'd expected worse. "The reason I'm giving you this offer at all, Travis, is that I do have feelings for you. When you touch me I just get hot all over and can't think of anything but getting you alone and ripping all your clothes off. Actually," she looked away and laughed, "I had the most erotic dream about you last night. I think you and I would be amazing together. You make me happy in ways that Nick never can."
He looked even more disgusted than before, like he wanted to vomit.
"But the things I asked you for, the things Nick can give me--stability, money, peace of mind--those things are far more important to me than these feelings."
He shook his head. "Get out and leave me alone," he said.
She nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry to have hurt you. I just think we have to be realistic."
"Get out of my house, Arden!"
She jumped, startled that he would raise his voice to her. She turned and left without saying another word.
It occurred to her, going home, that that had been her first time in his house. It was a nice house. Not at all dumpy like she'd expected. His front porch looked new. It was covered and went almost the length of the house. She remembered it had smelled like vanilla in there and that she had seen a jar candle burning on the TV cabinet...one of those jar candles that the little Bible school kids sold to raise money for their class activities. She pictured some little girl in pigtails going up to the big, hulking Travis and asking if he wanted to buy a candle from her. She smiled at the thought.
Then a swell of emotion knotted up in her chest. She didn't want to cry and so she drove to Nick's house. At least there, she would be forced to hold herself together.
Dustin got home after a wonderful date with Emma. They'd gone to dinner and a movie and after that, back up to the lookout. He was finding it fairly easy to control himself around her. He just shut off that part of his brain that tended to fantasize about all the fun stuff he wanted to do to her. She let him hold her hand and put his arm over her shoulders. Even kiss her on the cheek. And all of those things were harmless. Maybe he would be able to handle this celibacy thing after all.
He went inside and found Tonya on the couch with her feet propped on the coffee table watching TV. Dustin sighed. They needed to get this woman out of their lives.
"Travis go to bed?" Dustin asked as he hung his coat on the hook by the door and slid his shoes off.
"No. Bathroom. Been in there for a really long time, though." Tonya kept her eyes trained on the television.
"How long?"
"'Bout an hour I guess."
"Shit," Dustin murmured. He racked his brain trying to remember if there was anything in there that could do any damage. No cough syrup or cold medicine. But there was rubbing alcohol. And mouthwash. Damn it, why was there mouthwash. Dustin kicked himself mentally for having been so lax lately.
He marched to the bathroom and pounded on the door. "Let me in, Travis!"
There was no answer.
He pounded harder. "Travis, open up or I'm breaking the door down."
The door swung open and Dustin found himself staring up into the angry eyes of his big brother. "There's another goddamn bathroom for Christ's sake," Travis growled.
Dustin shoved past him and went through the medicine cabinet. Everything seemed to be where it was supposed to. There were some household cleaners in the cabinet under the sink. Dustin opened it up and checked, relieved to find that everything was where it belonged.
"Are you ill?" Travis asked.
Dustin turned on him. "What were you doing in here for an hour?"
Travis stood staring at him with hate-filled eyes. He was in sweats and a wife-beater, his well-muscled arms flexed for a fight. "I wasn't in here for an hour. What's the problem, Dustin?"
Dustin searched his eyes and decided he was telling the truth.
"What did you think...I was gonna get drunk on...Lysol or something? Jesus!" Travis turned and shoved his hands in his hair.
"I didn't know what to think. Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine. Look, I appreciate the concern, Dustin. But you don't have to mother me anymore. I know it was rough in the beginning, but I'm five years sober in January. I think you can relax now." Travis went into his room.
Dustin followed and stood in the doorway. "What's wrong, Travis?"
He sat on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees. "Sometimes I feel real good about myself. Real happy with my life. And sometimes all I see is failure."
"You've been under a lot of stress with Duane and now Tonya being here. I know you gotta help her, Travis. And I know you gotta help Duane. It's just who you are. But you can't put the blame for their misfortunes on your own shoulders. Do what you can for them. And then you can sleep at night with a clear conscience."
"It's not that." He shook his head. "It's not entirely that. I do feel responsible. But I know how much work it's taken to pull myself up from rock bottom and I'm proud of that. And I think, maybe it's time I start seeing some rewards from it, you know? Maybe now I can find a nice woman and settle down and have a couple dozen kids and just sit back and enjoy life."
"This is the first time I've heard you mention wanting to settle down. I guess that has something to do with Miss High-and-Mighty."
"Why don't you like her?"
"Why don't..." Dustin stopped and took a breath. "She's selfish. She's spoiled. She's cruel. And she's clearly done a number on you. Frankly, Travis, if that's what this is about then I don't have the patience for it. You're too good for her. Quit mooning over her like a teenage boy and get on with your life. If you're going to put effort into a woman, you should work on Kristen."
Travis looked up at him and then back down. He nodded. "You're right."
"Damn right." Dustin turned and went to his room. Truth was, he was worried sick about Travis falling off the wagon. Maybe he was being unreasonable, but Travis was a major part of his life. Losing him to alcohol would be like losing him altogether. The thought terrified him. He went to bed but didn't fall asleep until he saw the light under Travis's door go out.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The big holiday event in Splitlog was Shannon Murphy's Christmas party which she held at Sweet Nothings every year a couple weeks before Christmas. It was a Friday and the afternoon before, Arden drove over to help bake and decorate. The café was still open so that there were a few patrons coming and going, but mostly it was quiet. People knew that Shannon would be working hard to pull off yet another magical feast with an old-world atmosphere.
School was out for the holiday, so Arden had spent that morning in her classroom taking down decorations and setting up her bulletin boards for January. She'd straightened up the tables and chairs and placed a small gift at each of her student's desks--stickers and pads of paper tied together with a ribbon and a welcome back note. The notes were personalized for each child. Arden admitted to herself that she was woefully ignorant about most of the citizens of Splitlog. But as far as the students went, she knew each of them very well and hoped they would always remember her as one of the positive influences in their lives.
After she finished in her classroom she drove over to the café where Shannon was busy in the kitchen baking and Emma and Alice were decorating. Arden usually stuck to the decorating since she had little to no interest in baking, but her time in the Raymer house during the snow storm had changed that. So she rolled up her sleeves and went into the kitchen.
Shannon stood at the large, butcher block table hand-kneading the dough for her famous cinnamon rolls. Her expression brightened at the sight of her friend. "Come on in!" she exclaimed. "There is so much work to do."
Arden smiled at her. "I need you to teach me how to make pie."
Shannon dug her palms into the dough and shook her head. "What kind of pie."
"Any kind. Every kind."
Shannon shook her head. "Why do you want to learn?"
Arden shrugged. "No reason. What can I do to help?"
Shannon put her to work decorating a four-tier Christmas cake she had assembled earlier. There wasn't room to be creative since Shannon had each tier drawn out on paper and insisted that Arden not veer from the plan, but Arden enjoyed the project nonetheless. Each tier would be decorated with red and green fondant draping around the top edges and gold piped beadwork on the sides. At the top of the cake was a bouquet of sugar paste poinsettias which Shannon had created in advance.
Arden sat on a stool and worked carefully, not wanting to mess anything up.
"Pie," Shannon mused out loud.
"It just sounds good. Everyone should know how to bake a pie," Arden said, hoping she would drop the subject.
"For Nick?"
Arden kept quiet.
"No, that couldn't be it," Shannon said, pretending to be talking to herself. "Nick doesn't like sweets. Hm, who do we know who likes pies?"
Arden glared at her as she grinned over her shoulder at her. "Stop it, Shannon."
Shannon's expression grew even more mischievous. "Travis will be here tonight. I'd stay away from the mistletoe if I were you. Or not. Whichever you want."
"I will be staying away from it, thank you very much."
Shannon chuckled.
Arden refocussed on the cake. When she was finished, she stood back and beamed with pride. Then she looked down at her watch and gasped. It was four o'clock and she was covered in flour, sugar and sweat. She helped Shannon clean up and then excused herself to go home, shower and get changed for the party.
Nick showed up at six o'clock to pick her up. Arden had been so preoccupied with arranging her dress and hair that she had momentarily forgotten the fact that she would be attending the party with her fiancé. She was standing in front of the mirror when she heard the front door open downstairs. She paused a moment until she realized it must be Nick. There was a slight, filmy layer of guilt when it occurred to her that the man on her mind while she was fixing her hair had been someone other than Nick.
She suppressed the feeling and gave herself one more overview in the mirror. Her hair was pulled back in a french twist with two curly tendrils left to hang on either side of her face. She wore a snug-fitting, red sweater with a calf-length black suede skirt along with her favorite black boots. Pleased with what she saw, she turned and ran downstairs to meet Nick.
He kissed her on the cheek and helped her on with her coat.
Upon entering Sweet Nothings, a wave of warmth greeted them along with the silky tones of Elvis Presley singing Christmas music and a gentle wafting of Shannon's cinnamon rolls. The decor was festive, but not gaudy. The lighting was comfortably dim. She had a table full of beautifully laid out appetizers and pastries, along with some wassail and punch. This table was elegant and no matter how much people ate, it never seemed to go empty. Shannon herself looked like a Druidic princess--either that or a relic from the seventies. She wore a long, green crushed velvet dress and left her long red curls hanging down to the middle of her back. She was the perfect hostess, smiling and greeting everyone who walked in, making each person feel special and wanted.
Arden surveyed the room, telling herself she was looking for Alice. She found Alice before she saw anyone else of interest. Alice was standing in the front corner by the windows next to her husband, Vince, and Shannon's husband, Russell. Arden took Nick by the arm and ignored his groan as she dragged him over to where her friends were chatting. Nick didn't like Alice, but that didn't bother Arden. No one liked Alice.