Not Meant To Be Broken (7 page)

I grabbed the tray and positioned it on my lap, careful not to spill anything. Amber turned around on her way to the door. “Will you keep me company?” I blurted out. Slowly, she turned around, surprise flashing across her face.

“You don't have to. I'm sure you've better things to do than keep a dying man company.” I let out a melodramatic sigh.

She let out a laugh, her expression and body relaxing visibly. “Actually, I've got nothing better to do right now but you don't look as if you're dying.” There was an amused twinkle in her brown eyes that I'd never seen before. For once the haunted look had left her beautiful face.

She sat down on my office chair. I was surprised that she'd chosen to sit so close to me. Weak and sick with the flu, I probably looked pretty pathetic, not at all dangerous or threatening. I’d never been happier about looking pathetic. At least, Amber felt comfortable in my company.

When I was done eating the soup, the tea was cold. Maybe Amber would show mercy and not make me drink it, but I had no such luck.

“You should really drink it. Don't you want to get better?”

I gulped the disgusting liquid down, making a face. Amber smiled and I decided that the horrible taste was worth seeing her smile. Her eyes returned to the trophies I'd won in karate and in martial arts. “Those are yours?”

I nodded, not sure if it might intimidate her.

“Dad always wanted me to learn self-defense.”

“I could teach you some day,” I suggested, though I wasn't sure how to do it, since it would probably require physical contact.

To my surprise, Amber seemed to consider my suggestion and I could have grinned stupidly because I was so happy.

She found the frame with a photo of my parents and me at my graduation on my desk behind a pile of ignored books. “Your parents?”

I leaned back against the headboard and nodded. “Yes.”

“They look nice, but your mother looks so young,” she said.

“They do look nice. And my mother was twenty-two when she had me. My father is fifteen years older than her. She was an intern at his company when they met.”

She studied my face. “You don’t get along?”

“We hardly see each other. They are too busy.” Well, my father was. My mother spent most of her time with her therapist or in our country club, at least when she wasn’t in rehab.

“What about when you were younger?”

“They were busy then too.”

“Oh,” she said. She brought up her legs and curled her socked-toes around the edge of the seat. “So what’s up with all the Patagonia posters? Did you travel there?”

“No,” I said, looking at my favorite poster of the Los Glaciares National Park. “But one day I will. I want to travel South America from top to bottom.”

“That would take a while.”

“Six months to a year if you want to do it properly,” I said absent-mindedly. “Guess I’ll have to wait until I’m retired for that to happen.”

“Or you could take a year off before you start to work and follow your dream.” Amber shook her head. “That sounded cheesy.”

“No,” I said softly. “I should, but I can’t. Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

“I know,” she said, brown eyes boring into my own.

***

The next three days while I was confined to my bed, Amber brought me food – and chamomile tea despite my pleas and protests – and kept me company. I'd never enjoyed being ill so much before.

I wasn't sure if her newfound comfort around me would last after I'd recovered, but I hoped she'd realized that she could feel safe with me. Brian didn't know about the time that Amber had been spending in my room and somehow I knew it was better that way. He was weird when it came to Amber. Couldn't he see that she longed for normalcy?

Amber

I walked out of my room, Pumpkin at my heels. He was hungry and didn't stop complaining loudly. I hurried through the living room and into the kitchen, stopping in my tracks when I saw Zach sitting at the table. He looked much better than the days before. I was still shocked about my courage to spend so much time with him over the last few days but he'd looked so helpless and I just couldn't let him down. I liked to take care of people, especially since most of the time over the last few years it had been the other way around. Before the incident I’d considered working as a doctor, but now I associated too many bad memories with hospitals. People always tried to take care of me and helping Zach had made me feel useful. I'd enjoyed spending time with him.

 “Good morning, Amber.” Zach's words tore me from my thoughts.

I gave him a smile. He grinned in return, his spoon with cereal hovering a few inches in front of his face. For a moment, I marveled at how blue his eyes were.

“Are you feeling better?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen and picked up cat food from the cupboard.

“Yes, and all thanks to your cooking skills. If I'd followed Brian's advice and eaten pizza, I would have been in hospital by now.” He let out a low chuckle, more of a rumble from deep in his chest. I loved the sound.

I laughed and shook my head. “Maybe that was Brian's intention.”

Zach's booming laugh filled the kitchen and a grin tugged at my lips. It felt good to make him laugh. It almost made me feel happy. He looked even more handsome when he laughed than he did anyway. I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment and hastily bent over Pumpkin's feeding bowl to hide my red face from Zach. Had I just thought of him as handsome? Usually, there were only two categories of men for me – very intimidating and slightly less intimidating. Apparently, a third category had been added to that. Handsome. I found Zach handsome. This realization shocked me so much that I must have remained bent over Pumpkin's bowl for a couple of minutes without giving him any food. He mewed loudly, giving me a reproachful look with his amber eye. Had Zachary noticed anything? My cheeks warmed even more and I filled the bowl hurriedly and straightened before I faced Zach. Fortunately, he was immersed in a sports magazine and hadn't noticed my strange behavior.

“Will you stay home today?” I asked before I could stop myself.

Zach raised his head and smiled. “Yes, I'm not feeling fit enough for classes.” He winked at me and again I felt myself blush. I busied myself with the apple that I was eating to avoid embarrassing myself even more. I leaned against the counter. Zach rose from his chair. I waited for the usual tensing of my muscles but nothing happened. Maybe the last couple of days with Zach had changed something. I felt almost elated when I pondered the possibility.

Zach knelt down beside Pumpkin and began petting his neck, causing my cat to purr in approval. I smiled softly. He raised his head. “Are you up for some video games? Maybe I'll even let you win.”

“Maybe I'm good and you don't need to let me win,” I countered with raised eyebrows.

“Are you any good?”

I let out a sigh and shook my head. “No, probably not.”

“Fantastic!” Zach straightened and strode into the living room. I followed him and sank down on the loveseat, facing the TV screen. Zach plopped down on the sofa and handed one of the controllers to me. The video game turned out to be car racing and I sucked at it. Most of the time I was busy not crashing against the walls or other cars. Zach was trying not to laugh at me but I could tell that he had trouble hiding his grin.

“Having fun?” I asked sarcastically.

Zach gave me an apologetic look, though his grin was ruining the effect. “Sorry. I'll make up for it. Today, I'm going to cook for us.”

I probably didn’t look too enthusiastic about his idea, because Zach made a mock hurt face. It turned out that my worries weren't unfounded. The macaroni and cheese Zach prepared for us was hardly edible. I ate them anyway, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

“Tell me this isn’t the most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten,” Zach said, sticking his fork back into his pile of macaroni.

“It’s not that bad.” He raised one dark eyebrow. Something fluttered in my belly. “Okay, it’s pretty horrible. But it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. Just promise me to never cook again.” A strand of hair fell out of my ponytail and I twirled it around my finger. Zach followed the movement with his eyes. “You have beautiful hair,” he said.

My hand froze as heat slowly crawled up my neck. “Thanks.” I lowered my hand, suddenly self-conscious. I didn’t look away, caught in his intense gaze. The silence stretched between us. For a moment, I wondered how it would be to lean across the table and touch my lips to his.

Zachary

Amber’s gaze sent a shiver down my back. I wanted to pull her to me and kiss her pink lips. Brian stalked into the room. The wakeup call I needed. Fuck, what was I thinking? I couldn’t kiss Amber. She wouldn’t want me to. It would scare her. Brian looked irritated and tired. Not a good sign. I knew he'd spent the day with Lauren and they'd probably had another fight.

His gaze darted between Amber and me, and a flicker of anger crossed his eyes. I almost groaned. He was in one of his moods. I hoped he would get over it before he said something stupid.

“What are you doing?” He focused on me for a second before his gaze moved on to Amber. She rose from her chair and shrugged. “We had dinner and then we decided to play some Playstation.”

“Play some Playstation,” Brian said doubtfully. “Why is it that you don't seem to mind spending time alone with Zach? You hardly know him at all.”

What the hell was he doing? “Brian...” I began in a warning tone.

“Stay out of it. That's between Amber and me,” he interrupted as he walked to where she stood. When he'd almost reached her, she stiffened and took a step back, probably scared of the anger radiating off of him. Apparently, her reaction to him was the last straw for Brian.

“God, Amber I'm your brother! Do you think I would hurt you?” he demanded, his expression hurt.

She stared at him with wide eyes. “No,” she said quickly. Again Brian moved toward her, closer and closer until she took a step back. Why did he have to push her like this?

His face contorted with pain and despair and it was nearly too much to watch. “Why do you move back then? I would never hurt you,” Brian said in a broken tone.

Amber looked thoroughly shaken. “I'm sorry! I...didn’t mean to...I.” Her voice died away and she stumbled toward the front door, tore it open and disappeared.

“Damn, Brian, what was that for?” I asked furiously.

His eyes grew wide and he shook his head slowly. “I...just got carried away. Lauren...and I, we had a fight and then I saw Amber with you, smiling. I lost it.”

I snorted as I pulled a jacket on.

“What are you doing?”

I glowered at him, grabbing the keys to the apartment. “Your sister just ran out and it's dark outside and raining.”

Guilt flashed across his face. “If something happens to her.”

“It won't. I'm sure she's close by,” I told him and jogged out of the apartment and down the stairs. I didn’t have the patience to wait for the elevator to arrive. I wasn't sure if Brian was following but I didn’t want look over my shoulder. I stepped out of the building and instantly the rain lashed against my face. It was icy cold.

A sigh of relief left my lips when I caught sight of Amber. She stood on the sidewalk, her hair and clothes soaked and clinging to her body, making me aware of everything she was usually hiding. She wasn't moving but as I got closer I noticed that her shoulders were shaking. She stiffened when she heard my steps.

“Amber?” I said cautiously, stopping a few feet away from where she stood. “Brian didn’t mean what he said.”

“He's right though. I shouldn't treat Brian and Dad like this.” She turned around to me, her face full of self-hatred.

I couldn't bear seeing her like that. “It's not your fault.”

“Whose fault is it then?” she asked sharply, her eyes hollow and desperate.

I stared at her, the rain pouring down on us. “Of those men,” I replied calmly.

She blanched and lowered her gaze to the ground, wrapping her arms tightly around her chest. “Sometimes I think that I deserved what happened, that it happened for a reason, that it was my fault.”

I was so shocked by her words that at first I didn’t know what to do. “No. That's nonsense. Fucking nonsense and you know it,” I said firmly. “Don't blame yourself for what happened. You could just as well blame me or Brian or your dad.”

“But it wasn’t your fault!” she objected, her wide eyes filled with tears.

“It wasn’t your fault either,” I told her, and we looked at each other for a moment, the pattering of rain the only sound around us. She closed her eyes and tears trickled down her pale cheeks, mingling with the raindrops on her skin. I took the risk and walked over to her, so close that I could have touched her if I’d tried. Like in slow motion her eyelids slid open and she stared at me. She didn’t react how I'd expected her to, though – scared and intimidated. She simply looked at me with unfathomable sadness in her brown eyes. Before I had time to think about my actions, I raised my hand and brought it closer to her face. Her eyes followed the movement but she didn’t flinch or make any attempt to stop me. Maybe I was making a big mistake that I'd regret later but I couldn't stop myself. I felt the need to touch her. My fingertips brushed against her cold cheek and the touch felt like electricity. Her eyes were soft and inquiring, and she didn’t look away for a second. Slowly, carefully I wiped the tears off her cheeks. It was futile since the tears were replaced by raindrops almost momentarily but it didn’t matter. All that mattered in this moment was that Amber allowed me to touch her. She raised a trembling hand, her eyes uncertain and resolved at once, and covered mine with it. It looked so small and delicate in comparison to my hand. With soft pressure she pushed my palm against her cheek and she tilted her head, leaning into my touch. The feel of her cheek cupped in my palm, her eyes shining with trust, I felt something I'd never felt before. It scared me a bit, but at the same time I wanted to embrace it and relish in it.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed movement and I turned my head slightly in that direction. Brian had stopped in front of the building and he was watching us with a mixture of jealousy and disbelief.

Amber dropped her hand from mine like she'd been burned and ever so slowly I lowered my palm from her cheek.

“Thank you, Zach,” she whispered, her eyes flitting over to Brian. I watched as she walked toward him and after a moment of hesitation I followed. Amber stopped right in front of him and lifted her head until she was looking at him. “Brian...” She began in a small voice but Brian shook his head, stopping her from continuing. Amber closed her mouth, anxiety filling her face.

“I came to apologize,” he said hesitantly, his gaze still flitting between Amber and me.

“It is my fault,” Amber whispered but again Brian shook his head, his expression determined. “No, Amber. It wasn’t. I know it's hard for you to allow closeness.” For a fleeting moment he looked directly at me. “And I shouldn't vent my anger on you.”

Amber bit her lip and Brian stiffened when she reached out for him. She curled her fingers around his hand and held on to it for a few moments. “I will try to get better, Brian. I want this more than anything,” she told him before releasing him.

Brian swallowed visibly and gave her a small smile. “I know you will get better,” he said but then his eyes swung to me and his expression hardened. “Why don't you go back inside? You'll catch a cold.”

Amber stared back and forth between Brian and me, hesitating.

“Go on. Brian’s right.” I gave her a smile and nodded my head in the direction of the entrance door. Slowly, she turned around and disappeared inside the building. As soon as she was out of sight, Brian advanced on me, his eyes burning with fury. “What the fuck are you doing with my sister?”

We stood nose to nose. My muscles tightened in anticipation. “Brian, I'm not doing anything with your sister. I like Amber and...”

“You like her? You like her!” he shouted, his expression a mask of anger. He jammed his palms against my chest. I stumbled a step back, fighting down the urge to defend myself. Brian was my friend. “Amber isn’t Brittany or any of the whores you usually hang around with,” he continued.

“Brian,” I tried to calm him and put a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off, looking barely like himself in that moment. He balled his hands to fists. I really hoped he wasn’t planning on punching me.

“No! You will listen to what I have to say. I won't let you play your sick games with Amber. She's broken and hurt, and I won't allow you to take advantage of her,” he growled.

My own anger spiked. “Don't you dare accusing me of such things! I'm not playing any games. I like her and I'm just trying to help her. What the fuck is your problem?”

Brian let out a dark laugh. “You like her and want to help her? You don't even know her!”

I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off.